Nobody, Not Even the Rain Has Such Small Hands

I wipe my sweaty palms on the leg of my jeans and step out of the car. Jaime meets me on the other side and we begin walking towards the mall entrance. Cara said she'd meet me here and we could talk things over. Jaime agreed to come along for morale support. He'd walk with me to the doors of the restaurant and then come and meet me when she and I are done. I'm running over and over in my head what exactly I'm going to say to her. It never seems like enough to explain exactly to her why she should give me a second chance.
"What if she doesn't come?" I wonder out loud.
"Then call me and I'll tell you where I am. We've got a shower on the bus this time and we need to buy a lifetime supply of soap."
Memories of touring during the heat of summer flash through my mind. None of the fans care if you're covered in sweat and haven't showered in a few days. They still faithfully scream your name.
Jaime reaches the door first and opens it, passing it to me. All the smells of the clothes and fast food hit me hard. We pass a group of girls that can't be any older than thirteen as we head in the direction of the restaurant. I make eye contact with the tall brunette wearing a mini skirt. She screams, pointing to me with one hand and shaking her nearby friend with the other. I keep my head down and continue walking. I'm not in the mood to sign autographs or take pictures. I begin to wonder if the crowd in the restaurant will be a problem. It doesn't matter as long as Cara shows. I just need to see her.
"It gets kind of old," I tell Jaime once we're out of ear shot of the group of girls.
"All part of the job, my friend."
The autographs, pictures and hysteric fans don't typically bother me. In fact, it's flattering... in most cases. I've put ten years of my life towards this and things have worked out pretty well. All in all, I'm a lucky bastard. Although I can't help but wonder what the band is becoming when we've got preteen girls in the audience screaming that they want to sleep with one of us.
"I'll be around. Just call me if you need anything." Jaime's voice cuts through my thoughts. I look up and realize we're standing outside of Gregory's, the place Cara told me she'd meet me at. I check my watch and see I'm five minutes early, giving me plenty of time to find a table and order a couple drinks. We clasp our hands together and Jaime gives me a gentle slap on the back. I tell him I'll see him in a little while, take a deep breath and walk into the restaurant. Immediately I begin scanning the room, hoping that she's just as eager to see me as I am to see her and she's arrived just as early. I'm proven wrong and ask the hostess for a table for two. She agrees and relief washes over me when she simply smiles and turns away, having no clue who I am.
I can't help but focus my eyes at the door and look up every few seconds to see if she's walking towards me. This goes on for an hour before Jaime's face reappears behind the glass doors. He finds me almost immediately and his happy expression falls when he sees I'm sitting by myself. I had the waitress enough money to cover the drinks I ordered and a tip on my way out.

I wake up feeling surprisingly refreshed the next morning. Maybe a night reconnecting with Mike was what I needed. It's easy to roll out of bed and the cool floor boards feel smooth beneath my bare feet. The first thing I do is call my sister. When she doesn't pick up my heart sinks, but I'm not about to call my mom and break the no-communication thing we've got going on recently. I settle for calling Aly later on and make my way into the kitchen to see that Jaime and Vic are already awake. For the second time since last night, I feel like I'm interrupting something I'm not meant to be apart of.
"'Mornin'," Vic says. I stand awkwardly a few feet away from where they're sitting on the stools, not sure if I should go back to my room or stay since I've already intervened.
"Are you hungry?" he asks after a few moments of silence. "Jaime and I were just about to make something to eat."
I go over and easily slid onto the stool thanks to my pajama pants and smile towards Vic. He looks so worn out, like he hasn't slept in a few days and hasn't been eating much.
"Why don't I make breakfast this morning?" I say, getting up from my seat and going over to where Vic is by the stove. I take the frying pan out of his hand gently and put my other hand on his arm. For a moment, we both look at each other and he's got this look in his eye like something's really hurt him. I'm not sure what to do. I've never been good with those closest to me hurting. I can tell it's something he's really taken to heart by the way his eyelids droop down and the bags beneath them. I want to take him up in a hug but I can feel Jaime's eyes on me and I can only imagine what it feels like to be the third-wheel in a sentimental moment like this. Vic looks away and gives me the frying pan, moving away from my touch. I go to the fridge and begin digging around for breakfast options as if nothing happened.
