Without You, There is No Me

It’s Saturday today and I’m up before noon. Is that a sign of being happier? I’m still tired.

~

I get a phone call not long after I wake up. I figured it was Vic.

“Are you alive?” he asks.

“Yep”

“Good, see ya later.”

~

Today is Sunday and it’s uncomfortable outside. It’s the beginning of September and it’s still too hot to function. My phone starts buzzing and I see that Vic is calling me.

“Hello?”

“Let’s go see a movie.” He says.

“Ok.” I shrug. I tell my parents I’m going out with a friend and they kind of stare at each other in disbelief.

~

The best part about hanging out with Vic is that he’s really easy to get along with.

He makes stupid jokes and is just a warm and genuine person.

He takes me to see a horror film, and I think he does it on purpose because I hide my face in his shoulder and he just smiles. It was like a cheesy romance movie.

“You should’ve warned me you didn’t like scary movies.” He tells me after the movie.

“It’s not that I don’t like them, I just get scared.” I shrug. He puts his arm around me as we walk around town. I can see him look over at me for a few moments and then look at the ground.

“Can I ask you something?” he says.

“Of course,”

“Why did you ask me if I’m afraid of dying?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I was talking to someone from school and I just got to thinking that I really feel like I’m going to pass away young. I don’t think there’s away to get around it.” I say quietly.

“Don’t say that, ever.”

“Why does it matter?”

“You aren’t going to die young. You’re going to live a long and happy life.”

“You can’t know for sure.”

“Neither can you.”

~

He takes me home at 11 o’clock and kisses my cheek. He thanks me for a great first date and I tell him it wasn’t a date, because it wasn’t. Was it?

~
He calls me the next morning and asks me to hang out again today. I say sure and he tells me to just meet him at some park.

So we meet up there and he’s sitting on a bench under a tree, and for a moment I think I’m in some sort of dream because it looks almost unreal. He’s sitting there looking down and playing with his bracelet and he smiles.

I don’t know why, but for some reason I hope I’m the cause of that smile. His hair is under a beanie and his hair that’s exposed is just slightly blowing in the wind. He looks nice surrounded by the changing leaves of September. I sit next to him and hug him slightly.

“I was thinking about you.” He says into my shoulder. I smile and blush a little bit, because hey it was cute.

“What are we doing today?” I ask after I release him.

“We are having a picnic.” He says while holding up a basket. So we walk a little further up the park until it’s just trees and grass and blissfulness.

We sit and eat peanut butter sandwiches and it’s better than yesterday. He’s calmer, less nervous and being more like the guy I believe he is. He’s funnier and happier. We lie back in the grass and stare up at the sky.

“What’s your favorite song?” he asks.

“Kiss me by Sixpence None The Richer.”

“A classic,” he nods.

“What about you?”

“Don’t have one.”

“Shocking,”

“I like too many.” He shrugs.

“You’re something special you know that?” I say as I turn my head to look right at him.

“I could say the same thing to you.” He smiles.

“You make me feel better, you make me happy.” I whisper. His smile fades and his face turns serious and suddenly I feel like I may have misread his signals. Maybe he was doing all of this for my benefit and he just didn't care.

“I feel the same way.” He says quietly and then he slowly grabs my hand and holds onto it loosely. I release the breath I wasn't entirely aware that I was holding and he finally smiles again. He smiles
his big, genuine, happy smile.

~