Daisy.

The next morning, we woke up and got ready for Valentina’s interview. Breakfast—lunch, really—was quiet and went by quickly, and soon, we were on the road. She was jittery in the car, tugging on the sleeves of her jacket as I neared the mall. I looked over at her after I parked the car, squeezing her hand.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m going to be sick,” she whimpered, frowning. “Let’s go home, I don’t wanna—”

“I woke up at early on a Friday for this. You’re going to this interview.”

“But Daisy, I—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I said, getting out of the car. “We’re going.” She grumbled and followed me inside, hands on the strap of her bag with a scowl. “Don’t make that face at me. You’re the one who wanted a job, no?” I paused. “Listen to me. You’re going to go in there and you’re going to sit down for your interview and you’re going to dazzle them. I’ll be getting pretzels.” I kissed her forehead. “Give ‘em hell, kid.”

“You remember that?” She softened and I laughed, nodding. “Well… here I go.”

“I’ll be around,” I said, watching her as she walked into the store, feeling inklings of pride as I walked away and sat on a bench after buying my pretzel. I sat and people watched for a few minutes, sighing.

I was trying hard to keep everything together, but I was starting to feel like it was going to crumble. Slowly but surely, it was, and what was I going to do then? I resigned myself to dealing with that when I had to. And for right then I didn’t have to. It wasn’t like Valentina would meet Dash any time soon, and I was almost positive Dash didn’t go lingerie shopping, so he wouldn’t meet her either.

I was finishing my second pretzel when she called me, giggling as she told me that she could see me and that I had cinnamon sugar all over my face. I wiped it self-consciously and hung up, standing up to look for her. She crept up behind me and scared me, giggling as I brought a hand to my chest.

“Guess who’s starting her first day of work on Monday?” she beamed as she took the cup out of my hands, looping her arm around mine. I looked at her with surprise as we walked out of the mall and into the muggy summer heat that literally rolled off the black asphalt in waves.

“Really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded happily, grinning as she told me about how her interview went, how simple and easy and how nervous she’d been, but had somehow still managed to wow them enough that they wanted her to work there.

Maybe this was her way of showing initiative.

Or just getting money.

Or both.

On the way home, we picked up some cheesecake to celebrate. I was trying not to worry and be happy for her. She was trying to show me that she was different, and that meant a lot, right? So why was I so uneasy?

Valentina was all giggles, sitting on my bed with a fork in her hands as I came back with two cans of soda. I frowned, wondering what was so funny.

“What?” I asked hesitantly, sitting down next to her. She set the plate down and picked up the can of soda, opening it slowly so it didn’t all fizz out and explode at once.

“Bill Cosby,” she laughed, pointing at the TV with a finger as she sipped her drink. She was just watching TV. I sighed a little in relief, picking up my fork to start eating. “So…” she trailed off, licking her fork. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Thank you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” She swallowed some of her drink. “I wasn’t… the best sister. Or I haven’t been lately, that is, and you don’t have to let me stay here with you, but you are. You’ve been really supportive. I know you can’t trust me yet and I’m not asking you to, ‘cause it’s hard. I know that I don’t deserve it, so… thank you.” She smiled a little, going back to her cheesecake.

“You’re welcome,” I said softly, looking down at my plate with the tiniest feelings of guilt. I couldn’t help it. Here she was, being as kind and wonderful as I remembered her being before she got wrapped up in her tangled web with Archie, warm and inviting and trusting, and I didn’t deserve it. Not at all. She should have been angry—I was silently livid—about how I left and didn’t look back. Wasn’t she? How could she forgive me so easily?

“So… how’s your friend?” Valentina asked, poorly covering her giggle up with a cough.

“He’s okay,” I replied, putting my empty plate on the floor next to her. I glanced at her suspiciously. “Why?”

“Is he single?” I shot her a look. “Since he’s not your boyfriend, I figured I’d ask. Maybe he’s gay.”

“He’s not.”

“Gay or single?” She wriggled her eyebrows at me, smirking.

“Both,” I answered, cheeks pink as I drank out of the can as slowly as I could, hoping the tint would fade away as soon as it had come. “I would know.”

“So… you’re not hittin’ that because…?” She knitted her eyebrows in confusion as I almost choked on my drink, coughing and gulping shakily. Valentina patted my back slowly, giggling at my embarrassment.

“He’s kind of seeing someone.”

