Set the World to Mute

Ben and his girls live in the top apartment of a red block in one of the worst parts of the city. They used to live somewhere nicer, a house, his sister said, but they moved away when his wife died.

I pass his home every day on my morning run, and I look up at the wall I know he’s behind, and I imagine what he’s doing. Sometimes he’s building something beautiful in his workshop, sometimes he’s making breakfast in the kitchen, and sometimes he’s sleeping soundly in his bed. Sometimes he’s waiting for me to come.

Looking back, it’s strange how I ran past that red apartment building so many times, and didn’t know. That’s nice, isn’t it? Sort of inspirational. You never know where you’ll find something meaningful, something that will change your life. It might just be on your way to work, or at the store, or randomly on the street.

Life is a beautiful, that way, full of surprises.

At this point in the story I don’t know yet, you know, what he is. I mean, I know he’s a man, my employer, and the father of the children I look after when I get back from the university, I know that. But I don’t know that he is to be an object of my desire. It takes some time before I realize that I want him. Before I get that apparition and just know that this is the one.

And that is not so strange, really. I’ve never ever been in love before. Not like this. Not like I know I am now. I've never even wanted anyone, not really. I've wanted to be with someone, but not wanted someone. There is a difference. And besides, I’m a 22 year old student – he’s a 31 year old widower. It's not somewhere your mind jumps to immediately, at least not mine. Because it's a bit strange, isn’t it? A bit unusual. A bit… unconventional. It’s something that perhaps you would frown upon if you heard about it.

But, you would understand me if you saw him, I can promise you that. I can’t explain to you how he is; I can say he looks so good when he cooks and drinks wine at the same time, and I can tell you that the look in his eyes when he looks at his baby as she gurgles at him is so precious I could do nothing but watch them all day – but you can’t really imagine it in any way that could ever do it justice.

It’s like telling your friends about the man you’re dating, they smile and nod and are happy for you, but they don’t know. Only you know.

But I am getting ahead of myself here.

I should tell you how it came to be that I started working there at all.

You see, his sister is called Belinda, and she is friends with my friend Jackie. Jackie told her about me and my situation: I’m studying to be a pediatric nurse, and I need cash. Belinda contacted me and asked if I could come around to Ben’s place after uni and look after the kids while he worked, and I said yes. The pay isn’t much, but the job is ideal – I can study there, something I wouldn't be able to do if I worked at a shop or in a hospital, and the kids are amazing.

At this point in the story, it’s been four days and I’ve already fallen in love with the little family. Emma is nine months and has started to construct little sentences, and Sophie is five and the brightest little girl in all meanings of the word. Ben… well, Ben doesn’t say much.

Today is Thursday, and when I enter the apartment, Ben and the girls are on the floor.

“Hi,” I say, wriggling out of my coat, hanging it by the door. The radio is on, as it always is.

“Hello,” Sophie shouts and quickly scrambles to her feet, holding her hands out to show what they’re doing. “Look what daddy made!”

And it’s a house, a little white house with a kitchen, and two bedrooms, and a toilet, and a living room. A miniature house with miniature people and miniature furniture. In Sophie’s hand there’s a little girl with dark hair, just like herself. As I come closer I notice a baby in a crib in the master bedroom, and a couple sitting by the table in the kitchen. My eyes linger by the woman and her wavy, auburn hair.

“It’s beautiful,” I say and sit cross legged by in front of the little house. “You are come lucky girls, aren’t you?”

Emma gurgles and smiles with slobber running down her chin. “He’s the best dad,” Sophie declares, and wraps her little arms around her daddy’s neck, placing a childish peck on his cheek. I watch as he smiles and wraps his arms around her small frame, hugging her back.

“Very lucky indeed,” I conclude and pick up the little baby. “Look, Emma, here’s you.” Her smile widens though I’m sure she has no idea what I’m on about and she reaches out for the little doll. “Dolly,” she squeals and grabs it with her chubby fingers, putting it in her mouth.

“She ate herself!” Sophie giggles gleefully as Ben gets up, brushing off his jeans.

“She sure did,” I say and inch closer to the house, “Why don’t we let your dad get some work done, and we can play with this for a while?”

Sophie nods and sits down next to me with a concentrated look on her face, grabbing mini-Ben and putting him in what looks like a slightly different version of the workshop he has in the apartment, “Daddy has to work in the house, too,” she explains, “And mommy has to go off to the firm.” She grabs the redhead and puts her on the floor outside the house. “Emma and I are playing in the living room, look.”

“I can be Emma,” I say and pry the little doll out of Emma’s hands before picking her up and placing her between my legs. “What are we playing?”

“House!” Sophia says, misunderstanding my question.

“Fun,” I say, and ruffle her hair. Out of the corner of my eye I see Ben disappearing through the yellow door that says 'Daddy's Workshop.'

He comes back after an hour, while we’re still playing, and crouches down to place a new little doll in the living room of the house. Her hair is blonde and she’s wearing a white dress.

“It’s you!” Sophie says excitedly and picks up the miniature version of me, putting her in my hand. “Now we can really play house!”