Realize

It had been five years since I met Logan. Things changed over time. I was in 5th grade and could spell big words like onomonopia and Paleoanthropology. I had a reading level of a high school student. I read The Great Gatsby, Tales of Two Cities, and everything by Edgar Allen Poe. I was a bit more mature than most 10 year-olds, at least most of the time. I wasn’t into what girls my age were. I found them juvenile and annoying. I didn’t have many friends who appreciated that. I was made the outcast at school. I really felt like I didn’t belong.

And some things didn’t, like how infatuated I was with Logan. I really couldn’t get him out of my head. It was a little hard; wherever you looked he’d be there. With his beautiful blue eyes and shaggy black hair. Dear Lord, that boy had me whipped.

Today was a special day. Logan was turning 13, the age that, in Judaism, signifies he was a man and called for a Bar Mitzvah. When I was told I was going, I wore the prettiest dress I had and the nicest shoes to match, hoping he’d like them. After getting my mom to finish my hair, I rushed everyone to the car. I didn’t want to be late.

I remember the car trip there. After every light we passed, I’d ask if we were there yet. You could say I was pretty anxious. How could you blame me?

When we eventually got there, after what felt like an entire year, I dragged my parents into the Temple. I searched the crowd of people, which was very hard for someone under four feet, but I found him. He was so cute with his suit on. I just want to kiss him, grab him by his tie and KISS him. Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you let your ten-year-old daughter watch romantic comedies day and night with vulgar horror movies in-between. They start getting ideas.

After spending the entire ceremony never taking my eyes off my future husband, we headed to his house for his party. My brother was really excited about the party. He was going to sleep over and they were going to play with the water he got Logan. And probably stay up late watching Cinemax like most thirteen year-olds. I knew what my brother was like; I had the unfortunate experience in finding his hidden stash of Playboy magazines. It wasn’t pretty.

During the party, Logan’s older sister Lindsey took me under her wing. She told me that even though I was only ten, I was really mature for my age and if I wanted to go shopping with her or just hang out, to call her. I was really excited; somebody older thought I was cool. How often does a fifteen year old tell a ten year old something like that? I finally felt like I fit somewhere. Lindsey became a really good friend; you could even call her a sister I never had. She taught me everything. She gave me advice on anything. She even helped me with her brother. But that’s later on.

Towards the end of the party, I spotted Logan ending a conversation and heading towards the swings. I felt confident; especially after all the cokes I drank. So, swinging back the last drops of my drink, I jumped out of my chair and headed towards him. I sat on the swing next to him, he seemed a little sad so I asked him what was wrong.

“Nothing, it’s just the girl I like doesn’t like me,” he sighed. “I feel stupid for telling her.”

I was a tad bit jealous. He liked a girl, he liked another girl, he like another girl that wasn’t me… I felt like punching him. But then… The girl didn’t like him back. She didn’t like him back! Was she stupid? Blind? A lesbian? What the hell was wrong with her? He was absolutely gorgeous and sweet and kind and and… sad, very sad. I should’ve punched her. She hurt him.

“What’s her name? Do you want me to punch her for you?” I told him. “I can, if you want me to.”

“No, no, no,” He looked up at me, smiling sadly. He chuckled. “You don’t have to punch her.”

“Don’t worry, she probably wasn’t worth your time anyway,” I said.

He looked at me, “Do you really think that?”

“Of course I do. Who in their right mind wouldn’t like you? Any girl would be lucky to have you.” I smiled at him, my comment making him blush.

“Yeah, you’re right,” He nodded his head.

“Hell yes, I’m right. You should never doubt my genius,” I poked him. “Mister doubter.” I went to poke him again but he grabbed my hand just before impact.

OUR HANDS WERE TOUCHING. OMG!

I looked up from our hands touching, my heart beating five thousand miles a minute. Our eyes met and we were leaning into each other. My mind was racing and I was getting jittery. The moment I dreamed for such a long time was happening. Logan Lerman was going to kiss me. He was going to…

“Erin, Erin sweetie, where are you? We’re leaving.” I could’ve killed my mother. She just ruined the perfect moment and I am going to kill her.

As soon as Logan heard my mother, he let go of my hand and moved away from me.

“Well, I guess you’re leaving. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said as he got out of his seat.

“Yeah, I guess.” I said back in a daze. He was about to kiss me.

Logan Lerman was about to kiss me.

And my mother ruined it.

Damn you cruel fate.

Why must you torment me so?