You can't cure me (REWRITING)

I wake up to the sun shining through my bedroom window. I slightly smile of happiness. I love the sun so much. That's probably because the sun rarely shines where I live. I stretch and literally roll out of bed. I land on the hard cold floor with a thud. Shaking my head I stand up and make my way to the bathroom. It's time for my daily ritual that I hate so much. I get undressed and grab the lotion from the counter. As quickly as possible I rub it onto my skin„ so I can get dressed again as soon as possible. I hate my scars so much. Every day I have to look at them. As if I would forget what happened all those years ago if it wasn’t for those scars. The bottle of lotion is nearly empty, so I have to pass by a pharmacy later today and buy a new bottle. I get dressed and practically run out of the bathroom.

I am not feeling hungry, but I eat some of the feta cheese I bought the night before. I look out the window while eating. Seeing the sun makes me happier than I’ve been in a very long time. I don’t know how long I have been sitting there but eventually I turn away from the window and grab a bottle of water. I take a few sips and put it in my handbag. I grab everything I need and walk out the door and to the graveyard.

“Hello, mum and dad.” I whisper. I don’t really know why I always whisper in front of theirs or someone else’s grave. It just seems the right thing to do. I take out the water bottle.
“I brought some water with me. Have to take care of those beautiful flowers I bought you yesterday. The lady at the flower shop told me they are pretty durable plants if they’re taken care of well enough. I hope you like them.” I'm sobbing by now. I water the flowers and sit down on the grass.
“I went to the park yesterday and I met someone. Yes mum, it was a guy. He seemed interested in me but I’m not really interested in him. I mean, why would I even bother? They all leave, after all. Anyway I'd better get going. I need to go to the pharmacy first. Then I might go to the park again for a while, depends on how much time I have left.” I stand up. “See you tomorrow. I love you and I really miss you. A lot. Bye.” I wave my hand and leave without looking back. The tears have stopped which is a good thing. I don'’t feel like explaining myself to the pharmacist as to why I have been crying. I rub my eyes and continue my way to the pharmacy.

After I have bought a new bottle of lotion for my skin, I decide there's enough time left for me to go to the park. Besides, why not enjoy the sun while it lasted? Who knows how long it’d be until it was this warm outside again. Again I refuse to take a cab and just walk to it. It isn’t that far from where I am now and I want to take in some vitamin D.
As soon as I arrive to the spot I had been lying at yesterday, I see that same guy from yesterday. I mentally groan and think about turning around and walking away. But my mind decides otherwise and I feel myself go into his direction.
His head snaps up when I am only a few footsteps away from him and a faint smile forms on his lips. Why would he be happy to see me? I feel myself smile back.
“Hey Lisa.” Jake greets me. “I was hoping you’d come back today.”
“Yeah well, it’s sunny for once. Have to take advantage of it.” I smile and sit down, making sure there's enough space between us. I want to contain the distance between us as much as possible without giving him the feeling I don’t want to be around him.
“Didn’t bring your dog with you, I see.” I say not really knowing what the hell we were supposed to talk about.
“Nah, she’d just run away again.” He laughs and I laugh with him. “So you checked out that band we were talking about yesterday?” he asks me raising his eyebrows.
“Not really, I googled them and from what pictures I’ve seen.. I don’t know.. Why would someone even dress like that? I didn’t even realize they were guys when I saw the pictures. Guys wearing makeup, that’s just ridiculous.”
“I thought you liked “New religion” so much?” he asks and I can sense a little sadness in his voice. I smile internally, but keep my pokerface on.
“Yeah, but now that I actually know what the band looks like, I don’t know if I still like it. Can you imagine someone asking me what band I’m listening to and laughing their asses off when I say it’s ‘Black Veil Brides’?”
“It’s not about the looks, you know. It’s the message the band carries with them.” He says a little offended. “Is there really not one thing that you like about this band?”
“There is, to be honest.” I admit.
“And what would that be? You just basically totally broke down the whole band.” He exclaims.
“I like that I’m talking to their lead guitarist who has absolutely no idea I’m only joking and that I actually really like the band.” I can’t withhold the internal laughing any longer and just let it all out. Jake looks at me shocked which only makes me laugh even harder.
“So, all that you just said, you didn’t mean it?” Confusion is written all over his face.
“No, it was just something I had read on the net. Seriously, I love your music. And I’m not even into the heavier stuff.” I reassure him.
He relaxes a little. “Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Good. Because it’s meant as one.” I grin. He mimics my grin and then it's silent for a while.
“I don’t want to be rude, but what’s in the bag?” he suddenly asks.
Great, now I have to tell him everything and he’ll just leave because he suddenly doesn’t want anything to do with me. Just as I thought I’d found a friend. But I couldn’t lie to him. That wouldn’t be fair to him.
“Uhm, just a body lotion.” I reply. That wasn’t a complete lie.
“Oh, why wou-“ Jake starts but I cut him off.
“Look, I’m sorry but I really have to go now. I still have to do some shopping and I need to go to the bank first to see how much money I have left.” I ramble as I stand up. “Nice talking to you again.” I say and turn around and start to walk away.
“Lisa, wait!” Jake yells after me. I stop dead in my tracks. I turn around with a questioning look upon my face.
“Want to go for a drink with me and the guys tonight?” he asks hopeful.
“Uhm, I don’t know. It depends of how much money I have left.” I scratch the back of my head.
“And what if I’m buying you drinks?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.
“Okay, just text me the address and time and I’ll be there.” I say and turn back around and walk away again.
“But I don’t have your number.” Jake exclaims.
“It’s on the internet. Just google my name. It’s Lisa Anderson.” I yell over my shoulder laughing.
I know he’ll find my name. I am running an online web shop after all.