I Don't Wanna Feel a Thing Anymore.

5 Months Later

Beau’s POV

It had been five months since Vic and Kellin had passed. Valerie and I had bought a new house. We just couldn’t live in the same place with all the memories haunting us. Every time I passed their room, I felt like someone was watching me. I knew they had passed over, but they were also watching us. It gave me an agonizingly heavy feeling, and even though we never spoke directly of it, I know it did the same to Val. I also had nightmares of when I found Kellin. The terrors, that feeling, they never left.

That night, Valerie had come home and called for me. I couldn’t answer. She had heard me sobbing and speaking to Kellin, and came to find me in his room. She had backed up; silent tears sliding down her face.

“He killed himself.” I remember stating in a low voice. She had started muttering to herself, still not entering the room. “What?” I whispered.

“It’s my fault.” She had said softly. It was the calm before the storm. All of the sudden, she had started to scream. “IT’S MY FAULT!” She had screeched over and over again. I remember the terror, wanting to help but not being able to leave Kellin. She had turned and punched the mirror we had hanging on the wall opposite the door. It had shattered, leaving her hand and wrist mangled with the scars that I still felt every time I held it.

“Valerie!” I had screamed. I sobbed for her to stop. To calm down. She just stood against the wall, sobbing, going crazy with grief.

We had called the police. They officially declared Kellin’s death as a suicide. Valerie had gone to the hospital, needing stitches for multiple cuts. I had sat alone in the house last night, mourning the death of Kellin and Vic, who had taken along with them the life I was used to living.

Kellin had an even smaller funeral than Vic. Just me, Valerie, Jaime, Tony, and Mike. No one else. And we didn’t even speak of Vic. We had just cried.

We moved out 28 days after Kellin’s death. December 23rd. We didn’t want to celebrate the holidays anyways, let alone in that house. We decided couldn’t spend a single second longer there. We had packed Kellin and Vic’s room last. We packaged up Kellin’s things and put a label on them to send to his sister. We didn’t put a return address. Mike wanted to keep his brother’s things, understandably.

When we were packing, I had found a medium sized box under the bed. It was taped closed, and Kellin’s name was written across the top in Vic’s handwriting. I had called Val over, and she sat on the floor next to me as I opened it delicately. A folded note sat on top of the contents.

Dear Kellin,

Well all your Christmas presents are pretty small, and even though it’s lame, I’ve decided to put them all in the same box. Also, I kept them at the music store, because I knew you’d find them in the house. You’re too damn nosy. Anyways, I love you. Merry Christmas, darling.

Love, Vic.

Valerie and I had just stared at it. Kellin must have gotten it at some point, or Vic must have brought it home. I guess we’d never know. Valerie was crying. I guess I wanted to, but I was all cried out. I felt as if my tears had dried up for good.

Inside the box, there was a collection of things. A couple CDs, along with one of his own demos with hearts drawn on the paper sleeve. There was a handmade beaded bracelet with Vic and Kellin’s intials on it. And last but not least, on the very bottom, were two plane tickets to New York City. I gulped down a scream of agony when I read the date. December 23rd. They would have left today. There was another note that simply said, “Run away with me? ;)”

I had dropped the box and looked right at Val.

“Let’s bury it.” She had whispered after at least a minute of silence. I nodded.

We had driven out to the cemetery that day. Vic and Kellin’s graves were merely a few feet apart from each other. Valerie and I had trudged through the slush, and made sure no one was around before we dug a shallow hole to bury the box right between the headstones.

Remembering that day truly haunted me, almost as much as the day I found Kellin. I felt as if it were a lifetime ago, even though it had only been four months. Time was a funny thing. Five months since our best friends died. Four months since we had moved. But in that time, we had reinvented ourselves and our whole lives. We were different people now. I knew for a fact that moving to San Diego and meeting Vic and Kellin hadn’t been by chance. It had been fate, and the couple had changed us both forever. They had taught us true love, showed us determination, and proved that soulmates existed.

Now, Valerie and I were both signed artists. They had showed us what dedication could do, and we both put ourselves to the test to get where we are. We were moving on to bigger and better things. I had proposed to Valerie last month, because Kellin and Vic had taught me to just go for it, and not waste a single second with the one you love. We were planning a fall wedding. It would be a small, intimate affair. We put invitations on Vic and Kellin’s gravestones.

Whenever I got sad about Vic and Kellin, I thought of the times they smiled, how simply they lived, and their love for each other. It made me happy to picture them now together again, watching over us. Val and I talked about it sometimes. We both missed them so much.

Sometimes, we’d just talk to them. We’d just sit on our porch, hold hands, and tell Vic and Kellin all about our lives and how far we’d come. And you know what? We both knew that they were always listening.