Running From Lions

Alex walked through his front door and straight away headed upstairs. His parents wouldn’t be home for a few hours, it was only 12:00 and they didn’t finish work until 6PM. He lay in his bed looking around at the familiar space. The room was painted a dark evergreen shade with posters of Blink-182, and other various other bands. He sighed heavily; Alex still couldn’t find it in himself to admit the attraction he could possibly feel towards Jack. He lay with his head facing the ceiling for about a half an hour until he gave up trying to force thoughts about Jack out of his head, instead he just let everything go.
He remembered the first time that he and Jack had had a real fight, all the way back in grade nine. It had been a cold rainy day and the boys were practising over at Jack’s house in the rec room, like they always did. All the boys were there, Zack, Rian, Alex and Jack. They were getting along just fine, until Jack had made some snide comment about Alex’s vocals, and how he had hit a note too high. It had never bothered Alex before when Jack made jokes about his vocals, but this time something was different. Alex was infuriated with the embarrassment that his best friend had put him through.
‘you know what Jack?’ Alex had said three years ago, throwing his microphone down on the floor, it landed with a soft thud at Rian’s feet. Rian and Zack stared at the two boys with wide eyes, they had never seen the pair argue before.
‘What Lex?’ Jack asked smirking.
‘Find yourself a new fucking singer if you don’t think I’m good enough!’ His face burned red as he walked through the hallway and out of the house, into the stormy rain. Jack was unsure of what to do, he didn't mean to insult his best friend, he had just made an obnoxious joke! He looked to Rian and Zack for help.
‘Apologize’ was all that Rian said, shaking his hands and putting his drum sticks down, he knew that this band practice was over.
Jack ran outside the front door, just to catch Alex walking around the corner of the street. Jack ran, he ran until he couldn’t breathe and just so that he was up to pace with Alex.
‘Lexy.’ He had said, standing in front of his best friend so that he couldn’t walk any further.
‘Get out of the way, Jack.’ Alex had growled. The rain was pouring down on them both now, hard, and thunder was beginning to crack up above in the skies.
‘Please Lexy?” Jack had looked at his best friend with those big brown eyes. Alex just shook his head.
‘what do you want from me?’ he asked him.
‘I want you to listen to me okay?’ Alex narrowed his eyes but didn’t speak a word. ‘Okay.’ Jack went on. ‘Alex, you’re my best friend alright? And I know how sensitive you can get, don’t try to deny it because you and I both know that I know you better than that, you are sensitive, and that’s okay, but what I said before, It was a joke, alright? You have the best fucking voice out of anyone I have ever… heard! Seriousfuckingly. You just, you gotta remember that when I make jokes okay? I don’t want you to get upset, and I don’t want this band to break up because of some dumb shit I said. You’re so important Alex, you are.’ Jack stood in front of his best friend with open arms, trying to dodge the rain as it poured down, but it was impossible. Alex wrapped his arms around his best friend sniffling because of the cold, he rested his head on Jacks shoulder.
‘sorry’ Alex mumbled. Jack took a step back.
‘what the hell are you sorry for!?’ he laughed.
‘being so sensitive’ Alex had sighed heavily. Jack just laughed and placed his hand on Alex’s shoulder.
‘that’s just who you are’ Jack had said, he smiled one of his dazzling smiles at Alex, one that would have sent butterflies to Alex’s stomach if it had been in the present time, rather than three years ago. Jack just shook his head at his best friend and leaned in and kissed him on the forehead.

Thinking back, Alex didn’t understand why he had done that. At the time it had made perfect sense to him, they were making up after a fight, it was perfectly normal to ‘kiss and make-up’ right? Alex was unsure. He groaned and rolled over, his head planted in his pillow. He didn’t know what to think any more. Suddenly his phone began buzzing in his pocket, he reached to fetch it, seeing that Jack was calling him from the other line. Alex’s heart pounded as he answered.
“H-hello?” He stuttered.
“Hey man, I figured your parents wouldn’t be home until dinner, and it’s only 1 so wanna do something?” Jack said happily on the other end.
“Y-yeah” Alex stammered once again.
“You okay?” Jack asked, hearing the sound of worry in his best friends voice. Alex coughed once to clear his throat.
“Yep!” He said, hiding his true feelings. “Never better, you going to come over? Or will we go to yours?” He asked.
“Well I’m already on my way” Jack laughed, Alex blushed, thankfully Jack wasn't there to see this.
“Alright” Alex said slowly “Then I’ll just…” He paused.
“You’ll just?” Jack questioned his best friends last sentence.
“Be waiting I guess” Alex said, laughing at himself.
“Alright, see you man” Jack hung up. Alex rushed to his mirror, checking that his hair was still perfectly in place. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t push the feelings that he had for Jack, no matter what. He stood in the mirror staring at himself, finally admitting that this was more than just their regular friendship that he was feeling.
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking” He said talking to himself “but you’re not going to fucking screw up your four years of friendship over a stupid gay…” he shuddered “crush.” Grimacing he looked at himself with narrow eyes. “Even if he doesn’t like you back.” But even the thought of Jack not returning the feelings got to Alex, he knew that if anything were to happen between them it would be a life or death situation. If Jack liked Alex, everything would be perfect, they could be happy… together, but if not, that was the end, of everything. Alex sighed in deeply and then exhaled, trying to relief himself of the stress that burned in his chest, but it was impossible. Instead he tried to focus all his attention on fixing his hair, which had gone flat since he left for school.