“Why didn’t you make a move?!” she exclaimed, huffing. “You could have been that someone, Daisy.”

“What? You don’t even know him.” I shot her a look. “I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about.” I paused. “We’re friends.” She looked at me glibly, following me as I took the plates and forks to the kitchen.

“Right.”

“We are.”

“Just friends?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to meet your friend.” I almost dropped the fork, fingers slippery with soap and nervous. “He sounds like a nice guy.” I scrubbed furiously at the plate in my hand with the sponge, staying silent. “What?” She made a face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said lightly. “I’m fine. He’s… busy. Very busy lately. I don’t know when I’m going to see him again. Oh well. Maybe next time.” She looked at me with disbelief for a split second before turning on her heel and walking out of the kitchen. My shoulders sagged in relief.

That was close.

I wiped my hands on my shorts, then grabbed a rag to wipe down the sink. While I was doing that, someone knocked on the door quickly. I felt sickly nervous as I pushed a hand behind my ear and walked towards the door, peeking through the window. It was Dash.

Dash.

I felt like throwing up, but instead opened the door, smiling as best I could and hoping that he left before Valentina heard him and came out. He held up a pint-sized carton of vanilla ice cream and two silver spoons, a grin on his face.

“Hi, baby,” he greeted. I returned the greeting feebly. He kissed me quickly, laughing as he shut the door behind him. This was going to be interesting. “You looked kind of… I don’t know, like something was bothering you before and I just thought that maybe, you know, some ice cream would cheer you up.”

“Oh,” I said softly, looking at the carton in his hands. “Thanks, but, I kind of… um.” I paused, biting my lip. “It’s just that—”

“Daisy! Where’d you put my cigarettes?” Valentina called out, walking into the living room. She walked to the table and laughed sheepishly, picking up the half empty carton and digging a cigarette out. She was lighting it when she spotted Dash. I wanted to melt into the floor. “Oh,” she said with a pleasant smile, surprised. “Hi. I’m Valentina.” She waved and lit her cigarette, blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. “Is this your friend?”

He raised an eyebrow and I cut in before he can say anything.

This is not happening.

No.

“Yeah, um… This is, uh, this is my sister. And that’s Dash.” I grinned sheepishly, trying to hide my embarrassment and trying to look like I’m not freaking out—which I am—because this is just not happening right now. “Dash, Valentina, Valentina, Dash,” I said, gesturing quickly between the two of them. I shot Valentina a look, which she either ignored or just didn’t see. She took a drag off her cigarette, eying him up.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said awkwardly, holding out his hand. She shook it and blew some more smoke towards the ceiling. “She’s told me so much about you.” Valentina snorted, throwing her head back. I can’t blame her for laughing. I didn’t tell anyone anything and she knew that better than anyone. At least he tried. My face burned.

“He’s cute. Funny,” she said, glancing at me. “Do you know her friends?” I shot her another look, shaking my head a little. She kept going, of course. He looked at me and then nodded a little, laughing. “Good. ‘Cause then maybe you could tell me about this one friend of hers? She won’t tell me anything.”

“There isn’t much to say,” I mumbled, hoping she’ll get a clue and drop it.

“Sure.”

He thought it was still a joke.

It wasn’t. Well, maybe not to me, but they both seemed to be giggling like crazy people.

“Well, he works at the library. And she brings him lunch. But—get this—she doesn’t like him. And it seems like he likes her, but whenever I ask about it, she calls him stupid. Which, you know, obviously means she likes him too, of course. Then, I asked her why she wasn’t all, you know, up in his face and trying to be with him. He’s ‘seeing someone’, who suspiciously isn’t her.” She shot me a look. “Which is a lame cover-up, I know. Makes their relationship kind of funny if they’re not seeing each other. But what do I know? I just wanted to ask you if you knew him, or of him, because I want to meet him. She won’t tell me anything about him. And since you’re her friend and all, I figured you’d know.” I spared him a glance and he looked surprised and pondering and it’s just not good. Not at all. It technically wasn’t Valentina’s fault—she was horribly curious—but couldn’t her curiosity wait?

“Hm.” Dash looked at me and I didn’t know if he was hurt or upset or what—I didn’t doubt for a second he was bothered. He set the carton of ice cream down on the table and rubbed his neck as he looked at her. “I can’t think of anyone. I really can’t. I wonder who it could be.” I sighed softly. “She hasn’t told me anything either. Your sister’s kind of good at that.” He smiled a little as he pulled his keys out of his pocket. “I’m going to get going—”

“Why? Stay! Sit and chat for a while,” she invited with a grin. He shook his head.

