Hung Up

It had already started snowing when Nora left work yesterday. It was thick, wet and heavy snow; the kind of snow that takes down power lines and makes driving near impossible. By the morning Manitoba was covered in layer of dense slush. How could this be October 4th?

The local morning news revealed that as bad as Winnipeg’s weather had been it was nothing to compared to some other South Eastern Manitoba communities. Her home town of Pinawa had gotten the full 30 cm of snow predicted in the forecast. Nora imagined her ageing parents attempting to clear a path through a foot of snow and decided she needed to phone them. The house phone would be dead so she had to hope her father had finally figured out how to use the cell phone she got him last Christmas.

To Nora’s surprise he dad answered on the third ring, “Hello?” her father’s raspy voice filled the receiver.

“Dad,” she replied. It was good to hear his voice. Now more than ever she needed her Daddy.

“Nora dear! How are you? Did the city survive that storm?”

“Winnipeg got off pretty much Scot free,” Nora explained, “But according to the weather channel you guys didn’t.”

“No we did not! I don’t ever remember getting this much snow this early in the year, and you know I’ve lived here a long time.”

Nora smiled softly, “54 years.”

“That’s right and I still got 54 left in me.”

Nora let her father’s warm, familiar voice sooth her. He was such a character and so sure of his place in the world...she wished she could have that, “Well do you want me to come down early to help with the clean up? They just announced on the radio that school’s canceled so I won’t be teaching today. I can be on the road in about a half an hour.”

“Oh gosh Nora I’m so sorry! I completely forgot about this weekend with all this fuss over the weather.”

Nora frowned, how could her father have forgotten it was Thanksgiving weekend? She came down for this weekend every year.

“Dear I don’t think they’ll get the roads cleared off in time for you to make the trip today and you know I hate it when you drive on bad roads.”

Nora’s heart plummeted into her stomach. She needed this weekend at home; needed to get her life back on its kilter, “So I’ll come down tomorrow then,” it was her original plan to drive home on Saturday anyway.

“Honey I just don’t know if it’s safe for anyone to drive this weekend,” her father was much more firm this time. She now knew the answer was a definitive no: she was staying put this weekend whether she liked it or not.

Nora’s eyes began to pool with hot, angry tears. She knew it was completely irrational to feel hurt and rejected; after all, her family didn’t control the weather; but she did anyway. It wasn’t really her family she was angry at but none the less it took all of her self control not to slam her phone down onto its receiver, “Well I guess another weekend then...”

“Of course dear,” her father’s voice was heavy with regret and that calmed Nora a little bit, “I was so looking forward to seeing you this weekend.”

“Me too Dad,” Nora mumbled, “Bye.”

About two hours later Nora was browsing the isles of the Sobeys near her house. She hadn’t expected to have to cook this weekend so her cupboards were a bit bare. Even if she would be spending Thanksgiving alone she still wanted to enjoy a nice meal.

Nora picked up a can of cranberries off the shelf, wondering if they’d work at all to curb the craving she was having for the cranberries her mother would be making this weekend. Nora decided the tin can would only lead to disappointment but put it in her cart anyway. Her eyes scanned the shelves pointedly. She was so consumed by thoughts of food that she stopped paying attention to where she was going and who she might be about to walk in to.

“Oh gosh,” she’d stumbled right into the shoulder of a passerby and forcefully kicked him in the foot. She lost her balance and fell into the side of her shopping cart, having to lean on it for support, “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled as she straitened herself, a little embarrassed by what had just transpired.

“It’s okay Nora,” the person she’d run into; a very tall, solid man; spoke.

She craned her neck to look at his face. Nora was pretty tall but this man still had about 6 inches on her. Their eyes locked and realization hit her, “Andrew...”

***

They’d met in the summer of 2011 when Andrew had come up to the city to scope out places to live. They’d ended up at the same downtown bar: Nora with her friends from work, Andrew with Toews and a couple of teammates.

