Daisy.

We’re hanging out tonight. You need to get out of that house, girl!

I laughed at my phone, mulling over my food slowly as I giggled. It was from Marina, Dash’s ‘better half’. It was safe to say that I was going out a little more, and Dash was around a lot. I mean, a lot. It would have been kind of ridiculous if I didn’t enjoy his company so much. It was totally friendly, I told myself, because I didn’t think I’d be able to really even handle anything else.

And maybe he wanted it to be more than what it was. I didn’t know and I didn’t ask either, mostly because I was afraid that he actually wouldn’t. So we were friends.

Kind of.

I didn’t even know.

And with that came Marina, who was dating his roommate, Sunny. She was pretty nice and cool and she wasn’t that hard to get along with. You just had to get used to her, that’s all, and once you did, she kind of just grew on you.

I was getting out a little more. A little, but it was better than how it used to be before, which was pretty much not at all unless I needed to go grocery shopping, which only happened about once a month or so because I didn’t eat very much to begin with and I wasn’t exactly home often either.

I was kind of excited. I mean, I was making friends. Friends. People, you know, that I could hang out with and do things with. Slowly but surely, it was happening. Of course, it was only a matter of time before I drove them all away, but at least I’d enjoy them while they were around. Hopefully, that wouldn’t happen.

Hopefully.

Hope.

That was another thing.

I was starting to become hopeful and look forward to things.

I didn’t know why it was happening, but it was and I couldn’t help but to think that Dash had something to do with it. Those thoughts were dangerous, because they’d lead to false hope that would inevitably be crushed at some point. Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts away, taking my dishes to the kitchen to wash them. I wanted to tidy up before Marina came over, so I piled the dishes into the sink quickly, glancing at the clock on the wall. Before I could even turn on the faucet, Marina was banging down my door, yelling loudly on my front stoop.

“Daisy, I swear—” She stopped when I opened the door, grinning cheekily. “Hi!” She squeezed the air out of me as I patted her back, ruffling my hair. “What’s good, Daisy?”

“Um… dinner?” I half asked, shutting the door behind her. She huffed, shaking her head. “It was pretty good, I guess. I mean, they were just leftovers, but they were still kind of good.” I shrugged and she wrinkled her nose, shaking her head some more.

“You’re so awkward,” she giggled, nudging me. “I meant, what’s up? That’s kind of what that means.”

“Oh, um… I don’t know.” I shrugged. She raised an eyebrow, walking into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge, and then shut it, seemingly unsatisfied. Her hands rested on her waist, a tiny scowl on her face. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Friday night…”

“I know.”

“So… we need to do something!” She looked at me plainly, hands on her hips.

“I know. I was actually going to watch a documentary before you came. Wanna watch it with me?”

“Something exciting.”

“But it is! I—” She cut me off with her laughter, walking past me and into the living room, throwing herself onto the armchair. She said it was her favorite thing about my place. She settled into it, pulling the lever on the side back until the foot rest popped out. She wriggled her feet as I looked at her quizzically. “What?”

“Are you for real?”

“What? It’s exciting! It’s all about modern art and its’ impact on pop culture—”

“Daisy, Daisy, Daisy,” she sighed, popping the leg rest shut with a delicate sigh. “What I meant was that we need to go do something outside.”

“Now?” I made a face, pointing at my clothes, my big snuggly black sweatshirt and a pair of grey shorts, old bunny slippers with floppy ears on my feet. “But I’m already in my pajamas and it—it’s late, I mean—”

“Daisy, it’s barely eight,” she protested. “You can’t seriously tell me your big plan for tonight is watching a documentary, of all things. You aren’t going out? Like, at all? Really?”

“Well… no?” I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. “It’s not like I really have anything to wear anyway and I can’t really dance and I’m not a big drinker and it’s not like I have anyone to go out with either so…” She narrowed her eyes at me, getting up from the chair with a huff. She stood up straight, fists tanned from the summer sun on her waist.

“Challenge accepted.”

“What?” I frowned at her, knitting my eyebrows together.

“I nominate myself to be your wing-woman. You know, like a wingman, sort of.” She giggled, dragging me to my room. I shuffled after her hesitantly, a frown on my face. “We need to get you dressed, that’s for sure.”

“Where are we going?”

“To a club, Daisy,” she said flatly, shooting me a look. “Unless you have any better ideas? I didn’t think so. It’ll be fun.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, watching as she started rummaging through my closet, throwing hangers with clothes onto the chair.

“What?” She looked back at me. “Do you want to go to a party or something?”

“What—no! We can’t go to a club, Marina!” I exclaimed, feeling flustered as my face flushed red with anxiety and nervousness. “I mean—it—I—we—why?!”

