All That We Could Be

Chapter Thirty Five

It had been a precisely a week. None of her calls or messages had been returned. Feeling discarded, Fallon had tried to wait out the last week. It hadn’t worked. She called him, left messages…each sounding more desperate than the last. “You can’t just block me out like this Chris!” She had said loudly on his answering machine the last time she called. Frustrated with his lack of response, Fallon moped around the house when she wasn’t at rehearsals for the tour. Nowadays even Cheryl had been steering clear of her bad mood.

At first Cheryl had tried to be understanding about the ordeal, but when Fallon’s gloominess persisted, Cheryl decided to just let it takes its course. Fallon couldn’t even remember what Cheryl had been telling her throughout the week. All Fallon could remember was that it was important.

For the first two days Fallon would wake up early and clean the place, go to rehearsal, and then sulk on the couch watching ’30 Rock’ and ‘Gossip Girl’ re-runs. She had been sad at first, she felt bad for turning Christopher down. Once she realized he was just going to ignore her, the sadness had been converted to anger. It’s not my fault that I don’t feel the same…-Fallon had thought soon after.

Lately she had moved her unhappy mood to the garage…just because she was feeling dejected didn’t mean the whole atmosphere of the house had to feel the same…yet being in the garage wasn’t quite sulking…it was more along the lines of Fallon venting out her frustration. For the most part it helped Fallon, that was where she could be found if not happy at least she wasn’t miserable in the garage…it was after rehearsal she would return to the couch…

Fallon only went to the garage because she actually forgot why Christopher wasn’t responding to her. Today was not one of those days. “Of all people…why did he have to fall for me...” Fallon muttered under her breath. She was under the hood of her Charger again. Breaking her rule of not thinking about it, Fallon sat on the cement floor beside her car, leaning against the fender.

Today was ‘Oil Change Day’. Both Fallon and Cheryl’s car were in need of one. So Fallon had decided to do that today since Cheryl was home. The last few days she had spent cleaning out her car. It had gotten surprisingly dirty on the inside…not so surprisingly dirty on the exterior…considering her track addiction.

Her hands had been darkened by the oil, her torn pants and ragged shirt stained. Fallon was almost tempted to run her hand through her hair as she sat. “Why couldn’t he like someone who wasn’t so idiotic…and didn’t have feelings for some other guy…” She continued in frustration. The garage was empty, the door closed. At least no one could over hear her. Small comfort…-Fallon thought.

The first two days, Fallon had analyzed whether or not she had been leading him on. She hadn’t thought so, given the circumstances. Now she just sat there angry at him. She couldn’t blame him for not calling her back…but she did. I’m a blasted contradiction…-She thought.

Wiping her dirty hands with a rag, she continued to think over her own actions towards Christopher.

“Fallon!” Cheryl was calling her. Cheryl entered the garage to find Fallon staring at her blankly. “Yea?” Fallon said as she got up. “There’s phone call for you.” Cheryl said, the look of disdain was clearly set upon her face. Cheryl didn’t like the mess that came with working on cars. Before she could say something to Fallon, Fallon spoke. “At least you don’t have to pay someone to do this for you.” Cheryl rolled her eyes. “Yea, well at least then I wouldn’t have to see the mess they make.”

Fallon had to laugh…that was all Cheryl was worried about. Fallon got the sudden temptation to chase Cheryl with her greasy hands outstretched. She knew Cheryl would kill her. Fallon resisted the urge, though it helped raise her spirits.

Fallon went inside to answer the phone, after she had washed her hands. She couldn’t help but hope it was Christopher.

“Hello?” She said. “Hey kiddo, I just wanted to follow up on our little chat last week.” Fallon’s hope was dashed. It was Craig. “Refresh my memory…what about last week are you checking up on me for?” She asked in a little confusion. “You needed a male lead, and I told you to go ask the guys you raced with. So what happened? Did any of them agree?” He asked her.

Fallon gave a sad laugh. “Funny thing…I actually had Chris agree to do it…” She said. This was turning into a sad little joke on her. “Okay…so he’s agreed to it. That’s good…but why are you tell me you had him agree? What did you do?” Craig asked. Fallon could feel his narrowed eyes glaring at her through the phone. “What makes you think I did something wrong? I didn’t do anything…it’s him.” She answered dryly. “Okay what did he do? Although I must say that is a new one for me…” He told her. She could tell he was silently laughing at her. “It’s not funny. We were hanging out, you know dinner and stuff at the house. Then he went and said some stuff and yea…now he won’t return my calls.” Fallon told him with an exasperated sigh. Sudden understanding hit her. “Oh crap! That means I need to find another male lead. Craig! What am I going to do? The shoot is this weekend for the scenes with the guy.” Fallon said in alarm.

