Open Your Eyes

Ten hours and ten minutes. That's how long it took to fly from LAX to London Heathrow Airprort. My baby girl had surprisingly stayed asleep the whole time. By the time we got in the taxi with our two bags; my carry-on and her diaper bag, she was awake. It didn't take long for the driver to reach my destination in the heart of London. 

I skillfully got both our bags and my daughter -who refused to walk- into the building, up the lift, and to the correct door. Knocking, I set the bags on the ground and shifted Presley on my hip. She laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. Jet lag. Wish it would work that fast on me. 

Nobody answered. Great. What am I supposed to do? Sit out here and wait? I can't do that. I need a bed to lay my one and a half year old down in. I need a bed. We need four walls and a door. Not a hallway of a flat complex. I slid down the wall to sit on the floor with tears in my eyes. 

“Why did this have to happen to me?" I whispered. It always happened to me. As a tear slid down my cheek I leaned my head against the door frame, closing my eyes. My life as of right now sucked. I was homeless. I had a small child. I had little money. I was a failure. I failed my daughter. She didn't deserve any of this.


"Since when did the doorman let homeless people in?" A high pitched voice asked. That and another voice woke me up. Presley woke up with a whine saying something about her arm. That made me fully wake up. "Hey Miss?" The second voice spoke. "Miss, how did you get in here?"

"I was let in," I mumbled. I rummaged through my purse and got the little orange bottle of pain pills. Presley put it in her mouth and chewed it up, making a face as I handed her her sippy cup filled with warm grape Koolaid. "Hold on babygirl. Mummy's gotta talk." I sat her by the bags as I stood up and faced the two girls in front of me. 

"Do either of you know a Harry Styles?" The blonde girl looked at the girl with the tan skin with raised eyebrows. They both looked back at me, then to Presley, and back to each other. "Um...we uh, ye--how do you know him?" The tan one asked. 

"I just do. If you know him can you tell me where he is?" I wasn't in the mood for waiting around. My daughter needed a warm, safe place to stay. We both needed a warm, safe place to stay. We needed to stay under the radar so James' friends from here didn't see us. If they did he would be on the next flight out. 

The blonde one sighed. "He's over at Nick's." We stood there in silence. They stared at us with an intense stare making me feel self conscious. I didn't like people staring at me like that. I was insecure as it was, and with people staring at me like that it made me even more insecure. I just wanted to go hide in a dark corner. 

"Well can you give me his number?" They moved their eyes from me and my daughter to each other. It seemed like they were having a silent conversation. "I don't know about that," the tan girl spoke. "You could be a crazy fan."

A crazy fan? What the hell are they talking about? Fan? What am I a fan of? I sighed in aggravation. "What are you talking about? I'm not a crazy fan. So if you would be ever so kind and give me his number I would be beyond happy." That was bitchy, but I didn't care right now. I wanted, no needed, to get my baby in a safe place with food. She hasn't eaten in more then ten hours, so I know she's starving. 

"I can't do that," the blonde stated. "So if you would be ever so kind and leave we would be beyond happy." I glared at them before carefully picking up a drowsy Presley and the two bags, making my way to the lift. If they weren't going to tell me where he was I might as well go somewhere and find some food for us. 

I had made it a few blocks and found a hole in the wall diner. A teenage girl seated us in a booth in one of the back corners. I sat Presley on the inside by the wall and sat beside her on the outside. "What would you like to drink ma'am?" The girl asked. 

"Black coffee for me and a chocolate milk for her please," I answered. She nodded and walked off toward the kitchen. While Presley played with her stuffed giraffe I got my phone out and text Gemma. 

I need Harry's number. 

Not even a second later my phone lit up with a text from her. It had his number and said she was here if I needed anything at any time. 

Thanks Gems. I don't expect you to be here for me. Especially after leaving and not speaking to you without a reason.

Not waiting for a response, I saved Harry's number in my contacts and called it. It rang four times before he answered it. His voice had changed so much since I last spoke to him.

"'ello?" He sounded so grown up. Two years had changed him. I missed out on growing up with my younger cousin. That saddened me. "'ello? Anyone there?"

"Harry," I spoke softly. At the sound of my voice everything on his end of the line got quiet. 

"Lennon?" The tone of his voice sounded as if he didn't believe what he was hearing. Like his ears were playing tricks on him. "Lennon?"

"Yeah, it's me," I mumbled. "I need your help." 

"Now you need my help? Now family is important to you, when you need something? What happened to your boyfriend you loved? The one you ran away with and made you forgot all about your family." Tears welled in my eyes at the malice in his voice. "I'm not helping you. You can forget about it."

A tear rolled down my cheek. "Please Harry," I cried softly. "I'm sorry about everything, just please....please help me." At that moment our waitress decided to come back and ask what we wanted to eat. 

"Mummy me want donut!" Presley exclaimed. "Donut! Donut! Donut!" 

