You can't cure me (REWRITING)

I glance down at my body. The same body that I’ve been hating on for the past 5 years. I close my eyes and sigh deeply as I enter the shower. I wash my hair and body and jump out. I never take long showers, I always just want to cover my body up as soon as possible. I hate looking at it because it is a painful reminder of what happened all those years ago. A single tear drops on the floor as the memories come flashing through my mind. I quickly shake my head in an attempt to clear it from all the bad memories. I step out of the shower and dry myself off. I know I'm stalling time, but I can’t put off what has to be done any longer. I sigh again and take the lotion from the counter. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and gently start rubbing the lotion on my thighs and stomach. I hate this so much, but I know it's necessary. If I don’t use the lotion, my skin will become bone-dry and very tight and it will become very painful to move.
After 5 minutes of rubbing, the lotion is completely soaked in and I pull on some blue skinnies and a long tank top. I don’t feel like blow-drying my hair so I let it dry naturally. I know I’ll regret it later, but for now I really don’t care. I put on some mascara and just a little bit of eyeliner and walk out of the bathroom. I slip on my shoes and leather jacket and grab my keys and handbag and walk out of the door. I lock up and walk to the flower shop which is located only 10 minutes away from my home.

I'm looking at all the different flowers and really can’t make up my mind on which flowers to buy. I'm just about to turn to a vendor for advice when someone comes up to me.
“Good day, miss. Can I help you with something?” the elderly lady asks.
“Yes, uhm, I’m looking for flowers suitable for a grave.” I say biting my lower lip.
“Do you have anything in mind?”
“Uhm, not really. I’m just looking for some nice flowers, preferably not roses though.” I say unsure. I'm determined not to buy any roses. Roses are overrated in my opinion. Everyone buys them and I want something different to put on the stone.
“Okay.” She says looking around and walking out on me. A minute later she comes back to me with a beautiful purple flower. “Maybe this one? It’s a very durable flower if you take care of it well.” She says.
“This is absolutely beautiful. Do you have them in other colors too?” I ask.
“We have them in green too.” She nods.
“Can I have purple and a green one then?” I ask. She nods and says she’ll be back in an instant. I walk to the cash register and wait for her to come back.
“Here you go, miss.” She smiles nicely. “Is there anything else you’d want?”
I shook my head.
“No, that’d be it, thanks.” I smile lightly.
She smiles back and says: “That’d be 8 dollars, please.”
I hand her $10 and tell her she can keep the change.
“Thank you, miss.” She smiles widely.
“Bye.” I say and walk out of the flower shop.

About half an hour later I am stood in front of the huge iron gate of the graveyard. I sigh. I come here daily, but I still can’t get used to that gate because I know what was lying behind the iron bars; death and painful memories I don’t want to remember. I take in a deep breath and let it slowly escape my lips. I walk forward and go around the different graves, straight to my parents’ graves.
“Hello mum.” I whisper as I lay the purple flower on top of the stone. I turn my upper body a little and lay the green one on my father’s tombstone. “Hello dad.” I whisper and sit down on the grass.
“I miss you so bad, it’s killing me. It’s killing me to know that it should be me who should be lying here. Not you. It’s killing me to know it’s because of me that you’re no longer here. Yes, even after 5 years I still haven’t forgiven myself. Can you blame me though? If I hadn’t been so weak I wouldn’t have collapsed. I could’ve saved you. It should be me who’s lying here. Not you.” I start to ramble, letting the tears roll down my cheek. I know there was no way for me to stop them from falling. “I wish you’d still be here so you could enjoy this lovely weather. It’s sunny for once. Yes, I’m shocked too.” I faintly smile. “I’m going to the park later. It’s been a while since I’ve last been there. And to be honest, I got a little sick and tired of sitting inside my house. I’ve been so lost ever since your death. I wish there was a way for you to come back. I’d do anything to feel your arms around me again, to see your smiles again. Even if it was for only a short while. I miss you so much.” I cry. I pull up my knees and rest my head on them. “I miss you so much.” I keep repeating. I don’t know how long I've been sitting there, but eventually I stand up. “I’ll see again soon, I promise. Goodbye.” I whispers as I touch their tombstones one last time and leave. I sob on my way to the park. It isn’t very far and because the weather's nice, I decide not to take a cab.

Twenty minutes later I get to the park and go sit on the grass. I close my eyes for a couple of seconds, enjoying the warmth of the sun. I smile and grab my handbag. I take out the book I always carry with me. It was my mum’s favorite and now it's mine too. I've already read it numerous times, but I can never get bored of it. I lay my handbag on the ground and position myself so my head's resting on my handbag while I am lying on the ground. I turn to the page I last read and start reading while enjoying the sun a little. I pull out my iPod and skip the songs until “New Religion” by Black Veil Brides comes on. I'm really a fan of the band, but I like this song. I start reading but it's not long until something disturbs my peace.
A dog comes running towards me. It's not too tall but not too small either. It has a light brown fur and adoring eyes.
I carefully hold out my hand and pet its head.
“And where do you come from, little guy or girl?” I ask knowing too damn well I am not going to get a reply from a dog. A faint smile forms on my lips.
“Trixy!” I hear someone yell. I look up only to see some guy running towards us. Must be the owner of the dog.