Scream in the Dark

I rolled over onto my back so I could look at the ceiling. It'd been three months since Mike's death, and I still wasn't over it. I didn't think I'd ever get over it. Tony was long gone, band practice or something. He'd probably taken Leia over to his mom's.

I felt terrible. I hadn't been much of a mom to Leia lately. I hadn't been much of anything lately. I'd wake up, go through the motions, then go back to sleep. That's all I had enough energy to do anymore. Yeah, it was selfish, but this hallow feeling'd taken away any care I'd had, taken away all my motivation.

I rolled out of bed, trying to fix my hair. It'd been almost a week since the last time I showered, so I decided to jump in real quick. Maybe the cold water would wake me up. When I was done, I wrapped a towel tightly around me, a tear sliding down my cheek. I was pathetic, I could barely take care of myself with crying.

I decided coffee would wake me up enough to get something done, so I walked down to the coffee shop on the corner. Faces blurred past me. I wondered about their families, about their lives. Were they dealing with a break up, did they just find out some really great news?

It was my turn to order, "Caramel frappuccino." I said. I began to tear up because that was what Mike always ordered.

Forcing thoughts of Mike from my head and a smile on my face, I grabbed the warm cup from the barista. She smiled back, wishing me a good day. I nodded, returning it. Today was going to be a good day, even if it killed me.

~*~

"Vic?" I called out, walking through his apartment. I didn't figure he'd be here, but I thought Kate would be. They'd been getting pretty serious lately, spending almost all of their free time together. I figured that was his way of coping.

I flung myself down on the couch, hanging my head between my legs. I couldn't deal with all the memories this place held. I sighed, standing up. There was no use torturing myself. I knew I needed to go get Leia; that I needed to move on so I could be a mother to her. I couldn't. She looked so much like him, it tore my heart open every time I laid eyes on her. It wasn't her fault, though, and I knew that. She was only a baby.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Tony's number. It took four rings, but he answered it, "Lise? Is everything okay?" He sounded a little annoyed.

I stood still, holding my breath for a few moments. It'd been a while since I heard his actual voice, not the dead tone he usually used, "Hey. Yeah, everything's fine."

"Oh. Then why are you calling?" He asked. It hurt that he was being this curt, but I knew I brought it on myself.

"I-I um, I wanted to know where Leia was. Did you take her to your mom's?" I asked, closing and locking the door behind me.

He said something to whoever was in the room, "Yeah. She's there. Are you sure you're up for that?"

I nodded into the phone before realizing he couldn't see me, "Yeah. I feel.. I don't know. I don't feel dead today."

He was preoccupied, I realized. "Okay. That's good, babe. Hey, I got to go. Jaime needs my help. I'll be home in a few hours; be careful, okay?"

I bit my lip, "Yeah, 'kay. Love you."

He grunted into the phone, hanging up without saying it back. It shocked me how much we'd grown apart without me even realizing it. Three months was a long time. I though about the razors, about how sweet the relief would be, but I couldn't. I'd promised myself when Leia was born I was done with that.

My heart ached slightly- which was more than it'd done in a while- as I though about how awful Tony must feel. I was stupid- selfish and stupid. I closed my eyes before starting the car, hoping I'd feel like this more often. I needed him in my life.

~*~

~Tony's POV

"Was that Elise?" Jaime asked, shock on his face.

I nodded, shoving my phone in my pocket and grabbing my headphones.

He made a noise of disbelief, "What did she want?"

I shrugged, "To know where I took Lee this morning. She's going to go get her."

He made the same noise as before, "Are you serious?"

I nodded, my gaze never meeting his, "She said she doesn't feel dead today."

"That's good." He said, adjusting the strap on his shoulder, "I was beginning to think she was turning into a zombie."

"So did I. We haven't even looked at each other in the last two months. She won't even look at Leia, which is why I'm kind of shocked she's doing something other than crying." I said. I almost regretted saying it, but it was true. "I do- It's just hard. I know it's hard on her, but he was one of my best friends. She doesn't realize that's she's doing more harm by being this.. thing than she would be if she got up and did something!" I said, letting my anger out.

Jaime gave me a sympathetic smile, putting an arm over my shoulder, "Girls.. Elise, she's just got to grieve. You know?"

I looked over at him, trying not to laugh at his pathetic advise. "Let's get this over with so I can spend time with my girlfriend." I said, a smile stretching over my face.

~*~

I pulled into the driveway. Lise's car was parked on the other side proving that she had in fact left the house. I smiled, getting out and jogging up to the front door. "Hello?" I called out.

"In here!" I heard her shout from the kitchen.

The smell of authentic Mexican food and a kiss from Elise greeted me. I smiled on her lips, pulling her waist to mine.

She looked up at me, "Hey."

I kissed her again. It'd been too long since I'd felt her lips on mine, "Hello."

She pulled away, tending to something on the stove.

I looked over at Leia sitting in her chair, a smile on her face, "Hey, munchkin!" I said in a baby voice, going over to pick her up, "How're you today? Good!" I said as she giggled at me.

Lise looked over at us, smiling, "Hey, Tone?" She asked.

"Hmm?" I asked, making faces at Leia.

She turned around, leaning back on the counter, "I'm sorry." She said, "I know I've been.. not me these last few months. I doubt every day will be like this one, either. I just.. I miss you." Her voice shrunk with each word.

I sat Leia back down in her chair. She got a little fussy, but I ignored it, walking over to Lise and picking her up so she was sitting on the counter. "I miss you, too." I said, my voice thick, "I get it's hard. It is hard, and I don't think anyone'll fully get over it." I moved her hair off her neck, placing kisses on it, "But you need to start trying again."

She nodded, pulling my head to hers. Her kiss was desperate, like if I didn't return it she'd die right there. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close to me as I could. Her smell filled my nostrils, a smell I never thought I'd smell again. She pulled back, a tear trailing down her cheek, "I know, Tony. I will."

I nodded, wiping her cheek, "I'm just glad you're back."

Her lips found mine once again, "I'm glad I'm back, too."