Nobody, Not Even the Rain Has Such Small Hands

Maddy's POV
I focus on fitting my body into Tony's from behind, forming myself into the 'big spoon'. It's nice, that we've coincidentally swapped roles and I'm the one holding him while he sleeps. The rise and fall of his back while he sleeps is comforting.
Some unknown source had woken me up from the nightmare. There's noise coming from the small kitchenette area by the front and I can't think who would be up this early other than to post the schedule for today. Maybe that's what had woken me. My mind is heavy but not with the cloudiness of freshly being shaken from sleep.
I don't want to have these dreams anymore and I don't want to continue to relive things of the past. I feel like a new person here on tour with Tony, waking up every morning in the small bunk meant only for one person. I don't want these old things following me here like dark clouds above my head every where I go. I want to be different, somehow, but I'm not sure how to erase these things and stop them from reoccurring over and over again in my mind. I squeeze Tony to me.
"'Morning," he whispers.
"Oh.... I didn't think you were awake. D-Did I wake you up?"
He laughs and reaches his hand down to the back of my calf. "No, I've been awake for a while."
Tony and I have been sharing a bed for a while now, including the time I had spent living with him before tour. He's probably used to my late night thrashings and the sound of me waking up breathless. There's even been a few occasions where I'll wake up and he'll be pressed against me in mid-sentence, like he had been talking to me while I slept in attempt to calm me down or wake me up. Chances are it was him that had taken me out of my unwanted dreaming. I'm hoping he wasn't conscious for the short lived fit of tears that followed.
"Did it happen again?"
I nod, a little embarrassed at my own childish behaviors. "Sorry if I woke you up."
He turns so he's facing me, causing me to inch backwards a bit. He closes the space and his hand begins traveling up and down my side soothingly, adjusting himself so one arm is beneath the pillow, propping his head up a bit. "It's alright. I'd rather be awake when it happens."
I move even closer to him and kiss his lips. He tastes like sleep but I don't care. A small sound escapes from his throat, the back of his hand rubs against my stomach, pulling my shirt up, an innocent act. When the kiss dies out, I reach up to touch the tender skin beneath his eye and then move to the spot near his dermal.
"You know what I was thinking?" I ask, keeping my voice low in consideration of the sleeping bus.
His eyes search mine and I'm sure he's not expecting what I'm about to say.
"What if I go to a- like, a doctor or something? You know, to figure out why I keep having the same dreams over and over again."
There's so much more to it but I start with the basics. He just looks at me for a while like he's trying to take in why in the world I would ever consider getting professional advice on how to control my own mind.
"I think you should do whatever it is you think you need."
I sigh, wishing that he had led me in a more solid direction. "I mean, maybe after I figure out how to stop having these dreams about my dad at least.... It would bring us closer," which has more meanings than one.
I yawn and my eyes close, nestling my head into his warm chest. "I'm going to do what's best for us," I say before drifting off to sleep again.

