Daisy.

I woke up to the sounds of something sizzling in the kitchen, eggs maybe? I heard someone singing and opening and closing cabinets. I frowned, stomach rumbling in protest and hunger as I crawled out of bed and into the kitchen, feet padding quietly across the cold wooden floor. I stood in the archway of the kitchen, watching as Valentina pottered about, stirring something in a pan. I looked at her with a small frown, rubbing at my eyes as I yawned groggily.

She turned around, smiling brightly.

“Good morning!” She set the pan down on the stove. “Are you hungry? I made breakfast!”

“Um… hi,” I mumbled quietly, sitting down at the table. “What?” I was still sleepy and unsure of what in the world was really going on, so I just sat and stared and waited for some sort of explanation while my body woke up.

“Breakfast, Daisy. Do you want some? It’s good for you!” She piled the food on a white plate, eggs and toast and bacon—when had I ever bought bacon? She must have gone shopping before I woke up, I mused, picking up a fork. “You can’t start your day on an empty stomach! It’s the most important meal of the day.”

“What time is it?” I asked groggily.

“Nine-thirty,” she answered, serving herself a plate. She watched me as I ate, biting her lip in expectation.

“Tasty,” I said softly, even if the eggs were a little salty and I didn’t really eat bacon or regular white bread. It was the effort that counted, and she was trying. Or so it seemed. She smiled happily and started eating, content. I was still wary, waiting for a hidden motive. I had some orange juice and chewed on some bacon before speaking up. “So… how’d you find me again?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. That was the only thing that didn’t make any sense.

“I read one of your articles in a magazine at the center when I was trying to get clean.” She laughed. “I wondered if the name at the end of the article was a coincidence or not, so I looked you up.” She smiled. “It took me a while, but I eventually found the magazine’s number, and it only took me a couple of days before I got to talk to your boss.”

“You talked to Sasha?” I sighed. Of course Sasha would have something to do with this. She knew about Valentina—there wasn’t really any way to keep things secret from her because she had her ways of finding things out—and was always telling me that I should try to be there for her. Of course she’d jump at the chance to talk to Valentina about me. Of course. “What’d she say?”

“Well, she seems to really like you.” Valentina smiled. “She told me about how you were really doing pretty great. When I told her about how I was trying to get clean, she told me that I had to come see you and told me where you lived,” she said bashfully.

“Hm.”

“I know I’m dropping in on you and it’s unexpected and if you want, I can find somewhere else to stay—”

“No, no.” I shook my head and looked down at my plate. “It’s fine. Stay as long as you need to.”

“I’m happy to be here.” I looked up at her. “I really missed you, you know.” I sighed and nodded, going back to my breakfast. “So…enough about me,” she said dismissively. “What about you? What’s going on with Daisy?”

“I just—I don’t know.” I shrugged flippantly, shaking my head. “Things are okay.”

“Anybody special?” she asked with a grin, leaning forwards.

“Well…” I trailed off, feeling awkward. Her eyes were bright as she waited for an answer. “No.” She sat and looked at me with a small frown, but didn’t say anything. I took the silence as an opportunity to finish eating, hoping she wouldn’t ask anymore. When I looked up only to find the same look on her face, I sighed and replied, “What?”

“You’re not with anyone?” She laughed, snickering. “C’mon. Really?” She wriggled her eyebrows at me with a grin and I blushed.

“Really. I’m not really, um… up for seeing anyone right now.” I turned and reached into my bag, which was hanging on the chair by its strap, digging my hand around until my fingers curled around my phone, itching for a distraction. I eyed the missed call notification and suppressed a groan, remembering that I told Dash I’d call him last night.

Oops.

“I don’t believe you,” she said as she took the dishes to the sink and started to wash them. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am!” I exclaimed, nervous. I didn’t want her to know about Dash and it was bad enough that Dash knew her name and what she looked like—if he knew anything else or if she knew about him, the two worlds that I had tried to avoid colliding into each other would crash together and splinter into a bunch of little pieces. Or at least, I thought they would. I didn’t want them to know about each other.

They couldn’t.

