Ups and Downs

Tay.

I was laying in bed with Alex tracing figures on my bare skin. It was spring break. Thank God. It was the first week of April and Brooklynn would be a month old in a few days. It was hard to believe how fast my pregnancy and the first month of her life went. Alex had practically moved into my house so he could help with Brooklynn. His mom watched her while we were at school and I couldn't be more grateful. She helped a lot. Alex pressed a kiss to my forehead. I smiled and rubbed his cheek with my thumb.

"I love you," he mumbled at me. We laid Brooklynn down for a nap about an hour and a half ago. Things got really heated and here we were naked in my bed. "I really missed this Tay," he added and looked into my eyes. I sighed. We weren't technically back together. Alex didn't seem to have everything quite figured out yet.

"What does this mean Alex?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"This Alex!" I exclaimed as I got out of bed, not caring that I was naked. "You've moved in! We have a daughter! We just had sex! Yet we're not together. What am I supposed to be thinking? Because right now I'm thinking we're back together, but I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want you to leave me again," I told him, my voice faltering at the end. I noticed the time and started to get dressed. Alex walked over to me and put his arms around my waist.

"I love you Tay. I love Brooklynn. But I have to leave you. I have tour and recording. I just, I want you, and I don't want to hurt you because I have to be gone ten out of twelve months," he said. I could feel his breath against my neck. I closed my eyes before turning around to face him.

"That's only physical separation Alex. I want to be able to call you mine even when you're states away. I want to be the one you think about before you go to sleep at night."

"Of course. It's always gonna be you Tay. I'll always love you, but I need to make sure you really want this. That you really want to put the effort into keeping this up. And I need to make sure I'm good enough for you." I sighed in frustration. I kissed him and went to the door of our bedroom.

"I have band practice. She'll be up soon. I'll see you and Brooke and the guys at the beach later. I love you," I said as I walked out. I went to my car and started the drive to our other singer's house. We met through mutual friends and just started to make music.

"Tay!" Jordan said as I got out of my car. He and Mike were smoking outside. "Brooke with Alex today?" he asked as I got closer to the house.

"Yeah. Then we're going to the beach later. You guys want to come?" I asked as I climbed up the porch with them.

"Sure. We don't have anything better to do," Jordan laughed before stomping out his cigarette. He and Mike had dropped out of college since it wasn't for them.

"Haha. Well let's get to some music," I said cheerily before walking into the house. We wrote and recorded for a few hours. We all changed into our bathing suits before getting into our cars and heading to the beach.

Alex.

"Shh, shh, shh. It's okay baby," I shushed Brooklynn as I bounced her and warmed a bottle. She woke up about two minutes after Tay walked out the door. I kept going over what happened with Tay in my head. It would be hard leaving her and Brooklynn in a few months. I sighed and burped Brooklynn.

"Heyo!" Jack screamed as he came crashing through. Brooklynn started to cry out of fear. I laughed at Jack and calmed my daughter. "She doesn't like me," he frowned as he came over to us. I shook my head at him.

"You just scared her. She doesn't like sudden loud noises," I explained to him.

"Then she was born to the wrong parents with both of you being musicians," Jack joked and tickled her foot. I went upstairs to get us ready. "You excited for the first beach day?" Jack asked as we climbed the stairs.

"I guess. It's not like we're going to go into the water," I shrugged. I dressed Brooklynn then handed her to Jack to hold while I got dressed. Jack raised an eyebrow as he noticed that my previous clothes had been strewn across the room.

"Yeah. What happened in here?" he asked as he nudged my old shirt with his foot.

"What do you think?" I mumbled as I picked all the clothes up.

"Did you and Tay do it?" he questioned wide eyed.

"Yes," I answered bluntly while packing the baby bag. Brooklynn was holding Jack's finger tightly as he looked at me with confusion. "What? You're holding our daughter. It's not like we haven't had sex before."

"Are you two back together?"

"Not officially," I sighed and started out to the car.

"Alex, you can't keep playing with Tay's emotions. I think we both know that sex means a lot to her and don't you think you've put her through enough this year?" I bit my lip as I put Brooklynn into her car seat before getting into the driver's seat.

"Look, Jack, it's just a lot to ask of her to just sit around and wait for me for most of the year."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course."

"Does she love you?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you questioning this so much Alex? You two are meant to be together. You're cute together, you put up with all the mistakes, you have a fucking kid! What are you so scared of?"

"Tay's never been with somebody else. She has nothing to compare to. What if she gets curious while I'm away? I'll fall apart if I lose her." Jack started laughing at me. "What?" I asked annoyed as I glanced at him before turning back to the road after quickly checking on Brooklynn in the rear view.

"Tay's crazy about you! She loves you so much it probably hurts. She's not going to be unfaithful," Jack told me.

"What if I cheat? I can't stand hurting her like that." He rolled his eyes at me.

"There's your answer. You're not going to cheat because I know you, and I know you won't hurt Tay again. You love her and you two have Brooklynn. Cass and Sierra are gonna be here missing Zack and Rian. She'll be taken care of. They both will. And I can take care of you. You have nothing to worry about," Jack ranted off. I don't think I've ever heard something so serious leave his lips.

"Thanks man," I said as we pulled up to the beach.