Status: Idek
Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
Gonna make a heartthrob out of me
"BUT WHY!?" Jonathan yelled across his apartment at his teammate, and roommate, Patrick Kane. Patrick stared him down.
"I ALREADY HAVE PLANS!" He yelled back, getting visibly frustrated, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT."
"WHAT KIND OF PLANS? ALL I WANT TO DO IS HAVE SOME PATTY-JONNY TIME, YOU LOVE PATTY-JONNY TIME!" Jon yelled back. He didn't like fighting with Pat, but sometimes it was the only way to get through his big head.
"PATTY-JONNY TIME WILL HAVE TO BE ANOTHER TIME. I HAVE PLANS TONIGHT AND THAT'S FINAL. I'M GOING TO SHOWER," with that, Pat turned on his heel and stalked out of the living room to the bathroom.
Jon collapsed in his recliner, wondering why Pat was being so secretive about his plans. He ALWAYS told him what he was up to. Jon pondered this thought when he saw Pat's phone buzz with a text message.
Don't do it, Jon told himself, don't you dare look at that message. Jon stared at the phone, trying to fight the urge, but he couldn't help it. The shower was running, but he tip toed across the room, just to be safe. He picked up the iPhone and opened the message. It was from their teammate, Patrick Sharp.
"Hey Patty Cakes-" Jon stopped reading for a moment. Patty Cakes was HIS nickname for Pat. He glared at the phone, hoping his disgust would be absorbed by the metal device and sent through the mobile network and slap the crap out of Sharp's face. He continued reading. "Are we still on for karaoke tonight?" Jon stopped again. Karaoke was PATTY-JONNY TIME activity. NOT PATTY-SQUARED TIME. In anger, Jon replied.
"Of course we are, silly. What time and place again?" He sent the message, bound to put an end to this travesty. Sharp replied in seconds.
"7 pm at, you know where you and Jon usually go. Although soon it will be where you and I usually go, you said that you like my face better anyways. ;) " Jon felt his jaw drop open. HOW COULD PATTY BETRAY HIM LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?
"Ok just checking, love. I'll see you there." Jon replied. He quickly deleted the messages so Pat wouldn't know that he had jacked his phone. The shower shut off. OH MY GOD, Jon thought to himself, I NEED TO PUT AN END TO THIS.
Pat came out of the bathroom in only a towel, looking surprised at Jon as he stormed out of the apartment.
Jon got into his car and sped away to the nearest library. His ~evil~ plan was perfect.
-----------
While Jon was plotting away, and Pat was getting ready for karaoke, Sharp received a phone call from his mommy.
"Sharpie dear, someone threw a rock right through my window. I'm going to need you to come and fix it tonight," his mom told him matter of fact, leaving no room for debate. Sharp thought he'd try anyways.
"Buuuuut moooooooooom I have a ~date~ tonight," he told her in a whiny voice. That's always how he got his way as a child. But not this time.
"NO. YOU WILL BE HERE AT SEVEN PM NO EXCEPTIONS," said his mom in a yelling voice. And that was the end of that. Sharp hung up his phone and set it on the table underneath his open window. He went into his kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and when he came back, he found his phone sitting in a puddle of water.
"Goddamn birds," he said to himself as he eyed the birds flying around outside of the window. He picked his phone up and threw it in a bag of rice, knowing Pat wouldn't mind if he didn't call and cancel. He'd understand.
---------
Jon pulled up at the bar and parked his car. It was a quarter to ten. He looked at the mask sitting on the seat beside him. He had spent the better part of the afternoon perfecting a mask of Sharp's face. He had tried to get in to get his face remodeled like Sharp's, but apparently you had to book an appointment 8945703256872 months in advance. The tattoo place he visited told him he was stupid for wanting to tattoo someone's face onto his. So he had to settle for a mask. It would be alright though. It was almost ten which meant Pat would be drunk off of his ass anyways. He wouldn't notice if it was a mask. He slipped the mask on and walked into the bar. The bouncers didn't question him, which was odd. He spotted Pat at the bar, taking shots with a bunch of college girls. He walked straight up to him. Pat spotted him and jumped into his arms.
"SHARPIE!!!!" he yelled loud enough for the whole bar to hear, "YOU MADE IT JUST IN TIME!!!!!" He grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the stage, where the first notes of the song started to play. "I've been saving this song for you," he shouted. Jon recognized the song immediately and started to tremor in anger. This was the PATTY-JON TIME karaoke song. How dare he even think about singing it with Sharp. They started singing.
"HEY NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAAAAAAAAAAMS ARE MADE OF!!!! HEY NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMS ARE MADE OF!!!! I'VE GOT SOMEWHERE I BELONG-" at this point Pat had draped his arms around "Sharpie" and was singing loudly to him, "I'VE GOT SOMEBODY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVEEEEEE. THIS IS WHAT DREAAAAAAAAAMS ARE MADE OF!!!!!!"