Tony's POv
It's only an hour or so before there's a rapping on the bus door and I'm forced to get up and answer it. I settle my anger with the fact that I'd have to get up within the next half hour anyway in order to be ready to play on time since our set's in the afternoon today. Still, I don't mind taking my time to reach the door.
"Hey, man," Alex says when I pull the handle back to reveal him on the other side. "How's it going? Is Maddy around?"
I can practically feel my face drop in confusion. As if Alex Gaskarth knocking on our bus door first thing in the morning doesn't do it, it's that he's asking for Maddy. I stutter for a moment as I clear my head.
"Uh... She's sleeping actually." I'm happy that I don't have to lie to this cheery bastard.
"Oh, alright." He nods slowly and begins stepping backwards. He's wearing those gray pants with the print on only one leg.
"I'll tell here you're looking for her, though." I guess.
His face brightens. "Alright, thanks. If I'm not at catering I'll back back at the bus."
"Alright," is all I say before shutting the door and descending back into the kitchen area.
I take a seat at the table, the bus falling into complete silence. It's broken a few minutes later when the door opens and Hannah and Christine appear. I had almost forgotten they had slept over last night. I figure they're planning on spending as much time as they can with Mike since it's our last day in California.
"Good morning," Hannah chimes brightly. "We got up early and made a breakfast run. That coffee at catering is horrible."
I laugh, knowing that I've gotten used to it over time and that Jerry's really trying to improve. She passes me a brown coffee shop bag and I thank her. Peering inside I see she got me some type of donut.
"It was Christine's idea."
Christine flashes me a wide smile from where she's standing at the oven already beginning to prepare what looks like an omelet.
"Thank you," I repeat.
"I saw Alex heading back from here." Christine cracks the last egg into a glass measuring cup I've never seen before. "He seems like a nice guy."
My mind begins to wonder again, wondering why he wanted to talk to Maddy. Well... Maddy's charming, she's beautiful and she's the sweetest girl I've ever met. And I've met a lot of women. It's not really a question why he'd want to talk to her or even be friends with her. It's a question of what moment in between the ones I've had with her so far- smiling at her in each second's pause I get during every day signing's, watching her from the corner of my eye as she watches our set from side stage- did she have a chance to talk to Alex Gaskarth and introduce herself.
I'm not mad. Never could I be mad at her. I'm just curious. I've personally witnessed Alex charm girls all the way back to his bunk.
Then I hear blankets rustling and I look back down the hallway in the generally direction of the bunks. Maddy stretches her legs down to the floor and then pulls her t-shirt down so it hides her stomach. her flannel pajama shorts are crooked over her hips, swaying back and forth as she approaches. I reach out and pull her onto my lap as she passes me, kissing her cheek.
She laughs and pries herself away, settling for the spot across from me once she's said her good morning's to the two other girls, complete with hugs. I give her a soft smile of my own and slide the brown bag and the donut inside, knowing she doesn't like much conversation right after she gets up. She peeks down at it and thanks me.
I have no reason not to trust her. I'm puddy in her hands.

Maddy's POV
Christine convinces me with the fact that there won't be anything to do until Vegas that shopping tonight is a good idea. We walk around, hopping from store to store, as she picks out clothes she says 'go with my body type'. I'm texting Tony the whole way, Christine handing me dress after dress. She was shocked when Hannah told her I don't have a single dress in my wardrobe, making all the more reason for Christine to be convinced we need to go shopping together.
"So how long have you guys been together?" she asks suddenly.
I look up from my phone after hitting send, stuffing it into my back pocket. "What do you mean?"
"You and Tony." The words sound like second nature to her.
"Oh, we're not."
She laughs. "Yeah, I see the way he looks at you, honey."
"What do you mean?" I repeat, taking some type of blue pencil skirt out of her hands.
She gives me a look suggesting I know what she's taking about, as if I'm just asking so she'll have to say it out loud. "Like he wants a peak at what's under all that." She motions a hand over my chest and I let out a laugh. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed."
I shrugged and she playfully shoves me. "See!"
"It's nothing."
She shrugs. "I don't blame you. He looks like a good fuck."
My instinct is to get defensive. I'm silent all the way to the dressing room, holding my tongue. After getting our tags, we go our separate ways to try on all the clothes she's picked out. I strip down to my underwear just as my phone vibrates and I see it's a picture message from Tony. He's laying in the bunk making an extremely exaggerated face with his bottom lip sticking out and wide eyes.
I miss you, babe. I'll be here when you get back.
I notice he's not wearing a shirt and the tattoos over his chest and a part of his torso are visible. Looking in the changing room mirror in front of me, Christine's words come back. Her hips are so much smaller. Her thighs don't even touch. Quickly, I produce the best smile I can and snap a picture.
I miss you too x
I hit send before I can change my mind and, involuntarily, my mom's words of wisdom come back to me.
"You're such a fucking whore, Madilynn."
Maybe I'm trying to prove a point. I put my phone on top of my clothes, piled up on the wooden stool pushed into the corner. Maybe I'm just pathetically insecure.
I begin to change into whatever dress was on the first hanger I touched. I don't pay much attention to it as my mind jumps from memory to memory.