Trick or Treat

“Trick or treat!” Shouted a little girl eagerly throwing her hands in the air, but was lacking a bucket.

“Trick!”

“Ou...” She debated seriously for a second, “That’s not funny Ry-an!”

“It’s not supposed to be funny!” The man bent down to eye level with the girl and crinkled his nose with a smile. He stood up upon seeing a man casually strolling up to him. “Hey, Bren.”

“Hey, Ry.” He said softly back, nervously rocking on his heel with a hand in his pocket an the other holding a red hat.

“Your daughter is the biggest ham I know!” Ryan went to throw his arms around the young girl, but had some trouble getting around her costume.

She was clad in a red shirt, black tights and flats, and puffy red skirt that was gathered at the bottom and was lined every so often with green yarn. The real challenge was the silver rods sticking out.

“How am I supposed to give you a hug if you’re a pin cushion?!”

The girl giggled in delight and danced in place. Brendon stood inches behind her. He shook his head plopped a beret with green leaves sewed on top and a fabric pepper tassel hanging by green yarn.

A high pitched voice came squealing down the hall and a tiny blonde haired boy pushed his way between the gap near Ryan’s ankles causing the man to stumble a little. Ryan looked down and leaned on the door frame to gain his balance again.

“It took him long enough!” Brendon laughed and placed his hands on his daughter’s shoulders.

“Locklyn!” The boy a year younger, than the girl, pulled his head back and hide behind Ryan.

“He’s been glued to the TV.” Ryan glanced down at his feet where a white fabric strand was draped over his left shoe. He lifted his foot and shook it off. “Rolland, what did you do to your costume already?” Ryan asked calmly.

Before he could ever get an answer Locklyn was pushing through him in the doorway and chasing after Rolland. His mummy costume unraveling behind him.

“Oh Jesus...Come in,” Ryan stepped out of the way and Brendon shyly stepped in trying to avoid even just skimming the other man’s thin frame.

The two children were doing hot laps around the house laughing and shouting. Brendon and Ryan stood awkwardly in the entry way of the ranch style home graciously sized for California.

“Um...” Brendon brushed some hair out of his face and bit his lip.

“So... How have you been?”

“I’ve been good... I uh- I’m still on the look out for a house.”

“If you want- If you want you can always crash here until you find something...I mean, I know how tense that can be right after...”

“We’ve been making it work. I just don’t think Locklyn quite, eh gets it yet.”

“Yeah,” Ryan frowned and tried to look into Brendon’s eyes. Brendon gazed at the ground only making eye contact for a split second. “I think she’ll adjust.”

“Yeah.” Brendon bashfully smirked.

The two men were silent for a few moments and heard extreme glee from the living room. They raised an eyebrow at each other and made their way to the noises. As they got closer wheels on the floorboards.

“Locklyn how many times have I told you, you can’t--”

“Ottoman surfing?!” Ryan lifted Rolland up and set him down on the floor, then threw himself on the rectangular ottoman. “I want a turn.”

“Daddy you’re too heavy!” Rolland whined as he stared longingly at the ottoman.

Brendon stood back and watched amused. He stopped to check the time and was amazed it was almost 7:00 PM. “We should probably head out,” he motioned to the door with his thumb.

“Uh-oh!” Ryan stood back up and lifted Rolland back up by the waist. He then slung him over his shoulder, “Come on Locklyn!”

“We gotta see Aunt Z!” Brendon cheered.

Everyone gathered into the car and the group was on their way. As they pulled into the driveway they were greeted with masses of fake spider webs, tombstones, and a row of lights leading to the front door. Rolland let himself in and Ryan casually followed. Locklyn and Brendon entered last and skittishly.

“Mama!” Rolland exclaimed repeatedly.

“You’re late! And you just missed Jon,” A lady dresses as a sailor scolded as everyone walked around the corner to the kitchen.

A group of children were sitting around the table eating cupcakes with various figures on them. The two children flanking the two men managed to find and climb onto a seat to join the other children.

“I’m sorry Z, we were running late.” Brendon apologized, “Sara wanted pictures before she went out.”

