All That We Could Be

Chapter Thirty Six

The week of her single release, Fallon had mistakenly hoped that things would be normal. With Cheryl gone, there was no one to buffer the awkwardness between Fallon and Christopher. Fallon had hoped he’d get over it…but even though he didn’t show his hurt…the feeling crackled between them. Fallon was at a loss on how to deal with the complications that had come with Christopher telling her his feelings.

Being a runner hadn’t helped Fallon one bit. She was never one to deal with her feelings when she could help it…her usual take had been to run from them. These days it seemed she would have to change that habit…and soon.

Even though Christopher had not been avoiding Fallon, she still felt as though he was going out of his way to be unavailable for her. Hoping that things were alright between them, Fallon would call and ask if he wanted to hang out or watch a movie…most of the time Christopher would tell her he had plans for the evening with his friends. The only time he had agreed to hang out with Fallon…had been too tell her something.

It had been Tuesday, two days before the single release. Christopher had finally agreed to eat dinner with Fallon. Fallon had been more than happy. She had been a little bit lonely since Cheryl had gone…even if it had only been a day…Fallon had gone out for dinner by her lonesome the night before. Although usually she cooked for herself…

As they were eating the food she had prepared, Christopher told Fallon why he had agreed to come.

“Fallon, I’m going away for two weeks. A couple of friends from work and I are going on a road trip. We’ll get some camping done, and you know, breathe in some fresh country air.” He told her. She could see he was excited.

“That sounds great. So when are you going?” She asked him. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning.” He told her, as he said this he seemed to be interested in watching her.

Fallon had to mask her face. She knew if he saw her face fall about this…there was no telling what he would think or say.

“So you’re going to leave before the single release?” She asked him, in the same voice. “It’s the best time. Not a lot of people leave during this time…so we’ll get good spots for camp.” He told her. “Besides, you’ll be fine on Thursday. I know you can handle the release on your own.” He said, trying to get a rise out of her.

“Alright, well I hope you enjoy yourself.” She said, trying to mean it. “I will, don’t worry. Just make sure you keep a check on the track.” He told her, still watching her carefully. She got up from the dinner table to get some drinks. They were eating lasagna, which she had made. She decided to bring out the Coca-Cola; since she was craving it…hoping it would drown the words she was itching to say.

“Why? Do I need to check up on the track?” Fallon had noticed the sudden change in subject. It seemed he was going to wait out her mask…like he was hoping she would crack. “Well I know you’re going to be there anyway, but since the big race we’ve had a few people try to climb the fence. So my brothers and I hired a few security guards to watch the perimeter along with the house. The card reader still works, so you can enter. The guards also know to expect you at all times of the night. They’ll keep you updated if there are any more people who decide to try the fence.” He told her, with a little grin. Fallon didn’t say anything as she sipped from her glass.

Her calm façade was cracking as the minutes passed; she needed to know why he was leaving so suddenly. It wasn’t like him…at least he wouldn’t have pulled this on her before. As they ate quietly, Fallon tried to phrase the question in a way that would seem as though she didn’t care…but she couldn’t. The carbonated drink wasn’t exactly helping her.

Christopher looked at her. “So when is the video premiere for your single?” He asked her. “Tomorrow.” She told him. “I’m sorry I’ll be missing it.” He told her, she noted how he didn’t sound sorry at all.

After they finished eating, Fallon put their dishes away. She had told Christopher to wait for her in the living room. He hadn’t listened. Insisting on helping her, he helped her load the dishwasher. Fallon was close to breaking point. “Why is he doing this to me?” Fallon muttered under her breath. “What was that?” Christopher said from another corner in the kitchen.

“Nothing.” Fallon shrugged. She was getting annoyed…constantly skirting what she wanted to ask him. As they went to the living room, Fallon ended up blurting her question. Throwing caution to the wind she said what she was thinking.

