Ups and Downs

Tay.

"Tay," my mom cooed softly as she woke me up. I moaned and rolled over before opening my eyes. "You have to get up. It's time to get ready," she told me. I nodded and sat up. My head was spinning, my stomach was turning, my ankles and back were sore. I just wanted to lay in bed forever and forget about everything. "Come on Tay!" my mom yelled from down the hall as she woke up my other siblings. I sighed and picked myself up out of bed before running into the bathroom to start my first round of morning sickness. We had all gotten used to this as part of my daily routine. Sam was holding my hair back and rubbing my back.

"It's alright Tay," she soothed as the tears started falling. This hurt and I couldn't control how long it went on for, whether my stomach seemed to be completely empty or not.

"It hurts," I whined. "Make it stop, make it stop," I added as I gagged yet again.

"I wish I could," Sam answered as she watched with sorrowful eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked panicked. She shook her head and helped me up off the floor.

"I love you Tay," she told me as she hugged me before leaving the room. I sighed and started to get ready. I looked at myself in the mirror before I put my shirt on. I was officially 16 weeks today and my bump was obviously there. I rubbed my stomach and smiled to myself. I was finding out what I was having today. For some reason knowing the baby was there was reassuring to me. Reassuring that Alex loved me and reassuring that life will always go on.

"You okay?" Devin asked as he walked by my room. I had put my shirt on but was standing in front of the mirror still with my stomach showing.

"Yeah, I just, um," I responded. I really didn't know what to say. "I was just looking."

"Tay, are you scared?" he asked.

"I was. Now I'm not sure. Why? Are you scared Devin?"

"It's not fair for you Tay. This isn't just you're responsibility. And yes I am scared. I know you got this speech from Sam already, but I don't think you've actually realized that you're pregnant Tay," he ranted I looked at him confused as I grabbed my bag and left my room.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't say a word about this Tay. It's like dad's death all over again. You act as if you're fine and it isn't happening. I think you just saw for yourself Tay. This is happening. You're going to be a single teen mom. It's a lot for anyone. And I think Gaskarth needs to own up for what he's done to a fifteen year old girl. He says he loves you, but then he just walks away? I never thought I would have to be seeing one of my triplet sisters go through a teen pregnancy. I especially never thought it would be you. I didn't think you could be so irresponsible and stupid Tay. I didn't think Alex would risk something like this. I thought Sam or Lindsey maybe because they've both had one night stands, but you always held a higher standard for yourself. It didn't even cross my mind that you and Alex were having sex. None of us realized that. This was such a surprise to us Tay. And none of us know how to feel about it because you won't acknowledge it. We want to help you and we're here for you Tay. But we need to know what you're thinking before we can start to know how to handle this." I took in everything Devin was saying as the tears started to fall. "Tay, don't cry. We love you. We just want to make this a little bit easier for you," Devin comforted me as he took me into his arms. I felt a little kick inside my stomach and looked down amazed. "What happened?" Devin asked as he noticed my strange behavior.

"He, he kicked," I told him. That's the moment this all hit me. I was going to be a mom and I was going to have to raise a baby alone. I started to cry again as we went out to the car to go to school. All three of my siblings looked at me with sympathetic eyes, but none of them knew what to do.

~

"Are you excited?" my mom asked me as we sat in the waiting room for my doctor's appointment.

"I already know it's a boy," I shrugged.She shook her head at me.

"You don't know that for sure."

"I really really really think it's a boy." She nodded and squeezed my hand.

"It's still exciting. I remember having this appointment with you and your brother and sister. I thought all three of you were going to be girls, but your brother surprised me," she told me.

"Mom, can I take the rest of the day off from school? I need some time with you."

"Sure sweetie. We can go out for ice cream after this."

"Taylor Jardine?" a nurse called. We followed her into a room where she started the ultrasound.

"Do you hear that? That's the heartbeat," she smiled at my mom and me. This was the first appointment my mom had come to and she smiled back at the nurse.

"It's so fast," I said. The nurse nodded.

"It'll even out soon enough," she promised as she started the ultrasound. "Are you ready to find out what you're having?"

"She's completely convinced it's a boy," my mom told her.

"Well, I hate to disappoint but it's looking like this is a girl."

"What?" I said in disbelief. The nurse continued to look at the baby.

"Yep. Definitely a girl," she told me confidently. My mom looked like she was going to cry. "You can go. Dr. Smith is in a delivery," the nurse told me as she started to clean everything. I nodded.