"Okay babygirl, Mummy will get you a donut, just sit still and play with Raffi," I spoke away from the phone. "Can we have two glazed donuts please?" 

"Coming right up." Once the girl left Presely went back to playing with Raffi the giraffe and I turned my attention back to the phone. The first thing that came out Harry's mouth was, "'Mummy'? You have a kid?!"

I nodded. "I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll just go find help somewhere else. Goodbye Harry." I hung up my phone, setting it on the table but not before texting Gemma back.

Could we crash at your place for a while?

We? Who's we?

I'll explain later.

That's fine, just as long as you tell me as soon as you get here. I'll text you the address here in a minute.

Thank you so much Gems.


I stood outside of Gemma's flat with a sleeping Presley in my arms. It took me a few minutes to get up the courage to actually knock on her door and when I did, my heart was going a mile a minute. A minute later the black door opened to reveal my older cousin. She took one look at me and grinned great big. 

"I can't believe you're actually here Lenna!" She exclaimed. "I was so worried about you when Harry said you just up and left! God, I missed you!" Her outburst caused the sleeping one old in my arms to wake up. 

"Mummy seep," she said groggily. Seep was her way of saying sleep. Adorable if I do say so myself. Gemma's bright green eyes moved to Presley and widened to the size of footballs. "Did....did she j-just say 'Mummy'?" She stuttered. 

I nodded. "This is my daughter Presley. Can you say hi to Gemma, babygirl?" 

She lifted her head off of my shoulder making her messy brown curls fall around her face and down her back. "Hi Gemgem," she greeted waving her casted arm. 

"Hi there pretty girl. What happened to your arm?" Gemma asked. I beat Presley to the punch and spewed some lie before she could tell the truth. "She fell off of her swingset and broke it. Is it okay if we come in?" She nodded and stepped aside, letting us in. We sat in her living/family room, me putting Presley on the floor to play with a few toys out of her diaperbag. 

"So why did you come back? Why now? Why not earlier?" She didn't beat around the bush. She never did though. She got straight to the point even when she was a kid. I shrugged. "I just wanted to see my family again. I'm sure Harry told you what I told him, but I...I needed to come back." 

She took my answer, not questioning it furthur and asked if I got a hold of her younger brother. I sighed. "Yeah, I got a hold of him. He refused to help me, so I came to you." 

"He refused to give you a place to stay?" She asked in shock. "What the bloody hell is wrong with that wanker?!" She continued on ranting about how idiotic her brother is and how unbelievable it was that he left me and a child without a place to stay. In the middle of her rant someone started pounding on her flat door. She shut her mouth long enough to answer it. When she did, Harry barged in going on about me. 

"Lennon's back, did you know that?! She had the audacity to call me and ask for help after she abandoned her family! She abandoned me!" He shouted. "And now she's back and thinks we can just go back to normal?! I don't fucking think so! And she might possibly have a kid! She's eighteen and she has a kid who can talk! Who can talk! Do you believe this shit, Gemma?! Blood is thicker then water my a--" He stopped himself when he finally noticed me sitting on the loveseat. 

His eyes grew to the size of saucers. And grew even bigger -if possible- when he saw Presley. She had abandoned her toys and was staring up at Harry with a scared look on her face. I couldn't blame her. I had never heard him yell that much at once. With just going through what we went through with James, she had a right to be scared of any guy who yelled. Afterall she was only one and didn't know how to tell rage from ranting. The only thing she did was clutch Raffi the giraffe to her chest. 

"Harry--" He cut me off. Arse. "Don't even try. Don't even try and make up an excuse. I can't believe you let her in your flat Gemma! After what she did; all she put our family through! She deserves to rott in Hell for all the pain she caused us!"

His words hurt. They stabbed my heart like a dagger. He had never said anything of that level of hatred toward me. Sure what I did wasn't okay, but that didn't give him the right to say those things. To tell someone they deserve to rott in Hell was never okay. You just didn't tell people that. And you didn't say that in front of a child either, whether they understood or not. Standing up, I gathered Presley's toys and our bags then scooped her up in my arms. 

"I'll just go," I mumbled. "Sorry to intrude Gems."

She held out her hand. "You. Sit." I immediatley sat down, doing as I was told. She may have been only two years older then me, but I still listened to her. She babysat me when I was younger, so it was normal for me to do as I was told without having to be told twice. Now she turned to glare up at her younger brother. "You, you little twit, you don't talk to her like that. She's your cousin, practically your sister, and you tell her to rott in Hell? I don't fucking think so Harry," she spat. "So you can either apologize and get over yourself or get out of my flat and don't come back."

He gaped at her. "You're choosing her over me?! Your own brother?!"

She simply nodded. "Take your pick." His green eyes moved from his sister to myself for a few seconds before he mumbled something and stomped off, slamming the door behind him. 

