What Happened to You, Me, and Us?

I decided to shoot my cousin a text, and let him know that I was on my way to his house. I had no where to go and Brian was my only family I had that lived in California. I pulled into his half circle driveway and he was already outside waiting for me with his dog, Pinkly.

"Miss lady!" Brian placed Pinkly on the ground and walked towards me with an eyebrow up. "Whoa. Why are you crying? What the fuck happened?"

"Brian, I fucked everything up so bad. So fucking bad."

Brian pulled me into his strong, tattooed arms and began cooing me.

"Lauren, just calm down and I'll make us some coffee and you can tell me all about it."

"You're going to hate me."

"Hush! I could never hate you! You're my baby cousin. I'm always here to listen and protect you. I love you, cuz!"

He released me from his arms and placed a hand on my back. He, then, picked one of my bags up and ushered me into the house.

I loved Brian's house. He had pictures of our family everywhere, posters, a lot of art, and beautiful furniture. My cousin and his wife had great taste when it came to decorating.

He had a sofa in his living that was shaped like a coffin. I sat down as he walked toward me with two cups of coffee, and took a seat beside me.

"Okay. Tell me everything." He was looking at the side of my face intensely as his hands cupped the coffee mug.

"Well, let me start off with saying that I'm not pregnant. I lied about it."

He said nothing right away, just chuckled and slide his hand over his face.

"I know. Lauren, I've known you since, well, forever. We're family. I know when you lie and I know when you feel uncomfortable. You were obviously uncomfortable that day everyone was over at the beach house."

He knew me so well. I could never keep anything from him and he was right, he always knew when I was uncomfortable.

"So what else is going on? You know I won't judge you."

"Well, Matt found my birth control and freaked the fuck out. He even spit in my face."

"He fucking spit in your face! Did he fucking hit you? Tell the fucking truth!"

Brian had now set the mug on the coffee table and was rubbing his balled up fist on his jeans, causing his knuckles to crack.

"No. No, he would never hit me. You know that's not him. He has every right to be upset with me. I broke his heart. And he broke off the engagement. He told me he couldn't sleep next to a liar or love one."

"You lied about something major but I think he's being a little too dramatic. Everyone lies. Everyone. He's probably lied a few times to you, honestly.

I was chipping the red nail polish off of my acrylic nails. Brian was right. Everyone has their lies and secrets.

"Brian. I lost my fiance. And I have no where to live right now."

"You have money, Lauren. You can stay here for as long as you need and there's a small house around the corner that's for rent."

"I feel stupid. None of this would have happened..."

"Happened if? What are you not telling me?"

"While we were at the beach house, things were awkward between Zack and I..."

"What do you mean? You guys are history. He's married now. It's not like you guys haven't seen each other since the break up. How could it be awkward?"

"He told me the only reason he invited us over was so that he could see me. And one night, I snuck out to the beach to talk to him."

"Uh. What's there to talk about? He's a married fucking man."

"We talked about us and I still love him. I love him so much."

I finally said it out loud to someone. I was still madly in love with Zack. I had tears streaming down my face. Brian was right, that was a married fucking man. A married man that I should not be thinking about. Our circle of friends was just too close for any major drama.

"Jesus Christ, Lauren. I love you to death but do NOT fuck his marriage up. You were raised better. You aren't a fucking home wrecker so don't try to be one."

"I told him that he needed to focus more on his marriage. I'm not trying to break them up. Gena really loves him but so do I."

"Lauren, you got to stay away from him until you get your head straight. I told you from the start that you should've never started dating Matt. Even if Zack and Gena were to ever divorce, he'd probably never get back with you, simply because you were with his brother. You know Zack doesn't play that shit."

"I can't promise that I'll stay away from him. Does he...ever ask about me?"

"No."

When he said, 'No,' a little part of myself grew cold. Zack was over me. I just wish I knew what the fuck his deal was at the beach house.

"Hey, Lauren, don't cry over this. It'll pass and clear out. But I've got to get to the studio. Feel free to make yourself at home. Michelle will be off work before I get back. Maybe you need some girl talk."

He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I was left in the house alone. Only with the company of my clouded mind.

********

I feel asleep on the couch and woke up to Michelle tapping me on the shoulder.

"Laurz!" I sat up and rubbed my make up smeared eyes. "Brian told me what went down this morning. I don't think you should listen to him. He's just trying to protect you and Zack."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't tell him I'm telling you this but it's obviously that Zack still loves you. I mean the look in his eyes when Matt made the pregnancy announcement, was nothing but heart break. Brian is just scared that Zack is going to leave Ge for you. You know how Brian feels about divorce."

"I asked Brian if Zack ever asked about me and he flat out said no."

"Gena told me last night on the phone that you intimidated her. She said she felt like she was constantly in your shadow. So if you ask me, it sounds like Zack talks about you all the time...And even to Gena."

"I think later I'm going to invite everyone over for drinks and a movie! I'll make sure Mr. Matthew Baker doesn't get an invite. I can't believe he fucking spit on you. If Val or I see him, he's a dead man."

"What about Zack and Gena?"

"You know I HAVE to invite them. Zack would get major butt hurt if he knew everyone got together without him."

I laughed a little and nodded.

"Brian is going to have Zack and I 100% separated from each other the whole night, you know..."

"Well, because you're one of my best friends...If you need to talk to Zack tonight, I'll help you out. I have my way with Brian. It's that scary, pmsing wife power!" Michelle held her fingers out, in devil's horn formation, and stuck her tongue out.

Looks like tonight is going to be beyond awkward. At least Matt won't be there, therefore I won't have to fear blurting out another lie.