“Why not?” She held up a little black dress, wriggling her eyebrows at me. I bought it a while ago and only wore it once—to some silly faculty dinner the magazine hosted—before I put it away in my closet and forgot all about it. “You’re old enough, right? And you’re a babe, and I’m a babe, and we’re single—okay, well, you’re single—and it’s a Friday night! We live in Phoenix, Daisy. What else are we supposed to do? It’s a practically a crime to not go out. You know you wanna!”

“That’s not the point! We—I—” I huffed, falling down onto my bed with an angry pout. She returned the pout, more pleading than angry. After a couple of minutes, I gave up and muttered a sullen, “Fine.”

She grinned, tossing the dress at me as she clapped her hands giddily. “Put this on!”

“No.”

“No?” she exclaimed, surprised. “Gotta work what you’ve got, girl, and you’ve got it.”

“Got what?”

“It!”

“What’s it?” I huffed, throwing it back at her. “Can’t I just wear what I normally wear?”

“Um, well… no.” She gnawed on her red lips, making a face.

“Why not?! I think what I wear’s just fine.” I scowled, watching as she laughed nervously.

“Well… because, you know, I’m trying to get you laid. That’s kind of what a wing-person does, Daisy…”

“What?!” I almost fell off the bed, eyes wide as I looked at her. She snickered, throwing her hair over her shoulder.

“What you need is to find a guy and just—”

“I get it, Marina,” I said softly, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“What? You do. It’s why you’re so uptight and tense all the time,” she said simply, turning to my dresser. “Like, not in a mean way, you know what I mean? I get it, Daisy. I mean, whenever Sunny and me go a while without, well, you know, I get all crabby too.”

“I’m not crabby,” I mumbled sullenly, picking at the bedspread with hot pink cheeks. She held up a pair of some of my comfy shorts, tossing them at me on the bed.

“Well, when was the last time you had sex?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Um…” I trailed off lightly, twisting my hair shyly, trying not to look at her. She looked back at me, a bunch of tank tops in her hands.

“Daisy?”

“I, um…”

She raised an eyebrow, a small smile on her face as she sat down next to me on the bed. I picked at my legs, fidgety as my face burned even brighter.

“Daisy? When was the last time?” I stayed silent and she gasped, eyes wide. “You’ve… done it, right?” I blinked quickly, trying not to look so embarrassed. Marina noticed and cooed, pulling me close. “Aw, Daisy!”

“You’re making it sound so terrible,” I mumbled, face warm.

“That’s so cute,” she chuckled, pinching my blazing cheeks.

“There’s nothing cute about it, okay? I just, you know, never really, um, got around it.” I shrugged, because it wasn’t a complete lie—I really hadn’t. I just couldn’t find the right guy and even though that wasn’t the main reason, it was still a pretty big one. I mean, I’d meet someone, and things would go really nicely, and then something—usually me—would mess it all up and we’d break up before we ever actually did anything.

Which kind of really sucked, but I kind of just accepted it and never really thought much about it. Until, of course, Marina brought it up.

“Are you saving yourself or something?”

“No, no, I just, uh…it’s just complicated.” I stood up, turning around shyly as I grabbed a shirt from her hands, pulling my sweatshirt over my head hastily. I pulled the tank top on and grabbed a jean jacket, feeling slightly more at ease with my arms covered up. I slipped out of the shorts and pulled the ones she picked out, sighing in relief. “How do I look?”

That was another reason why I never really did anything with anyone.

Most guys got kind of turned off when they saw that the girl they were about to hook up with looked like she’d taken a paper shredder to her arms and inner thighs. And it wasn’t like I was running to show myself off either. It was kind of a problem. I didn’t want anyone to see them, because they’d just end up running away if they did. So I covered them up and hid them as best I could, which kind of made being intimate with someone kind of awkward and usually impossible.

So I just didn’t.

Ever.

“Don’t change the subject, Daisy.”

“What?” I turned around, hands in my pockets as I looked at her. “I’m not. I’m just… not talking about it.”

“Don’t you like anyone? Like, at all? Not even a teensy tiny bit?” I looked at my vanity counter, playing with the combs and brushes as I shrugged casually, wrinkling my nose. “Tell me!”

“I don’t know what there really is to tell, I mean, it’s not like—I mean, he’s—and I’m—I don’t know. It’s really not a big deal.” I bit my lip. “Please don’t start freaking out.”