“Hold on before you start panicking…what did he say to you?” Craig asked. Why does he care?...- Fallon wondered. “Nothing…” Fallon avoided. “Right, that’s why he isn’t calling you back?” Craig told her. “It’s nothing, okay. Now tell me what to do about this problem. I need a male lead before Saturday.” She told him sharply. “Alright, calm down. I’ll see what I can do. In the mean time call up the other guys and ask them.” Craig told her. “Yea, right.” She told him, knowing full well she wouldn’t be doing that. “I’ll let you know if I come up with some one.” He told her. “And Fallon, play nice with Chris.” He told her with a chuckle. “I’m glad you find this funny…”She muttered, before ending the conversation.

As Fallon walked back to the garage, she walked past Cheryl. “Hold on Fallon.” Cheryl called her, from the kitchen. “Yea?” Fallon asked. “I just wanted to remind you…again. I’m leaving on Monday for my trip. I’ll be back in the first two weeks of July.” Cheryl told her. Fallon stood puzzled. “You’re going? Since when?” She asked. Cheryl sighed. “I’ve been telling you since last week. You were upset with Chris…and I’ve been telling you about five times each day. You finally seem to have caught on…a little late though.” Cheryl said. “Keith and I are going on vacation for a little while. We’re going to Spain and then Italy. He found us a little villa in Tuscany to stay at.” Cheryl told her. Fallon could see she was excited.

“Wow. That sounds beautiful.” Fallon said with a smile. I’m going to be alone here?...- she thought with dread. Alone…with my thoughts…-Fallon was not too happy for herself.

“Yea, it is. He showed me pictures of the place. It’s gorgeous. I’m sorry I’ll be missing your birthday though…and the single release…but I’ll probably get back when the tour starts. In the mean time I got Craig to make you a list of dates for your promotion of the single. Just so you don’t forget. It’ll give you the day, time, and place of where you’re performing and interviewing. You’ll be starting at Lively’s next week on Tuesday.” Cheryl told her, with a wise smile. “Thanks, I can’t believe how you always get this stuff done for me.” Fallon told her with embarrassment. “Yea well…that’s me.” Cheryl told her.

Fallon couldn’t help but feel guilty for her sulking and ignoring Cheryl. “I’m sorry…about everything…I must be a really bad house mate…constantly sulking…and the other stuff.” Fallon told her. “It’s okay…I understand…and don’t worry about it…I’m sure Chris will come around.” Cheryl said this in a sage way.

“I would hug you…but I’m sure you’d run from me screaming if I tried…” Fallon told her with a laugh. “You’re probably right…” Cheryl told her, joining in the laughter.

Soon Fallon returned to work on the cars. As she worked she thought about who she could approach for the role that Christopher had left vacant. By the time Fallon had finished working on the cars, she still hadn’t come up with anyone she could ask to help her.

Fallon had counted down the days to the video shoot. Craig had given her a few people to choose from. She hadn’t gotten back to him. None of them seemed like a good choice. Too bad asking Daniel isn’t an option…- Fallon thought. It was Friday…Cheryl was at work. The house was eerily quiet.

Fallon sat at her desk looking through the profiles of the guys Craig had asked her to choose from.

Fallon circled only one of the names. He looked smarter than the other guys, and wasn’t as built as the rest of them. He seemed normal. This guy would be her back up plan. Craig had never been one to give total control to Fallon. Fallon thought he had already arranged for someone to come and fill in the part. If she didn’t think he was right, then Fallon would ask Craig to call this one up…and hopefully he would come…

Saturday morning had arrived with the door bell ringing. Fallon woke up with a start. Who could be out there at this time?...-She thought. It was 7:45 am. Fallon was irritated. Soon enough it stopped. Apparently Cheryl had answered the door. Fallon lay back in her bed. Irritated by whoever it was. “Fallon, there’s someone at the door for you.” Cheryl called.

Fallon quickly tied up her hair, washed her face and brushed her teeth. By the time Cheryl came to check up on her, Fallon didn’t have time to change her clothes. She answered the door in her nightie and shorts. How elegant…-Fallon thought, Then again…which idiot do I know, comes to my house at this time?...

She quickly padded down the hallway and looked through the open door. She was ready to blast at the idiot who thought this was funny. As she realized who it was, her anger dissipated.

