Gods Uh and Oh

It was supposed to be a simple boat ride. Just a day trip out on the lake followed by some camping while the police lost their scent was what the brothers had come to agree on. Sam scouted off a site deep in the woods near the lake. Dean was still energized from their narrow escape, so Sam suggested that they go fishing. They’d rented a fishing boat, Dean bought worms, Sam got poles, and they’d headed out on the lake. The sun was high in the cloudless sky. The heat and the calm made them sleepy.
That was the first wrong turn. Dean and Sam ate lunch on the little boat and had some beers and then Dean curled up on the bottom of the boat covering his eyes with his shirt and dozed off. Sam, stilling sitting in his seat in the bow, started nodding off shortly after.
“Mmm you’re in my sun,” Dean murmured rubbing his eyes. “Sam?”
“Huh?” Sam’s head snapped up and he looked around. The sky was gray and cloudy and there was no land in sight.
“Fuck,” Dean hissed, panic bubbling inside him. Sam grabbed his shoulder before he stood and tipped the boat.
“It’s there calm down,” Sam said pointing west. Far, far in the distance, was a dark smudge that vaguely resembled a strip of land.
“You better be fucking right,” Dean grumbled and Sam rolled his eyes starting the motor and heading towards the land. The lake had looked a lot smaller from the beach.

“Sam this is not the right beach,” Dean said pointing out of the obvious.
“Yeah but I’m not staying in this boat on the lake when it starts to fucking rain,” Sam grunted hopping over the side and dragging the boat onto the sand. Dean glanced at the sky and then climbed out to help. With the boat safely on the beach, they made their way to the dense trees. Well Dean did and Sam hesitated. He didn’t want to get soaked waiting on the beach, but who knows what lurked in the woods. He checked that his knife was safely in his boot before pulling out the pocket knife and holding it ready.
“Really?” Dean laughed as he pushed through the underbrush.
“Better safe than dead,” Sam said.
“I think it’s sorry.”
“Not for us it isn’t,” Sam mumbled. They continued on, the sky getting darker and the wind picking up. Dean started looking more and more worried as they continued deeper into the woods.
And then there was a clearing. There was a clearing with a sign in an archaic looking language. “There is no way in hell that this is going to turn out good,” Dean muttered.
“Couldn’t agree … Dean?!” Sam suddenly hissed grabbing his brother. They were surrounded. The people moved silently. As they moved closer Sam was slightly relieved to see that they at least resembled humans. Well, more like Native American’s. They were wearing clothes made of animal pellets and beads and jewelry made of bones and shells. Their hair was long braided. Most people had feathers and colored string in their hair. They didn’t appear to be armed.
“Do you come from the lake?” a tall older man asked taking a step towards the brothers.
“Uh yeah?” Dean answered and there was a murmur among the people. The man said something in another language and a hush fell.
“What are your names?” the older man asked and Dean glanced at Sam.
“I’m uh Dean and this is Sam … oh.” Dean trailed off as he watched the people get down on one knee all around them.
“We welcome the gods Uh Dean and Sam Oh,” the man called out and the people cheered.
“Nice going there Dean,” Sam grumbled and moved to stand next to his brother.
“Shut up.”
“I am King Yan, the fourth of my name. We welcome the gods with open arms!” he called out and there was more cheering. Then they were moving; ushered along by the crowd in through a wooden gate.
Dean expected teepees and Sam elbowed him in the side when he expressed his surprise that their tents actually looked like they’d withstand even a tornado.
The village was filled with clusters of large heavy canvas tents around fires. Horses were grazing in the grass nearby. Underneath large pavilions sat men and women cooking, watching children, or attending to live stock. They all stopped to look at Sam and Dean. The brothers were walked to a tent that sat on a platform. Inside there was an ornate gold throne, woven floors, lavish decorations and trinkets and colors glass and lanterns hanging from the walls and ceilings, and all colored silk pillows. King Yan sat on the throne. He murmured something to one of his followers who bowed and left the tent. Dean checked her out and Sam elbowed him again.
“No one leaves or enters the island,” King Yan said softly as he sunk back in his chair.
“We took a boat here,” Sam said. “From … the heavens?” Dean looked confused and Sam just shrugged.