"I'm sorry, Gems, I don't want to cause any fights between you and Harry," I spoke softly. "I'll just go find somewhere else to stay."

She shook her head. "You sit your little bum down and relax. Harry can get over himself and get that pole out of his arse." She spoke with authority making me do as I was told. "Now, let's get you and Miss Presley some tea and you can tell me what you did these last two years."

Gemma was my best friend. And I knew I could tell her anything. So I hoped when I unloaded everything on her she didn't become a murderous little person and try to fly to California and kill him. Believe it or not, she was an evil person on the inside.


Car horns honking woke me up from my slumber. I rolled over to see Presley waking up also. Her curly hair looked shockingly decent and her pjs were all bunched up, showing off her tummy. I tickled her stomach making her burst out into a fit of giggles. After that I sat up, pulled my shirt that was two sizes too small down and pulled my hair into a messy bun on top of my head. 

"Wanna go get some breakfast babygirl?" She jumped at my words and held her arms out to me, pink cast and all. I slipped my feet in my UGG boots and perched my glasses on my nose. Without them, I was blind as a bat.

"How does porridge sound?" I asked. She nodded her head frantically. I chuckled and placed her on the floor. Please have some porridge Gemma. Looking through the cubbards, I found a brand new box of it. Thank you Jesus. As I poured one packet in one bowl and two into another, I turned the faucet on hot. I then put a little water in both and stirred them. I happened to glance at the fridge to see a note on the small dry erase board hanging on it. 

Had to go to work. If you need anything go to Mrs. Jenkins down the hall in 4A. -Gemma

"Here you are babygirl." The bowl was placed in front of her with a spoon. She looked at it for a minute before looking up at me. "Sugie." Sugie. Her way of saying sugar. I put a spoonful of sugar on both of ours and sat down beside her, starting to eat. 

As soon as we started eating, the front door burst open. It sounded like a stampede of rhinos were going through here. But alas, it wasn't rhinos, it was my cousin who thinks I need to rott in Hell and a few other people. I ignored them and continued eating.

"Gemma? You home?" Harry called out. Presley looked at me with a mouthful of food and said, "Mummy, scawy boy." 

It was weird how she knew it was Harry just by his voice. She was almost one and a half and she knew who he was just by the sound of his voice. It blew my mind. She was a smart little cookie. I nodded my head and said, "Just ignore him and eat your breakfast, babygirl." 

At the sound of my voice the footsteps headed toward the kitchen. Oh great. Just what I wanted; to see Harry and other people. Note the sarcasm. They all filed in the kitchen and stared at us. Harry wasn't staring, he was glaring more then anything.

"You're still here?" He spat. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah I am. What does it matter?" 

That emitted a scoff from him. "I figured you would have ran off with that prick you call a boyfriend and forgot all about everyone else." 

He sure knew how to ruin someones morning. And with just a few words. And knows how to make it awkward for the other people in the room who know nothing about what's going on. "Don't start this in front of Presley and those lads," I pleaded. "They don't need to hear it. I don't need to hear it." 

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. Before he could say anything one of the lads with brown eyes and a buzzed head stepped forward, holding out his hand. "Hi, I'm Liam one of Harry's best mates," he introduced. 

I shook his hand. "I'm Lennon." I paused, thinking about what I should introduce myself as. "A friend of Gemma's." 

"Nice to meet you Lennon," Liam spoke. I smiled at him. At least he was nice to me. "I'm Zayn." Boy was his accent thick. 

"I'm Niall." Irish, that one. 

"I'm Louis. Your mum and dad must have loved the Beatles to name you after one of them," Louis commented. I chuckled. I always got that. "My dad did. Um, it was nice meeting you lot, but I--" Niall cut me off. 

"We're going to go hang out at Harry's flat while he watches Lux. You should come." The way Harry looked at Niall made me want to cry. He had a look on his face that screamed he didn't want me anywhere near him or his flat. 

Having him treat me the way he was made me regret ever coming here. I shouldn't have ever text Gemma and asked for Harry's address or number. I was stupid to think after two years of not speaking we could go back to normal. Thinking back, I remember plain as day how angry he was when I left. I remember all the voicemails, texts, emails, and Facebook messages he left me. At first they were angry, then they were pleading, then they went back to angry. I turned my back on my family. They probably thought I was dead. James made me cut off all contact with them once we got in America, and I listened. I didn't know any better. I was only sixteen. I thought I loved him and he loved me, but I was wrong. And now here I was trying to go back to normal like nothing had ever happened. 

Harry and I's relationship would never be the same. He was a stubborn person as am I. We could never 100 percent go back to being like twins. I wouldn't be able to tell him everything like I used to. We wouldn't be able to hang out and watch movies while we pigged out on every junk food imaginable. We wouldn't be as close and that made me want to cry even more. 

"Thanks but no thanks. I've got to take a train to Holmes Chapel later today." My voice cracked all over the place making them look at me with furrowed brows. If they only knew.