Louie.

I didn't feel anything, my heart was weightless and my mind was empty. I had no desire for food. I only wanted to lay in my comfortable blankets. I wanted to have a lazy morning, but you know, we don't always get what we want.

Because sometimes when you open your eyes, you find a hipster-sweater-addicted-boy-with-a-bright-green-cast-on-one-leg in your doorway. Just staring at you. Just standing there and watching at you.

I rubbed my eyes a couple times to see if I was dreaming, but Rockwell really was being a creep and looking at me from my doorway. His reddened cheeks even proved it.

"What do you want" I asked, my voice groggy. Rockwell's face reddened more and his eyes widened, a hand moving to scratch the back of his neck.

"Ahem, uh, well, everyone left to get their physicals done, so. . . I'm kind of bored. . ." he trailed off.

I furrowed my eyebrows, vaguely remember them mentioning heading to the doctor's office at last nights dinner.

I didn't need to get my physical, my father made me get one a day after I moved in because "that bitch was too lazy to give a shit". But he was kind of right, my mom never bothered much with those sorts of things, or anything really.

"Cool story bro" I grumbled when I realized I hadn't replied and rolled over towards the wall.

"Don't be a fucking ass" I heard him plop into the swivel chair and roll towards my bed.

"I don't know you" I stated.

Rockwell just huffed, "Yeah, you know, that's why this shit is happening right now. Two bros have to hang out. Sometimes hanging around your damn sister, I start to feel like a girl myself."

I turned my head back to him not believing the words come out of his mouth. I wasn't use to hearing him talk to me. His brown eyes stare at me.

"We're going watch shows downstairs" he states, those damn eyes of his looking into mine.

Somehow I say, "Okay."

~

At first I felt super awkward and tense, anxiety was forming a tight ball in my stomach. I didn't know what to say or do when I was sitting on the other side of the couch from Rockwell. He had flicked through the channels effortlessly and picked something for us to watch.

It was a famous skate board rider who hosted show that played horrible crash videos, or videos of people doing stupid things.

Rockwell was engrossed by it while I was internally struggling.

How am I suppose to act?

What am I suppose to say?

I tried to remember how I use to be around my friends: I use to just relax and let things be.

So I tried doing that, and it seemed to work because pretty soon we're laughing and cringing together at the videos. I stop worrying over all my actions and I can feel myself relaxing into the couch again. And it feels nice, I start to feel how I use to feel around my friends.

I'm getting more comfortable until the door opens and everyone's back. Rockwell and Lorraine's mom start talking and my step-sister's greet him. They all talk to him effortlessly and he responds the same way. but no one says anything to me.

They all act like I'm not there and I can feel my muscles tensing up. A pit starts to form in my stomach.

I start to feel less normal, even when they all scatter to do their own thing and it's only Rockwell and I again.

My eyes are trained on my lap when I start to feel it.

At first I don't realize what it is, but a shiver crawls up my back and I whip my head to the side.

He's staring at me again, Rockwell is staring at me the same way he was when he was first in my room. Those fucking eyes of his feel like their trying to pry into my mind and soul.

I can see the question forming in his head, Are you okay?

No.

I'm not.

I get up and head back up to my room.