“Yeah, what he said,” Dean added for good measure. Hopefully these people wouldn’t try to test their mortality or something.
“Gods Uh Dean and Sam Oh, what is your purpose here?” the king questioned and Dean felt as if his beady dark eyes were trying to look into his soul.
“Check things out,” Dean said simply. “You know like taste the food and make sure everyone has clean water and shit.”
“Those don’t sound like god’s duties,” Sam hissed and this time Dean elbowed him. The king looked as if he questioned their motives as well, but after a moment he nodded with approval.
“Then we welcome you among our people! At sunset there will be a feast in your honor.” With a clap of his hands a young woman appeared. She wore a simple with robe with a red sash. It was completely different from the animal skins the others wore. She bowed to the king and then the gods before leading Sam and Dean out of the kings’ tent to a tent of their own.
It was the same heavy canvas, but appeared larger on the inside. There were piles of blankets and pillows and pelts on the woven floors. Fresh flowers hung amidst lanterns and other plants on the walls. There was a low table in the center on the room already piled with an assortment of food and drink.
“Is there anything we can get you gods Uh Dean and Sam Oh?” the small woman asked. She had red hair and pale skin, as if she’d never stepped out in the sun.
“No I don’t think so,” Dean said flopping down on the pillows and drinking a glass of wine. “Pretty decent!” he called out. Sam turned to the girls.
“Do you know what is going to happen to us?” he asked. He was worrying. They needed to get back to their boat before they were sacrificed.
“There will be a feast in your honor gods Uh Dean and Sam Oh. How long will you stay? They will probably make a sacrifice to you.”
“What?!” Dean snapped bolting up. “You kill people here!?” he barked and the woman dropped to her knees.
“No, no!” she sobbed. “I am sorry to displease you gods, but please do not punish me! We do not kill our sacrifice’s!” she cried and Sam finally pulled her to her feet. She looked startled and then taken aback as she wrenched herself from his arms.
“Forgive me god Sam Oh, but god or not I have never been in the hands of a man nor woman before,” she explained quickly bowing deep.
“What?” Dean asked coming over.
“She’s a virgin, Dean,” Sam said in a tone that implied something along the lines of wow you are dumb and I can’t believe we are related. “Understand?” Sam asked turning to Dean. He really meant keep it in your pants or I’ll punch you in the throat and cut it off.
“Yeah, yeah whatever. Aren’t you old for a virgin?” Dean asked going to sit back down. The girl blushed. She’d probably never been asked that before.
“I plan to remain one for my entire life unless chosen,” she murmured bowing again. Sam sighed.
“Look …”
“Anna,” she filled in and he nodded.
“Look Anna, we just want to eat and relax and be alone until the feast. It has been … awhile since we’ve been among humans, so please forgive my brother.”
“Brother?” Anna looked puzzled.
“We were carved out of the same stone or born out of the same wolf or created from the same star, whichever legend these people believe,” Dean piped. Anna nodded.
“I will be back to fetch you for the feast,” she told them before bowing once more and backing out of the tent.
“Nice save,” Sam said taking a seat near Dean and Dean shrugged.
“There’s so much of that bullshit in mythology and legend that I figured it probably applies here.”
“Yeah,” Sam said biting into an apple.
“You don’t suppose this is poisoned do you?” Dean asked finishing off the glass of wine. Sam rolled his eyes.
“Well you’re still here if that’s any indication.”
“Oh ha-ha,” Dean mocked and laid back. “Think if I sleep there’s any chance I’ll wake up at our actual campsite?”
“Doubt it,” Sam said and Dean narrowed his eyes.
“Way to kill my hope buzzkillington,” Dean grumped and rolled over.
“Jerk,” Sam mumbled.
“Bitch,” Dean snapped and Sam shook his head and laid back. Maybe Dean’s idea would work.

Sam blamed the fact that it was Dean’s idea for the reason it didn’t work. They’d slept and Anna had come in a while later to get them. She’d brought clothing for them to change in to. They were robes in deep violet with red and gold embroidery and sashes. Once again completely different then the clothes they saw the people in earlier.
“I like how this feels on my skin,” Dean said standing proudly in his robe.