“Really?” She made a face. “Well, that’s a shame. We should really fix that, don’t you think?” I shook my head quickly, wrinkling my nose.

“I’m okay, thanks.” She shrugged and I excused myself quietly, wandered to the living room and pressed the send button on my phone, curling up on the armchair. I held the phone to my ear and held my breath.

“Hello?” Dash answered, sounding distracted.

“Hi…”

“Daisy,” he sighed, sounding relieved. “Are you okay? What happened last night?”

“Nothing, nothing, um…” I rubbed my fingers against my temples, trying to think of how I could phrase it without offending Valentina, who was in the next room over. “I just… have some company now.”

“Some company?”

“Yep,” I said tightly. “I’m still trying to get everything worked out and settled so…” I sighed. “Sorry I didn’t call last night.”

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay, right?”

“It’s fine.” Valentina was drying everything off as she hummed and danced in the kitchen quietly, putting everything back where she’d found it. “Look, I um—I just—I’ll bring you lunch at the library today and we’ll talk then, okay?”

“Uh… okay.” He paused. “I’ll see you then, I guess?”

“Yeah, bye,” I said quickly, hanging up as Valentina walked in, drying her hands on her shirt. She curled her legs underneath herself as she sat down, looking at me with an inquisitive smile.

“Who was that?”

“No one,” I blurted. “A friend! It was just a friend and—”

“Easy, tiger,” she laughed, holding up a hand. “It was just a question.” I sunk into the chair, pulling out the foot rest with a tiny huff. “So, what would you like to do now?” she asked. I looked at her, still struck with how different she was. Hale and healthy and happy, grinning at me like she used to.

“I’m going to go take a shower and then we can go out for a bit, okay?” I smiled and so did she. “Just… sit tight, I guess.” I tried not to look like I was running to my room until I reached the hallway, where I almost tripped flat on my face in my rush to get all my clothes and duck into the bathroom. I turned on the water and waited impatiently for it to heat up, then jumped in, scrubbing at myself quickly.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her.

I just… didn’t trust her.

Yet.

Or anymore, really, I mused as I stepped out, tearing the tangles out in my hair with a pink comb, scowling at my reflection as I encountered a particularly difficult knot. I didn’t want her to run into one of my many little stashes of cash or something valuable and suddenly develop a case of sticky fingers.

Who knew how long she’d been in Phoenix? What if she already knew someone here who could hook her up with a fix? I wasn’t having that. I knew she said she was clean and she indeed seemed like she was, but I was still suspicious. I pulled on my underwear and bra, then shimmied into a dress and sandals and headed out, hair still wet as I pulled on my hat.

“Valentina?” She was changing her shoes, pulling on some sandals instead of house slippers. She stood up energetically, hands on her hips as she beamed at me.

“Ready?” she chirped. I nodded, raising my eyebrows at her sudden enthusiasm.

“I just have to grab something out of the kitchen.” I grabbed some bread and other things from the fridge and made a sandwich, wrapped it in plastic wrap, then shoved it in a paper bag, along with some chips, a small bowl of potato salad that I made the day before, and a bottle of water. “Let’s go.” She eyed the lunch with a laugh as we sat in my car.

“Who’s that for?”

“My… friend,” I answered hesitantly, laughing nervously. “Anyway!” I exclaimed, changing the subject as I entered the freeway. “Where would you like to go? We could go to the mall or—or downtown, maybe or—or wherever you’d like.”

“Let’s go to the mall. Maybe I can fill out some applications.”

“You’ve only been here for a day or two, Valentina,” I chided, glancing in my rearview mirror. “You can’t just get a job so quickly.”

“Why not?” she asked, looking over at me with a small frown. “I can so.” Everything was easy for Valentina. A wink, a smile, a casually tugged lip—she had the whole world eating out of her hand before she even said a word. At least, that’s how things used to be when I was younger. Things weren’t the same anymore, and I didn’t know if she knew that.

“You need an ID. You need references. You need proofs of address. After a month or so, I guess you can, if you really want to.” I shrugged. I doubted she’d stick around so long anyway, but maybe she’d prove me wrong.

“I have an ID. I have references. Can’t I put you down for a proof of address?”

