Learning Love

today was the day.
today was the day when I had to meet Ilka again and tell her that I loves her. my stomach were a fucking mess of nervousness. I felt sick. should I cancle? no that would be evil to her if she was coming.
as soon as I were out the door I start feeling a little better but somehow I still felt sick as hell. why was I THAT sick? it couldn't just be love... or could it? no maybe I was sick but I had to do this I couldn't let her down. she was too young, too beautiful, and too perfect for that.
I walked inside Cafe Sunshine bought a coffee and sat down by the table closest to the window as I could see when she arived. now it was 2 pm I had to wait for an hour until she arived. or maybe less. I hope less.
half an hour later I was still sitting at the table. I was reading Kerrang just because it was laying on one of the ohter chairs. everywhere I looked in the magazin I only saw the words 'love' 'romance' 'relationship' 'girlfriend'
a headline got my atention. 'Jinxx's Doll'
it was something about the wedding in October. an interview with Jinxx and Sammi about how their wedding was gonna be and their thoughts about it. it wasn't really interesting. I almost knew it all already. I looked at the clock 2:45 pm. she wasn't here yet...
I bought another coffee and drank it as I readed some other things which wasn't really interesting. some wierd person from another band I don't really know was talking shit about gays. Kerrang asked what they thought about Black Veil Brides since the lead singer and the bassist were together. "disgusting" was the answer.
I looked at the clock again. 3 pm. she won't meet me.
but in that moment Ilka came inside the cafe. I started panic. how should I show her it was me who had written the letter. DAMN it was a bad idea I'd got there. I could shot myself in the head. she won't know. she won't believe it was me. she would hate me when she finds out. FUCK I'm dead.
my eyes followed her as she ordered and got a coke and a cookie. then she looked around. I stood up and walked over to her.
"eh... hi Ilka" I said shyly. I'd never felt like this before. I mean I use to be loud, scream and shout at everyone and smile and jump around like crazy but right now I couldn't do any of these things. was it the love again! fuck it was controling me!
"hey CC what are you doing here?" she asked with a smile on her lips
I bite my lip "eh..." I couldn't say it. I just couldn't. "waiting for...y-someone" I was about to say you but I couldn't. Ilka smiled. "what are you doing here" I asked"
"I have to meet someone but maybe he has already left... I'm a bit late"
"he has not" I said. FUCK YOU CC FUCK YOU!!!
"I'm not sure like you but we can sit together if he has already left then the money and the walk over here isn't spend on nothing" she smiled. and it made me smile back.
"fine with me..." I said and we sat down at the same table as I sat a little earlier.
a few minutes we were sitting in silence. it felt like hours to me.
"well" I begon. "who do you have to meet here?" what should I say else. DAMN it feels awkward. now I know how it feels to be Jake sometimes.
"eh... well... I don't know..." she told me. "he wrote this letter for me" she hold a piece of paper up. I saw it was my letter.
"oh you got it" I smiled. SHIT now I'd just admit FUCK I could kill my self. she would hate me now. I'm sure as hell.
just in that moment I saw a smile on her beautiful face. "was it?" she seamed so happy. but why? she doesn't loves me. does she? no she can't. I'm ugly, I'm crazy, someone says I'm a madman. that's usualy the haters but somehow they're right. that's simply what's wrong with me. all the reasons why she can't love me.
"you may hate me now don't you?" I looked sat down at the coffee in ftont of me. how could I be so stupid to believe that she could ever love me.
she laughed "no why should I hate you..." I looked up and saw her blush "when I feel the same way" oh she was so adorable when she was blushing and this made my heart fly
"are you fucking serious!" I smiled bigger than I had ever done the passed weeks. I was so happy about this. she loves me back! she fucking loves me back!!!
she blushed more and nodded "yes I do..."
I calm myself down. "do you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked and held my breath back. what if she says no, what if she has another?
"of course I will" she said looking up at me.
I ran over to her side of the table and press my lips to hers as hard as I could. OMG this was perfect.