“I feel naked,” Sam admitted even though the robe fell past his knees and tied tightly. There were plenty of little ties and fasteners holding it tightly shut. But the way it flowed around his knees and clung to his body as if it we a second skin made him long for the clothes they’d arrived in.
“Do we wear our shoes?” Dean asked ignoring Sam’s comment. Sam shrugged and Dean took his boots off. Most of the people here were barefoot anyway. Sam followed suit. Dean tightened his sash once more, relishing the feel of the soft silk against his skin, and went to tell Anna they were ready.
When they left the tent, they saw lanterns had been hung around the village and there was music coming from the center of the village. There was a large crowd, but they bowed and moved out of the way to let Sam and Dean through.
A huge bonfire roared in the center of the village. Dean’s stomach growled when he caught sight of huge tables lined with food.
“Welcome god Uh Dean and god Sam Oh,” King Yan greeted. His throne had been moved to sit in front of a tall platform with two similar chairs on it. Dean and Sam didn’t have to guess where they were going to sit.
“Welcome!” the crowd repeated still bowing.
“We hope that you find our finest cloth fitting you comfortably and we hope you enjoy this great feast in your honor,” he gestured to the food on the tables and the boys nodded and tried not to drool. “We have set up seats of honor for the gods,” he added. “Please sit and enjoy the festivities!” he called out and there was cheering throughout the crowd as Sam and Dean took their seats on the platform. Despite being carved wood with straight backs, the throne-like chairs were overly large and fairly comfortable.
“I think I like being a god Sammy,” Dean murmured as people started preparing to serve them.
“You’d just do anything for free food,” Sam grunted.
“Hey, hey now. Just almost anything,” Dean corrected.
“Sure,” Sam snorted and the brothers grew silent as the first course was brought out and served to them first.
As they ate Dean watched the villagers. After the first course the people began to relax and enjoy themselves. The children ate quickly and got up to dance to the music. By the time dessert was served most of the men and women had joined in the dancing. Everyone now wore colored robes of various materials and colors. Dean figured it must be their party clothes or something. He was watching a group of young women in particular when Sam jerked him out of his thoughts.
“When should we make a break to leave?”
“Huh?”
“Leave Dean. The boat. We aren’t really gods. Any of this ringing a bell?” Sam asked in a low tone and Dean glared at him.
“I can’t enjoy myself for five fucking minutes, but yeah Sam we will leave. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I figured we’d slip out tomorrow. Be like we’re going back to our clouds or wherever the hell they think we’re from,” Dean muttered.
“Seems too easy.”
“You sound paranoid. We aren’t hunting. Let’s just relax.”
“Also known as I want to have an orgy in my tent later,” Sam huffed and Dean grinned.
“A few more drinks, a wink or two, a smile and I bet I can have those four on me in a heartbeat. You might wanna find another tent Sammy.”
“Stop being disgusting you’re supposed to be a god.”
“And what god wouldn’t want to know her,” Dean drooled as his eyes followed a girl with her hair pinned back by a red flower that matched her robes. She shot Dean a small smile as she waltzed pass. Sam rolled his eyes and turned to scan the crowd to catch a group of girls pointing and whispering about him. He sunk down in his chair. He didn’t like being on display.
Luckily King Yan showed up moments later and the crowd hushed. “Tonight, we have one more gift to offer our gods who have graced us with their presence. We hope that they look upon this favor and sacrifice with gratitude and reward us in the coming years.” Dean gave Sam a worried look. He was seconds away from saying it wasn’t necessary, but Sam shook his head ever so slightly in hopes Dean would understand to keep his mouth shut. To not accept their gifts would be extremely rude as well as probably cause the people to question if they were really gods.
“We will gladly accept your gifts to us,” Sam said boldly. King Yan nodded.
“Sam Oh, we offer this gift to the elder of the god brothers and hope that-”
“I’m older,” Dean interjected. The crowd grew silent and everyone looked horrified.
“My sincere apologies god Uh Dean. I am deeply sorry for thinking you the younger brother,” King Yan spoke quickly as he bowed deeply. His words shook and it dawned on Dean that he probably assumed there would be divine punishment for his mistake.
