Love Isn't Always Fair

I was walking down the streets of the grey, dreary morning of Los Angeles. A film of despair covered the city. Slowly making my way to the cemetery, the last place I wanted to be, today was no exception. I slowly made my way up the small hill and to the iron gate. Pushing it gently, it made an ear splitting creek but I continued farther into the damp and dark place. I made my way to the tall, grey and cold angel. I sat down on the dew ridden yellowing grass.
"Hello love, I know it's been a while, I'm sorry for not visiting you more often it's ju-" I was cut off the cracking in my voice and the steady flow of tears down my face. "It's been one year since I saw your beautiful, bright blue eyes." I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "If only you were here still, I would have been the luckiest man alive.
Laughing at the somewhat distant memory I spoke quietly, "Remember when we first met? I know it sounds kind of cheesy but I can remember it was yesterday."
I was standing at Jakes locker, of course an almost unbearable stench was creeping its way through the holes at the top and bottom. Since I couldn't stand it anymore I moved back a couple feet. But before I could back up all the way I ran into a body. Turning around I saw a tall figure.
"Oh, um I'm sorry." I said looking away, a furiously bright blush on my tan cheeks. I looked up again to see him staring at me.
"No, sorry it was my fault. I'm just skipping class to hang up these flyers." He held up some multi-colored posters with a band name on top. He pulled a pink one off the top of that stack and stapled it to the post beside Jake's locker. Before I could say anything else the dismissal bell rang.
When he left I was still standing at Jake's locker. I took the poster of the wall and read it. 'Black Veil Brides needs a bass player. If you have background in playing or any sort of experience please come to-"
"What are you reading?" Jake asked me, scaring me enough to make me scream quietly and drop the paper. He picked it up and read it. He pulled it down from his face and gave it back to me.
"Dude, you have to audition," Before I could ask for a reason he said, "I'm in that band man, and I know you are awesome at playing bass, we have been doing auditions for weeks now and no body can compare to you." Feeling flattered I agreed.
It was close to seven o clock when we arrived in front of the huge brick house. Without knocking Jake walked in and went down to the basement. Sitting there was three other guys, surprisingly I knew all of them. Christian was in my mechanics class, Jeremy was in my English class and the other one was obviously the person I ran into.
"Okay, tell us a bit about yourself." The mysterious one said making me jump.
"Hi, I'm Ashley and I've been play bass for ten years." Thinking about it I realized that I've been playing for quite a while, since I was eight. The sound of coughing took me out of my trance. When I looked back up all four of them were staring at me.
"Are you going to play for us or what?" Christian asked a little annoyed. I nodded my head and pulled out my bass for its case and put the strap around my shoulder. I started playing just some random notes then moved into Unholy by KISS. When I was finished I looked up and all of them were staring up at me in awe, even Jake.
"We finally did it! We finally found a great bass player!" Christian yelled jumping up and running towards me. I was just standing there in shock when Christian jumped into my arms and tackled me to the ground.
"CC, that's enough get off of him before he changes his mind." A gentle voice said from above. I looked up and it was from the person pulling Christian, or CC off of me. His hand reached down and helped me up.
"Sorry about that Ashley, if you didn't realize CC is a little wild. By the way I'm Andy." He said gesturing to himself. "And this is Jinxx," Andy said pointing to the shortest one, "And obviously this is Christian, everybody calls him CC, and well I assume you know Jake." He concluded laughing quietly.
"Well this was a good start." Andy said. Everybody was getting up to leave. I pulled Andy aside and asked him quietly, "I know this is a little random but can I have your number, like incase I need to ask you something?" Surprisingly it worked, he took my hand and wrote his phone number on it. I walked up the stairs and turned into the living room.
On the couch Jake was sitting there in deep thought. I interrupted him by clearing my throat. He got up swiftly and made his way to the car. I followed behind, wondering why he was so quiet. The drive back to my house was way too quite, it wasn't a nice quiet but an awkward one. Breaking the silence I asked Jake innocently.
"What's on your mind dude? Are you angry I'm in the band? If you want I can quit." I only said that hoping to make him happy. After actually getting into the band I loved it, just the thought of people adoring my talent and music in general. Jake interrupted my thoughts by stating angrily, "No, I'm just thinking about stuff." The rest of the car ride was the worst ten minutes of my life.
