If We Could Only Turn Back Time

Guilt. Something that can tear even the best of us apart. That can rip us into shreds. Some people deal with it different ways. Some people better than others. Some people simply shrug it of in a day or so. Forget it like it was nothing. And I envy them. Because like a lot of people guilt stays with you for life. A split second decision can make a permanent black hole in your life. And things have started to build up inside of me and something has just snapped. It's like the monster inside of me controls me now. The emptiness and loneliness gets too much. And no matter how hard I try and keep it together, the smile is always fake. The laugh is never real. I haven't felt physically happy in years. All I feel now is a constant numbness. I can't even remember what love or life feels like. All the life has been sucked out of me. It was killed. Along with her.