"Thank you," my mom said as we left.

"Wow. A girl," I said as I held my stomach in my hands. We were in the car on the way to lunch. I was looking at the pictures in complete shock.

"Are you excited?" my mom asked. I nodded because I couldn't find the words to say. I always wanted a daughter, which is probably why I convinced myself I was having a boy so I wouldn't get my hopes up.

"I'm sorry I kept calling you a boy, baby girl," I said to my stomach. My mom laughed a little at me as we got to the restaurant.

~

"Hey guys," I said to Sierra and Cass as they came into my house. I was wearing a tight tank top that showed off my little bump and some sweat pants. I had my hair up in a bun and very little make up on.

"Wow," Sierra said as she looked me up and down.

"What?" I asked as I got a snack from the fridge. "I'm really hungry. Do you guys want anything?" I added. They both shook their heads.

"It's not fair that you can still look good pregnant AND in sweats," Sierra complained. I laughed a little at her.

"Just wait until I'm really pregnant. Then I won't look good in anything."

"No, you'll definitely still look good in everything." I smiled at her before I sat down with them on the couch.

"So what's up?"

"You didn't come back to school," Cass stated. "Did you find out what the baby is?" I nodded. "Are you going to tell us?"

"It's a girl." They both squealed and hugged me.

"When's she due?" Sierra asked.

"April thirteenth."

"You'll barely be sixteen," Cass whispered. I nodded and looked down. I wished this wasn't something I was going through so young.

"It'll be okay. We're here for you," Sierra promised. "I gotta go. Zack and I are going out tonight," she said before hugging Cass and I and leaving. Her and Shane broke up for good a little over a month ago then her and Zack got together about three weeks ago. They were getting very serious very fast. However I seemed to be serving as the reminder to be careful. Cass and Sierra both started birth control and all the guys seemed to be stocking up on condoms for the next couple of years.

"Are you going to go out with us on Halloween?"Cass asked. I shook my head.

"I'm not really up for anything. I've been sick and sore. My ankles feel like they're already double normal size and I've hardly gained any weight."

"Talk about it Tay," Cassadee commanded. I just looked at her confused.

"What?"

"Your family has all said you won't talk about your pregnancy. Tell me about. Tell me what's going on and how you're feeling," she explained.

"I'm pregnant at fifteen. That isn't exactly something to be proud of."

"Talking about it doesn't mean you're proud of it. It means you're accepting it." I sighed.

"I'm pregnant. There's a baby inside me, a baby girl. I didn't think it would happen to me. I was having unprotected sex and I never thought I had any risk of getting pregnant," I laughed to myself. Cass looked at me expecting me to go on. "I was blinded. I put my everything into my relationship with Alex. I gave him all I had to give and apparently it still wasn't enough. He just up and left because I got pregnant. He seems to have forgotten that he got me pregnant. That this is our baby. Our daughter. I want to say I'm mad at him, but I'm not. I'm hurt. He told me he loved me when he broke up. I know that's true. I felt our love all the time. I still feel it. I feel it every time our daughter kicks. I also see it every time he looks at me. He looks like he's pleading for me, but I still haven't spoken a word to him since we broke up. I can't bring myself to trying to get him back. I don't want to work at it when I need to be focusing on our daughter." It felt good to get all that out.

"Alex will come around Tay," Cass promised. I nodded and hugged her.

"Thanks for being her for me."

"Always," she answered with a tighter hug.

Alex.

Band practice has had some tension since Tay and I broke up. It got even worse when she told everyone she was pregnant. But the thing that made the tension unbearable was Lisa in the room watching us. Sierra was here for Zack, Cass was here for Rian, and Lisa was here for me. I couldn't help but wish that was Tay sitting with her best friends and silently singing along to the words of our songs. We took a short break and went over to our girls. All of us except Jack who went to get some water.

"I'm at band practice, we've been fooling around, how close are we to getting back together?" Lisa asked hopefully. I heard Cass scoff from behind me and bit my lip.

"Tay's pregnant." I told Lisa. I knew some rumors were going around school since Tay had a little bump, but Lisa hadn't believed them. "And it's mine," I added. Lisa just nodded and left. I don't think I had ever seen a time she didn't have anything to say. "This doesn't mean I'm getting back with Tay," I said to everyone as they stared at me with uncertain faces.

"It's a girl. In case you were wondering," Sierra told me. I wasn't sure what to feel. I didn't say anything as we resumed practice. Was I sure I was okay with walking out on the girl I love and my child?