All That We Could Be

Chapter Ten

By the time Fallon came home, it was 2:30 in the morning. She had to stop at the gas station on her way home. She knew going to school tomorrow would be risky on an almost empty tank. Although it had been risky to do the race course in the first place.

Fallon noticed that still there was no mob awaiting her. So she parked and walked as slowly as she could to the door. She opened and closed the door as quietly as she could. Cheryl wouldn’t be too happy if she knew what Fallon had been up to.

Fallon saw that the hall light had been left on. Cheryl had known she wasn’t home. Fallon wondered if Cheryl was still up.

“Where were you, Fallon?” Cheryl’s voice rang. Fallon turned to see her friend standing on the stairs. “Out…” said Fallon, trying to avoid the conversation that might follow. “I already know that. Daniel called to tell me you were upset and had decided to walk home.” Cheryl said, her tone voiced her disapproval.

Fallon stood there stunned for a minute. Why would Daniel call to tell Cheryl anything. After all he had decided to break up. She was no longer his responsibility. “So Daniel called?” Fallon asked, numb. “Yea, he did. He sounded upset.” Cheryl told her. “And did Daniel tell you why I was upset? Or did he conveniently leave that part out?” Fallon sniped. “No but I’m expecting that you are going to explain why you left upset. And you’re going to tell me where you were.” Cheryl said with a grim face.

Fallon mellowed slightly. She knew there was no point in being upset with Cheryl. It wasn’t Cheryl’s fault that Fallon was a pop star, or that because of her Daniel’s career was being affected. It wasn’t even Cheryl’s fault that Fallon had fallen for the soccer player, and then they had gotten mobbed by photographers, and so Daniel had decided to leave her.

Cheryl walked down the stairs. Fallon knew it was better to just tell her instead of making her more upset. It was just that Fallon didn’t want to go through the night’s events again. “Can’t we talk about this in the morning?” Fallon said, her voice sounded tired.

“No, I’ve been up all night because I had no idea where you had gone off to. I know that you went with Daniel. Daniel calls to tell me you would be walking home. Then I come home and your car is gone. You didn’t even pick up my calls. So you’re going to tell me what’s happened right now.” Cheryl’s anger flared.

Fallon could see why Cheryl was upset with her. It had been irresponsible of Fallon to have just shot off like that. Had Fallon come home directly from the park, Cheryl may have found her moping…or even worse in tears. At least Fallon had prevented Cheryl from finding her in tears. In tears because of a boy…because of Daniel. The entire time Fallon had been on the track, she had been pushing back tears and pain.

“Fine, let me just get something to drink. Go sit down and I’ll join you.” Fallon told Cheryl. As Cheryl left to go sit on the couch, Fallon shrugged out of her jacket. She went into the kitchen and decided on a bottle of Coca Cola. It would help keep her from spilling emotions for the next little while. She walked slowly to the couch and sat down.

Cheryl was waiting expectantly. “Do you want some?” Fallon offered, hoping for a little delay. “Nope. Now tell me what’s going on.” Cheryl said, fully knowing Fallon’s habit of delay.

“What is it that you want to know?” Fallon decided to ask; after all maybe she could get away from really telling Cheryl what had happened. “Well for starters, where have you been?” Cheryl asked. That was an easy question to answer, Fallon thought. “I was down at the race course. I lost track of time.” Fallon said, hoping that Cheryl would steer away from the subject of Daniel.

“Why wasn’t your phone on?” Cheryl asked, her voice sounded worried and angry. “I didn’t think anyone would call, and besides I wouldn’t have heard it ring anyway.” Fallon answered, knowing full well how stupid that sounded. “Why did you go to the track?” Cheryl asked, tactfully. “I felt like it, it was a nice night to go…and no one else was on it.” Fallon told her, fearing the questions that would be coming.

“Why didn’t you tell Daniel you were going?” Cheryl had begun to ask the questions that Fallon had wanted to avoid. “It wasn’t any of his concern.” Fallon answered vaguely. “Really? He said you were upset when you left.” Cheryl reiterated. “Did he by any chance tell you why I was upset?” Fallon could see where this was heading. “Nope, he had been in a hurry.” Cheryl said. “I see…” Fallon said quietly.