“Oh,” she came around the table and gave him a friendly hug. “Where is she going tonight?” She let go and gave a hug to Ryan as well. He watched Brendon intently ready to stop the conversation at any time.

Brendon shrugged, “She said a party...” He became quiet for a second, “But let me say thanks for doing this. You just don’t know what creeps are out there sticking razor blades and STD’s into candy.”

“Anytime! Besides the kids are tons of fun.”

“Hm,” Ryan coughed and blinked hard at Z, “I think we should get going.”

“Yes! Yes!” She clapped. The men turned around and she pushed lightly at their backs.

“Call us in the morning and let us know when you want us to come get the little punks!” Ryan called before he walked out the door.

Without the kids in the car it was 100% silent. Neither of the men futzed with the radio since there was no fear of questions over inappropriate lyrics. Ryan clicked on his blinker and the fifteen minute drive they were back in front of the ranch style house. Only now, it was silent and no one was waiting, no constant running and jumping off things.

Ryan flicked on the lights, dropped his stuff on the table in the entry way, and Brendon listened to the unfamiliar hum that the lights filled the room with.

“Beer?”

“Sure.” Brendon nodded as he made his way to the overly stuffed couch in the living-room.

He sat back and comfortably flipped on the TV. A young and bright faced Disney channel star smiled through the screen; Brendon quickly clicked up a few times. Ryan sat down next to him and lazily handed him a beer. Brendon grabbed it without looking and continued to flip through, soon giving up. He lowered the volume and let the slow passing cars be the only other noise than their breathing.

“You’re kind of out of it.” Ryan observed while Brendon’s eyes remained glued to the blank TV screen.

“I’m just- stressed...and I feel so--” His voice cracked, “lonely. It’s a weird type of lonely.”

Ryan shrugged, “I understand. It’s like if the Mondays blue started working out with Carrot Top.”

This got a small raise out of Brendon, but it quickly left and he changed the conversation. Brendon sighed and let his head fall back on the couch. “TV’s shit.”

“Just like today’s music.”

“God we’re old men.”

They snickered. Both felt the couch sinking causing them to slide next to each other, but neither tried to scoot out of the slump. It was comfortable and no where near a foreign feeling.

“I know,” Ryan tapped his foot and his body shook with a silent chuckle, “You want to see something?”

Brendon sat forward attentively listening and curious to what Ryan was saying as he stood and started to lead the way, “What?”

“Come on!”

“What is it?”

“Just come on! You’ll get a laugh.”

Brendon gave up and quickly caught up. By the time he did Ryan was already rummaging in his bedroom closet for something. He found it and triumphantly pulled out a hanger covered in a dry cleaners bag. Brendon stood some-what patiently as Ryan fumbled to get the plastic off.

“That thing?!” Brendon automatically took the red fabric of Ryan’s rose-vest in his hands.

“It doesn’t fit anymore. I can hardly button it around my chest.”

“It probably still smells like sweat.” He rubbed a chain between his fingers.

“Yeah.” They said in agreement and both gave hearty laughs.

Again the room was still. Brendon let go of the chain he was fidgeting with and let his hands fall to his sides. Ryan held the hanger mid-air unsure of what to do with his hands. In sync the tow stepped closer. Ryan dropped the bag in his hand and brought them back up to Brendon’s face. Ryan waited savoring the moment that he hadn’t expected to ever happen again. Brendon shook his head ever so slightly, not to get away from Ryan, but to feel his hands press into his cheeks that were hollowing with age.

They kissed. And kissed and kissed. Soon they were stumbling on each other’s feet as they tried to get to the bed. Brendon’s body felt numb and when he shut his eyes he felt dizzy. He felt as if he had no control over his body, but what his body was doing felt ok...but then it felt wrong. He pulled away giving Ryan a peck more on the lips. Ryan needed to grab and hold. He needed to caress Brendon’s hair, hold his hand, and have everything that had been lacking between them for years.

“I’m sorry. I just--” Brendon stuttered. He thought he had liked the feeling, but it was alarming to him. He thought he was going to wake up to something horrible.

“It’s fine.” Ryan reassured and rolled off of him. Without asking Ryan pulled Brendon in closer.