I pull out a nearly full carton of white eggs and place it down on the surface of the table before leaning across towards where Vic's sitting beside his best friend. "What if we make an entire feast out of it? We'll surprise Mike and maybe he'll want to invite Hannah over to come eat with us." I catch Jaime's eye and he's giving me a look like inviting Hannah is a bad idea. I give him a small nod to tell him I got the message, but inconspicuous enough so Vic won't notice our silent communication. "We can all eat together like a family," I add to try and cover up my small bluff.
I'm not sure if I'm making things better or worse so I turn to Jaime for reassurance.
"That sounds like a good idea," he says after a few more seconds of silence. "I'll help you, Maddy. I've always liked cooking."
He purposely bumps into me on our way back to the stove and I trip to the side a few steps.
"Jaime!" I exclaim, followed quickly by a laugh.
I begin by putting the frying pan on the electric stove top to warm it up. Jaime gets out the measuring cup, the whisk, milk and a bag of 3-cheese mix. I crack the eggs in the measuring cup and then pour in the milk and cheese before whisking the ingredients together.
Jaime stands beside me, texting someone on his cellphone. I make a scene of looking over his shoulder to read the text, but he's too tall.
"Looks like you were stuck with the short Mexican gene, Madsters," Mike says.
I laugh and turn to see a freshly awakened Mike standing just a few feet behind me. His long hair is messy from sleep and he's wearing only a pair of red cloth shorts that reach just above his knees.
"I'm not the only one." I throw a look over my shoulder at Vic, who's still sitting at the kitchen island. I could have sworn I saw traces of a smile playing on his lips at my comment.
"What smells so good?" Mike joins me by the stove and sees the eggs I'm cooking in the pan. "Omelets?"
I nod. "We're making a breakfast fiesta." I use my best Mexican accent on the word 'fiesta' and Jaime bursts out laughing.
"You're so white for a half Mexican chick."
I playfully throw a slap against his arm and he smiles down at me. "I'm just as white as I am Mexican."
Mike rolls his eyes and pulls out a second frying pan identical to the one I've already got in use. Jaime appears with a package of bacon, which Mike quickly takes over.
"Jaime can't cook bacon to save his life," Mike mumbles under his breath at me. I laugh and fold the omelet in two, the underside coming out a perfect golden color. Jaime doesn't seem to have noticed Mike's comment.
I finish off the first omelet and give the job to an idle Jaime. "Should I go call Tony?" I ask as he takes the spatula out of my hand.
"Who thinks it's a good idea to invite the Turtle to breakfast?" He raises the spatula into the air. Mike and I quickly follow his lead by raising our own hands. Vic is last to raise his hand into the air and the decision is made.
"I'll give him a call." Jaime hands me back the spatula and then disappears down the hall with his cellphone.
Mike and I go back to cooking side-by-side while Vic watches. I put the finished omelets on a covered dish to keep them warm until it's time to eat. I make five decent sized ones and I finish up about the same time Mike's done with the bacon. He pulls a plate down from an overhead cabinet just by extending an arm. He covers this with a paper towel before shoveling the cooked pieces onto it.
When Jaime comes back, he helps by setting the table while Vic gets the silverware, cups, plates and napkins. He puts a jug of orange juice in the center where the napkin holder sits filled with extra napkins. We're done just around the same time there's a knock on the door. I go to answer and catch Vic saying something about how we forgot the coffee.
I brush myself off and see that I'm still in my pajamas and haven't showered yet. I'm sure I smell like eggs and bacon, I've got no make-up on and my hair remains half tangled. I begin to panic as Tony knocks on the door a second time. I have no choice but to open up.
He smiles when I open the door, revealing him on the other side, and our eyes meet. "Good morning."
He's wearing a black t-shirt and he looks just as happy as I feel, despite my wardrobe. I can't help but to stretch up so our lips meet. It lasts only for a moment but it's enough.
