What Happened to You, Me, and Us?

The following weeks we continued to take things slow and even went on dates. We were getting close to the way were. I longed for the past. I remember when Zack had first broken my heart and I didn't care about him. Matt had fully occupied my heart and I wanted that mindset again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Zack out of my mind. I hadn't been in contact with him since that day Matt and I got back together, and maybe it was for the best. We obviously weren't meant to be...but I wanted us to work so, so bad. I dreamed of him.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room when I felt two cold hands on my shoulders. I tilted my head back to see Matt looking down at me.

"Do you have every thing?"

"Yes, babe. I'm only going to be gone for a few days."

"I know, Matt but you're going to Italy! This is great for you."

As a way to branch out on his own, Matt had began designing bow ties and small accessories. Some clothing company in Italy wanted his help for a fashion show and said they would advertise his brand.

"I can't believe this is happening. I didn't think these bow ties would actually become a trend."

"I'm going to be so bored while you're gone!"

He leaned down and kissed my lips and gave me a disheartening smile. I knew deep in the back of his mind he feared that I'd get in touch with his brother.

"Well, we better get going before you miss your flight, honey."

I bookmarked a page in my book and stood up to grab my keys. I honestly had no clue what I'd do while Matt was gone.

We parked and I walked with him into LAX and waited with him until it was his time to board his plane. I was walking through the port to leave when I heard my name called.

"Lo! Lo! Over here!"

It was my cousin Brian and his band mates, shuffling through the crowed airport. They must have just gotten home for a tour.

"Hey! You guys coming back from?"

I hugged them all and completely avoided Zack as if he had the plague. I didn't even make eye contact with him.

"We had that 2 day music fest in Texas. How've you been? Better yet, what are you doing here?" Matt gave me a smirk as if he thought I was purposely there to greet them.

"Dropping Matt off. He's in Italy for a few days."

"Oh...yeah. He has some fashion stuff." Zack spoke up but his eyes still made no contact with mine.

"You guys need a ride?"

"Like all of us would fit into your little Lexus with all this shit." Brian said as he held his bags up.

"Oh, I got a new ride. The Lexus was having problems so I traded it in for a Land Rover LR4."

"Well, show us to this chariot." Johnny picked his bags up and trailed towards the exit.

We got to the Rover and packed their bags into the trunk. Brian sat up front with me as the other crammed in the back seat.

"Things would be so much easier if you'd let Johnny sit on your lap, Matt."

Matt rolled his eyes at me and swatted the air.

"So Brian, your house is up first!"

One by one, I dropped them off in order of who's house came up next...and I wish I hadn't. It had slipped my mind that Zack's house would be the last stop.

"Do you mind if I sit up front?" Zack said as Matt jumped out of the passenger's side. I glanced up at my mirror and shot him a look. He took the glance as a yes and before I knew it he was sitting beside me.

"So, uh, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while..."

I ignored him for a few seconds before answering. After all, it would be a 25 minute drive from Matt's house to Zack's.

"I've been fine."

"How's Matt?"

"Shouldn't you know? It's your brother."

Zack huffed and said something under his breath.

"Are you going to hate me forever, Lauren?"

"I only slightly hate you. You're just irrelevant to my life now."

"Shit." He looked out the passenger's side window. "Well, fuck me. Damn."

"Ugh, I didn't mean it that harshly."

"I know this is going to sound fucked up. Especially from me. But I do love you, Lauren. You know that! You have to know that somewhere."

"Oh my God. I'm so done with this. Just shut up and let me take you home. Jesus Christ, Zack." I rolled my eyes and turned the volume up on the radio.

We drove with no noise but the radio and traffic. I finally pulled up into his long driveway only to see Gena sitting on a chair in the front yard with the dogs, waiting.

"Thanks, Lo. I want to meet up sometime this week. We can go somewhere in public if it makes you feel less awkward."

He robotically moved towards my body and hugged me.

"Go home to your wife, Zack."

His lips formed a frown and he got out from the passenger side and grabbed his bags. As I slowly backed out the driveway I saw him slightly reject Gena's welcome home hug. I grinned a satisfied smirk and drove home.

************

Over the next few days, I had more texts from Zack than I did from my own boyfriend. I ignored all of them until I had, had enough. I texted Zack back and agreed to meet him at the beach house where we had vacationed before...alone. I don't know why I said yes.

I drove and drove and thought. I finally pulled up to the house and walked in with out knocking. After all, this used to be OUR beach house.

"Zack? Where are you?"

"I'm in the kitchen."

I walked in, to see him mixing two Mojitos. My favorite drink. He still remembered it.

"Lets go sit on the deck." He handed me my drink and I followed him out to the deck and took a seat.

"This is so stupid."

"I know. But I had to see you, Lauren."

"Why?"

"A lot of shit has gone down."

He took a sip from his drink and pulled out a cigarette.

"Like?"

"I don't know where to even start but I'll start with Ge. She had cancer."

"WHAT? Oh my God. I'm really sorry..."

"No, no she's fine now. It was a mild skin cancer. It could have been worse but we caught it and removed it in perfect timing. We tried to keep it on the DL so everyone wouldn't freak out."

"I'm not trying to sound heartless but what does this have to do with you seeing me."

"The whole time my wife was sick. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I never stop thinking about you and I'm an asshole for it. It's not fair to Gena."

"There you go doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Bringing in how shit isn't fair to Gena. What the fuck about me?"

Zack picked the straw out of his drink and took a big gulp.

"You played me that night you stayed over with me at Brian's. You made me look and feel stupid. What about how that wasn't fair to me?"

He knew my ways, and gentely placed his hand on top of mine.

"Don't leave! You're right and I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you."

"How? How are you going to go about doing that?"

"Stay here tonight with me...we'll just talk. I won't get fresh with you or anything."

"Are you kidding me?"

He stared me down and shook his head 'no,' letting me know that his was serious.

"I'm being legit. Stay here, with me tonight."

"What about your wife?"

"She'll be fine. Just stay here."

"She'll be fine? What kind of excuse are you going to make up when she wonders why you aren't at home?"

"I've got it under control. Don't worry." He took another gulp, finishing his drink and burned out his cigarette. "So?"

"So, no. NO, Zack."

"Come on, please." He looked at me with those green eyes and I knew I couldn't stay stand-offish much longer.

"Okay but on one condition."

"Yes?"

"We sleep in separate beds in separate rooms."

He hesitated before speaking but nodded his head.

"I'll go make us another drink. I have some t-shirts here if you want to get comfortable."

"Don't push it, Zack."

He smirked and walked inside. When he came back out he had a bottle of Bourbon and some mixers.

"So tell me everything."

"Everything?"

"I'm an asshole. I need you to let me know how I've treated you. Every emotion I've caused you to feel. I need to know how I've hurt you. I deserve to feel more guilty than I already do."

"Oh...okay, Dr. Baker. Take notes."