“You really want to work? So soon?”

“Yeah! I want to feel like, you know, I’m helping out.” She smiled. “It won’t hurt to try, right?”

“I guess not.” I turned off at the exit for the mall, staying silent for the rest of the ride as she chattered happily about the stores she saw advertised on billboards. I managed to find a parking spot near the entrance because it was still early and there weren’t many shoppers there yet.

Walking in the parking lot with the bright sun beating down on us reminded me of days when we’d skip class when the weather was nice and go window shopping for things we’d want in our new home, sit in the food court and rustle up some change to share a large vanilla milkshake and a funnel-cake doused in powdered sugar.

I felt nostalgic.

Valentina stood at the map and studied it carefully, narrowing her eyes at it, fingers skimming the thick plastic on top of it.

First we went to Pac Sun and bought her clothes for the summery heat, because apparently it hadn’t dawned on her that Phoenix had no real weather, just sunshine and soft breezes and heat waves with the occasional smattering of rainy days. She applied there. After we finished there, we took the escalator down to the H&M, and while I shopped, she filled out an application and handed it to the girl behind the counter, all sweet smiles and positive energy. She bought some jeans at Forever21 and I sat on a bench outside, waiting for her.

Shopping with her was fun because she was silly and carefree and didn’t care about what people thought or said about her and made you feel like you shouldn’t care either. She sashayed out of the store towards me with a pair of funky blue sunglasses and a sassy pout on her face, wriggling her eyebrows at me.

“What do you think?”

“Very Valentina,” I chimed, standing up.

“Let’s get lunch. My treat!” she exclaimed, looping her arm with mine as she led me to the food court on the second floor. I followed her to the In-&-Out, finding a table while she ordered something for us to eat. I sat down with our heavy bags, sighing softly. I glanced at my phone. It was almost noon, so we’d have to eat fast if I wanted to get to the library on time to bring Dash his lunch. I gnawed my lip, worried. Would I end up telling him about Valentina? Could I? What would he even say? Assuming he’d even say anything, that is, which I knew he would.

Valentina sat down with two trays of fries, sandwiches, and cold drinks, smiling.

“I got you the veggie burger ’cause I wasn’t sure if you’d like whatever else they had,” she said, pushing my tray towards me. “You still like Sprite, right?” I nodded as I unwrapped my straw, mumbling a thank you. “So… I’ve got some news.” I glanced over at her, unwrapping my food. “I have an interview tomorrow.”

“Already?!” I exclaimed, surprised. “How?”

Apparently, at some point, she had ducked into Aerie—probably while I went to the vending machine to buy some water while she was at another store. It turned out they were actually looking for someone new, and when Valentina volunteered, they jumped at it and wanted to interview her the next day.

“What do you think?” she asked, grinning at me.

“Um…that’s cool.” I gave her a thumbs up, biting into my burger again.

“I don’t know what to wear. I mean, how do I cover up?”

Her track marks were partly why she was always so bundled up despite the heat, but she also did it because of old scars and cuts, most of which I suspected weren’t from our childhood. I had my fair share of battle scars, but mine had faded over time and weren’t really even that noticeable unless you were looking for them and were really, really close.

Which no one ever was, so it wasn’t a big deal. (Except for Dash. Dash made everything a big deal.)

Valentina was older than me, so wouldn’t hers have healed before mine?

“Well… you’ll be inside all day, and the air conditioner’s usually on so I guess that, you know, it won’t be a big deal if you wear a blazer or something.” I smiled timidly and she shrugged, eating her food half-heartedly. “Or you can buy some of that scar removal stuff, but it takes a while to work.” And even though the scar is gone, it isn’t, not really. The skin is dead and maybe you can’t even tell anymore but the memories are still there, as fresh and raw as they day they got there. No cream or laser treatment or pill can make that go away. We finished our lunch quietly, slipping into our own thoughts.

After we were done there, we piled into the car and drove back into the city quietly. The silence hung over us until she looked over at me and fiddled with the radio. By then, we were already across the street from the library.