We walk back to the kitchen side by side just as the others are putting the plates of food on the table. I take the seat in between Vic and Tony. Jaime takes the seat on Vic's other side and Mike sits opposite his brother. We all eat in semi-silence except for a few comments on Mike and I's cooking skills. I'm thankful no one brings up Warped Tour, which means I don't have to tell them I'm still unsure. Mike and Tony are the only ones who know why I'm so indecisive. I give Vic a sideways glance and wonder how I'd be able to tell him I won't go on tour with him. Especially after Jaime's told me he's having a hard time and seeing how broken he looked just an hour ago.
Once we're done eating, everyone pitches in to help clean up. Even Tony, who flicks dish soap into my face. Jaime and Mike can't help but join in and pretty soon the entire kitchen floor is covered in suds and dish water. The front of my shirt is soaked entirely through before I realize that I'm wearing white and my black lace bandeau is visible. Tony comes up to me and wraps his arms around me, planting a kiss on the top of my head. This is the first time he's really kissed me with any of them around and it feels a bit different than usual, more rebellious.
"Woah there, buddy," Jaime says, jokingly. "Lay your hands off my girl."
I laugh and Tony's hands drop from around me.
"Your girl?" he asks with pretend anger in his voice.
"You wanna take this outside?" There's something in his voice that suggests he's serious. Confusion washes over me before he adds, "seriously, though, I have to talk to you, man." He then leads Tony down the hallway and into either Mike or Vic's room. When the door closes behind them, I turn to Mike. He laughs at my facial expression, which I'm sure is a mixture of misunderstanding and surprise.
"What the hell is going on?" I ask.
Vic shrugs and Mike gives me a look like he finds the whole thing amusing.
"I wouldn't worry about it," he says as he gets the mop from the nearby closet of kitchen cleaning supplies. He begins wiping up the suds as Vic loads the dishwasher, leaving me with nothing to do but wonder what Jaime and Tony are talking about.

Someone's calling me, taking me out of my well deserved sleep and I'm not very happy about it. I downed a double dose of NyQuil to help me get to sleep and aid the pressing headache that was forming from picking apart Warped Tour and trying to think of whatever Jaime and Tony had to talk about until nothing made sense. It's funny how my mind races at night when I'm trying to sleep, making getting rest nearly impossible. I even thought of college plans, since I'm a newly high school graduate and the next step would sensibly going off to expand my education. The thought made me mentally gag.
I turn over in my bed until I reach the lamp and then feel around for the switch. My room is lights up and I squint, taking my time to locate my phone mixed in with the sheets. My head begins to pound and it takes a moment for my vision to focus in on the name. When I see it's Tony, I'm pleasantly surprised. Naturally my mind goes back to my breakdown a couple nights ago where I told him nearly all the details of my childhood and why it is that getting away was so important to me. I almost wish I had kept all that to myself and came up with some mediocre 'I hated that town' response, even if his reaction was much more sensitive than anyone who has heard the story before. I grab the phone and answer, even though my mind is racing a thousand miles a minute and I have no clue why he could be calling me at this time.
"Hello?" I sound frog-like and clear my throat, embarrassed.
"Did I wake you up?" His voice is low and my headache is thankful.
"Don't worry about it," I tell him, positioning myself against my headboard. I draw my legs in so the blankets create a fort supported by my knees. "Why're you up?" I take my phone away from my ear to check the time. It's just past 3am.
"I couldn't fall asleep," he pauses again, "I guess I just got used to you being here with me." There's a pause and neither of us say anything. He adds, "besides, I need to talk to you."
Usually I'm not one to be swayed by sweet talk and kissing, but something in his voice makes me jump out of bed and head straight to my dresser. There's a moment where I can practically feel the two of us thinking. I can hear him inhale on the other end as I rest the phone between my shoulder and my ear and take off my pajama pants to replace them with jeans.
"Do you want to come over?"
"Right now?" I ask to make sure that I hadn't misinterpreted him and what I was sure I heard in his voice.
"Yeah..." his voice trails off. I'm sure he knows this is crazy.
"Come pick me up and it's a deal." I'm hooking the clasp of my bra and clutching my t-shirt in my hands. I catch my reflection in the mirror for a second before going over and rubbing away the smudges of yesterday's eyeliner.
"I'll be there in ten minutes."