“The height is confusing,” Dean said hoping that’s what tipped them off to Sam being older. “Long ago our … human vessels were different but as the years and centuries wore and shaped us somehow Sam became taller than me.”
“You can stop now Dean,” Sam hissed and Dean smiled at the king hoping they bought the story.
“We are thankful you look upon my mistake lightly god Uh Dean. Thank you for your kind understanding.” Dean beamed and wiggled his eyebrows at Sam who rolled his eyes and hoped this whole ordeal would stop inflating Dean’s ego.
“What is your gift,” Sam said impatiently and Dean sat forward in his seat.
“Gods, we offer to you our finest virgin,” King Yan said backing out of the way to reveal a person in a white robe like Anna’s. Dean went pale and Sam coughed as he almost choked on his laughter.
The crowd parted to reveal a young man dressed the same as Anna. He had light olive skin, dark brown hair, and large blue eyes that stared at Dean half lidded. A partial smile crept onto his full lips when Dean caught his gaze. The man took a step forward and waited. Everyone waited. Sam looked at the crowd and then Dean, who was still transfixed, and then back at the crowd.
“We graciously accept your gift,” Sam said and the crowd erupted in cheers and applause and the man walked up the steps of the platform and straight to Dean.
Dean couldn’t take his eyes off the young man who almost seemed to smirk at him. He clutched the arms of the throne so tight that his knuckles were turning white. Sam watched. For being a virgin or whatever the man walked with a different confidence then Anna had. He held himself straight and his head high. He didn’t take his eyes off Dean once. The man stopped in front of Dean and Sam.
“I am Castiel,” he said with a bow. His voice deeper and gruffer then either brother expected. Dean opened his mouth to say something, anything, but then Castiel moved swiftly. He straddled Dean’s lap and locked his arms around his neck leaning close. “Well?” he murmured, his lips inches from Dean’s.
“Um,” was all Dean could choke out. Castiel ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and leaned impossibly close to Dean’s ear. His breath made Dean squirm.
“I might be a virgin, but I am quite well learned,” he whispered. Dean’s chest tightened and the dazed dark blue eyes locked on his again.
“Are you drugged?” Dean asked when he remembered how to speak.
“Mmm just to get rid of the nerves,” he admitted and Dean let out a breath.
“Off,” he commanded and Castiel obediently left his lap, but not without a pout.
“Is there something wrong Uh Dean?” King Yan asked suddenly worried.
“No,” Dean said firmly to Sam’s surprise. “I just refuse to take advantage of one under the influence of drugs. Take him to our tent,” Dean ordered, the words falling out of his mouth before he thought them through.
‘Our tent?’ Sam mouthed and Dean shrugged.
“Very well gods,” King Yan said and Castiel reluctantly left the platform.
“When will the drugs wear off?” Dean asked again to Sam’s surprise.
“A few hours’ gods,” the king explained and Dean nodded.
“Very well, let the feast continue,” Dean called out and with a cheer the music and dancing started up again.
Sam stared wide eyed at his brother. “What?” Dean asked and Sam just shook his head.
“Are you really gonna sleep with him?” Sam asked incredulously. Dean just shrugged.
“No stupid. I just I had to do something didn’t I? And I couldn’t just give him back. You were the one all we gotta pretend to be gods Dean,” Dean said.
“Yeah but I didn’t know that involved fucking guys,” he hissed.
“No one is fucking anyone men Sam, Jesus. Would you keep it down?” Dean shot back and Sam smirked.
“You like him don’t you?” he teased and Dean ignored him. “At least a little bit right? I’m right aren’t I? You don’t go out of your way for anyone unless they are family. Was it those big blue eyes?” Sam chuckled and Dean punched him in the arm.
“No. I just felt bad for the guy is all,” he said calmly, ignoring the way his stomach and cock tightened when he thought about Castiel straddling his lap and leaning close and whispering in his ear. He shut his eyes and took a deep break. Sam continued to laugh.
“I bet it’s whatever he whispered to you. What’d he say Dean? What were his magic words?” Sam pestered and Dean stood up and stretched.
“He said Sammy’s got a tiny dick,” Dean laughed and went to dance with the girls who’d been eyeing him all night while Sam rolled his eyes.
“And you said I was the buzzkill,” Sam muttered after his brother and went off to get some more food.