Before the new Jets had even played a game Ladd was royalty in that bar and the city in general. How Nora ended up being the one to go home with him she wasn’t quite sure. She wasn’t out to bang a hockey player, she wasn’t out to bang anyone for that matter, but he’d been buying her drinks all night and he was a really good dancer... At last call Andrew had whispered in her ear; asking if she wanted to get out of there. Nora’s answer had been a resounding yes.

That night had been hours of toe-curling fun. Andrew had kept her up until the wee hours of the morning, not that Nora was complaining, then woke her up, barely past nine, for round 2.

They’d exchanged numbers after that night but Nora had never expected a call. She suspected there were a million other girls and a million other nights like this for Andrew and within a week she’d be barely a blip on his radar. Only Andrew did call her.

At the end of September Nora had gotten a text which said simply: Dinner?

She’d debated on whether answering it was a good idea. Andrew was the only fling Nora had since college. She was more into relationships - she didn’t need to be in one to be happy - but she found one night stands to be tiresome and more of a hassle than anything. She liked getting to know someone and getting comfortable with them. That’s why Nora, unlike most other people in Winnipeg, wasn’t sure if another night with Andrew Ladd was a good idea.

She closed her eyes and nervously typed her answer: Yes, Where?

Two minutes later: My place?

Nora gulped. Only an idiot wouldn’t know what that meant.

Nora had of course been right. After dinner, small talk, and wine she’d ended up with her legs wrapped around Andrew and her ass barely touching the kitchen counter before they took things to the bedroom.

Again, the sex was amazing and there had been lots of it. She’d woken wrapped up in Andrew’s sheets and in Andrew himself. Nora had watched him sleep for a few minutes then put her head down on his chest. She’d let the warmth of him and the weight of his arms around her lull her back to sleep and tried very hard not to admit how good it felt.

There’d been more than a few similar nights where Nora had ended up at Andrew’s, lured by text message. They’d even stopped pretending she was only coming over for dinner and some nights didn’t bother with dinner at all.

One morning Nora had woken up to find Andrew already awake. This was odd, she was always awake first. He’d leaned in and kissed her forehead. It was a very sweet gesture that Nora was not accustomed to coming from him. It put her on guard.

“I have something to tell you,” he’d said.

Nora listened intently as Andrew relayed, in very vague terms, the story of his recent divorce. Nora already knew a little about it, it was hard not to hear gossip about the players whilst living in Winnipeg. All she knew was the divorce had been pretty recent, sometime last spring, and it had been messy. That was pretty much all Andrew told her anyway.

“I really like what we’re doing...” Andrew’s voice had trailed off like he was thinking very carefully about what he was going to say next, “But I’m not ready for anything serious. If that’s not okay with you I understand but if it is I want to keep seeing you.”

Nora wasn’t exactly sure what she’d been thinking when she’d eagerly agreed to keep up the casual relationship she had with Andrew. It wasn’t like her to do something like that but Nora had thought maybe some change would be good in her life. After all she’d gotten out of a relationship not too long ago herself...about the same time as Andrew had actually. It hadn’t been serious and she held no animosity towards the guy but she figured it might me good for her to just have some fun for a change.

***

They’d walked around the store in relative silence picking up the items they needed. The tension between the couple could be cut with a knife.

Only when Andrew and Nora were in line for the check out did Nora speak about something other than food, “We’re you planning on telling me you were in town?”

Andrew rubbed his eyes like he was really tired. Nora wasn’t sure why he would be; with all this lockout bullshit he wouldn’t have a reason to be tired for months, “It was last minute,” he explained, “I just came to get some stuff in order.”

“So no,” Nora finished for him, her voice acidic.

It was her turn to be rung through so Andrew didn’t get the chance to respond. Nora paid for her food and bolted. She was furious and she didn’t care about whatever lame excuse Andrew had for her. She was over his excuses.