He finally dropped me off at my house and I got out as soon as I could. I made my way up the steps slowly and slammed the door shut. Tired as I was, when I got to my bedroom I fell on the bed. I was on the verge of sleep when a buzzing in my pocket woke me up. I looked up at the number and immediately recognized it as Andy's. Opening up the message it read, "Hey Ashley I was wondering if you wanted to go the movies this weekend?" As excited as I was I screamed out as loud as I could. Taking a couple seconds to calm down I replied with a plain and simple, "sure." After a couple more minutes of waiting for his reply, which never came I decided to get some sleep. Of course right when I shut my eyes the phone buzzed waking me. "Okay, sweet I'll pick you up Friday."
Not being able to control it anymore I started jumping up and down on my bed. All of a sudden I heard my name being called from downstairs. I swiftly got of the bed and followed the voice, which belonged to my mother, into the kitchen. I arrived seconds later but her back was still turned towards me. As soon as she heard me cough, she whipped her head around to see me standing there.
My mom walked up to me with a suspicious look on her face. She put her small hand on my cheek then my forehead. Looking up at me questioningly she asked, "Are you okay baby? You look much happier than usual. Not that that's a bad thing." She added laughing. I shook my head, but she kept pestering me for answers.
"Is it a girl?" She asked. I have to admit I was ashamed. Not ashamed for being gay but I was ashamed by not having the strength to tell my own mother I was gay. They were supposed to accept you, weren't they?
"It's not a girl," I said softly. Putting my head down I continued, "It's a boy." When I looked back up there was a look of disappointment and rage in her eyes.
"Oh," she said softly, "So you are gay." She stated. I could tell something was up, and I was correct because of what she said next.
"How dare you? I didn't raise my son to be some worthless fa-" I cut her off before she could finish her sentence. Not being able to control myself I retorted with. "How dare I? How dare you! Saying I'm worthless just because I'm not the 'perfect' son? You disgust me. I wish dad was still here, he obviously would accept me because he was the one who always told me to be myself even if people didn't like or accept me, especially if they didn't like me." Not being able to hold it in any longer I threw my fist into the pink wall beside me.
"Get out." She yelled. "Get out now!" I scoffed as I put my shoes on and walked out. Without thinking of where to go, I let my legs lead the way. After a good thirty minutes of walking I stopped in front of a somewhat familiar house. I walked up the wood steps and knocked on the door. Waiting only mere seconds the door flew open to reveal a man, standing at least six foot five, strong, muscular build and blue eyes that were identical to Andy's. A cheerful laugh erupted from him after he saw my more than odd looking expression on my face.
"You must be Ashley. I'm Kyle by the way." He said in a surprisingly gentle tone. "You better get in here before you catch a nasty cold." It was then that I realized it was pouring down rain. He led me inside and grabbed me a towel. He gave me the towel after he directed me to sit down.
"Would you like a drink? Hot chocolate? Coffee?" He asked sounding concerned. I asked him for a cup of coffee and he made his way out of the room and into another, what only can be assumed as the kitchen. After a few minutes of sitting there on my own Andy's dad came back in with a cup of coffee.
"So you are Ashley?" he asked eyeing me. I nodded my head a little scared. "Good." He said loudly, a booming laugh following after. It was loud enough to make me jump. "Andy has told me you are the new bass player for the band." I nodded again, not able to find my words.
"He also told me about your guys' date on Friday. What did he say exactly? He said he was 'super-duper excited'" From behind me I could hear a voice exasperatedly whine.
"DAD!" Andy practically yelled. I couldn't control my laughter, nor could Kyle. Andy came and sat beside me, practically sitting on my lap. It got a little quiet before Kyle spoke up again.
"So, Ashley, do your parents know you're gay?" Andy's dad asked innocently. I nodded my head slightly and began my tale.
"Well when I was about eight, my father passed away from cancer. My mom raised me, well until today." I laughed coldly. "I told her about the date with Andy and she kicked me out." My voice broke in the middle making me sounds weak. I looked over to Kyle who had a look or utter disgust on his soft features. But when I looked to Andy, his face told a different story. His face held the emotion of sympathy. I knew I could trust him, I thought quietly to myself. When I looked back up, Kyle left and Andy was by the staircase.
