Ups and Downs

Tay.

Another busy morning at the Jardine household. After I finished my first round of morning sickness and got ready I went downstairs to the chaos that was our family kitchen in the morning. Lindsey was reading a magazine as Sam ran around trying to find her other shoe. Devin was watching some sports report and mom was making coffee while already on a work phone call. I sat down at the table and sighed, making my presence known. Mom quickly placed some eggs, bacon, and toast in front of me before grabbing her keys and hurrying to work. Sam put a glass of milk in front of me before putting on her shoe she had found somewhere near the couch.

"Mom said to remind you about your appointment. I can't take you though so you need to find a ride," Sam told me as she started the hunt for her keys.

"Sam, mom can't take me either. That's why you were supposed to take me. I don't have anybody else," I responded on the verge of the break down. This was stressing me out and any small amount of stress seemed to be a reason to go into full on mental break down.

"I have a project due Friday I need to work on. Can't Cass take you?"

"She has cheer. And Sierra has dance. Who else can I ask?" I asked panicked. Lindsey sighed and looked up from her magazine.

"That baby has a father Tay. And it's about damn time he does something to help you," she said dramatically.

"I completely agree," Devin supported her. I shook my head as tears sprung into my eyes.

"Let's go, let's go," Sam rushed before I could answer my triplet siblings. The ride to school was silent with only the music from the radio serving as background noise to my thoughts. "Alright. Just find a ride Tay. If not Alex, ask one of the other guys. They'd all be willing," Sam instructed before kissing my forehead and getting out of the car. I walked into school with my head hanging down. Rumors had been flying since I started showing. Now that I was seven months there was no denying that it was indeed fact pregnancy causing my weight gain.

"I heard Alex just used Tay for sex and that's why it was so easy for him to abandon her when she got pregnant," some girl smirked to her friend. If it wasn't for the fact I'd been hearing that for months and I was distracted by my need for a ride, I probably would have reacted. I kept having to remind myself that rumors are just rumors and as long as I knew the truth then nothing else mattered. I debated who I could possibly ask for a ride as I grabbed what I needed from my locker.

"Oops, sorry. It's just hard to miss someone who needs to take up room for two in the hallway," some girl noted sarcastically as she bumped into me. She walked away laughing with her friends as my face turned red. It seemed like the more pregnant I got the worse the taunting and rumors got.

"You okay?" Cass asked as she appeared out of nowhere with concern on her face.

"Yeah. I'm just tired of being labeled the school slut because my boyfriend knocked me up then ditched me," I ranted. Cass pulled me into her arms as I started to cry.

"Shh, shh. It'll be okay. You have bigger things to worry about, okay?" Cass soothed as she put a hand on my stomach. I nodded and wiped my tears with one hand as I put my other next to Cass's.

"I have to find a ride to my appointment later," I said as I bit my lip. I had no clue what to do.

"Trisha told me the baby isn't even Alex's. That's why he broke up with her. Because she's such a slut," some girl said as she and her friends walked past me. That was the last straw. I marched through the halls to Alex's locker, leaving a confused Cassadee in my dust.

"I need a favor," I declared to him, my voice wavering a little. He looked up at me and nodded me to go on. "I need you to give me a ride to my appointment later." He just nodded again as if I had taken his ability to speak. "And I want you to come in with me," I added a bit more softly as any courage I may have had left me. He looked at me surprised.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Honestly I wasn't, but I needed him right now.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure," I answered before going to class.

~

The rest of the day passed quickly. Everyone was still gossiping, but having my hand in Alex's as we sat in the waiting room was the most comforting thing. We hadn't said very much to each other. Alex had kissed me once though. I wasn't sure what all this meant. The kiss had so much emotion in it though. It was sweet with passion, but almost empty with regret. Like he wanted me so badly but couldn't have me. I just wanted to cling to him forever. I wanted our seven month separation to come to an end. I wanted to have a father for my daughter. I wanted him to tell me he wanted us.

But no, no Alex didn't seem to want any of that. He kept looking at me with tortured eyes. Like he really didn't know what was the right thing to do. I leaned my head on his shoulder and shut my eyes to stop the tears from flowing. He soothingly rubbed circles on the back of my hand.

"Taylor Jardine," a nurse finally called. We followed her into a little room where she said Dr. Smith would be in shortly. Alex and I sat in more silence with me on the table and him in a chair on the side. We avoided eye contact with each other and the air seemed to grow thick.

"Hello Taylor," Dr. Smith said cheerily before noticing Alex. "And you are?"

"Alex. I'm, I'm the father," Alex told him, shaking his hand.

"Well nice to meet you. Let's get started, shall we?" Dr. Smith started to examine me. He finally got to the ultrasound, which is what I had wanted Alex to see. I was hoping seeing his daughter would make him want her. "She's a very active little thing isn't she?" Dr. Smith commented. I nodded as I watched the screen. Alex watched with amazement. "What did you say you decided for her name?" Dr. Smith asked me.

"Brooklynn Rae," I smiled looking at the screen. He nodded and typed Brooklynn Rae onto the screen. Alex looked shocked that I had a name already.

"Everything looks great, Taylor. But before you go I think we should start to discuss your birth plan."

"Okay," I responded. I hadn't even talked about the birth with my mother. I wasn't sure what I was even supposed to plan.

"You don't seem to need a c-section so you need to decide if you want pain medication or not," he told me.

"I want it," I answered without thinking. He chuckled and made a note.

"I'm assuming your mother will be in the room with you. Do you plan on being there?" he asked Alex.

"Yes," Alex said to my surprise. "I wouldn't miss it for the world," he added. I felt much more at ease knowing Alex would witness his daughter being brought into the world.

"Well, you can see the facilities on your next visit here. You guys are free to go," Dr. Smith told us. Alex shook his hand one more time before we left.

"Do you mean it? Do you really want to be there for her birth?" I asked Alex as we went out to the car.

"Yes, but it doesn't change anything Tay. I still think you should give her up for adoption. I want to support you and I'm going to be there for both of you when she's born, but if you're keeping her then I still don't want to be with you Tay. I just can't," he reminded me as my heart broke again.

"I can't give her up," I told him confidently as he pulled up to my house.

"Tay," Alex sighed as I opened my door.

"Save it Alex. And here keep this. She's just as much yours as she is mine," I said as I left the ultrasound picture in his car. I stormed into my house and straight to my room where I collapsed on the bed and started crying. "He'll come around. He'll love you," I mumbled to my stomach over and over again.