“Maybe some other time.” He smiled and she frowned, making a face.

“Was it something I said?”

“No. I was just dropping by. I’m kind of busy today,” he laughed, shrugging. “It was nice meeting you.” He left. She looked at me, frowning a little as she flicked her cigarette on a small plate she had declared was her ash tray.

“Did I say something?” I slumped into the chair and eye the carton of ice cream, pushing it away sullenly. “I—Daisy, was that—” She sat across from me, putting out the cigarette quietly. “He was your boyfriend, huh?” I stayed silent, swallowing thickly. “I shouldn’t have said anything, I—”

“Don’t.”

“I was just messing around! I didn’t think that he’d—you—oh. I didn’t think he was—oh. Oh, dear.” She slumped against her chair too. “I’m sorry.” We sat in silence, the gentle breeze swaying the thin curtains on the window. “I’m guessing you didn’t tell him about me then.”

“No. He found out about you anyway.” She made a face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What was I supposed to tell him, hm?” I shot her a look. “‘My mom and dad used to beat the living crap out of me and my sister because they were both drug addicts, so we ran away but she turned into a total junkie and threw me out?’ Because that’ll go over so well.” She looked hurt, upset, biting on her bottom lip as she looked at me stonily, eyes flickering sadness before going blank and cold.

“If he’s worth it he wouldn’t care. I’m clean now. I’m a different person.” I look at her, nonplussed. “Do I embarrass you?” She waved her scrawny arms around, laughing mirthlessly. “Do these embarrass you, huh?” The track marks were just little dots and scars now, not the angry ugly bruises I remembered. “‘Cause you’re hot stuff now, yeah? Can’t have a crazy junkie sister running around, screwing everything up for you, right? God forbid she talks to your boss to find you—but you still have a job, so I guess she doesn’t care—and if she meets your boyfriend or friend or whatever, the world’s over—but I’m pretty sure he won’t break up with you because of me, but maybe he will because you’re just so hardheaded!” She glowered. “I know it’s going to take time, but I thought you’d be kind of at peace with the fact that the old me is dead and buried.” She shrugged. “Obviously not.”

“Valentina—”

“I’d rather not hear it.” She sparked up another cigarette. “What did you think I was going to do if I found out about him? It’s not the end of the world if you have a boyfriend. I’m just trying to be a part of your life again, that’s all. I wasn’t going to do anything embarrassing. Like what just happened a couple of minutes ago. If you’d just said, hey, Val, this is Dash, my boyfriend, I feel like it might have panned out a little differently. But I guess we’ll never know now, huh?” She shrugged. “Oh well.”

“He’s probably not going to want to talk to me.”

Valentina smiled softly.

“If you won’t give me a chance, at least give him one. He actually deserves it.” She flicked her cigarette and watched as I slipped my sandals and bag on. I pulled my hair up and tied it sloppily, grabbing my keys. Valentina grabbed the ice cream and a spoon, ripping off the lid as she watched me, shaking her head.

“Can you try to stay out of trouble while I’m gone?” She made a face and I sighed, shutting the door behind me. I sat in my car and rested my head against the steering wheel as I turned on the ignition, sighing softly. I messed up. I knew that, but I thought I was doing the right thing. It turned out that I just ended up making them both upset with me.

I figured that if he came by, it was because he was finished at the library for the day. I didn’t think he had class, so I drove down to Marina and Sunny’s shop.

I parked a few buildings down and walked out hastily, slipping through the passerby. I pulled the door open quickly, greeted by a gust of cool air as I shut it behind me. Marina was nowhere to be seen, but I could hear her loud laughter in one of the back rooms. Yasmin sat at the front counter, talking on the phone while scribbling something down on a notebook. She offered me a small smile. Marina was eating a salad on a stool near the wall, but set it down once she spotted me, pointing towards the back with a small frown on her face.

This isn’t going to be pretty, I thought as I kept walking. Dash was talking to Sunny on the couch. Some other guy was drawing at a table, chipping into the conversation they were having. I played with the hem of my shirt nervously, clearing my throat. They all looked at me, but Dash was the most indifferent of them all.

“I kind of want to talk to Dash. Privately, if it’s not too much to ask.” The other boys left the room, shooting him a look I couldn’t quite read. Did he tell them too? I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal, but it seemed as though I hadn’t been thinking things through as well as I thought I’d been.