It was only in the parking lot, where she was packing all her food into the trunk of her car that Andrew caught up to her, “Nora wait,” his voice was pleading.

She simply shook her head and slammed her trunk closed.

Nora got halfway to the driver’s side door when Andrew stopped her, “Have dinner with me tonight? We shouldn’t both be alone on Thanksgiving.”

Nora instantly regretted telling him about not being able to go home for the weekend, “Andrew you can’t expect me to just forget about everything that...”

“Let me make it up to you,” he begged.

Nora sighed. She hated that she was going to just let him take what he wanted from her, like she had so many times before.

***

Nora’s heals hung loosely from her right hand. She walked with a slight sway in her step caused by all the Champagne she’d consumed at the event.

She could hear Andrew’s footsteps on the hardwood following her but didn’t bother to look at him. Nora had nothing to say to him right now.

“I’m sorry,” suddenly Andrew was right behind her with his hands digging into her hips.

“You’re always sorry,” she sighed.

Andre flinched, “I know.”

Nora kept walking towards the kitchen and felt Andrew’s hands tugging slightly at the fabric of her dress as he let them drop from her hips. In the kitchen Nora poured herself a glass of water and slid herself up onto the counter. Her heels were now forgotten somewhere on the floor.

Andrew leaned against the fridge and watched her drink for a minute. Nora knew before long he’d be standing in front of her, pushing her knees apart and wedging himself in between her legs. Then he’d start kissing her neck and whispering apologetic words in her ear. They’d been down this road before.

Sure enough barely a minute later Andrew pushed himself up off the fridge and closed the distance between himself and Nora in a few long strides. Nora willingly parted her legs to let him get as close as possible. She had to admit she liked this part of their dance.

Andrew’s forehead pressed against Nora’s and she automatically closed her eyes. He smelled like his body wash, his skin was warm; his hands went right to her waist.

“Sorry,” Andrew mumbled into Nora’s soft lips.

Nora felt her body give in but her mind wasn’t ready to go so quietly. She let herself enjoy the kiss for a moment then gently, but firmly, placed her hands on Andrew’s shoulders to push him back.

Andrew frowned because she’d never done this before. Nora never resisted him.

“Why do you keep doing this?” Nora’s voice wasn’t scornful or even accusatory...it was just wistful and maybe a little tired.

“It’s hard for me,” Andrew explained, “Not that people see me with you but that people see me with you like...like this,” Andrew cupped her cheek and pressed his lips to hers.

Nora didn’t fight back this time. She let herself get lost in the kiss, in Andrew himself.

They’d been at a Jets’ Christmas Party. Not the real Christmas party that only players and staff go to but the one where season ticket holders and their families could attend and mingle with the players.

This wasn’t the first Jets’ event Andrew had taken Nora to and like all the other ones he’d treated her like his cousin instead of his date. It didn’t bother Nora that Andrew and her weren’t dating, after all that hadn’t been their agreement. What bothered her was that in private Andrew acted like they were in a relationship then sung a completely different tune whenever someone could see them.

Nora hated being invited to these events and introduced as Andrew’s friend all night. If all Andrew sex with her she was fine with that. It was this being lovers one minute and friends the other that was getting really complicated.

***
Dinner with Andrew was as quiet as shopping with Andrew had been. Nora had no idea what to say to him. There were a lot of things that needed to be said but both she and Andrew were avoiding those topics, choosing to talk about the food instead.

When they were done Nora began to clear the dishes off the table. Andrew was in the kitchen putting leftovers away. Nora was just closing up the dishwasher when she felt Andrew’s hand on her waist. She let him turn her and push her up onto the counter. What was it with them and the kitchen?

For the first time since running into him at Sobeys Nora looked at Andrew, really looked at him. His eyes were dark and droopy like he lacked sleep. His mouth was pulled into a hard line like some underlying tension was keeping it there. He looked worn down.