“Why are you leaving, Chris? Honestly. Why are you going so suddenly?” She asked him, moments after they had sat on opposite sofas. “I told you, best time to go camping.” He told her. It was his turn to mask his face. “Seriously? Or are you still angry with me?” She asked him bluntly. “Why should I still be angry with you?” He asked her, getting annoyed rather quickly. “I don’t know. Lately I just feel as though you’re avoiding me.” She said a little angrily.

“I’m not avoiding you. I answer all your calls. Most of the time I have plans. I’m sorry that you feel that way.” He told her, not quite looking at her.

“Yea well I do feel that way. It’s like your trying to make me as miserable as I made you.” She told him, annoyed with herself for bringing this up…and with him. “Hold on. I’m fine, okay. Just because I’m not here at your beck and call doesn’t mean I’m busy brooding over the fact you rejected me.” He said angrily. “My life doesn’t revolve around you, Fallon. So stop trying to make something out of nothing.”

“What?” Fallon couldn’t think of anything else to say. Where did that come from?...- Fallon felt as though she had been slapped. She reeled from his blow. Fallon just sat stunned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” He said immediately, sounding rather remorseful. He looked at her regretfully. “No you’re right. I shouldn’t expect you to be around whenever I call. I don’t.” She said, her voice unsteady. She must have always sounded conceded. Clearly. If Christopher felt this way, maybe everyone else around her did too…maybe even Daniel.

“I didn’t mean what I said. Fallon…” Christopher was telling her, but she cut him off. “It’s fine. I get it. I’m sorry about making you feel that way. I just didn’t want to be alone for the release…and stuff…” She told him. For the single release…for the fact Cheryl is away…and for my birthday…-She thought, realizing she was being selfish. “I should go. I have to pack some more stuff. I’m sorry about the way things went tonight.” He told her getting up. “Yea sure, whatever…” Fallon said dismissively. She walked him to the door. Pain coursed through her. How long had he been keeping these feelings from her.

As Christopher walked out the door, he turned around to face her. “Fallon, I didn’t mean that. I know you’re just trying to put things right between us. I just need some time on my own to think. That’s all.” He told her, his voice was soft and kind. “Yea, sure. Have a great trip.” She said, automatically. “Don’t worry I will. I’ll call you to tell you about all the wild life you’re going to be missing out on.” He told her, he was trying to make her smile. She looked away.

Christopher put a hand under her chin and pushed upwards, so that her eyes were meeting his. “Fallon, no matter what, I’ll be there for you. Things will be better between us. You’ll see.” He reassured her. He kissed her on the cheek before heading down the stairs. She heard his chuckle. Fallon rolled her eyes.
“Take care, Chris.” She called out after him. He nodded in response. Fallon watched him drive away.

Fallon went back and sunk into the sofa. The reality of what Christopher had said hit her. Maybe she did act as though every one else’s lives revolved around hers. If it was true, then she deserved to be alone for the release, her birthday, and everything else. If it was true…then maybe she deserved to have lost Daniel.

On Wednesday Fallon went to the MTV studio. They were the ones who would be premiering her video for ‘Crush’. As she announced her video, the crowd cheered.

Fallon watched the final edited version of the video along with the crowd. The opening scene came onto the screen.

~The music video for ‘Crush’~
It’s Fallon standing on top of a large elaborate staircase. She’s wearing a floor length ball gown that is cinched at her waist, and has a v-neck. The dress is midnight blue. Fallon is watching wistfully as the couples dance in the grand ball room. Fallon walks down the steps until there are a few steps left and sits down, her ball gown spreads around her. Fallon’s phone rings. It’s her date, played by Christopher.

Fallon picks up the phone to answer it. “Hey where are you?” She asks him. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it.” Comes the voice at the other end. Fallon hangs up, clearly upset that her date isn’t able to make it. The music starts.

As the first verse starts, Fallon sings while sitting on the staircase. She’s watching as the other couples dance around the grand ball room. Close-ups of the dancing couples are shown. Fallon stands against the railing, leaning on to it as she sings, while watching longingly as the others dance. The dancers break apart.

