What Happened to You, Me, and Us?

As the night progressed, we continued to talk and drink. By midnight, we had moved from the deck on to a towel in the sand, with our bottles. The cool ocean breeze swept through my hair and danced on my skin.

Zack unscrewed the top of a bottle of Jack Daniels, and offered me the first sip.

"So, out of the hours of conversing, you still have yet to answer my question."

"And what am I not answering, Zack?" I was sipping on the bottle and giggling to avoid how awkwardly drunk I felt.

"How you feel....specifically pertaining to us..."

"Ugh, seriously? Maybe I haven't answer it because I don't want to..."

"Come on, if you answer it, then I'll answer it honestly and any other question that you have."

I took a deep gulp from the bottle and passed it off to Zack.

"I'm going to regret saying this."

He shook his head at me and smiled.

"Just talk to me. We've talked about worse."

"Okay. I'm not over you. I don't think I can be, honestly. I feel like we have unfinished business. I truly believe that."

He smirked a little and shook his head the same as he had before.

"What?"

"Lauren, stop beating around the bush. It's me. I know when you're half assing shit."

"I kind of feel like we're suppose to go through all this shit to find out that we're suppose to be together. Now, you tell me."

He took a swig from the bottle and then nestled it, safely, into the sand.

"I'm not over you. I could never, ever be over you, Lo. I'm not happy being married. It has it's good times but none of them are good enough to make me happy. I will admit that everything I say or do towards you is hypocritical but I can't help it. I think of you every day and I need those thoughts of you to give me some sort of peace of mind. I just can't leave Ge right now. Especially after all this stressful shit she's gone through. As a woman, I hope that you could understand that."

I felt a chill from the cool breeze strike the side of my face, causing my teeth to chatter. Zack placed an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.

"I don't mean to fuck you up like this. I don't mean to do this to myself either. But we do have unfinished business."

I nodded and buried my head onto his chest.

"Maybe we should go inside, it's getting a little bit chilly."

I stood up and gathered the bottles as he shook the sand from the towel. He grabbed some blankets and we got cozy on the coach and looked up at the stars. That was one of my favorite things about the beach house. It had a beautiful glass ceiling and it was amazing to star gaze at night but also be in the warmness of a home.

"Do you remember when we would do this everynight we were here before bed?"

He kissed the side of my head and nodded.

"How could I forget? Moments with you were some of the happiest times."

My lips formed a frown and I grew quiet.

"What did I say wrong?"

"Nothing. I just hate you for this."

"For what?"

"Making me fall in love with you when we both know that we can't act on it."

"Can we break that 'one condition' rule?" His hand brushed the top of his head and his other arm held me close. "Can we stay together in the same bed? I want you in my arms."

I was feeling all the consumption of alcohol but I was fully aware of our actions. This next part of our past was probably what I was secretly hoping for when he asked me to meet him there. I wanted to fall asleep by him everything night.

We made our way to the bedroom and got comfortable in bed. I had gave in and had gotten dressed into one of his old t-shirts.

Our faces were close as we layed in the warm bed and I could feel his breath on my lips. We kissed.

"I love you so much, Lauren. I'm not going to bitch out on you tonight like I did that night at Brian's. I want you no matter what the consequences are."

"You just drunk, Zack."

"Drunk. Sober. I don't care. I feel this way 24/7 about you. Can we just share this one night?"

"Just hold me, Zack."

I heard him let out a sigh and pull me close. He kissed my forehead and then my nose.

"Tomorrow night, I'm going to talk to Gena about separating."

"No, you're not. She needs you, Zack. You just said earlier that now is not the right time to leave her."

"And I need you. I'm going to talk...Well tell her that we need to separate. I know what I said earlier and I meant it then but the more I'm around you the more I want this."

It was dark and comfortable. I didn't know if I could believe him. Would he really separate from her or was it just something to say in hopes of sex with me?

"I know what you're thinking. Stop thinking that. I love you." His fingers were stroking my back. "I'm so serious about this. This isn't random liquid courage. I need to stop finding excuses to stay in that marriage."

I held my index finger to his lips and made a shushing sound.

"Well, until I see actions...I just want to spend as much time in your arms tonight...because it might not happen again."

He opened his mouth as if to say something but spoke no words.

"What will you do about Matt when I'm separated from Gena?"

"You're really serious about this, Zacky?"

"Dead fucking serious."

"I don't know. I don't know what I'll do about him."

"He wouldn't be able to take it. I know my brother's thought process."

"So, what are you suggesting I do about him, then?"

"I don't know. We'll just have to figure it out after we see how me bringing the separation up to Gena goes."

I nodded quickly. I had soon began to drift off into a deep, content sleep with my future husband's arms around me.

What a perfect way to die.