Cracks in Anchors
merde
It hadn’t even been a full sixty minutes since we sat down to eat and Zayn was already outside on the balcony, a cigarette to his lips and eyes wandering the blinking sky. Louis was shoving leftover chicken parmesan into his mouth while he half-listened to the empty conversations; Niall was left without his second half, scowling at the sliding door because he always hated Zayn’s bad habit. Liam was asking pointless questions directed towards Sullivan, his eyebrows raising and head shaking as she responded between bites. And then there I was - watching and listening and not really adding anything because all Liam seemed to care about was her and what we were.
“Were you attracted to Harry right away?” I looked up quickly, saw Liam’s deep eyes raging, and managed to strangle him with my glare.
She laughed, cleared her throat like she was pondering what to say. “I actually tried to deny it. Everyone else drooled over him-” She patted my forearm in full view of everyone else, “and I tried to tell myself that there was really nothing special about the British French teacher.”
“That obviously didn’t work.” Louis snickered past a piece of chicken and Niall just scoffed and rolled his Irish eyes.
“No, it didn’t.”
“On that note,” Zayn was walking back to his empty spot besides Niall, the phantom smell of smoke congealing around his peacoat and wafting into my nose, “during his first week we all were hanging out here and he mentioned you and how you were ‘different than everyone else.’”
I thought to myself that someone should create an international hand signal for when you don’t want someone saying something, but I couldn’t think of said signal off the top of my head so instead I just dropped my elbows to the table and covered my face from reality.
She laughed and I couldn’t imagine how no one else in the room felt their heart seize and spasm at that sound; that sound that sounded like a million little kids laughing - a million people loving one another.
“That’s too funny, Harry.”
“I just - I just could tell right away.”
“Tell what, Rico Suave?” Louis stood, taking his plate and cup towards the sink to rinse it once before shoving it in the half-empty dishwasher.
“That she was different,” I saw her playful scowl, “but in a good way,” I added, kissing her on the cheek as she took a sip of water Liam had poured her.
“You blokes done yet? You’ve been picking at your delicious microwave leftovers for the last hour, we don’t have all day to eat, y’know.”
“I think I should transfer jobs.”
Sullivan shifted in my arms, edges of her black hair rubbing against my jaw line as I snaked my hands around her waist,
“What? Why?”
It made sense to me; it made sense that after everything that was happening, after everything that was teetering off the ledge of safe and unsafe, it made sense for me to leave the school my girlfriend - my student girlfriend no less - went to learn at. By staying in the school I was risking everything, I was risking getting caught and tainting any reputation I might have had. I was risking Sullivan and I’s relationship before it even started; I was essentially risking loosing everything.
So it made sense.
“So we don’t get found out. If I stay it’s too risky.”
“I guess that makes sense. But what would you do, then?”
She leaned deeper into my chest and it felt like she was embedding herself in my muscles and bones; furrowing herself so deep that she couldn’t even begin to tunnel her way out.
“A kindergarten teacher, I think.”
Her eyebrows quirked into her bangs and she withered so that she was looking into my eyes.
“Hey, I like kids!” I laughed and ruffled her hair, engulfing her lips in mine as she ran her hands over my clothed chest.
“I do too. Actually, I think that’d be an awesome job; spending your days playing with little kids and whatnot.” Her head fell again into my chest as she outlined the graphic on my shirt and at that moment, as she stared into nothing, I thought she’d be a wonderful mother. She’d be able to raise a child the right way; she’d be able to protect them and nurture them and love them as much as she could hold inside her chest.
But then the phone in my pocket buzzed against my thigh and when I opened the message, which was from one of my closer colleagues, I was met with my worst fear.
Harry, major shit going down at school. You and Sullivan? Call me ASAP. -Ryan
“Were you attracted to Harry right away?” I looked up quickly, saw Liam’s deep eyes raging, and managed to strangle him with my glare.
She laughed, cleared her throat like she was pondering what to say. “I actually tried to deny it. Everyone else drooled over him-” She patted my forearm in full view of everyone else, “and I tried to tell myself that there was really nothing special about the British French teacher.”
“That obviously didn’t work.” Louis snickered past a piece of chicken and Niall just scoffed and rolled his Irish eyes.
“No, it didn’t.”
“On that note,” Zayn was walking back to his empty spot besides Niall, the phantom smell of smoke congealing around his peacoat and wafting into my nose, “during his first week we all were hanging out here and he mentioned you and how you were ‘different than everyone else.’”
I thought to myself that someone should create an international hand signal for when you don’t want someone saying something, but I couldn’t think of said signal off the top of my head so instead I just dropped my elbows to the table and covered my face from reality.
She laughed and I couldn’t imagine how no one else in the room felt their heart seize and spasm at that sound; that sound that sounded like a million little kids laughing - a million people loving one another.
“That’s too funny, Harry.”
“I just - I just could tell right away.”
“Tell what, Rico Suave?” Louis stood, taking his plate and cup towards the sink to rinse it once before shoving it in the half-empty dishwasher.
“That she was different,” I saw her playful scowl, “but in a good way,” I added, kissing her on the cheek as she took a sip of water Liam had poured her.
“You blokes done yet? You’ve been picking at your delicious microwave leftovers for the last hour, we don’t have all day to eat, y’know.”
“I think I should transfer jobs.”
Sullivan shifted in my arms, edges of her black hair rubbing against my jaw line as I snaked my hands around her waist,
“What? Why?”
It made sense to me; it made sense that after everything that was happening, after everything that was teetering off the ledge of safe and unsafe, it made sense for me to leave the school my girlfriend - my student girlfriend no less - went to learn at. By staying in the school I was risking everything, I was risking getting caught and tainting any reputation I might have had. I was risking Sullivan and I’s relationship before it even started; I was essentially risking loosing everything.
So it made sense.
“So we don’t get found out. If I stay it’s too risky.”
“I guess that makes sense. But what would you do, then?”
She leaned deeper into my chest and it felt like she was embedding herself in my muscles and bones; furrowing herself so deep that she couldn’t even begin to tunnel her way out.
“A kindergarten teacher, I think.”
Her eyebrows quirked into her bangs and she withered so that she was looking into my eyes.
“Hey, I like kids!” I laughed and ruffled her hair, engulfing her lips in mine as she ran her hands over my clothed chest.
“I do too. Actually, I think that’d be an awesome job; spending your days playing with little kids and whatnot.” Her head fell again into my chest as she outlined the graphic on my shirt and at that moment, as she stared into nothing, I thought she’d be a wonderful mother. She’d be able to raise a child the right way; she’d be able to protect them and nurture them and love them as much as she could hold inside her chest.
But then the phone in my pocket buzzed against my thigh and when I opened the message, which was from one of my closer colleagues, I was met with my worst fear.
Harry, major shit going down at school. You and Sullivan? Call me ASAP. -Ryan
♠ ♠ ♠
dun dun dun.