Just as the chorus starts, the dancers join up again. Their gowns and coat-tails whirling as they spin around the room. The feel of the scene is like an old masquerade ball. As the chorus proceeds, Fallon sings from where she stands on the staircase, there are flash backs shown. Fallon is running through a meadow in one, while in another Fallon is laying on her bed reading a text message from the guy she likes, which is played by Christopher, while in another Fallon and Christopher are together and she watches him talk.

The second verse starts with Fallon sitting back down on the staircase, she waits for Christopher to hopefully show up. There are flashbacks as she proceeds with the second verse of the song. The flashbacks show one scene where Fallon and Christopher are racing on the track. In another flashback they are in a garage working under the hood of one of the cars when Fallon bumps her head, the two of them laugh and they start to lean in to kiss but catch themselves and look sheepishly away. While another flash back shows Fallon in front of her car, since she won the race; while Christopher watches in amusement. The flash backs end with Fallon watching through a window as Christopher leaves.

The second chorus starts with Fallon on the staircase still waiting. It then shows flash backs of Christopher eating at the dinner table, looking through pictures of the two of them and of Fallon. In another flashback, Christopher is seen talking to Fallon in the garage, he watches as she talks excitedly about something. In another flashback Christopher is seen walking in a field.

The scene changes back to Fallon, who sings the last verse. She glances once more at her cell phone before putting it away. As she sings the last line, and the tension in the music builds, a close up of Fallon’s face is shown, giving the audience a view of her expression. She’s hoping Christopher will show up, but sad that he hasn’t turned up by now.

Then appears a gloved hand. Fallon’s eyes light up as she looks at the owner of the gloved hand. It’s Christopher. As soon as the chorus starts it shows Christopher pulling Fallon in on the dance floor. He twirls her, and dips her. As the two of them dance, other scenes are shown.

One is where Fallon runs into Christopher’s arms in the meadows. One is where the two of them are laying on the grassy fields watching the sky. Another is where Fallon cheekily puts oil on to Christopher’s face in the garage and he chases after her. Also it shows a scene where Christopher kisses the top of Fallon’s head as she sleeps leaning against his shoulder on a couch.

The last scenes show Fallon singing from the staircase, and Fallon being pulled into Christopher’s arms as the dance ends.
~ The music video for ‘Crush’ Ends~

The crowd cheered as the music video ended on the large screen. After watching the video, Fallon saw the pained looks on Christopher’s face. It must have wounded him to play the role, but he did it just for her. Fallon felt worse as she realized this.

It was a few moments before the crowds calmed down. The host of the show asked Fallon a few questions about the single, and then Fallon was allowed to leave.

It was at long last Thursday. Fallon’s single had been released around midnight online. Now she would just be going to a few stores for appearances and promotion, later that day she would be going to Lively’s for a performance.

Today was also a very special day for Fallon, as it was her twenty first birthday. Fallon woke up around nine o’clock. She had appearances scheduled for the after noon.

Fallon was washed, and not dressed, as she padded down the hall to pick up the daily news papers. She was still in her nightie. Fallon opened the door to find packages and her newspapers.

She put the packages on the table before the doorbell rang. She answered the door, regretting that she had not in fact changed her clothes. It was the post man. “Hello there, miss. These came for you.” He said, as he handed her a large bouquet of flowers and a package. Fallon thanked him as she took them from him and closed the door.

Fallon put the package with the rest on the table, and put the flowers in a vase. In the bouquet there were hibiscus flowers, red and white roses, little tiny violet forget-me-nots, pink tulips, and white with yellow center daffodils. Fallon loved their scent, and they looked gorgeous.