“Chris?” Fallon couldn’t believe her eyes. “What are you doing here?” She asked him. He was standing at the edge of the porch. His back was turned to her, his hands in his pocket.

Fallon became nervous when he didn’t respond. She bit her lip while she waited for him to react. When he didn’t, she started to turn back in to the house.

“I’m sorry Fallon.” Christopher said. He turned to face her. His green eyes reflected the hurt she had caused him. She didn’t know what to say. Fallon said nothing.

“I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It was wrong. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” He told her carefully. “It’s okay. I get it Chris.” She told him.

“Really?” He questioned her. She saw the doubt in his eyes. Yes, she understood his hurt. Had she not felt the same way when Daniel left her? The rejection…the pain…the anger and sorrow all mixed into one. “Yea I do. I understand how you feel. I’m sorry that it happened because of me.” She told him, honestly.

“Fallon…there’s just one thing.” He told her. He was looking at the ground. “Okay…what is it Chris?” She asked.

“Close your eyes.” Christopher told her. Fallon couldn’t help but look at him suspiciously. “Where is this going?” She asked him. She heard Christopher sigh. “Please…there’s just one thing I want to know for sure.” Fallon didn’t have much a choice.

Fallon closed her eyes. She heard Christopher’s footsteps near her. It was a few moments before she understood what his plan was. The brush of air against her face…confirmed her suspicions.

Christopher’s lips met hers. His hands on her shoulders firmly hold her in place. Fallon was taken aback…and slightly furious…as he let her go.

“I just wanted to know if you felt anything…” He told her, as she glared at him. “So you thought…what…just kiss her to check?” Fallon retorted. “I’d say sorry…but sadly I’m not.” He shot back. “Oh…I bet…” Fallon muttered under her breath.

“So did you feel anything?” He asked again. Fallon knew the answer the first time he had asked. “Chris…I want to say yes…for your sake…but honestly no…” She told him, there was no denying the truth. He would never be able to replace Daniel. She needed time to get over that…even though they’d been together for a little while…it had been all too new for her. It was as simple as that.

Fallon still didn’t understand why she felt this way. She had only known Daniel a short time…but it was she had known him all her life. Like he had a hold over her…a strong hold. Telling Christopher that she had feelings for him, would be lying; when all she wanted was a friend. It was unfortunate really, had she not met Daniel…maybe she would have said yes to Christopher.

“I understand.” Christopher told her. “I’m sorry Chris. It’s just that I really don’t want to make a mess of our friendship…although it looks like I already have. Besides I told you…it would never be fair to you if I agreed to this while still having feelings for another person.” She told him…trying to lessen the rejection.

“It’s okay.” He told her, sullenly. Fallon felt miserable. “I hope you don’t go AWOL on me again.” She told him, hoping that he would find it slightly funny. It worked. There was a little smile on his face. “I won’t. I didn’t mean to the first time.” He told her. He turned away from her again.

Fallon didn’t want him to leave like this. Fallon came up behind him and hugged him. “I don’t want you to be miserable because of me. I do love you Chris, but it’s because you’re my friend. I don’t want you to leave angry with me again.” She told him, leaning against his back. She heard him sigh. “I won’t leave like that again. I promise.” He said at last, giving in.

She released him. He sat on the steps. “So why did you come so early?” She asked. “I knew it would annoy you…” He grinned. “Har…har…” Fallon said to him sarcastically. “And because I promised I’d come for the video shoot…” He told her. “You don’t have to.” She said, it was clearly a big sacrifice on his part. He shouldn’t have to if he’s not up for it…-Fallon thought. “I promised you. A promise is a promise. I’m only as good as my word.” He told her solemnly.
He sat on the steps while she stood a little away from him. They were quiet for a moment. Before Fallon could say anything, Christopher spoke up.

“Shouldn’t you be ready to go to the video shoot by now?” He asked her, he sounded bemused. “Yea…” She realized a little late.

Christopher agreed to wait inside while Fallon got ready. Cheryl was making tea and breakfast. By the time Fallon joined them, it looked as though everything was going back to normal. Looks can be deceiving…-Fallon reminded herself. The three of them ate, with light conversation between them. Cheryl gave no hint that she knew what had been going on. Fallon appreciated this.

After eating, Christopher and Fallon left. Both driving in their separate cars. Fallon leading, while Christopher followed. While she drove to the studio, Fallon couldn’t help but hope that everything was going to be better between them.