His heart was beating fast and he wanted everything all at once. If Ryan could have gone through an entire lifetime with Brendon- the kissing, the holding, the marriage, the kids, the grandkids- in that exact second he would have been fine to have died right then.

“You’re a good dad.” Brendon whispered with a shaky voice. It had surprised him to see how Ryan had interacted with Rolland earlier.

“Yeah? It’s easier when you know what not to do.” Ryan paused and thought about what simple and innocent Brendon must have been going through, “Bren, you’re a good dad too. Everything will be fine.”

“How did you do it?” Brendon’s voice became stronger as he admired Ryan.

“Do what?” Ryan pecked Brendon’s cheek.

“Manage to not scar Rolland for life.”

“I don’t know. Z and I just kind of sat him down one day and told him how it was. We told him he could talk or ask questions about it--heh, even if it was ten years from now.”

“Can we still talk about things? From ten years ago?”

“Any time.”

Brendon nuzzled his head in to Ryan’s shoulder and then looked back up. After scanning Ryan’s face he kissed Ryan hard. He wanted to mean it and it to mean something. The kissing continued and continued. Brendon was more ok with the floating feeling and the blissed out dream state felt like he was in. Shirts were peeled off, and a pair of pants were being unbuttoned and unzipped. Then it hit him. They were involved.

“Ry--”

Ryan pulled away swiftly and slightly scared this time and waited for Brendon to finish his sentence. Brendon’s lower lip pouted and he said nothing. Ryan didn’t understand, but laid back and stared at the ceiling. Brendon gulped and turned on his side to look down at Ryan.

“Why did you cheat on me?”

“I-” Ryan’s eyes were soft and he was trying to hide the embarrassment in his voice. “Because I’m stupid.”

“Was it..was it because I wasn’t good enough?”

“No. No Brendon. That was never it.” Ryan tried to think of a way to explain that didn’t make the situation or him sound completely idiotic. “It was never like it was with Keltie...and it was never because neither of you weren’t adequate. With you at first I thought we weren’t a thing...and by the time I realized we were it was too late. Then I got involved with Keltie and I had forgotten how to function in a normal relationship. It felt wrong in so many ways with her. I loved her, but sometimes, it takes a certain person to whip you a bit.”

“Z?”

“Yeah, she never took crap from me. In fact in the back of my mind it was the threat that she’d cheat on me. It was an eye opener having that feeling. I mean she never did, we just kind of grew apart. Something wasn’t working.”

“I think that’s why she did it...we weren’t working.”

Brendon was trying to stop the one tear rolling down his cheek. He sniffled and then rolled to his back to stare at the ceiling as well. Ryan rubbed over his face, his hand scratching against his stubble.

“Bren, I wish there was some brilliant reason for everything I do-- I can’t speak for Sarah...but there never really is. I wish I could back and be logical and normal...and that I never did any of that stupid stuff because then we could have just stayed together. And- and you wouldn’t have had to go through any of this...”

“There’s a reason for everything right?” Brendon choked out.

Ryan was aware that the man next to him was crying. He wanted to fix it right there, he wanted to take back all the bad memories, and he wanted Brendon to be his again.

“God, but that doesn’t mean they’re good...or that you should ever take them--You’re wonderful.” Ryan rolled over and took Brendon’s hands in his face, “You’re perfect.” He mumbled and kissed Brendon gently. “It’s not your fault.”

“I would marry you right now.” He kissed and got some-what of a kiss back, “I would have married you then. We could have had a slough of babies.” Ryan kept kissing Brendon until finally gripped the back of Ryan’s neck. “You’re so wonderful.” Ryan wiped away a tear, but Brendon just pulled Ryan’s lips back to his. “I’m the stupidest man in the world.”

“I-- I know,” Brendon’s voice was shaking from a nervous joy as he managed out a sentence and a giggle.

There was a gasp and the two held each other tighter. There were only a few more items of clothing to be taken off, but the two were already rocking against one another. Ryan pulled away and took a deep breath. He was so afraid of sounding cliche, but he had to say it. It was almost like if he said it’d make Brendon listen to everything Ryan had been telling him.

“I love you.”

Brendon shook his head, “Trick or treat?”