Sam and Dean returned to their tent well after midnight and Dean had almost forgotten about Castiel, who now sat by the table with his head down. He barely moved when Dean addressed him.
“I said are you still alive?” Dean asked and put a hand on his shoulder. Castiel turned slowly and looked at Dean.
“My apologize god Uh Dean,” he murmured. Dean sighed and went to get him a glass of water. Sam watched.
“We’re leaving tomorrow Dean,” Sam said suddenly.
“Yeah okay,” Dean said distracted by Castiel who drank the water without taking his eyes off Dean’s.
“I mean it,” Sam added as he sat down on some pillows.
“I said okay Sam,” Dean snapped and went to his bed. Castiel watched him. “But I’m bringing Cas with.”
“What?!”
“My name is Castiel.”
“We can’t just leave our gifts Sam!” Dean huffed ignoring Castiel and Sam let out an exasperated sigh.
“God you are stupid Dean. We don’t know if he’ll make it out with us!” Sam shouted and Dean turned his back to Sam. “Don’t ignore me Dean!” Castiel turned to look at Sam. Sam ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, it’s nothing against you it’s just, we’re not from here. We … our life is different than this.”
“Sam shut up!” Dean hissed rolling back over. “I’m taking him and that’s final. Do not ask me why I just feel like it’s the right thing to do!” Dean glared and Sam glared back before sighing.
“Whatever Dean. Fine you win,” he said and lay down. Castiel turned back to Dean.
“Come lay down Cas,” Dean said and Castiel cocked his head.
“My name is Castiel,” he repeated. “And I can sleep here.”
“No just I don’t want you to get cold or whatever so just come here and sleep under my blankets. There are plenty,” Dean stumbled over his words and looked down. Castiel stood up and started removing his clothes. Dean groaned. “Keep your damn clothes on Cas! We are just sleeping, geez,” he rubbed his eyes and lay back. Moments later Dean felt the blankets move and a, luckily still clothed, warm body pressed against his.
“Forgive me for speaking god Uh Dean, but thank you for taking me with you,” Castiel whispered in Dean’s ear and he groaned inwardly. He turned to find Castiel watching him.
“It’s nothing,” Dean said after a moment. “Now go to sleep.”
“Yes god Uh Dean. And thank you too Sam Oh!” he called out and Sam grunted. Dean smiled and shut his eyes. Castiel moved closer to Dean before falling asleep.

The celebration for their departure was even greater than the feast last night. Sam and Dean as well as Castiel were decorated in flower garlands and necklaces of colored beads and string. Castiel stuck close to Dean. Dean could tell he was anxious. Sam was anxious too and Dean was trying not to think about what would happen if they weren’t able to get back to their campsite. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind as they got back in their boat.
“We are blessed to have had the gods take their time to come down to our village and greatly appreciate their company. We shall tell stories of Uh Dean and Sam Oh until the end of time! May your journey to the heavens be swift and pleasant!” King Yan shouted as they pulled away from shore. The people cheered and tossed flower petals into the air.
When the shore was just a mere smudge on the horizon, Castiel turned to Dean. “You aren’t really gods are you?” he asked and Dean shook his head.
“Nah just a cover,” Dean said laying back. “But it was pretty fun.”
“I’ll agree when we make it to our shore,” Sam muttered and Dean laughed.

Dean awoke abruptly in a cold sweat. Water from the rain was dripping in from a rip in the tent. He rubbed his eyes and nudged Sam with his foot. “Sammy wake up,” he grunted and tried to stretch. He felt stiff and cramped.
“Too tired,” Sam groaned and pushed himself off his rumpled sleeping bag. “I had a weird dream,” he said and Dean looked at him.
“Don’t tell me. I had a weird one too and if they were the same then something shifty is going on and I won’t like it, so keep it to yourself,” Dean ordered and Sam nodded.
“You know Dean,” Cas said from behind Dean, startling him and Sam.
“What Cas?” Dean asked. The tent suddenly felt two times smaller than it already was.
“Sometimes memories are remembered as dreams,” Cas said simply and then disappeared. Sam and Dean groaned in unison.
“Fuck,” Dean muttered and flopped back down.