“You should probably sit,” he said softly, so I take a seat in an armchair, pulling my bag on my lap and folding my legs underneath myself. We sit in a tense silence. “Didn’t you have something you wanted to say?”

“I—the thing with Val—I can explain,” I started to say, wringing my hands together nervously. I didn’t want to explain, I didn’t want to talk about it—I just wanted him to not be so upset.

“Can you? ‘Cause it seems like you really hate doing that for some reason.”

“It’s just complicated, Dash, I—”

“Why is everything so complicated when it comes to you? You think everything’s complicated when it really isn’t. I mean I could understand if you just told me why you couldn’t tell her about us to begin with, and maybe throwing in why she’s here might be good too. But what do I know?”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“Let’s not talk about it. That’s your answer to everything you don’t want to talk about. What about me? What if I want to talk about it?”

“It isn’t the kind of thing you talk about.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“You’d be surprised,” I said lightly, standing up to walk across the room. The window looks out into the desert, a limitless expanse of sun, sky, and sand. “If I said anything, you’d wish I hadn’t.”

“I wouldn’t. There’s so little I know about you. Why wouldn’t I want to know about you?”

“Because these aren’t the kinds of things you’d wanna hear, Dash. It’s pretty ugly.”

“I’m not going to run away from you.” If only it were that easy, I thought, gnawing on my lip as a cheap laugh slipped out. That’s what they all say.

“But you should. You will. Eventually.”

“But I won’t.”

We sat in a heavy silence once more. I gnawed on my lip and looked up at him finally, deciding that I’d give him one more chance to get out of this while he still could.

“My mom was—is—a drug addict. And my dad likes to drink. They’ve always been that way, you know? Even when Valentina and me were just kids. And when you’re like that, you don’t think things through very well. You’re angry and bitter or forgetful and those that care about you end up dealing with it. They used to leave for days at a time and not leave any money or food in the fridge. And when they came back, they’d be angry and high and they’d just… I don’t know. They were always talking about how we were good for nothing and that we got what deserved and nothing more than that. They were really physical.” I moved my hair from my shoulder, thumbing an old scar. “This is from one of them threw me down the stairs. I was little. I can’t remember if it was my mom or dad. People at school started asking questions. The nurse got sneaky and called a protective agency. My parents flipped.” I show him the scars on the back of my knees, feeling the tears burn my eyes at the memories. “So we started saving up to run away to Los Angeles, Valentina and me. It took us years, but we did. And we were going to do it too, except my dad caught us. I only got away because Valentina hit him and told me to go. I left her, Dash. I left her all by herself and if I hadn’t—if I had just—if I could have been stronger, maybe—” I try to steady my breathing. “Anyway, we ended meeting up in Los Angeles anyway. She had this boyfriend that got her into this crazy drug mentality and she—well, she basically just kicked me out because her boyfriend didn’t like me and she loved him more than she loved me. So I left and I came here, after a year or two. I just floated around, bought my house, and I thought that I’d never see her ever again. And it hurt, but I told myself that she wasn’t the same anymore and that the Valentina I loved was dead and gone.” I don’t realize I’m crying until he hugs me, crushing me to his chest and planting kisses on my forehead and temples, mumbling something about how sorry he was. “Don’t be. You wanted to know. Anyway, Valentina got clean and moved here because she wants to start over. And I’m trying to help her, but it’s hard. She was my best friend,” I say, meeting his glance teary-eyed. “And now—she’s still Valentina, but she’s not. You know what I mean? And she thinks that everything’s going to be just the way it was before it all hit the fan. She wants to know everything about me, wants to be best friends again, but I—I can’t. I can’t tell her about you or us because I just—I don’t know. I can’t. I couldn’t, rather. I thought I was doing us all a favor. I could keep Valentina on the straight and narrow and I could keep you to myself. You’d never have to know about each other and neither of you would have to worry about me. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.” I gave him a small smile. “Not running for the hills yet?”

“You’re gonna have to do better than that if you want to get rid of me,” he said, grinning as he kissed my temple again.

“So you’re not mad at me?”

“No. It’s hard to stay mad at you. I was just frustrated, I guess. You’re so hard to read, Daisy. I just—I want to know you, everything about you.”

“It’s not as great as you might think it is.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” He kisses me chastely. “Don’t be afraid to tell me anything.”