We hang up without saying much else and I finish getting dressed. I don't have the energy or ability to focus to put on make-up and do much with my hair besides to run my fingers through it and work out any knots from sleep. I pull my hair over one shoulder. The red tints I applied a few months back are still visible in the dark brown. I look plain with no make-up, but it's 3am and I don't think he'll mind.
Several different scenarios play out in my head as I fix my hair. Maybe he's going to talk to me about whatever it was that passed between him and Jaime at breakfast. Jaime could of talked to him about whatever it is that's been going on with Tony and I lately. Maybe he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. Both excitement and panic come over me. If Tony and I were to formally date, it would be so much harder to go home for the summer. Not that I wouldn't already miss him, because I would. Dating Tony would also mean the fans knowing and I'm not sure how that would go.
I convince myself I'm over-thinking everything as usually and take a few moments to calm myself down. I decide that I wouldn't mind any of the possibilities that I had come up with. Tony's attractive and the numb, blissful feeling of him kissing me is something I've wanted back since the first time. I think back to a couple years ago when he had those lip piercings and shorter hair. Back then, I never would have believed Tony was coming to pick me up from Vic and Mike's at 3am. He was always a bit shy and I'm not exactly the type of girl I pictured him with.
I look at myself one last time in the mirror, telling myself I'm going to have to be satisfied with the way my nose turns upward slightly and the way my eyes look gray instead of blue at the moment. I grab my sweatshirt off the bed post and pull it over my arms as I close my bedroom door behind me. My shoes are sitting by the back door and I slid them on as I walk around the kitchen looking for paper and a pen. Once I locate a piece of blank white paper and a black pen, I scribble the boys a note.
'I'm at Tony's. Be back in a little while. Love you x'
Just then, my phone vibrates too loudly for the eerie silence. I check it and I've got a message from Tony letting me know that he's here. The whole thing is too high-school cliche for me to not carry out being extra careful to close the front door behind me in just the right way as to not make any noise. As I walk down the driveway in the dark, his headlights are the only thing visible. His car is parked at the end of the driveway with the passenger's side door facing me. I can see his silhouette in the driver's seat turning towards me as I approach him.
"Hey," he says as I close the door behind me and he steps on the gas. "I brought you a coffee."
"Thanks," I tell him, surprised. I pick the container up from where it's sitting in the holder between us. It's home made and I take a hesitant sip. I'm even more taken back when a sweet combination of flavors mixed with espresso move over my tongue.
"You don't have to drink it if you don't like it." He turns to look at me with dark eyes. He's wearing a snap back and a gray hoody. I suddenly remember why he makes me nervous.
"It's good," I say honestly. "Thank you."
He focuses back on the road as we just barely make it through a yellow light. He drives like a seventeen year-old boy. "No problem. I figured it was the least I could do for waking you up at 3am to come and keep me company."
"I don't mind." I sound a little too eager and I try to cover up the situation by taking another sip of the coffee, doing my best to keep my eyes off him.
"Really?"
The bright street lamps on the main strip supply some light in his once dark vehicle and I nod.
"Are you cold?"
"No, why?" My voice rises a few octaves, making me sound just as self conscious as I feel. Now's not the time to have an anxiety attack. I've spent nights at his place before, so why I'm nervous now makes no sense to me.
"You're hands are shaking." He reaches out and touches the back of his hand to mine. The difference in skin tone is significant, him being much darker than me. Evidently, I look like my father.
"You're making me nervous," I admit, looking at the mug between my hands. Sure enough, it was rocking back and forth in rapid timing with my shivering hands.
He laughs quietly to himself. "Why is that?"
I take a too careful sip of my coffee before sticking it between my legs and shoving my hands in the pockets of my pullover sweatshirt. "So what do you have to talk to me about?" I say to change the subject and because I'm hoping it'll help calm my sudden anxiety.
We reach his duplex then and he cuts the engine. We walk in silence into his house and he tosses his keys onto the table shoved into the corner in the kitchen, the question lingering between us. He turns to me and gives me a once over.
"I'll get you some sweat pants," he says before disappearing down the short hallway to the only bedroom in the entire place. I wait and he returns shortly with a pair of athletic shorts and a black t-shirt. "I brought this just in case," he hands me the t-shirt, unfolding itself as I take it in my hands. "Change and then we can talk."
