Status: this is not going to be continued for a bit
Without You, There is No Me
five
I texted him when I got home telling him I liked everything except the rap he told me to listen to.
‘Didn't think you’d like that anyways,’
Why’d you tell me to listen to it?
‘So you’d give it a shot.’
Ok then
‘Are you going to therapy next week?’
Maybe, I need time to recover from today’s episode.
‘I’m not going if you aren’t.’
I’ll let you know.
~
I ate dinner with my parents and I think they knew I left therapy.
“So how was today’s session?” my dad asked.
“Awful.”
“Why?”
“They all think I have an eating disorder.”
“Did you tell them it was your surgery and your medication?”
“No dad no one listens to me in that place.”
“That’s what they specialize in honey.”
“No it’s a routine, dad. Everyone sits there and knows exactly when to nod their head to make it look like they’re listening. Everyone knows when to apologize. Everyone is brainwashed into this stupid routine that’s supposed to make you feel better, but really it just makes everyone seem like robots.”
“That was quite a speech.” My mom said. “You’re still going next week and if you leave again I’ll go with you the next time and hold your hand the entire time.”
I hit my head on my chair. I can’t win.
~
I wake up the next morning and make tea, ready for school. I’m still tired from surgery and my
medication, but my mother insisted on sending me to school today. I’ll admit that if Vic was in the
same school as me it would make it bearable.
My phone buzzed and I looked down at it.
‘Have fun at school’
Thanks Vic. I replied with and rolled my eyes.
~
My friend, well sort of my friend, came home with me after school to do homework. She talked a lot. I nodded when I needed to and responded when she finally stopped to take a breath.
“Alyssa, can I ask you something?”
“Of course you can! You’re always so quiet I feel like I talk so much.” She smiled.
“Are you scared of dying?”
“Well yeah, who isn’t?”
“I don’t think I am which is scaring me. I used to want to die, but I’d chicken out of it and keep living miserably. Now I just feel like it’s inevitable for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just feel like even if I get better and I don’t think of suicide and I don’t get more cancer, that I’m
still going to die young.” I shrug.
For the first time I’ve known her, Alyssa was speechless.
~
Vic, are you scared of dying?
‘Yeah’
Why do you hurt yourself if you’re scared?
‘Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I don’t want to die.’
Good point
‘Are you?’
No
‘Since when’
Since today
‘Congrats’
You’re not going to ask why
‘I figured you’d tell me either way’
Why would you assume that?
‘I know a lot more about you than you think’
Creepy
‘I know right’
Goodnight Vic
‘Sweet dreams and don’t die’
~
‘Didn't think you’d like that anyways,’
Why’d you tell me to listen to it?
‘So you’d give it a shot.’
Ok then
‘Are you going to therapy next week?’
Maybe, I need time to recover from today’s episode.
‘I’m not going if you aren’t.’
I’ll let you know.
~
I ate dinner with my parents and I think they knew I left therapy.
“So how was today’s session?” my dad asked.
“Awful.”
“Why?”
“They all think I have an eating disorder.”
“Did you tell them it was your surgery and your medication?”
“No dad no one listens to me in that place.”
“That’s what they specialize in honey.”
“No it’s a routine, dad. Everyone sits there and knows exactly when to nod their head to make it look like they’re listening. Everyone knows when to apologize. Everyone is brainwashed into this stupid routine that’s supposed to make you feel better, but really it just makes everyone seem like robots.”
“That was quite a speech.” My mom said. “You’re still going next week and if you leave again I’ll go with you the next time and hold your hand the entire time.”
I hit my head on my chair. I can’t win.
~
I wake up the next morning and make tea, ready for school. I’m still tired from surgery and my
medication, but my mother insisted on sending me to school today. I’ll admit that if Vic was in the
same school as me it would make it bearable.
My phone buzzed and I looked down at it.
‘Have fun at school’
Thanks Vic. I replied with and rolled my eyes.
~
My friend, well sort of my friend, came home with me after school to do homework. She talked a lot. I nodded when I needed to and responded when she finally stopped to take a breath.
“Alyssa, can I ask you something?”
“Of course you can! You’re always so quiet I feel like I talk so much.” She smiled.
“Are you scared of dying?”
“Well yeah, who isn’t?”
“I don’t think I am which is scaring me. I used to want to die, but I’d chicken out of it and keep living miserably. Now I just feel like it’s inevitable for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just feel like even if I get better and I don’t think of suicide and I don’t get more cancer, that I’m
still going to die young.” I shrug.
For the first time I’ve known her, Alyssa was speechless.
~
Vic, are you scared of dying?
‘Yeah’
Why do you hurt yourself if you’re scared?
‘Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I don’t want to die.’
Good point
‘Are you?’
No
‘Since when’
Since today
‘Congrats’
You’re not going to ask why
‘I figured you’d tell me either way’
Why would you assume that?
‘I know a lot more about you than you think’
Creepy
‘I know right’
Goodnight Vic
‘Sweet dreams and don’t die’
~
♠ ♠ ♠
if you like this comment please! i feel like im writing for nothing, and recs would be great too!!