I'm Breaking

The next few days I felt like shit. The boys were leaving tomorrow morning before I was meant to be at school. Harry was still the only one that knew why I was in a slump. I did my best to catch up and do things we would have done back home in the UK, but in the back of my head, everything Harleigh said to me repeated over and over.

It was Monday night, which meant Har’s mother would be at her Bingo Night. Harleigh would be left home alone, Jake had late night practice, so he wouldn’t bother to stop by tonight. I knew if I was going to do something, I needed to do it tonight.

I didn’t know what I was going to do just yet. I could just say sorry, beg for forgiveness. I could burst in with flowers and chocolate. Or I could do something from the heart. Express my feelings in a completely romantic…sober way.

Of course I knew that Harry would be able to help me out. If anyone was romantic beyond anything, it was him. When I confronted him, he suggested something I knew I could do, something that once made her smile. It took me a little while, but I had all the guys on board with me. They were going to help me. It sucks to say, but I had to tell them why. They gave me a pat on the back and shook their heads. I knew they felt sorry for me. They were good friends, so it was alright for them to think that.

Niall pulled out his guitar, the boy went nowhere without it. Harry grabbed the girls’ karaoke machine and ran an extension cord outside. He turned the volume all the way up and handed me the mic. “Two songs. Buck first then ours.” Harry looked me in the eyes as he talked.

I nodded slightly and took a deep breath. “Harleigh. Harleigh Chase, come outside.” I said into the mic. Someone walking down the street stopped and turned. I closed my eyes and listened for the door. “Please, Harleigh, I need to say something.” I opened my eyes. I locked my eyes to the front door and watched.

All eyes were on me, and I knew it. The stranger walking down the street, the neighbors peering out their windows, my friends. It took a couple minutes, but Harleigh finally came out of the house. She wore just a black tank top, a pair of pink skinny jeans and my gray TOMS. The TOMS were too big for her, but she never cared. I smiled slightly, but it quickly disappeared when she spoke. “What do you need to say, Tomlinson? Are you here to make an ass of yourself again?” She crossed her arms over her chest; I noticed she wasn’t wearing her locket. “Are you seriously going to waste my time?”

“Just…stop and listen.” I said. I put the mic down as Niall started strumming.

Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back

I changed the next line to fit:

I love how you smile, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

She didn’t look too please, but she loosened up a bit. “Are you done?” I shook my head.

“One more song, this one was written by my friends and I. It’s how I should have told you about my feelings.” Niall started playing again and I started singing again. I closed my eyes and started.

He takes your hand
I die a little
I watch your eyes
And I'm in riddles
Why can't you look at me like that?

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She avoided me as I stopped forward. I continued the song.

When you walk by
I try to say it
But then I freeze
And never do it
My tongue gets tied
The words gets trapped

She covered her face as I sang the next few parts, through the chorus, she kept shaking her head. The next verse, she finally looked back at me. My heart skipped a beat when her eyes met mine. I didn’t notice I was in her yard, standing by the tree until she slapped me.

I heard gasps as I grabbed my cheek. I sucked in a breath and looked at her. She was breathing heavily, her chest moved so rapidly. Tears spilled from her eyes.”Why?” She asked quietly. I moved my hand up to wipe her tears but she smacked my hand away. “Why couldn’t you just leave me alone to cry? Why did you have to come and give me your hoodie? Why did you have to invite yourself into my pitiful life?” She was crying more, her voice was cracking as she forced the words out.

“I don’t know.” I said, licking my lips and wiping my own tears. “I saw you, I watched you for weeks. One day, I couldn’t just sit there anymore. You seemed so helpless.” I looked at the tree and back at Harleigh. “The moment I laid beside you, I fell in love. I couldn’t walk away after that.”

She threw her hands against my chest, “You stupid,” she pushed me again, “idiotic,” she pushed harder, “asshole!” She finally collapsed into me and hugged me. Her sobs grew louder. Wrapped my arms tightly around her, pinning her to me. I quietly hushed her. When I looked around, no one was in sight. I pulled her to the ground and used the tree to rest my back on.

I smoothed her hair and rocked slowly. When she managed to pull her face away from my now soaked shirt, she glared at me. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

She used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes and nose. “You didn’t hurt me, not until you said those things at Prom.” Her voice was calm, yet raspy from the crying. “You were right and I knew it. I knew all along, I let him string me along like a puppet.” She cleared her throat and sniffled.

“You don’t have to tell me this.” I brushed a few stray tears with my thumb as she looked into my eyes.

“I hate you.” My heart stopped. “I hate you for making me fall for you.” She pushed herself up and kissed me.

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation. I had waited 7 months for this, 7 agonizing months of being the best friend, of movie nights and midnight cuddles under the stars. I kissed her back as if it was the last kiss I’d ever have. I was hungry for her. When she pulled away, I nearly whined. She stood and covered her mouth. “If you ever, ever, embarrass me in front of the neighborhood, our school or anything, again. I will cut you, Tomlinson.” I smiled as she glared at me.

My mind instantly went to Jake. I knew I’d be dead for this, I just kissed his girlfriend. I stood and looked at her, “Jake….” I started, but she shook her head.

“That ended the moment I left the dance.”She turned to walk back in the house, but I ran up behind her and grabbed her lightly, spinning her. She laughed. When I put her down she quickly turned and kissed me again. “Get out of my yard, asshole. “ She said against my lips. “Go be with your friends before they leave. I’m not going anywhere.” I kissed her one last time before watching her go back into the house.

I jogged to my front porch. I hesitated on the doorknob. I was afraid this would be a dream that would end if I opened the door. To my luck, Harry was already there turning the knob. When he opened the door, I hugged him tightly and said, “Thank you.”