I thank him and then head back to his room. It's semi-cluttered with guitar on display in one corner in a nearly full laundry basket in another. His bed is pushed up against the far wall, queen sized. There's clothes littering the floor here and there along with guitar picks. It's a comfortable room and I can't help but feel at home. I change and fold up my clothes, placing them on his dresser in a neat pile. The t-shirt is big on me and I have to roll over the band of the shorts a couple times to help to keep them up. I'm thankful I took the time to shave my legs in the shower this morning.
When I'm all changed, I go out to the living room where Tony's throwing a couple pillows onto the couch along with a blanket. He doesn't notice me, so I walk up behind him and place a hand on his back to get his attention. When he turns around, we're centimeters away from each other. He reaches down and takes my hand, guiding me down onto the couch. He puts the blanket over my legs and I adjust it as I wait for him to begin.
"I just wanted to talk to you about Vic..." he begins, eyes drifting off to the blank TV screen. "Jaime pulled me aside this morning because I guess he's having a hard time since Cara broke it off with him."
I know Vic's written songs about her and I've heard vague things about her from the guys, but I don't know her and I've never seen her before. I'm not sure what to say since I have so little information. Besides, what does this have to do with Tony and I?
"Um..." I look down at my lap. I'm sitting with my back against the arm rest of the couch with my feet near Tony's thighs. He reaches over and extends my legs across his lap. "Jaime mentioned something to me a while ago about Vic having a hard time. He asked me to keep an eye on him."
"Well, Vic and Jaime went to the mall last night to meet up with Cara. Jaime says she never showed and Vic's taking it really hard." Tony looks hurt for his friend and I wonder if there's more to this then what Vic's really letting on. She's just a girl, right?
I realize that I've done a bad job of looking out for him. I've spent too much time with Tony lately. The only thing we've done together since I got here was a trip to the zoo.
"I guess I need to make a point of being there for him more," I think out loud. I realize it's the same situation with my sister and my mind screams 'Warped Tour'. I sigh. I'm going to have to pick between Vic and the rest of the guys and Aly. My eyes drift over to Tony, his hands placed gently on the top of my calves. I lean back against the pillow he's placed by the arm rest and think how crazy it is that we're this close after just a couple weeks. I don't know how I'd leave him for an entire summer to go back to the hell I dedicated my teenage years to leaving behind. If I went home, I wouldn't be able to look out for Vic.
"Vic's not really close with anyone besides us and Cara. We're all he's got."
I know what it's like to feel like you've got no one and my heart sinks in my chest at the idea of Vic feeling this way. Vic, who has thousands of people that love him and consider him a friend. I guess that doesn't count for much if you still feel alone.
"Anyway, Jaime just asked me to keep it on the down low because Vic's really happy you're out here and Jaime's afraid I'm taking that away from him or something," he turns to the side to look at me and shrugs a single shoulder. "I guess I kind of see where he's coming from. Vic needs family other than Mike."
I nod. Vic and I are more alike than I realized months ago when I called and asked if I could move in. There's no getting around that we need each other.
Tony suddenly gets up, breaking me out of my thoughts and pulling me back to him. He places my legs back on the couch where he was previously sitting and goes over to the TV. Pulling out a DVD, he pops it into the player and moments later the opening credits to Star Wars pop up onto the screen. When he returns to the couch, he picks my legs up and places them back where they were before he moved.
"You can go to sleep now," he says to me in a low voice.
I move over towards him and plant a kiss on his cheek, saving thoughts of how bad of a niece, cousin and sister I am for another time. His skin is soft and gentle. I wrap my arms around his neck as he turns so our lips brush before he kisses me.
"Good night," he mumbles. I adjust myself so I'm leaning against his side and his arm is around me. He lays down on the couch, putting his other arm behind his head and resting against the other pillows. The light switch is in reach with minimal stretching on his part. The room subsides into darkness as Star Wars plays on the screen.
"Goodnight," I tell him simply. He responds by intertwining his hand in the hair at the back of my neck and moving his fingers back and forth. I have no idea how I'm going to leave his side.