My Life

I've always been a shy person. I had a couple friends but they were more my sister's friends, they were basically someone I hung out with, but I was fine with that. I'd always had a great life with a loving family. My life was great. Until I became twelve. 2009 to 2011 were crazy years for me. They came with a lot of change, and most was the change no-one wants. 2009 was good, I was still having a great life and in school I met a girl who I instantly liked. Her name's Anna and we became BFFs instantly. At first we just hung out like me and my sister's friends but we were super close. When we had known each other for a month, we started telling each other everything. We told each other our secrets, our fears, everything. We knew we would never tell them to anybody else. After six months, a new girl came along. Everyone in school liked her. But who dosn't like a tall girl with beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes? Her name is Taylor and for some reason she wanted Anna to be her friend. Maybe it was because she was dating Anna's Twin brother. Who knows why she wanted to be friends with Anna. They hung out, Anna and Taylor, and I usually joined them. I was cool with those two being friends.

After Taylor, Anna and me were friends for two months, Taylor started to change, but only around me. She didn't really show it at first, just started hanging around me less. Then one day, a week after she started hanging around me less, she walked past me and insulted me. "You're a stupid, fat bitch. No one likes you Lora-Lee. Go away!" were her exact words. I was completely blown away, stung at her words. But I thought she was just having a bad day and ignored it. But then over that week, she kept doing it, insulting me, telling me to leave, that no one likes me. I was started to get really hurt by it. By now Taylor was completely avoiding me. Then one day in school, she tried to shove me down stairs after whispering to me that I was pathetic and useless. Luckily, Anna was their and she grabbed me before I fell. And Taylor wasn't done there. Oh no. Day by day, she got worser, even telling me to go die, if I was smart enough to know what she meant. That was the day I broke and I'm ashamed to admit that at recesses, I just sat in a corner and cried my eyes out. Everyone ignored me, but Anna did come over. She at first tried to comfort me, but when Taylor came over and asked Anna to come with her, she did. Taylor kicked me as she left and I started crying more. A few days later, Taylor was whispering something to a classmate. I happened to walk past and when I did they both gave me a dirty look and laughed. I had a feeling they were talking about me. Anna was also hanging out with me less and less, just like Taylor. One day, I asked if I could hang out with Taylor and Anna and BOTH of them told me "No way! Lora-Lee, you're too stupid and fat and worthless! Don't come near us again, just go die!" I was used to hearing that from Taylor, but to hear it from my BFF made my heart fall out. That was the second day I cried my eyes out.

And things got worser faster then it started. I have a feeling Anna told my secrets, the things she promised to NEVER tell anyone else, to Taylor, who told it to the rest of the school. Everyone was either completely ignoring me, or bulling me. They insulted me, told me to go die, they laughed at me, they shoved me, they kicked me, one actually slapped me once. It was so bad, that I always wanted to skip school and just curl up in my room and sob and think of ways to commit suicide. I clearly wasn't wanted here, why should I stay then? But my parents always made me go to school. They didn't know the torture I was going through. No one did, because I was stupid and never told.

Then one day after school, a music video was on TV. It was on Family (Disney Channel) so I glanced at it and turned it off. I admit that I did judge books by it's cover back then. Oh God, it's a Disney band. They're going to be so stupid like the Jonas Brothers, and no talent at all! was what was going through my head when I saw the music video. I didn't give that band a chance. Little did I know, that that band was going to save my life. Because that band is Allstar Weekend. School got worser, even though I didn't think it could. Everyone continued bulling me, verbally and physically. They started pulling at my hair, tripping me, and sometimes actually stepping on me once they knocked me to the ground. When I was watching TV one day after school, and “A Different Side Of Me“ started playing. I had actually forgotten about that band, Allstar Weekend. I decided to watch it, and as I did, I felt something I hadn't felt in months: happiness. A smile was actually on my face, for those three minutes the pain and sadness and thoughts of suicide were gone. After the song, I went straight to YouTube and searched "Allstar Weekend". I spent four hours listing to their songs and laughing to their hilarious videos. I couldn't believe that I was actually happy again. So as the months went on, I slowly got better. Yes, I still was bullied at school, but as long as I had their songs and funny videos, I knew I would be alright.