“Are you going to tell me why you were upset?” Cheryl asked, her voice sounded hurt. “Cheryl, why are you interrogating me?” Fallon asked, she didn’t want to talk about it. “Because knowing you, I know why you go to the track. I know you think that by speeding away you can out run your thoughts or feelings or even problems. So why don’t you make it easier for the both of us and just spit it out. Tell me why you were upset?” Cheryl told Fallon adamantly, Fallon could see that Cheryl really had gotten a better measure of her than even Fallon had of herself.

“Alright, fine…the reason I went to the track was to forget about Daniel.” Fallon stated bluntly. “What? Why?” Cheryl asked confused. Before Fallon answered, she took a sip of her Coke. Sure enough it helped subside the lump in her throat. “Because Daniel decided to break up with me.” Fallon said, trying to sound as thought it was a trivial fact. “Why would he do that?” Cheryl asked, at once all her anger seemed to have dissipate, she sounded concerned.

It took Fallon a minute to find the right words. It took her another minute to compose herself, the Coke was doing a good job with that. “He told me that he couldn’t take the paparazzi anymore, that I wasn’t good for him.” She told Cheryl, but her voice cracked. Fallon knew her resolve was about to break. Cheryl looked stunned. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” Cheryl asked.

Fallon had stood up, she knew it was easier to answer if she was busy doing something…even if it was pacing around the room. Her hand still holding the bottle of Coke. She tried to think up of an answer, but soon gave up. “I don’t know…maybe I thought if I didn’t say it…it wasn’t true…I don’t know…”

“Are you okay?” The question that Cheryl asked sounded trivial. Of course Fallon was okay, she was alive, breathing, and all of her organs were working. Even her Charger had come out of the race course unscathed. That wasn’t it though…for the first time Fallon could have sworn that her heart had been shred, or that it had fallen to pieces, broken in two. Some piece of her had decided to go AWOL. Like it had disappeared. A part of her was missing. So was she okay?

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Even to Fallon her voice sounded to normal. It was a forced normal. Cheryl got up, and gave Fallon a hug.
“I’m sorry about Daniel. I’m sure you’ll find someone better. For now, go on and go to sleep. I’ll wake you up, if you want to go to school.” Cheryl said. She let go of Fallon. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Sure I’ll go to school.” Fallon told her.

Cheryl asked Fallon if she needed anything. Fallon told her she would be fine, and that Cheryl should sleep while she had the chance. Cheryl left for her room, and turned off the lights in the hall. The house had become silent and dark, except for the light in the living room. Fallon was now alone with her thoughts.

She decided to go to her own room. Turning off the light in the living room, she headed for her own space. The bottle of Coke almost half empty, still in her hand. Fallon set it on the night table next to her bed. She put her phone on the night table too, after turning it back on. She could see how many times Cheryl had called. Daniel hadn’t bothered to check up on her. Which meant he really had meant every word of it.

Fallon went and changed out of her clothes and into her sleeping clothes. She didn’t want to think. It was maddening to avoid something which was hard to avoid. She turned off the light in her room.

Fallon slid underneath the blankets on her bed. Soon enough Fallon was back to sitting on her bed. There was no way she could sleep. She took the bottle of Coke, and drank some more. Tears had already started to well up in her eyes. She could still hear the words Daniel had said echoing in her mind. His face clearly pictured. The tears had started to fall down her face, before she could stop them. Still Fallon made no sound, and silently drank her beverage.

She had never felt this kind of pain before. It wasn’t something that was easily bearable. She thought of Daniel, and their times together. The tears started to fall at a faster rate. She was positive they could have gotten through the whole being mobbed aspect, but he hadn’t wanted to. Had Daniel even meant all the words he had said? Fallon had thought he had. She thought of all the sweet and funny things he had said to her. The tears wouldn’t stop. Silent sobs racked through her.

So this was it, she thought as she drained the bottle with tears still streaming down her face, this was all that we could be…