“Do I know him?” She leaned forward on the bed excitedly, eyes wide and expectant. “Can I guess? I’m guessing. Dash! It’s totally Dash. I ship it. I’m shipping it. That’s it. It’s being shipped. You and Dash! Yes. A thousand times yes. Why didn’t I see it sooner!? I’m a genius.” She grinned at me, eyes bright. “Daisy and Dash. It’s too cute!” she giggled.

“Well, um… yeah, kinda. I guess,” I mumbled, combing my hair with a quiet gulp, pulse racing. I didn’t know how I felt and I tried not to think about it because it just confused me and made me kind of upset, but I didn’t think Marina would let it go, so I figured it was as good a time as any to figure out how I felt. “But I mean it’s not a big deal and it’s not like he likes me anyway and I don’t really like him, like him, I think. I don’t know. It’s just complicated and can we just not talk about—”

She scowled at me, lips in a line as she watched me.

“I’m going to ask you a simple question, and you’re going to answer me honestly. Yes or no, that’s it.” I bit my lip. “Do you like him?”

“I don’t know—”

“Do you?! ’Cause, you know, he’s single and you’re single and you’re both cute and you’d have cute awkward babies and it’d be so perfect and god, yes! Why not?!”

“’Cause he probably doesn’t like me anyway and he sees right through me and I don’t like it and he’s just—god,” I sighed, falling back on my bed, hands covering my face. “It just can’t happen.”

“Why? Why can’t you like him?”

“I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

Well, not really. I just push everyone away and I would hate to do that to him but I know that I’m bound to, at some point. It’s only a matter of time.

“Why can’t he like you? Daisy?” I didn’t answer and she sighed, nudging me. “It’s okay to like someone. Kind of makes us human, you know? You deserve to be happy. And he does too. Who knows? Maybe he likes you too! You’re a total babe. So we’re going to go out tonight and show that off and make him see it.”

“Marina—”

“No, don’t. We’re going out tonight and getting trashed and that’s that, because that’s young and that’s what we do. You’re going to live it up, baby. And maybe we’ll meet up with Dash on the way, who knows?” She stood up, pulling me up with her. “Get some shoes on and let’s go.”

It wasn’t long before we were in Marina’s little black car, Marina blasting some music with the top down as she drove quickly down the street. I played with the laces on my boots, trying to relax. Marina was right. I had to live at some point, didn’t I? Maybe Dash could help.

Maybe.

If he wanted to.

Was that part of his whole ‘fixing’ me deal?

At a stoplight, Marina tossed some lipstick at me, pulling down the visor and told me to hurry up. I put it on hesitantly, looking at my reflection. Scared brown eyes looked back at me with a timid smile on dark red lips. I shut it and put the lipstick back in Marina’s little clutch.

“Where are we going?”

“To Strokes.” I made a face, confused. “It’s where Dash goes with Sunny on their ‘boys’ night out’ with the rest of the guys. It’s stupid, I know, but the drinks aren’t that bad and the DJ usually doesn’t suck, so…” She shrugged. “We’ll be fine.”

“But—”

“No buts. We’re going and you’re going to be totally hot and get that!” She drummed her hand on the steering wheel, wriggling her eyes at me. “It’ll be fun, you’ll see.”

“But I don’t—”

“What?” I slumped back into the seat, twisting at my hair. Fighting with her would get me nowhere, so I gave up. “Chin up! Have you ever even been clubbing, Daisy?”

“Once. I hated it.” I made a face, wrinkling my nose at the thought. I went with some people from work once, ended up getting wasted, and had a hangover that felt like it lasted for a couple of days.

“It’s not that bad, really.” She grinned at me. “Sometimes, you know,” she nudged my elbow, “people actually have fun.”

“I have fun.” I rubbed my nose. “Sometimes.”

“Right.” She shut off the car and we got out, a warm breeze flowing through the streets as we walked up to the line. I felt underdressed as I watched people go in, looking at my clothes self-consciously. After we showed our IDs to the bouncer, we managed to get into the place, which was pretty much packed.

“Let’s get wasted!” she exclaimed excitedly, tugging on my hand.

No wonder I didn’t go clubbing.

There were people everywhere, most of the guys were sleazy or slimy or both, and the music was loud and I just couldn’t breathe. It was a panic attack just waiting to happen. We slipped through everyone to the bar. I didn’t like it at all and just wanted to leave. I had enough money for cab fare, didn’t I? Marina ordered two shots of whiskey and downed hers quickly, making a face. She pushed the other one at me, grinning.

“Well, it’s not going to drink itself, Daisy,” she laughed. “Bottoms up.” I eyed it cautiously and sipped it slowly, mouth puckering as I struggled not to spit it back out. It went down bitterly, burning its way through. “Atta girl!” She wriggled her eyebrows at me, giggling. “Let’s go find your man.”

