A Pale Summer Day

I looked outside my window. The weather was poor. It was summer and clouds were covering London. It was depressing. Not a single person was on the streets. They had been emptied like everything had been washed away with the rain that hit the ground only a few hours ago. Only a few cars were driving by and they were driving slowly and carefully it almost looked like they were driving backwards. It was like everything was torn apart on this pale summerday. I looked at my hands. Did guitar players really have big hands? It didn’t look like mine were that big. Maybe I was a sad excuse of a guitar player. I pushed that ridiculous thought away. I was a successful guitar player and I had loads of fans. I knew I could play the guitar. I could hear raindrops almost inaudible hitting the windows and soon they were hitting the windows hard. I looked at the ground when they hit it. Water was splashing around. This was a really pale summerday. The raindrops were running down the windows making this depressing day even more depressing. I wished I had a girlfriend to cuddle with. The others guys were home with their girlfriends, except Harry, he was visiting his parents. He was such a family guy. I would have loved to be in Harry’s family.

When the weather seemed to get better it actually got worse. I had now used 4 hours by looking out of the window. I grabbed my phone and typed: “Have been looking at the weather for four hours now. It’s depressing. I want fun.” I pressed update and the updates were on my Twitter profile. The guys and I thought it would be a fun idea to keep updating on what we were doing, in that way the fans would find out more about us in a non-famous way. It was also great to see all the support on Twitter. I loved waking up every morning to see Good morning Nialler trending. The fans would get to know us in a different way, and they would always know what we were up to.

When I had been bored enough for a long time I was drifting off to sleep slowly. Before I got the chance to close my eyes completely there was a knock on the door. First I thought it was my imagination. I was half asleep and when you are half asleep you never pay much attention to the world outside your brain. Everything seems to be so far away. I slowly got up from the couch trying to wake up and join reality.

I opened the door and stared right into someone’s back. The body turned around and I was shocked to see who it was. My mouth was wide open. My brain kept thinking about something to say, but I was lost for words. The long brown hair, that used to shine like diamonds, hung loose and was wet and heavy and all over her gorgeous face. She looked like something the dogs had dragged in. Her clothes were wet and hung from her body. She looked skinnier than I remembered. I stared at her, for what seemed like ages. She just looked right back into my eyes. They looked so lost. It was like I could keep looking into them, but I would never find anything. Her eyes were empty and my heart was empty.

“Dixie?” I said. Nothing else would come out of my mouth. She looked at me as if she didn’t know what to say either. “What do you want?”I asked her getting straight to the point.

“I need to talk to you.” She said. I could see the tears in her eyes. They were sparkling.

“I’m not sure we have anything to talk about.” I paused and looked at her, she didn’t say anything. “You broke my heart. You left without saying anything.” I had been dating Dixie for 8 months when she just left one day. She didn’t even leave a note or gave me a call. It was like she had locked herself in somewhere.

“I want to explain. Please let me in.” The sparkling tears were now running down her cheek and disappeared in the rain. I was a bit sceptic about it, but I could at least hear her out, and if it wasn’t giving any sense I would just ask her to leave. Simple.

“Why? Why did you leave?”I asked and sat down in the couch. She stood very still on the floor near the door. She was shaking, but I didn’t want to be nice to her, before I had got an explanation.

“I was afraid of losing you and I knew you were afraid of losing me and I simply found it much easier for both of us, if I just disappeared.” She began. I had expected her to continue, but she didn’t.

“But why did you leave. There must be more.” I tried to push her into telling me more. I had known her for a long time and I still knew her facial expressions and they were telling me that she wasn’t telling me everything.

“I was sick. The doctor’s found out I had cancer. I discovered a strange lump in my stomach last December and by February, you remember I felt really sick around February, it felt like I was being stabbed with a knife in my stomach. I went to the doctor’s and had a CT scan and a biopsy and they confirmed that I had inoperable liver cancer.” She paused. She looked really scared and my eyes were watery. I patted the couch to make her sit down, but she nodded no. “I was so scared. The tumour was beginning to strangle the portal vein going into my liver. The doctor’s told me there wasn’t anything to do and they gave me about 30 days to live in and maybe 60. It was so hard to leave you and I carried you in my heart every day. I was wishing to be with you all the time and to tell the truth, but I reckoned it would be better not to.” She looked more relaxed and I was getting more and more scared. I wished she had told me and I wished she had never left me. I wanted to support her through this.

“But I want to support you.” I said. I couldn’t really get any other words to escape from my mouth.

“In May I developed abdominal bloating, shaking, chills and nausea and soon after I discovered that the lump was gone. I went to the doctor’s and they couldn’t find the tumour. So I went back to the VA and the tomography and magnetic resonance showed no sign of cancer. There was literally empty space.”She stopped. I looked at her. I had to take it all in and half of it I didn’t really understand.

“So you haven’t got cancer?” I asked with a confused expression I think. I didn’t really know which expression I was showing, because my whole body felt kind of paralyzed. I was just sitting listening with my mouth open and without blinking my eyes.

“No, it melted away. It’s a miracle and they can’t even describe it. It’s really rare.” She was now smiling, but she still had tears in her eyes. I got up from the couch and hugged her. I couldn’t help but cry either. She was dying and I didn’t know. She went through everything by herself and I wanted to have supported her. To hold her hands and tell her it’d all be okay. I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t. I could have lost her and that was a good enough reason for me to be happy with what I had now got.

“I was afraid you had left me for someone else.” I said and half joked and she smiled at me. I slowly pushed my lips into hers and for the first time this day, it seemed like the sun was shining down on me and the world was the happiest place to live.