What Happened to You, Me, and Us?

***ZACK'S POV***

I woke up the morning after our late night conversation, feeling odd. I loved her and I was still madly in love with her. I'll admit, I invited them over strictly to change her mind about marrying my brother. I was hoping our conversation the night before would've ended a different way, instead of going south. She was my heart, my soul, my Lauren.

Light of my life.

I loved her unlike any other. Don't get me wrong, Gena was obviously a love of mine. I married her and gave her my last name but she was nothing like my Lauren. Lauren had my heart and my mind at all times. Even when I'd be having intimate moments with my wife, I still thought of my Lauren.

Fire of my loins.

I wanted to be in her again, taste her, breathe her, and keep her. I let her slip through my hands once and I never let my heart forgive me for it. It was a mistake. The night I called her, while on tour, and broke her heart, was the night I regretted the most. If I had stayed with her, if she had been patient with my touring, she would definitely be my wife by now. Not Gena.

The night of our conversation, I wanted to look her deeply in the eyes and place the most passionate kiss on her lips, that she had ever felt in her whole 21 years of living. I was love sick. What I had with my wife was true...Well, true for her. What I had for Laurz, was pure, deep, and undying.

Lauren was my sin. I would do anything for her, even infidelity. Lauren was my soul. My first true, pure, and only love.

**************

Back to waking up that morning. I had gotten into an argument with Gena about children. She wanted to be not only my wife, but the mother of my children. Honestly, she should've been lucky enough to have that god damn wedding ring around her frail, little finger.

"Zack. I want to be a mother. I just keep thinking about how lucky Matt and Lauren are. They are going to share something more than marriage. They're going to be parents. I want that with you! Don't you want that? Don't you want that with me?"

Half way through the middle of her sentence, the woman was in tears and clinging to my thick arm.

"Gena, I'm not in a good mood." I said, tiredly, as I held a hand in the air.

"When are you ever in a good mood? You never want to talk about legit shit with me anymore."

"What the fuck? Dude...Gena, will you just cut it the fuck out? Hop of my fucking dick!" I was half-shouting at her, but judging by the pools of foundation and tears smearing on her face, you'd think that I had spit on her and kicked her down a flight of stairs.

"Who are you? You don't fucking want this. Why the fuck did you ask me to be your fucking wife, Zack? You know I want kids, and I want kids with YOU!"

"Shut up right now. I don't feel like talking about this shit. I don't want kids and I'm not ready right now. If you can't get down with that then maybe you aren't cut out for my last name."

I pointed my finger at her face and looked at her hard.

"Get out. Get the fuck out and go cry somewhere else. We aren't having kids. Get over it. Now go."

With that said, she quickly left my sight.

I jumped in the shower and tried to wash away my feeling of annoyance. I honestly did not want her to be the mother of my kids. My heart just wasn't that all the way with her. It's fucked up, I know. Like how the fuck could I do that to a woman? Marry her when my heart wasn't fully with her...

I got out of the shower and allowed the warm water to just drip off my body. I didn't care to dry off. I got dressed and as I was walking out the door, I saw Laurz sitting on the steps with an unlit cigarette between her beautiful, plush lips. I pulled my lighter out and lit her cigarette.

"So when are we going to finish talking?"

She didn't even look at me. She just stared straight ahead as if she was deeply into thought. She wasn't pleased with me. She hated me.

Lauren said some shit about how I need to basically focus more on my marriage, and it stung my heart. She was beautiful. Every fucking inch of skin on her body was. Her silky, long black hair, her beautiful light brown eyes. And her scent was enough to send my heart racing. I remember one time, Gena and I were at a mall and she just had to stop in a Macy's and look at perfume. The bottle she picked up looked familiar and smelled even more familiar. It was the same perfume Lauren wore. Sweet smelling. I made her get it, just for my on stupid, nostalgic reasons. And as I stood next to Lauren, she still carried that same, sickly sweet, scent on her body. I loved it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my idiot brother, that I envied, walking towards us. I quickly pulled the cigarette out of her mouth. I knew that if he saw her smoking, when she was supposedly pregnant, it could make him pissed and her upset. I don't know why I was helping her protect her lie. If anything I should have exposed her. Let him know she was lying about the baby. I wanted his heart to break like mine did when I saw them together.

I knew deep in the back of my mind, in the tiniest corner of my heart, and in the thickest part of my bones that Matt stole her from me because it was his chance to finally have it all. I do believe, however, that he really did love her...And he better have. I also knew that I would eventually ruin my marriage if I stayed near her much longer.

Part of me thanked the gods above when Matt wanted to leave early while the other part of me filled with despair. I was determined to finish that conversation with her. If she was ever going to become a Baker, it would be through me and not my brother.