One Hundred Sleepless Nights

[Elendra's POV]

At night, it got worse.

My room was dark. I couldn't see a thing in front of me, only the light from the moon that glowed in the night sky. It was quiet. I liked that. But my mind was loud. There was always something running through my mind, I couldn't keep a clear head. I was hiding something I didn't want anyone to know. I was completely broken, but I made myself seem like I was perfectly fine. I am quite an actor, I'm telling you. You looked at me from the outside, I seemed like I couldn't be any happier. But on the inside? I am hurting.

Tonight was the night I was going to go through with my plan: to end the pain. I felt the warm tears rushing down the sides of my face. I couldn't fight it anymore. I felt completely useless. If I were to die, no one would notice I was gone. Maybe it would be a good thing too if I were to leave this place, I would be happier and so would everyone else. But the funny thing is, I didn't want to exactly die.

I reached under my pillow to find a sharp object. It was small, maybe two inches long. It was a shiny silver color. I took the top of it and held it with my thumb and two fingers and placed it to my wrist. I pressed down on my flesh, and allowed it to cut into my skin. I slid the razor to my right and I shut my eyes when it began to sting. You couldn't imagine the rush I got from cutting into myself. I opened my eyes to see a soft shade of red gushing from the wound I gave myself. It silenced my tears. I started to breathe heavily. I had never cut myself before. It was just one cut. Nothing bad. But it didn't fulfill what I wanted it to do, so I did it again. And again. And again. Each time the razor slid onto my wrist I made it deeper and deeper. I had to take it out on something. I deserved this pain, didn't I? Flashbacks in my head were going 90 miles per hour. These flashbacks hurt. I thought about the words people said to me, names I've been called, how my father abused me, and all these events that would haunt my once pleasant dreams.

Then it hit me. I hit the wrong vein. I dropped the razor onto my bed, my blood splashing onto my white sheets.
"FUCK!" I screamed loud.
I looked down at my arm, blood was running down it. I frantically looked around for something to cover my cuts up. They were bleeding strongly from this cut. I must have went too deep.
I tried to stand up on my bedroom floor, but I couldn't. My vision was going blurry, I couldn't see straight. My eyes got heavy and I found myself crashing to my knees. I collapsed to the ground, and I laid there. I couldn't pick myself back up. I felt tired, just really, really tired. Was I going to die tonight? The answer: yes.

[Vic's POV]

"Mike, hurry the fuck up!" I said, trying to position myself in the car as fast as I could. I slapped my seat belt in and I started to move my knee a little. I was anxious to get to the hospital already.
"Come on, dammit. We don't have much time." I said to him again. I was being pushy.
"Vic, please calm down okay?" Mike put the car in reverse and he began to speed down the street.
I had no time to waste. I had just gotten a phone call from Elendra's mother that she found her daughter collapsed on her bedroom floor and wasn't breathing. All she saw was blood. I didn't know what to think about that when I heard it.
Elendra and I's relationship was a tough pill to swallow. See, I was in love with her. I thought she was beautiful and perfect. I wanted something more, but I didn't know how to quite ask her to be mine yet. And now the fact that she attempted suicide, I might have lost my chance already.
"Don't tell me to fucking calm down, Michael. She's fucking dying and I want to be there for her, now hurry up! Drive faster!"
I was screaming at this point. I was beyond panic mode. I needed to make sure she was okay.
"I'm going the speed limit, dude. Chill out, everything's going to be fine." I could sense Mike rolled his eyes after saying that.
I just hope he was right about everything what he just said.

I got out the car, rain pouring down from the dark clouds hovering over San Diego. I jumped out of my seat, and I made a mad dash for the front of the hospital door.
I flung the door open and I stepped up to the front desk, water dropping from my plaid red shirt.
"WHERE IS SHE?!" I said loudly. I was breathing heavy. I couldn't help but freak out.
I saw her mom standing outside of bedroom door in the hospital, and I ran over there. Her mom was holding her face in her hands. I could tell something wasn't right.
Her mom walked over to me, and I held my arms out to her because she went in for a hug. "Victor, I don't understand why this is happening to her..." She was sobbing when she said that. I didn't know what to say to her. I had no idea that Elendra was even thinking this way to begin with.
I put my hands on her shoulders and she put her hands away from her face. "Where is she?" I asked her. I looked her dead in the eye, and she pointed behind her.
I took off my wet plaid shirt and I walked into the room to see Elendra laying in a bed. She was hooked up to many machines. I couldn't even think straight.
I walked over to where she was. I moved her bangs to the side of her face. I held my hand under her jawline, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. My eyes just gazed at her. She was pale.
I looked down at her arm which was bandaged up. I could see the dark coats of blood craving to come out.
I grabbed her arm. I could see the gashes in her arm. It went all the way up past her elbow. They were deep.
"Oh my god..." I ran my fingers gently over them, and then I found myself holding the side of her face in my hand again.

I didn't wanna think that she was gone, she felt alive. I didn't want to believe I was seeing her like this. Her cheeks were cold, blushing a light pink. Her eyelids were covered in black blotted eye shadow and a gentle rush of mascara coated her cheeks all the way to her chin. I still thought she was beautiful.

I kissed the top of her forehead, and I held my lips there. It was painful, and I pulled myself back. Why was this hurting me so much? Why couldn't that be me instead of her?
I saw Mike coming into the room and he kept his distance from me.

I remember what Mike told me in the car, that everything was going to be alright. I knew Elendra was a fighter and when it was sudden death, she'd fight back.