"I have a feeling my dad won't let you go back to the bi- I mean your mom, so I mine as well show you my, sorry, our room." I blushed softly at the thought of living with Andy. I followed him up the stairs. At the top there was a long hallway with five doors. We made our way down the hall and stopped at the very last door. Before opening the door Andy looked back at me and said, "I know it's not much, but it's my room and I like it." Without further ado, he opened the door all I could see was black. He walked in a couple feet then switched a light on. Like I said everything is black, black walls, black bed spread and black walls, aside from the color on the posters that littered the walls.
"Like I said it's not much." He said quietly as he sat down on the bed. I walked further into the room and sat on the bed beside him.
For the next couple hours we just lay they, cuddled, talking about our past, present and future. We were talking about where we want our band to go when Kyle knocked softly on the door. "I' m just letting you guys know I'm going to bed, I think you boys should too, it's pretty late." He said then shut the door. I looked at the time and realized it was well past one o clock. I looked over to Andy who was about to fall asleep.
"I need something to wear." I said as I nudged him awake. He sat up slowly and crawled out of the bed over to the dresser. I got of the bed and followed him to his dresser. He passed me a pair of pajama bottoms and left the room without saying another word. After I put the pants on I curled up in the bed. Somewhere between me laying down and Andy coming back in the room, I feel asleep.
When I opened my eyes again I was back in the cemetery in front of the angel. I laughed as I asked Andy, "Remember the night I proposed to you?" I shut my eyes again and was transported back to that night.
"Happy birthday darling," I whispered in his ear.I pulled back slightly and kissed him gently on his lips. We were sitting in a booth at the back of the little Italian restaurant we always went, the exact one that we had our first date. We sat there for the next half an hour just talking about random things, like life, our band and our future. We just finished talking about getting married as I slid out of the booth onto my knee in front of Andy.
"Andy, I know we have only known each other for two years, but it has been the best years of my life. I know it sounds cliché and over used but, I feel as though I've know you my whole life. I love you Andy." I slowly pulled the velvet box out of my back pocket and held it up to him. "Will you marry me?" I asked looking back at him. A shocked expression crossed his features. It went away quickly and a look of pure glee took over. He nodded his head slowly, tears starting to pour out of his eyes.
"I love you." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his small waist and pulled him in close. "I love you too Ashes, forever and always." He pulled back slowly and looked me in the eyes before leaning in for a kiss.
March 7th 2011 was the worst day of my life, still is. Andy and I were walking down to city hall like we usually due, but before we left I had a feeling something was going to go wrong. We turned the corner of the city hall and there was people everywhere pushing, screaming and fighting. Andy got pulled in and I went after him. I caught him right before he was going to be punched. Being the over protective person I am, punched the guy. I took Andy a few feet away and hugged him tightly.
"I'm scared Ashes." He said looking up and me. His fear was clearly shown in his bright blue eyes. I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "Don't worry Andy, I'll protect you." I whispered in his ear then pulled him out of the crowd. Before we could get out some man stepped in front of us.
"Where do you queers think you going?" He asked, the southern twang obvious. Before I answered he spit some of his chew tobacco onto my cowboy boots. I laughed bitterly, I looked back at him and he didn't seem too joyful about it.
"No what you laughing at homo?" I could tell he was getting more angry by the second which made me laugh more. "You." I stated bluntly then kept on laughing. "I wouldn't be laughing if I were you." Before I could ask him what he meant, Andy let out a blood curdling scream. Looking down I saw a small black knife protruding from his chest. Pulling him into my chest I let the tears flow freely down my face.
"I'm so sorry Andy, I said I would protect you and I didn't, I couldn't." Everybody around us had stopped their fighting and looked at Andy and me. I saw the drastic change in Andy's eyes and knew he only had a few minutes left.
"I love you too Ashley, forever and always." With that he took his last breath. That was the last day I saw his beautiful bright blue eyes.
Opening my eyes again I was back on the yellowing grass in front of the stone angel. Moving closer to the grave stone, I rest my head on it.
"I'm sorry for bring you so much pain. If I could, I would go back and I would try so hard to fight back. Or do anything." Tears were cascading down my face, so fast I couldn't wipe them away, more would just come.
"I'm sorry that I met you, I wish I hadn't been skipping class and I wish I never let Jake talk me into auditioning. Even though they were some of the best days of my life, they all brought you pain. I'm not coming back for a while. But I swear to you, and this one I will keep, I will visit you only twice a year today, and your birthday. I don't want you to deal with me anymore than you have to."
With that I stood up slowly and made my way down the path to the gates of the cemetery. I opened it slowly and walked down the side walk of the grey, dreary Los Angeles morning.