Now we fast forward a few months, so it's now 2010. It was the beging of school and I was feeling good. I had Allstar Weekend, and the best news yet was that the little witch, Taylor, was moving away. She'd always been the worst. Anna was switching schools, and I didn't know how to feel about it. I was happy and sad. She had been my BFF, then she went and back-stabbed me. The bulling did continue into this year, but not as bad, still bad, but not really bad. This year their was a new girl. Megan. On her first day, she didn't get any welcome, just hate. Why? Simply because of the fact that she was fat and didn't dress well. Just because of that, they hated her. Her first day to a new school and everyone hates her and bullies her. I just ignored her, but I felt bad for her. After Megan was their for a week, I started to notice a lot of things about her. I could tell she was sad, confused and ready to break down, just like me. So I sat beside her and said hi. And just like me and Anna, we instantly clicked. I was scared to have another BFF because of Anna, but there was something about this new girl, Megan.

As our friendship grew and the months passed, we learned to trust each other. She told me how she had been bullied before, and I knew exactly what she was going through. We didn't tell each other everything, but we told each other some things. We were both bullied, but we were each other's rocks. I came to her when I was sad, and she came to me when she was sad. We comforted each other, and together we were strong enough to ignore those bullies. But it only lasted for a year. When school let out for the summer of 2010, something happened between us. Since the beging of summer, we didn't do anything together. We didn't talk, we didn't hang out. Nothing. We drifted apart that summer and it still makes me upset everytime I think of it or her. That was the summer I hated but then liked. No Megan, and still bullies. Megan had been the only person I could lean on, and we drifted away from each other. We shouldn't't have done that, we wern't supposed to. I was starting to think of ways to commit suicide again. But that was also the summer Taylor Swift entered my life.

I was on the Internet, YouTube to be exact, moping like I always was when for some reason my fingers just typed the word "Enchanted". I didn't tell them to, they just typed. I found it very creepy, and still do. The results that popped up were for Taylor Swift's new song "Enchanted". I'd heard of her, but ignored her because I didn't like country music. But I clicked on a video and listened to it. As I did, I realized how great Taylor Swift was. Just like I did with Allstar Weekend, I searched more of her songs and listened. I watch videos of her. And I found myself loving a country singer. When I came across her song "Mean", I freaking burst into tears, right there in front of my mother, but she didn't notice, thank God. I freaking attacked the reply button on "Mean" over and over. And then after a bit, searched more songs. The next day I got my mom to take me to Wal-Mart, where I bought her new CD "Speak Now". For the rest of the summer, I was up in my room playing my "Speak Now" CD and my Allstar Weekend CD and EP over and over and over. When those CDs were playing, my mind was an empty place, my heart wasn't ripped out and stomped into the ground. I was happy and carefree, exactly how a thirteen year old should be.

Now it's 2012 and I still turn to Taylor Swift and Allstar Weekend when I need love or happiness. It's been three years now since I was bullied and I thought my life was going great, but it's becoming like middle school again, but this time on-line. I'm getting yelled at and swear words thrown at me all just because I don't like someone or something. People are yelling at me because I spell colour with a U, and it's simply because I'm Canadian. People are saying I should stop writing because my writing is terrible. People are yelling and swearing at me for no reason. It feels like my family is ignoring me, and they don't care anymore. I'm trying to stay strong again, but it's so hard when your healed wounds are ripped right open again. The pain is un-bearable. Taylor, and Allstar Weekend are helping me, but I just need to see them live in person. They don't even know I exist, yet to me, they are my family and friends. They actually make me feel loved and like I'm cared about. I need to see them so bad, just hug them and feel safe. If that could happen, then I know I can stay strong forever.

Bulling is a serious issue and I know how it feels. I hope to God that one day bulling will be gone and there will be no hurt in this cruel World we live in.

If you're a victim of bullying, don't hide it like I stupidly did. Talk to (a) trusted adult(s), like your parent(s) and get help. Don't cut, don't stand in front of the mirror saying you're fat and/or ugly, don't say you're worthless, don't starve yourself. Don't EVER self harm yourself in any way! Instead of doing that, tell yourself over and over that you are put on this Earth for a reason, because EVERYONE is! Tell yourself that you're stronger then them. Tell yourself that you still have a life to live, because you do! You're worth something, no matter what they say! And sometimes it may not seem like someone you love cares about you, but they do, always! Killing yourself would just make them depressed and your bullies would be smug. Don't give your bullies that satisfaction!

YOU have a life to live, you were put on this Earth for a reason! You are strong, just look inside of you! Each and every one of us is special. Don't ever self-harm yourself or commit suicide! ALWAYS STAY STRONG!! You can do it! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