Minutes later and Jack stepped into the Gaskarth residence, not bothering to knock on the door. It was basically his house as well.
“Hello!” He called up the stairs.
“Up here!” Alex called from his room. Jack made his way up to the boys’ room, to find Alex laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling as he had been before.
“Whatcha doing?” Jack laughed at his best friend and joined him on the bed. Alex couldn’t help but feel a flash of embarrassment.
“I’m just thinking…” Alex sighed heavily, trying to ignore the feelings that burned inside him. He wished he could reach for Jack, to hold him close, or even just to hold his hand! Anything would be better than holding his feelings inside.
“Oh no” Jack sighed heavily. “Tay again?” He rolled a bit closer to his friend and shook his head. Alex turned to Jack, looking into his eyes and sighing, he might as well pretend to be thinking about something else, to save his embarrassment.
“Yes” He lied through his teeth.
“Oh Lex.” Jack reached over the boy and placed his hand on the small of Alex’s back, gently stroking him, in a friendly manner –of course- “She’s not worth it” He blinked a few times. The two boys just stared into one another’s big brown eyes.
“I know.” Alex finally said “I know there’s someone that’s better for me, somewhere.” He said gently. A big smile appeared on Jacks face and he removed his hand from his best friends back.
“That’s my boy!” He said jumping up. “babes” he stated, narrowing his eyes. “we need new babes around here don’t we?” he laughed. Alex sat up with his best friend and nervously looked around, unsure of what to say. Alex didn’t want girls, he wanted Jack, or so that what was his heart had been telling him in the last two days.
“I guess” He shrugged. “But I don’t want… I mean I just...” Jack rolled his eyes at his best friend.
“I know what you want.” He laughed “but let’s be realistic now Alex.” Jack looked at his best friend steady in the eyes as A shot of pain hit Alex’s chest, had Jack known all along that Alex was aching for his best friend? Did he just get shot down? He looked at Jack with a confused look.
“You just want things to go back to how they used to be” Jack shrugged. “Back to before you left?” He looked to his best friend. Alex sighed of relief and nodded, agreeing, everything would be easier if he had never taken notice of his feelings for Jack.
“I know the feeling man” Jack said, gazing into the distance, “there are a lot of things I wish I could change, but, no going back now right?” He sighed and looked at his best friend with sad eyes. “just have to keep moving forward Lexy.” Alex nodded, trying to get through this intense conversation, he wished more than anything that he could just forget all the feelings that he held inside.

The boys made their way downstairs to play video games and order pizza for lunch, like they usually would do. A while later they sat in Alex’s living room, laughing for a while and trying to beat each other on Call Of Duty when Jack suddenly stopped playing and an upsetting expression came over his face.
“You okay?” Alex asked, placing his remote on the floor. Jack turned his head towards his best friend,
“Alex, you know what?”
“What?” Alex asked, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t help it, every time Jack would bring up a serious topic, Alex would find himself choking to spit out words, scared that his secret would be reviled. Jack looked around the room with a grimace on his face.
“Our pizza is fucking 30 minutes late! We ordered it an hour ago!” He grumbled and stood to his feet, reaching into his pocket for his phone. Alex exhaled the burning stress that roasted him from the inside. He pressed his eyes closed and sighed.
“Dude” Jack laughed at his friend while holding the phone to his ear. “What’s wrong?” He raised his eyebrows at his best friend. Alex just shook his head.
“Yep!” Jack said into the phone, someone had obviously come on the line. “This is Jack Barakat.. yeah.. I ordered a pizza about an hour ago and you promised thirty minute delivery? Yes. Yes, cool. Alright. Bye” Jack looked at his friend and smiled.
“Two pizzas free!” He laughed, he leaned down to Alex who was still sitting on the floor and high fived him, but instead of pulling his hand away, Jack grabbed onto Alex and fell over the boy, bringing him into a hug. Jack giggled at his best friend and unlocked his arms from around him. They were both laying side by side on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.
Alex couldn’t handle the tension that was building up on the inside.
“I don’t want Tay” He spat out he sat up and looked at Jack with a nervous expression. Jack raised himself so that they were seeing eye-to-eye.
“That’s okay Lexy, I know you don’t.” Jack placed his hand over top of the older boys and smiled “she’s a bitch any ways” he shrugged. Alex couldn’t help himself, he looked into Jack’s eyes and saw what he could never have, love. A true love, from his best friend. He knew deep inside, no matter how Alex explained it, Jack would never understand the feelings that Alex was feeling. Not even Alex understood what he was feeling! He just couldn’t take another second of this pain. Tears burst from the older boys eyes and he covered his face with his hands, trying to keep Jack from seeing, but it was impossible with the loud sobs that left Alex’s mouth.
“Hey... Hey!” Jack wrapped his arms around his best friend and held him close to his chest. “Lex, what’s gone wrong with you? Did she do something again? I thought you left because you were going to get better… not worse. I don’t want you to be sad Lex.” Alex just buried his face deeper in Jack’s shoulder and tried his best not to cry any more than he already was.
“I-I’m such a fuck up.” Alex breathed out with small sobs. Jack took his friend by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.
“You’re the strongest person I know.” Jack said without taking his eyes off the boy. “You really are Lex.” And with that he moved the messy brown hair from in front of Alex’s face and kissed Alex on the forehead, just as he had on that rainy day, three years ago.