After the song ended, Pat planted a big kiss on Jon's lips. That's when he knew something was wrong. Those lips felt all too familiar. He pulled away quickly.
"J-Jon?" He stuttered as Jon pulled off of the mask.
"Hi," he said calmly. Pat stared in disbelief.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, not sure if he wanted the answer. Jon broke down.
"I AM SO SORRY PAT I JUST-I READ YOUR TEXT MESSAGES ABOUT HOW YOU SAID YOU LIKED SHARP'S FACE BETTER THAN MINE AND YOU WERE CHANGING PATTY-JONNY TIME INTO PATTY SQUARED TIME AND HE CALLS YOU PATTY CAKES WHICH IS MY NICKNAME FOR YOU AND I JUST AM SO JEALOUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!?!" Jon took a deep breath and started crying.
"Calm down Captain Serious - or should I say not so serious," Pat said to him, "Sharpie wouldn't leave me alone. He kept asking and asking if I would go out for him and he wouldn't take no for an answer so I humored him and said yes," tears were building up in his eyes, "I LOVE YOU TOO JONNY NOTHING WILL EVER TAKE THE PLACE OF PATTY-JONNY TIME BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE THE ONE FOR ME AND SHARPIE DON'T MEAN A THANG YO ONLY YOU DO BECAUSE YOU DA BOMB DIGZ!!!" Pat cried as they both flopped into each other's arms. It was then that they realised that they were still on the karaoke stage. They turned and the crowd was standing there with tears in their eyes. They all finally knew that true love exists. Pat and Jon left the stage with a big standing ovation. They grabbed hands and ran out of the bar like two lovers do. As they reached the front door, Jon turned to Pat and said,
"I think I owe Sharpie a new phone. I kind of dumped water all over it."
Pat just looked at him with stars in his eyes and said, "oh, you."
They ran out the door to meet a majestical unicorn that had Henrik Lundqvist's perfect face as a head. It was being chauffeured by Paul Bissonnette, because it was the only job he could find that would give him more working time than the Coyotes did. Biz helped the two star crossed lovers onto the Henrik-corn and then flew them over the moon to Neverland, where they could live as each other's lost boys with the other lost boys, like Jordan Eberle & Taylor Hall, and Tyler Seguin & Brad Marchand.
They lived happily ever after, never to be seen again.
Fin.
"I ALREADY HAVE PLANS!" He yelled back, getting visibly frustrated, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT."
"WHAT KIND OF PLANS? ALL I WANT TO DO IS HAVE SOME PATTY-JONNY TIME, YOU LOVE PATTY-JONNY TIME!" Jon yelled back. He didn't like fighting with Pat, but sometimes it was the only way to get through his big head.
"PATTY-JONNY TIME WILL HAVE TO BE ANOTHER TIME. I HAVE PLANS TONIGHT AND THAT'S FINAL. I'M GOING TO SHOWER," with that, Pat turned on his heel and stalked out of the living room to the bathroom.
Jon collapsed in his recliner, wondering why Pat was being so secretive about his plans. He ALWAYS told him what he was up to. Jon pondered this thought when he saw Pat's phone buzz with a text message.
Don't do it, Jon told himself, don't you dare look at that message. Jon stared at the phone, trying to fight the urge, but he couldn't help it. The shower was running, but he tip toed across the room, just to be safe. He picked up the iPhone and opened the message. It was from their teammate, Patrick Sharp.
"Hey Patty Cakes-" Jon stopped reading for a moment. Patty Cakes was HIS nickname for Pat. He glared at the phone, hoping his disgust would be absorbed by the metal device and sent through the mobile network and slap the crap out of Sharp's face. He continued reading. "Are we still on for karaoke tonight?" Jon stopped again. Karaoke was PATTY-JONNY TIME activity. NOT PATTY-SQUARED TIME. In anger, Jon replied.
"Of course we are, silly. What time and place again?" He sent the message, bound to put an end to this travesty. Sharp replied in seconds.
"7 pm at, you know where you and Jon usually go. Although soon it will be where you and I usually go, you said that you like my face better anyways. ;) " Jon felt his jaw drop open. HOW COULD PATTY BETRAY HIM LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?
"Ok just checking, love. I'll see you there." Jon replied. He quickly deleted the messages so Pat wouldn't know that he had jacked his phone. The shower shut off. OH MY GOD, Jon thought to himself, I NEED TO PUT AN END TO THIS.
Pat came out of the bathroom in only a towel, looking surprised at Jon as he stormed out of the apartment.
Jon got into his car and sped away to the nearest library. His ~evil~ plan was perfect.
