Walking Travesty

The next two nights my mom went out, and didn't come home until early in the morning. I kept almost inviting Alex over to spend the night, then didn't. What if she brought a guy home again? That had been embarrassing enough the first time, I didn't want it happening again.
Around eleven thirty the third night I'm laying in bed texting him, debating on whether or not I should ask him to come over, when I hear the front door open. I strain my ears to hear if my mom's alone or not, and breathe a sigh of relief when I hear only one set of feet on the stairs.
"Come in," I call out when I hear a knock on my door.
My mom stumbles in a second later, and I frown at her disheveled appearance. Her hair's down and messy, and she has the top four buttons of her shirt undone, revealing cleavage. "Hi honey," she says with a wide smile. Due to how she looks and her slurred words, I know she's drunk. Again.
"Hi," I say simply, looking back down at my phone. I was trying hard not to give her my opinion on how she was acting the past few days, because whenever I tried she flipped out.
"What's with your attitude?" she snaps, her happy mood immediately changing.
"Nothing," I answer as I respond to Alex's text.
She steps forward a little unsteadily, then leans against my dresser. "Stop judging me, I'm your mother," she speaks as if she's unsure of that statement.
"Why on earth would I be judging you?" I ask sarcastically, completely throwing away my one-word-reply tactic. "I mean, you're only going out and drinking like a seventeen year old with a fake ID. No biggie."
Even though I'm not looking at her I can sense her frown. "Stop treating me like I'm the child, Lina. I'm a grown woman."
I laugh and look up at my train wreck of a mother. "You're really not acting like it." Her frown deepens and I sigh. "Look mom, I know you're upset about dad leaving but-"
"Don't," she says angrily. "Don't talk about him. You're the reason he left." I start to reply, but no words seem to come, so I just stare at her. She was right. I was the reason my dad left. I was the reason she was getting smashed every night. With one last dirty look that hurt like a physical injury, she left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the next day at school completely out of it. I hadn't slept the night before, my brain too loud for me to even consider it.
"Babe, are you okay?" Alex asks, his eyes studying mine intently.
I shrug my shoulders and pick at my four hundred year old cookie. "I don't feel good."
"Eating a cookie for lunch probably isn't helping," Rian points out as he throws a grape up in the air and tries catching it in his mouth, but misses completely.
I smile a little. "Um, actually cookies make everything better."
"I second that," Jack says as he pelts a grape at the side of Rian's head, resulting in an exchanging of noogies and smashing grapes into each other's faces.
Alex rolls his eyes at them, then looks back at me. "Do you want me to take you home?"
I frown and shake my head. "No, I think I'll get Em to pick me up. We haven't really been hanging out much lately and-"
"Because she's too busy going down on me," Jack interrupts.
I laugh and roll my eyes. " And she's been begging to practice her cosmetology skills on my hair for forever."
The guys crack a few jokes about how I'm going to wind up looking like a four year old cut my hair, then Alex kisses me goodbye and I leave the lunchroom and text Emily asking her to get me.
A few minutes later I climb into her car where she's blasting music and sipping an energy drink. "Helloooo," she greets happily as she turns the radio down.
"Hey," I can't help but return her smile.
She starts driving and turns the music back on and sings loudly along with the Simple Plan song. When we get into her apartment she orders me into a seat in the kitchen, then disappears into her bathroom. A few minutes later she comes in with a box full of stuff. "Can I dye your hair?" she asks hopefully, her eyes wide and excited.
"Um, no," I reply. "I don't even really trust you cutting my hair."
She pouts a little, but quickly gets over the disappointment and starts showing me my different haircut choices on a chart of styles that she'd supposedly mastered. I pick one that looks almost identical to my current one, and she pulls out her scissors and happily starts snipping away. "So how're things with you and lover boy?" she asks.
"Good. What about you and Jack?" I ask, even though I'm not truly interested, but it seems like the polite thing to do since she asked me.
"Fabulous," she sighs dreamily. "He's so sweet and funny," she gushes. "And don't get me started on how amazing of a fuck he is."
I frown. "Yeah, please don't."
She giggles and starts giving me side bangs that I don't recall being on the hairstyle I'd picked. "I'm guessing you and Alex haven't gotten there yet?"
"Nope."
"What about oral?" she asks as she moves to the back of my head. "I mean, you've at least given him a blowjob, right?"
I shift uncomfortably in the seat. "No..." I scrunch my lips up, and after she remains silent, I ask, "Should I?"
"Well..." she snips some hair, "I mean, it's great if you wanna wait or whatever, but guys get impatient."