Nora resisted the urge to lean in and kiss him. She wanted to hold him until he looked like Andrew again but she needed to think about herself too. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she spoke, “Why did you lie?”

Andrew’s grip tightened on her sides as he let out a long shaky breath.

***

The noise of the alarm was harsh at 5am. It pierced right through the dream Nora was having. Andrew’s arm tightened around her. His eyes were still closed as he swatted at his clock once, twice, until he successfully shut off the alarm on the third swing. Once that arm was free he wrapped it around Nora too.

Normally Nora loved being held like this. Normally she felt secure and comfortable in Andrew’s embrace but today it didn’t matter. He was getting on a flight to go back home in barely three hours and Nora was driving him to the airport. He’d get on a plane and then she wouldn’t see him until...well that was the question wasn’t it.

Nora felt Andrew shift beside her and soon she was underneath him. He was kissing her, they were both still naked from the night before...

Time slipped by quickly and in the blink of an eye Nora was pulling into the airport parking lot. She parked the car and sighed. She should have brought up all her fears and questions months ago. Now Andrew was leaving and she had no time to talk about anything.

As Nora was unfastening her seat belt she felt Andrew’s hand on her wrist. She relaxed a little bit and allowed Andrew to pull her from her seat and into his lap.

He soothed her hair, “Guess we could have talked about this a little more.”

Nora nodded slowly, “I don’t know if I can keep doing what we’re doing,” finally she spoke those words out loud.

Andrew kissed her temple, “You’re really important to me Nora.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Nora’s voice was growing softer as she got to the real meat of the problem, “I can tell you care about me but you don’t want anyone to know you do.”

Andrew’s hand stopped moving in her hair, he was frozen, “The worst part of my divorce was having to tell everyone I know that my marriage had failed...”

Nora interrupted him, “I’m not her.”

Andrew expelled a long, shaky breath of air he’d been nervously holding in, “I know,” he cupped the side of Nora’s face in his hand and drew her closer, “I promise to visit you this summer. I’ll work on...things,” then the words Nora had been waiting to hear, “I don’t want to lose you, Nora.”

***

“You didn’t visit,” Nora’s statement was simple but it held a lot of weight.

“No I didn’t,” Andrew couldn’t refute what she had said, there was no way he could. He either visited or he didn’t there was no in between.

“Did you even have any intention of visiting?” Nora questioned.

“Yes Nora I did,” Andrew’s hands were in his hair, a sign of frustration, “And I chickened out.”

Nora closed her eyes. The words hit her like a punch to the gut. After all this time she still wasn’t enough, still wasn’t worth it to Andrew to get over the pain his divorce had caused him.

Andrew could see the hurt move across her features, “But I’m glad I ran into you today.”

That got Nora’s attention.

“I needed a reminder of what I’m giving up by being such a coward,” Andrew smiled sadly. Sometimes honesty was a sad thing.

Nora shut her eyes tightly, that meant they were over didn’t it?

Her thoughts were lost to Andrews lips and teeth on her collar bone. She moaned slightly, unable to conceal her desire.

“One more time?” Andrew begged her. His hands traipsed down her body; over the swell of her breasts down to the rise of her ass.

Nora wordlessly nodded and let him pick her up and carry her to his bed.

Nora couldn’t sleep. The sex had been as amazing as ever, probably even better than usual since they both had to wait so long for it, but it was deeply unsettling for her. She couldn’t get comfortable in Andrew’s bed and deep down she knew why.

Once again she’d given into Andrew. She’d let him treat her like shit – let him not speak to her all summer after he promised her he’d visit – then let him ‘make it up to her’ with sex. In that moment, at 3:48am the morning of Thanksgiving, Nora decided she was finally done with this.

Andrew woke to an empty bed some five hours later. All that was left of Nora was a note on his Pillow:

I have to be honest with you this hasn’t been working for me for a long time...even before this summer...
Call me IFF things change,

Love N