Please Understand This
we used to talk about religion
I know we used to talk about religion, well, you talked about it a lot. I avoided the subject.
I grew up in a Christian house hold and I was taught Christian teachings, but we were never very religious in our attendance of church. I moved to so many places and saw so many cultures that in the end my religion had many gaps and holes, and those holes were filled with the teachings of a varied bunch of religions and cultures.
So when I began to attend a Christian University and had to go to chapel and things of the sort, I was relived. I thought that finally I could embrace the religion that had eluded me all of my life, but instead it did the opposite. I stepped farther and farther away from the light that was “God’s Love”.
I think that’s why I couldn’t believe.
I couldn’t understand how I was expected to believe that there is this God, this omnipotent God who loved me. That He loved me so much more than anything, that His love was more than life and money and happiness. His love would save me and all I needed to do was embrace this never ending love and I could have it.
How was I expected to embrace this love when I did not know love?
What could possibly exist, what was so powerful that it was more than life?
And it killed me to stop believing, it really did. I was so jealous, and maybe even a little hateful of all of the people around me that believed so fiercely. All of these people believed and accepted and passed forward this love and this blind faith. These people loved this God and they wanted you to love Him back and feel His love too. They wanted everyone to feel their faith, and is that really such a bad thing?
Why could I not have that too?
But I’m a weak person with weak morals and weak faith and I don’t know why you keep coming to see me.
I hope you understand.
-Jenna
I grew up in a Christian house hold and I was taught Christian teachings, but we were never very religious in our attendance of church. I moved to so many places and saw so many cultures that in the end my religion had many gaps and holes, and those holes were filled with the teachings of a varied bunch of religions and cultures.
So when I began to attend a Christian University and had to go to chapel and things of the sort, I was relived. I thought that finally I could embrace the religion that had eluded me all of my life, but instead it did the opposite. I stepped farther and farther away from the light that was “God’s Love”.
I think that’s why I couldn’t believe.
I couldn’t understand how I was expected to believe that there is this God, this omnipotent God who loved me. That He loved me so much more than anything, that His love was more than life and money and happiness. His love would save me and all I needed to do was embrace this never ending love and I could have it.
How was I expected to embrace this love when I did not know love?
What could possibly exist, what was so powerful that it was more than life?
And it killed me to stop believing, it really did. I was so jealous, and maybe even a little hateful of all of the people around me that believed so fiercely. All of these people believed and accepted and passed forward this love and this blind faith. These people loved this God and they wanted you to love Him back and feel His love too. They wanted everyone to feel their faith, and is that really such a bad thing?
Why could I not have that too?
But I’m a weak person with weak morals and weak faith and I don’t know why you keep coming to see me.
I hope you understand.
-Jenna