Soon she turned her attention to the packages. One was from her family in Canada, another was from Cheryl, one was from Maria, a gift from Christopher, and the one that had just arrived had come from an unknown sender.
Fallon opened the one from her parents and family first. It was a huge album with pictures from all their trips, including the one her family had taken recently to Africa. Her parents had also included a few books…chemistry textbooks…of course. From Cheryl, Fallon received a beautiful thigh skimming pale blue summer dress…Cheryl had also picked out the shoes. From Maria, Fallon had gotten a charm bracelet with her initials. Ava, Sophia, and Maria had told her that it was ‘tradition’ between them to get one on their twenty-first birthday. From Chris, Fallon had received a model of her own car. “At least you can’t kill this one.” He had written in the card. Funny…-Fallon had thought with a little sadness. Today she was on her own.

She finally got to opening the unknown package. It had a card, which read:
‘Dear Fallon,
Hope you have a wonderful twenty first birthday. I know you love books, so I hope you love what I got for you. Maybe we’ll be friends one day? I can’t seem to forget you. Just know that I love you.
Take Care.’

Fallon couldn’t contemplate who would send her something like this. She opened the package. As she saw what the box had inside she gasped.

A copy of ‘Fragile Eternity’ lay there. She picked up the book. Opening the cover, but nothing was written, except for her name in script. Underneath ‘Fragile Eternity’ was beautifully embroidered book. Fallon opened it. It was blank. Fallon was confused. She flipped the pages, and a note fell out. ‘This is for you to write or put pictures in. Keep track of time.’

Strange…- Fallon thought. She still couldn’t think of anyone who would send her this. Fallon didn’t have time to further think about this unknown package or it’s sender. She glanced at the clock…she needed to hurry or she would be late getting to the mall for the signing.

The whole day Fallon was kept busy throughout the day. Constant appearances and interviews. She had never worked so hard in one day. Fallon couldn’t keep track of any of the answers she gave to the questions they asked.

Night had fallen. Fallon had one more appearance and then a performance at Lively’s. Fallon sat in her seat. Across from her was an interviewer from ‘Hit 40 UK’.

“Fallon, how does it feel to have such a fast selling single. You’re single is already number one on the i-Tunes download charts. Can you believe the success of this single?” The interviewer asked. “No, I didn’t think it would be so successful. I only released this single because I loved the song so much personally. When it came out first by David Archuleta, I couldn’t stop listening to it…I still do.” She told him. I said to much…again…-Fallon thought for the billionth time today.

“Wow. So about the video, I heard that you actually decided what would go on. How was it creating the video and what inspired it?” He asked. The interviewer’s name was Paul. Fallon didn’t have to think about the answer. “Getting to do the video was very educating. I took a film course in high school and learned how to make a treatment, so I got to apply those skills and learn more about story boarding and editing. It was a great experience. As for the inspiration of video, I like those old style balls, and so I did that.” She told him.

Paul asked Fallon a few more questions before letting her go. Fallon went home for the first time that day. She changed before heading to Lively’s. She decided to wear the dress Cheryl had bought for her. It was nice and satiny, the pale blue colour was calming. The cut was to Fallon’s taste, v-neck, cinched at the waist, with a few pleats. It had sort sleeves. The shoes were the same blue and open toe. Fallon got dressed and did light makeup and left in a rush.

She arrived on time. Craig was there talking to the press about her single when she arrived. The swarm soon gathered around her, asking her questions. Craig negotiated her way through the crowd. Soon he left to go home. Leaving her alone. Fallon had a few moments before going on stage. All she could think about was sharing this day with Cheryl, Chris, or even Daniel. Yet here she was alone…while her single had already reached number one on several download charts.

After her performance, Fallon got off the stage feeling content…but alone. She stepped out of the club, alone in the warm summer air. She looked up at the sky, the stars were shining. She hadn’t even reached the first step when the flashes started. Photographers had once again swarmed around her. For the first time she truly didn’t care about them, they were just part of the package when it came to being an artist, she realized.

There was no rush to go anywhere, she just stood there. She decided to be nice this one time. Fallon stood on the steps, alone, answering some of their questions, her smile was sad. What was the point of all this when she had no one to share it with? She stood there, as they took her picture, with a sad smile, looking forlorn.