-----------
While Jon was plotting away, and Pat was getting ready for karaoke, Sharp received a phone call from his mommy.
"Sharpie dear, someone threw a rock right through my window. I'm going to need you to come and fix it tonight," his mom told him matter of fact, leaving no room for debate. Sharp thought he'd try anyways.
"Buuuuut moooooooooom I have a ~date~ tonight," he told her in a whiny voice. That's always how he got his way as a child. But not this time.
"NO. YOU WILL BE HERE AT SEVEN PM NO EXCEPTIONS," said his mom in a yelling voice. And that was the end of that. Sharp hung up his phone and set it on the table underneath his open window. He went into his kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and when he came back, he found his phone sitting in a puddle of water.
"Goddamn birds," he said to himself as he eyed the birds flying around outside of the window. He picked his phone up and threw it in a bag of rice, knowing Pat wouldn't mind if he didn't call and cancel. He'd understand.
---------
Jon pulled up at the bar and parked his car. It was a quarter to ten. He looked at the mask sitting on the seat beside him. He had spent the better part of the afternoon perfecting a mask of Sharp's face. He had tried to get in to get his face remodeled like Sharp's, but apparently you had to book an appointment 8945703256872 months in advance. The tattoo place he visited told him he was stupid for wanting to tattoo someone's face onto his. So he had to settle for a mask. It would be alright though. It was almost ten which meant Pat would be drunk off of his ass anyways. He wouldn't notice if it was a mask. He slipped the mask on and walked into the bar. The bouncers didn't question him, which was odd. He spotted Pat at the bar, taking shots with a bunch of college girls. He walked straight up to him. Pat spotted him and jumped into his arms.
"SHARPIE!!!!" he yelled loud enough for the whole bar to hear, "YOU MADE IT JUST IN TIME!!!!!" He grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the stage, where the first notes of the song started to play. "I've been saving this song for you," he shouted. Jon recognized the song immediately and started to tremor in anger. This was the PATTY-JON TIME karaoke song. How dare he even think about singing it with Sharp. They started singing.
"HEY NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAAAAAAAAAAMS ARE MADE OF!!!! HEY NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMS ARE MADE OF!!!! I'VE GOT SOMEWHERE I BELONG-" at this point Pat had draped his arms around "Sharpie" and was singing loudly to him, "I'VE GOT SOMEBODY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVEEEEEE. THIS IS WHAT DREAAAAAAAAAMS ARE MADE OF!!!!!!"
After the song ended, Pat planted a big kiss on Jon's lips. That's when he knew something was wrong. Those lips felt all too familiar. He pulled away quickly.
"J-Jon?" He stuttered as Jon pulled off of the mask.
"Hi," he said calmly. Pat stared in disbelief.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, not sure if he wanted the answer. Jon broke down.
"I AM SO SORRY PAT I JUST-I READ YOUR TEXT MESSAGES ABOUT HOW YOU SAID YOU LIKED SHARP'S FACE BETTER THAN MINE AND YOU WERE CHANGING PATTY-JONNY TIME INTO PATTY SQUARED TIME AND HE CALLS YOU PATTY CAKES WHICH IS MY NICKNAME FOR YOU AND I JUST AM SO JEALOUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!?!" Jon took a deep breath and started crying.
"Calm down Captain Serious - or should I say not so serious," Pat said to him, "Sharpie wouldn't leave me alone. He kept asking and asking if I would go out for him and he wouldn't take no for an answer so I humored him and said yes," tears were building up in his eyes, "I LOVE YOU TOO JONNY NOTHING WILL EVER TAKE THE PLACE OF PATTY-JONNY TIME BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE THE ONE FOR ME AND SHARPIE DON'T MEAN A THANG YO ONLY YOU DO BECAUSE YOU DA BOMB DIGZ!!!" Pat cried as they both flopped into each other's arms. It was then that they realised that they were still on the karaoke stage. They turned and the crowd was standing there with tears in their eyes. They all finally knew that true love exists. Pat and Jon left the stage with a big standing ovation. They grabbed hands and ran out of the bar like two lovers do. As they reached the front door, Jon turned to Pat and said,
"I think I owe Sharpie a new phone. I kind of dumped water all over it."
Pat just looked at him with stars in his eyes and said, "oh, you."
They ran out the door to meet a majestical unicorn that had Henrik Lundqvist's perfect face as a head. It was being chauffeured by Paul Bissonnette, because it was the only job he could find that would give him more working time than the Coyotes did. Biz helped the two star crossed lovers onto the Henrik-corn and then flew them over the moon to Neverland, where they could live as each other's lost boys with the other lost boys, like Jordan Eberle & Taylor Hall, and Tyler Seguin & Brad Marchand.
They lived happily ever after, never to be seen again.
Fin.
♠ ♠ ♠
Idek yeah that's it.