“He’s not my man,” I protested quickly, tugging on my lip as she dragged me through the crowd of dancers. Uncomfortable, I struggled to remind myself that I was okay and this was okay and that everything was going to be okay at some point. I forced myself to breathe and walk and think about other things after I made it through the sea of people. She stopped when a new song started, excited.

“Girl! This is my jam!” She started dancing, moving to the beat of the song. I feel awkward. I mean, it’s not like I can’t dance, because I can, kind of, but when you do it in a crowd of drunk and maybe even drugged up people, sometimes they get the wrong idea. “Let’s go find Sunny and Dash so we can go dance!”

“Marina—” My protests went ignored as she dragged us through, getting grabbed and sideswiped at as we looked for them. I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay. In, out, in—out.

Sunny was drinking off in one of the corner booths with some other people I recognized from the night at the lake. I didn’t see Dash though, so I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. What if I came out here and he didn’t and I got my hopes up for nothing? Marina giggled as we snuck around the booth, popping up and scaring Sunny.

“Shit, Marina!” he exclaimed, wide-eyed for a couple of seconds. She crawled into his lap and I sat down awkwardly, looking down at my lap as I played with the small clutch in my hands, really wishing I had something to drink or do or anything, really, to distract me from all the stares. “Hi, Daisy.” I waved shyly, trying to sink into my seat. He turned his attention back to Marina. “When’d you guys get here?” She shrugged, taking his drink out of his hands.

“I dunno,” she mumbled, downing it in one fell swoop, setting the glass down on the table. She looked around at the rest of the guys, slipping off her boyfriend’s lap to sit next to me. “I wanna dance,” she whined, tugging on his hand. “Where’s Dash?”

“Why?” He frowned a little at her, making a face.

“’Cause I wanna know’s why. Just tell me.”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged.

“What do you mean you don’t know?!” she exclaimed, frowning.

“I mean, I don’t know.”

“He’s shacking up with some floozer, huh?” She nodded knowingly. “What a shame.” Sunny made a face at her again, almost annoyed.

“How the hell would I know?”

“He’s, like, your best friend, Sunny! How could you not know?”

“Well, he’s your friend too! Why don’t you know?”

I broke away from their argument and decided that I wanted a drink really badly. I walked up to the bar around the edge of the dance floor, trying to avoid it as much as I could. I made it to the bar, sat on one of the high slippery black stools and leaned forward, trying to think of what I wanted.

“Can I get some water, please?” I leaned against the counter, propping my head up with a huff and pout. I could have been at home, comfy in my pajamas and a tub of ice cream in my hands as I watched my documentary—my totally super awesome documentary. But no, I thought, blowing my hair out of my face with an angry pout as I stared at the water in front of me. We just had to go out because she wanted to hook Dash up with me—like he’d even go along with it. He wasn’t even there.

Scowling, I picked up my water, taking a sip from it.

The night was an official bust.

I threw some money on the counter, threw a look at Marina, who was busy making out with Sunny in the empty booth with a heavy sigh. Well, at least I wouldn’t be too sorely missed, I thought as I walked out, pulling my jacket a little tighter around me. I didn’t know where to go, so I just started walking down the street, hoping I’d find something to do.

Disappointed, I kept walking, head down as I sent Marina a text, telling her I didn’t feel well and went home. Why did I even bother? It wasn’t like he’d even notice me anyway and it was a waste of time. And in the event he did notice, what would I even do? Seduce him with my awkward charm? I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I bumped into someone, mumbling a quiet apology under my breath.

“Daisy?” I looked up and I could have died—almost wish I did—looking up at him.

“Dash.” I blinked, mouth dry, trying to keep the smile off my face. “H-Hi.”

“Hey.” He smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I, uh, well—Marina came over and wanted to go out, so we kind of did, and then she ran into Sunny. I kind of left ’cause I didn’t want to be the third wheel.” I shrugged, shoving my hands into my pockets. “You?”

“Well, I was going to go hang out with Sunny, but since Marina’s there, I don’t think he’ll even notice I showed up.” He shrugged. “What do you wanna do?”

“Uh—I don’t—I dunno,” I murmured, feeling painfully shy all of a sudden. If I could just go back to before, when I didn’t know and didn’t want to know how I felt, it’d be different. “Where do you think we should go?”

“Well, I’m kind of hungry. Feel like getting something to eat? There’s a place not too far from here, if you wanna come with me.”

“O-Okay.”

This isn’t a date and I’m okay and he’s okay and we’re okay and this isn’t a date.

My pocket buzzed.

BE TRUE! - love nina xoxo