“I have to do something here real quick,” I said lightly, rubbing at the back of my neck uncomfortably. I parked across the street and sighed, glancing at her. I reached into the backseat and grabbed the bag, tugging on my lip. “Just wait here.” She nodded and I sighed reluctantly, leaving her there as I crossed the street quickly.

I didn’t want to leave her by herself, but I had to, just for a couple of minutes. In the event that she really was clean, I didn’t want her to be tempted into getting herself into trouble again. I wasn’t stupid and I knew that downtown really wasn’t the best place, especially for someone who was in recovery like Valentina was.

I walked in to the cool building, a smile budding on my face as I walked to Marjorie. She looked up at me from her magazine, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Hi, Daisy,” she greeted, a smile on her thin lips. “What brings you by?”

“Is, er… could you tell me where Dash is? I kind of brought him some lunch.”

“Oh?” I blushed at her tone, gnawing at my lip again as I nodded. “He should be in the break room everyone else,” she said, wriggling her eyebrows at me. She pointed me up the stairs and told me that the break room was in the right hand corner of the second floor and that I couldn’t miss it.

I walked up the stairs quickly heading in the direction that she had pointed me in. The door was slightly open, and I stood behind it hesitantly, hearing the laughter and conversation, his laugh mingling with everyone else’s. I knocked lightly at the door before poking my head in, tugging on my bottom lip.

“Daisy!” I flushed at his smile, palms sweating as I withered under the look of his coworkers, feeling shy and bashful. He walked over and pulled me in, curling me up in his arms, kissing me quickly. “Hi. Do you want to sit?”

“No, no,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “I thought you might, you know, want this.” I held up his lunch with a small laugh.

“Oh, you’re the best,” he said, kissing me again as he peeked inside. “Ooh. So, what happened last night?” I was hoping that he wouldn’t ask, but I knew he would, so instead I hoped that he’d be alone, but he wasn’t.

“I—er—we—a friend came to visit,” I mumbled, feeling awkward in front of all his coworkers.

“A friend?”

“Not like that, stupid,” I frowned, scowling at him. “Just… someone I used to know.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s not a big deal.” I tried to smile.

“You don’t seem happy about it,” he said with a frown, knitting his eyebrows together.

“I’m—I’m fine,” I stammered, wondering what Valentina was up to. My guts were tied up in knots at the thought of what she was capable of doing if I’d left her all alone. I had left her alone for too long, I had to leave. “I just—I should go,” I gulped, reaching up to kiss him again. “Bye.”

I didn’t even wait for him to say it back, I was gone in a flash, thudding down the steps, taking them two at a time, waving mindlessly at Marjorie as I brushed past, stopping once I was outside to catch my breath.

I felt like something horrible was about to happen and I was too late to stop it. Feeling panicked, I quickly walked across the street, palms sweating as I dug my car keys out of my pocket. I saw her sitting in the front seat with her feet on the dash, arms folded underneath her head. I opened the door and sat down, not meaning to slam it shut but still jumping when it did. I jammed the keys into the ignition and sighed, taking a deep breath. She was fine.

She was fine, so why wasn’t I? I should have felt okay and better, seeing as she was just sleeping and minding her own business, but I couldn’t relax, not at all. She yawned lightly, pulling her feet back down as she stretched, rubbing at her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” I stammered, turning on the car. She scowled.

“Liar.”

“Let’s buy groceries. Do you want to? I do. We need food, right? Let’s go to the supermarket!” I exclaimed, turning down the street where the store was. She turned and looked at me, red lips tutting at me with a frown.

“You’re dissembling,” she countered, shaking her head.

“I’m what?”

“You’re trying to avoid the topic, and avoiding it won’t make it go away,” she said flatly, narrowing her eyes at me.

“I’m not avoiding anything,” I said, pulling into the parking lot. “Are you coming or…?”

“Are you going to stop dissembling?” I shot her a look, grabbing a shopping cart as I pushed my way through the doors. “’Cause that’s not really healthy, Daisy and it’ll only make it worse—”

“It’s fine, okay? I’m fine.” I sped off to the produce section, looking at the selection of fruit. “Everything’s fine.”

“Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”

“You still like pears, don’t you? Look, they’re on sale.” I picked some out, avoiding her questions as I put them in plastic bag. I picked out some vegetables and the like and moved on to other things like boxes of pasta and flour and sugar and coffee and tea and cookies and canned goods, ignoring her questioning looks. “You can pick stuff out too, you know?” I said, glancing back at her. She simply shook her head and shrugged.

“I just want some cigarettes. I’ll eat whatever’s around.” She laughed, making a little face. “I’m not as picky as you are.”

I went to the checkout soon after that. Valentina and I walked to the car with the heavy paper bags, sighing underneath their weight as we set them down in the backseat. I went to the gas station and waited inside the car while she bought them. She came back a few minutes later, stuffing the box inside her bag.

“Let’s go home.”

Home.

I almost laughed.

When we got home, I sat down on my bed and watched Valentina try on outfits for her interview the next day. She held up a jacket, frowning at herself in the mirror.

“So, what happened at the library today?” she asked, eyes shifting towards me. I mulled over the chocolate from the candy bar in my hand in my mouth, making a face at her.

“What?” I frowned.

“I didn’t stutter, Daisy.”

“Nothing happened,” I huffed, rubbing my nose. Had I looked that worried? I didn’t mean to, but I guess I did, if she noticed. I couldn’t tell her, I knew that much, but I also knew that I couldn’t keep it from her forever. But at least for right then, until I thought of something better to say, my meager lies would have to do.

“Did you have a fight with your friend or something?”

“What? No. Nothing happened. I just didn’t want to interrupt him. He has really important work to do,” I said quickly, avoiding the look she shot me.

What, with being cute and making out with shy insecure girls between Hardy and Hemingway and calling her over for a late night cram session that just ends without much studying going on at all and just being perfect in general. It’s a very busy life indeed.

“So your friend’s a he…” She giggled mischievously, hopping on the bed next to me. “What’s he like?”

“Like none of your business,” I said swiftly, moving over to make room for her. “We’re not talking about this.”

“Why not?” she whined, giggling as she looked over at me.

“Because we should talk about what’s going to happen tomorrow at your interview, yeah?”

“I’m not stupid.”

“You should be classy. Don’t wear jeans. Or a tank-top. Might want to, you know, wear a bra. Don’t smoke before it, because then they’ll smell it on you and then they’ll be all, you know, judgmental and everything. Leave your hair down because I think it looks nicer like that,” I said, hoping that this would convince her to leave the subject of Dash—‘my friend’—alone.

“I like it up and I’ve been on interviews before, okay? I’d also like to talk about your boyfriend.” I shot her a look. “I mean, your friend who just, you know, happens to be a boy.”

“We don’t talk about your friends,” I countered, looking over at her. She sparked up a cigarette, blowing the smoke up towards the ceiling as she contemplated for a second.

“I don’t have any friends anymore. They’re all cokeheads. I’m supposed to be trying to stay sober, remember?” I stayed silent. “You’re my only friend, Daisy. So now we’re talking about you. And your boyfriend,” she snickered, dismissing the sober air in the room.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” I protested, glowering. But as soon as I said it, I felt bad, thinking about him. Did he deny us if his friends asked? He hadn’t. Well, at least not while I was still around. He did quite the opposite, showing me off to everyone like I was something special.

I shook my head a little.

What he wouldn’t know wouldn’t hurt and it wasn’t like he’d find out anyway.

“Really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“He’s not,” I said softly. It wasn’t like we’d ever defined anything with each other anyway.

“Do you like him?”

“No,” I lied, taking another angry bite off the bar.

“But you brought him lunch.” She frowned.

“Because I’m nice,” I said, chewing stubbornly.

“Because you’re nice?”

“I’m nice and he needed lunch.” She looked over at me, disbelieving as she brought the cigarette to her lips. “What?”

“And you don’t like him. Does he like you?”

“Why would he? We’re just friends.” She took another puff. “I don’t think that just because I’m a girl and he’s a guy that we can’t just be friends.”

“So he likes you?”

“He’s stupid,” I grumbled, flopping onto my belly, hoping we could just drop it. She laughed knowingly and I resented her for it, pulling a pillow to my chest as we watched the daytime talk show.