Nobody, Not Even the Rain Has Such Small Hands

"Mike's here," Tony tells me, poking his head into his bedroom with a smile.
I'm buttoning the last few black buttons on the red and black flannel he gave me to wear since I don't have any of my own clothes. It's big on me, coming down past my hips, but it's beyond comfortable. I slip my combat boots on before shutting the light off and leaving the room.
Mike and Tony are standing together in the kitchen, Mike with the hands in his hoodie pockets. His lip piercings glisten in the overhead light as I reach Tony. I give him a quick kiss good-bye before I follow Mike out the door.
"I don't understand why Vic is being such a baby," he says once we're pulling out. "It's not like he has control over who you're dating."
"Tony and I aren't dating, though," I correct him.
"Oh, whatever," he says, followed by a quiet laugh. "That's another issue - why he hasn't asked you out yet."
I look out my widow. It's just before sunset and the sky's that deep blue shade it turns to before changing to a mix of orange and pink.
"Has Vic said anything about me?"
Mike shakes his head without taking his eyes off the road. "He left before I got up."
That was strange. I couldn't think of any place Vic would go other than Jaime's....
"Have you talked to Jaime?"
Mike hesitates for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, just for a minute, though."
Feeling like he's keeping something from me, I press on. "Well, what did he say? That's probably where Vic is."
He shrugs like it's not that big of a deal, jutting his bottom lip out a bit. "He says he thinks this runs a little deeper than you not telling him you and Tony are hanging out."
I notice he didn't say 'dating' again and I appreciate it, although it sparks the question of whether or not Tony would ever ask me to be his girlfriend. I kind of like the informal thing we've got going, not that I could see myself with anyone else....
"Vic can't stay mad forever," I say with a clear hint of frustration in my voice.
Mike agrees with a small nod as he turns the corner to the street the house is on. Just a few moments later, we get out and begin heading inside. Instinct takes over and I leave my shoes by the door before going back into my room to get a few sets of clothes and other things to stay a few nights at Tony's.
As I begin to pull clothes out of my drawers, I hear my door open and look over my shoulder to see Mike with his hand on the knob, peeking his head in.
"Do you want a hit?" he asks, sticking a lit blunt through the door.
I can't help but to laugh. I should have suspected that Mike smokes when he's left home alone, but it was strangely polite of him to ask if I wanted some. Without thinking it through, I nod and he comes in, shutting the door behind him.
"Have you ever smoked before?" When he gets closer, the smell gets stronger and I can tell he's already had a decent share.
I simply nod my head, telling him that I have without explaining my past with the drug. A friend of mine offered me some at a party. I quickly realized that pot, despite what had been drilled into my mind by those in authority, actually worked as a decent depression and anxiety quick fix.
Mike takes another hit off of the blunt before passing it to me, holding the smoke in his cheeks as he walks beside me to perch himself at the edge of my bed.
I take the joint between my fingers and look at it for a moment before placing it between my lips and sucking in. It's so strong that I cough but the more he and I pass it back and forth the easier it becomes. I watch as Mike blows out O's and then as the smoke swirling up into the already contaminated air. Too soon, all that's left of the once thick blunt is a stub that he rubs out in a blue ash tray.
"I've never had anything like that before." At first, I don't really recognize my own voice. I sound distant and strange, as if it were someone else speaking.
Mike chuckles to himself as if it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. "I'm glad I could introduce you to some good weed, then."
I let my mind wander because I don't care where it goes. Taking deep breaths despite my heart beating a bit faster than normal, I eagerly fill my lungs with second-hand smoke.
Mike doesn't notice when I slip out of the room because he's laying back with his eyes closed, looking so peaceful that I do my best not to disturb him. When I reach the bathroom, I close the door only halfway behind me and begin stripping off my clothes and letting them fall to the floor. I catch my reflection in the mirror behind the tub once I'm in just my bra and underwear.
Instead of showering, I decide to give Aly a call. When she doesn't pick up, I leave a message telling her all about touring. I'm a little disheartened because it would have been nice to hear someone's voice.
I lean up against the bathtub, cool against my bare back. The only two people in the house are Mike and I, but Mike doesn't seem real. I walk back to my room where he's still laying back on my bed and go to him. I reach my hand out and I'm surprised when his skin seems to tingle beneath my finger tips. I feel like I'm the only human alive.

Tony turns from the sink when I walk into the kitchen wearing my navy blue backpack two hours later, holding my leftover fast-food paper bag. He abandons whatever it was that he was doing as I throw away my scraps.
"Let's just go to bed," I suggest, already beginning to form a stomach ache from the amounts of food Mike fed me after we both came down.
Tony simply nods, takes my hand and leads me down the hallway to his bedroom. Without either of us saying anything, we begin changing into our pajamas like it's second nature.
"Maddy," he says suddenly.
I look up and know exactly what it is he's seen without following his eyes or looking down. His mouth hangs open a little in shock, his eyes wide. I slip on my pants and hide his view of the thin marks horizontally across either of my thighs. Uneasiness settles in the very pit of my stomach because I know what's coming.

"What was that?" I ask. She has her pajama pants pulled up around her hips now, but the mental image won't leave my mind. I'm almost positive I know what it was.
Actually, I am positive.
"Nothing." Her voice quivers and I can tell that she doesn't want to have this conversation.
"Maddy..." I go to her and I'm surprised when she takes a few steps back so she's pressed up against my dresser. I stay where I am. "Just talk to me, okay?"
She shakes her head. "Not now."
"Why not?"
I swear I can see her eyes start to water and her irises become even more blue.
"I just want to go to sleep," she claims.
"Maddy, if you're hurting-"
"I'm not though," she lies with a shake of her head, crossing her arms against her chest. She hadn't put on her shirt yet and she's still in her bra. As if she could read my mind, she seems to realize she's still shirtless and bends over to pick up her clean t-shirt off the floor. I watch as she slips it over her head without saying a word.
"Don't do that to yourself, okay. Promise me you won't do it again."
She takes in a shaky breath and her delicate hands ball into fists by her sides. She looks furious and I've never seen her this mad before. I know I've hit some sort of soft spot.
"It makes me feel better."
"But it doesn't make things better." I work up the courage to reach out and place my hand on the top of her arm. She drops hers from around her chest and I grab her hand before I start walking backwards towards the bed, not taking my eyes off her. When we reach the bed, I pull back the sheets and turn the over head light off. I climb in first and the mattress shifts when she goes down beside me, pulling the blankets up over the two of us. "Will you do it for me?"
She sighs and I see the shadow of her arm go up to her face. "I feel like I'm dragging you down with me," she whispers up to the ceiling.
"I promise you're not dragging me down, Maddy. I want to try and help you. I've been trying to help since you told me about your mom because I love you."
She takes in a quick breath at the sound of my last words and I wonder if maybe it was too soon. The silence is so long that I begin to think she's fallen asleep. When she speaks again her voice sounds quiet and thin.
"That's ridiculous."
Beneath the blankets, I stretch my hand out and search for hers. Turning onto my side, I find it as I drag my hand across her stomach and find both of them folded there. She allows me to intertwine my fingers with hers and I place my other arm beneath my pillow.
"Fine, then it's ridiculous, but let me at least try and help you. You're not dragging me down or any shit like that. So don't even think it."
She surprises me by turning onto her side, moving our hands so they lye between us as her other one goes up into my hair. She moves the strands away from my face and off my neck slowly, taking her time. My eyelids droop at her peaceful touch. She tucks a bit of it behind my ear and then places her hand on my cheek.
"I don't make any promises I don't think I can keep."