"I know," I let out a sigh and pick up the mirror she'd put on the table and study my hair. I actually like it so far. "I just... I'm not ready."
"Oh, I understand," she says, but I know she doesn't. She was never one to wait for the right moment. Hell, when she was in eighth grade she'd gone down on her boyfriend of eighteen hours. After staying silent for a good five minutes, she steps in front of me and studies her work. She grins and jumps up and down, clapping her hands together. "Oh my gosh, you look amazing."
I hold the mirror back up and study myself, and smile. It really wasn't different from my previous cut, except the side bang and she'd trimmed my ends. "I like it."
"I'm amazing," she sighs, flipping her own hair off her shoulder.
I roll my eyes and stand up. "Keep telling yourself that, Em."
She smirks, then scurries over to a cupboard and pulls out a bottle of wine. "Let us celebrate my mad awesome hairdressing skills."
I raise an eyebrow as I watch her pull the top off. "It's two pm, Em."
She rolls her eyes and grabs two wine glasses out of another cupboard. "Oh shush. It's Friday. Carpe Diem."
She fills both glasses and hands me one. "I don't think that term was intended for two underage drinkers to use."
She grins and holds her glass up. I reluctantly clink mine against hers. "To underage drinkers," she declares.
I roll my eyes and take a drink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour and two bottles of wine later, I was opening her door for Alex and Jack to come inside. She'd insisted on having them over because I'm a 'boring motherfucking drunk.'
"Hey," Alex greeted me with a smile. "Are you feeling better?"
I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him once. "Yep. Do you like my hair?" I spin around, and immediately regret it when I stumble.
He grabs me by my shoulders to keep me from falling, and laughs. "Someone's drunk," he teases. "And yes, I love your hair."
I giggle and pull him into the small apartment. Jack's already laying on the couch with Emily, both intently watching the news. Alex looks a little confused and I say, "Em gets super interested in current events when she drinks wine."
We walk into the kitchen and I pull a beer out of the fridge for him. "Since when do you drink in the afternoon?" he asks with a smirk as he opens the bottle and takes a drink.
I shrug my shoulders and quote Emily. "It's Friday. Carpe Diem."
"Somehow I highly doubt that was intended to encourage underage drinking."
I giggle at that, since I'd said practically the same thing. We walk back into the living room, then immediately retreat into Em's bedroom when we find them sucking each others faces off and tugging at each others clothes. I collapse on her bed and he sits beside me, both of us staying quiet for a while. My mind goes back to the conversation I'd had with Emily earlier, and due to the alcohol in my system, I ask, "Do you want to have sex with me?" I already know I'm going to be insanely embarrassed for asking him this, but I currently don't care.
He looks down at me, his eyebrows lifted in surprise, and his cheeks a little pink. "Um. Yeah, yes," he stammers, laughing a little nervously. "Why?"
I frown and look up at the ceiling. "You're not gonna break up with me if we don't anytime soon, will you?"
"No, of course not," he sounds surprised at my question.
"And you're not gonna break up with me if I don't give you oral anytime soon?"
He laughs again, and my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Stupid alcohol. "It's fine if you're not ready, Lin."
I look back over at him. "Are you sure?" I ask, squinting my eyes as if that will help me detect whether he's serious or not. "Because if you wanna go date someone else who will, I would completely understand."
He rolls his eyes and leans down to kiss me softly. "Unfortunately, you're stuck with me," he says, before kissing me again.
I smile against his lips, and any doubt Emily had planted in my mind earlier, vanished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He said it's fine if I'm not ready," I say into my phone as I sit cross legged on my bed. After the alcohol had somewhat faded from our systems, Emily had driven me home where I'd slept a couple hours.
"He just doesn't want to pressure you," she answers. "He knows that if you think he's into you for more than just sex, you'll be more likely to fuck him."
I frown and pick at my chipping toenail polish. "Or maybe he respects the fact that I want to wait," I suggest.
She laughs, making me feel stupid for ever even thinking that. "Lina, guys only want one thing. Even if he's the nicest guy in the universe, he'll eventually just go for someone who'll put out."
My frown deepens and I lay down on my back. "So you think I should sleep with him?"
"I think you should stop over thinking this so much," she pauses to chew on something, then adds, "I mean, it's your virginity. You're gonna lose it eventually. And Alex is hot."
I laugh a little, even though I don't particularly like her advice. "Whatever. I'm going to bed."
"Goodnight my little virgin," she says in a singsong-y voice.
I roll my eyes and hang up and stare at my wall for a while, thinking long and hard about what Emily had said.