Maybe I Will

"Tell me. Please. I want to know."

I nodded, giving into his puppy eyes. "Well, this is going to take a lot of explaining, but alright."

It was the easiest thing ever to get that off of my chest. I told Dan about everything, from my parents, to Matthew, to last night. He was officially in on my life. Something told me he was someone I could trust, and shouldn't let go of.

He nodded. "Oh. S-sorry."

"It's fine," I said, choking back the tears.

Before I knew it, he had me in his arms, embracing me in the most amazing hug ever. It was warm, inviting, gentle, kind. I felt like I belonged in his arms. When he pulled away, it felt like he shouldn't have. I felt cold and empty again.

"Look," he said, playing with his thumbs. "I know it isn't easy. But, please try to stop. I know this seems forward and all, but I care about you. There's just something about you. It's like, I have to help you. And I want to, don't get me wrong. I- I'm going to stop talking."

I chuckled and sniffed, not stopping the tears from falling now. Although, I only let a few of them drop. I was already proving myself weak, crying didn't have to be added to that.

I let out a puff of breath I had been unknowingly holding in for a while. "I'll stop. I know it's not right. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said with his boyish grin, shaking his floppy head of brown hair and showing off his dimples. "You've gone through some real shit."

I laughed. We talked for about thirty more minutes until Dan's phone went off. "Oh, Phil needs some help. I gotta go."

I sighed mentally and pursed my lips off to the side. "Alright. It was nice hanging out with you, Dan. When you're all settled, maybe you and Phil could come over again. And, thanks."

"No problem. I'd like that, " he said, hugging me one last time before leaving.

Once the door was shut, I felt sad again. But, I did the strongest thing I could think of at that moment. I went into my bathroom, and, instead of using the razors, I threw them straight into the garbage, not giving them a second look. I threw out anything I cut myself with previously, and laughed. Sure, it seemed psychotic, but it felt so good. It felt like an enormous heap was lifted off of my chest. I smiled and walked into my bedroom, flipping on my video camera to make a new video. This one would be called, "My Cutting Experiences: What Not to Do".

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"Well, that's my story, you guys," I said with a chuckle as I finished telling my life story. "I'm done with it now, don't you worry. I hope none of you Hannybears out there are doing this. It sucks. I'm telling you guys, if you do cut, throw it all away. Right now. Anything you harm yourself with. I challenge you."

I smiled sincerely into the camera and started to talk about Dan again. "So, I want to thank a certain YouTuber out there, Danisnotonfire. I want to thank him because he did this for me. He told me to stop cutting, and I did. So, thank you Dan. If it weren't for you, I would be cutting right at this moment. So, I guess that's it, you guys. I just had to get this off of my chest. Stay strong, Hannybears! Love you guys!"

I made a hand heart to the screen and kissed the camera before turning it off. I had butterflies in my stomach as I pulled my bedside table over to my bed and pulled the memory card out of my camera, and put it into my laptop.

Five hours later, when the editing was finished, I uploaded the video. In the first hour, I had 10,000 views, all of my comments were positive, and I had no dislikes. I knew my fans were also a part of my life now, and definitely not a part I could easily let go of. The fans were my family.