Phoebe

I seemed to be running around a lot, but it didn't really matter to me. All that mattered now was Joey. It startled me to admit it, but I really had always cared about him. Ever since that day in the parking lot when I had first seen him. There must be some sort of underlying connection to explain it; the concept of soul mates did not seem so infeasible to me anymore.

It was natural, somehow, that this time I was running toward Joey instead of running away. I was coming to claim that we were meant to be, that relationships could be so simplistic as to be based upon one glance, one flowering friendship, that I was utterly wrong to deny true love.

The first knock on his door could hardly register as a knock; it was more like a weak tap. I tried again and was satisfied when an audible noise sounded. When the door opened, my breath caught. In my rush to come to Joey, I had not prepared myself for meeting him.

The words came so effortlessly. "Hi. I was in the neighborhood an--"

"No you weren't," he interrupted. "Whenever someone says that, it usually is for a distraction. I'm not so basic, Phoebe, to not see that. Why are you really here?"

"I've -- I've been an idiot, Joey," I stammered. Admitting I was one stupid was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. I had never considered my actions to be wrong before, and it was all new to me to be sorry.

"Go on."

"I wish you would come outside instead of talking to me through the screen."

He made to close the door, and so I deserted my attempt to get him closer and hurried to continue. "Wait! Joey, I made a mistake. Look!"

I scrambled through my bag and found the paper quickly. He gazed at the paper, registered what it was, and watched in awe as I ripped it into two long pieces then again and again.

"I don't care about Kevin. I never have. But it's important that you realize the only connecting thread between him and me is Ivy. And as far as I'm concerned, Ivy can take care of herself."

I let the pieces flutter to the ground then, and I turned to leave. The sound of the latch springing and the screen door squeaking open stopped me from leaving however.

Joey was standing on the porch now, but he still held the screen door open with his body. It was clearly a sort of compromise; he still wasn't totally with me, but he would listen with more than just resentment.

I didn't move closer to him even though I wanted with all my heart to; if I got closer physically, he might leave forever. So I continued to hold my position three steps away.

"Scarlett was an idiot, too," I established. "And we both have major flaws. If we see love, we extort it for our benefit. Either that or we can't see love at all. Both are indeed tragic. Neither one brings true happiness."

I gulped down the lump that was forming in my throat and continued. "Scarlett pushed Rhett away all her life. She was so clouded with Ashley that she couldn't see Rhett clearly for what he was -- her true, honest-to-God soul mate. I was the same except I didn't have a love infatuation. I hate Kevin so much, and I cannot stand to see him with my sister. That is why I was willing to fight a war that was not mine. But I became so obsessed with his downfall that I did not see you. I did not see the us that could be."

"I hope to God that you'll forgive me, Joey," I confessed. "Don't walk out of my life like Rhett did to Scarlett. Don't tell me you don't give a damn. Don't. But if you must -- if you have to, know that I will always love you."

He considered me for a minute and turned. My heart started to break. I had spilled my guts for nothing. No, not nothing. For Joey. Always Joey. I would never forget him. I would go through the remainder of my life thinking about him and what could have been. And that would be better than never loving anyone at all.

Somehow I made it to my car. My head collapsed to the steering wheel, and the tears began to fall.