Status: I don't even know what I'm doing with this.

Inhale, Exhale

Lloyd

Standards


I believe in perfection.

Everyone should, I think. Because everyone has different standards and they base perfection off of whoever they're in love with.

Me? I'm not in love. My standard? Perfection.

I'm from a little town with little people whose little dreams will never amount to anything. My family has enough money to get me head for every day of the week which is more than enough for me, but my standards for who gives me head isn't even one third of my standards for a relationship, let alone love.

It's such a scary word. Love. It scrapes my teeth whenever I say it. Rough, like a very empty promise that I still reach for.

Unlike many people my age, I've never been in love. I remember that when my sister was just fourteen, I walked into her room while she was curled up on her bed. I was only 7, but I knew that her being in the fetal position and crying meant she was upset.

She told me that she had her heart broken that day by this kid who came over to the house a lot. His name was Chance. They played lots of video games together and he even made our entire dinner once. She found out that he had been playing video games and making dinners for the girl down the street too.

I asked if heart-break meant he had stuck his hand down her throat and squeezed her heart until it cracked. She laughed at that, drying her crystal eyes. That was the last time I ever saw my sister cry.

Thankfully I never experienced a girl reaching down my throat and squeezing my heart until it cracked. I was an often explorer of girls throats though, just not with my hand.

* * *


"How do I look?" Alexa asked as she rolled over to touch my cheek with one of her pointy red nails. She was naked, tucked under my white comforter pressed close to me. I turned my head slightly, allowing her hand to cup my jawline and bring me in for a morning kiss.

The sun creeping in from beneath the curtains was a pale orange, the same color as the lipstick Alexa would slap onto her face during her daily makeup routine. The clock on the nightstand behind my acquaintance read six thirty AM, leaving her and I almost two and a half hours to get ready for school.

"Okay." I answered with a genuine smile, not willing to lie or sugarcoat things. She shouldn't have been expecting much in the first place, anyways. It was the morning and she had no structure to her look yet.

Her face fell and she brushed back a piece of black hair. "Just okay?" She asked, her voice getting a little grumpy-sounding.

"Yup." I repeated, throwing the blankets off our nude bodies. I sat up and stretched, pulling both my arms over my head and tensing. My shoulder blades stuck up, and my flat stomach clenched and formed a wrinkle of muscle.

Alexa's brown eyes flashed around my room as if she was looking for a distraction or something to do apart from gawk at my body. She shifted, grabbed the blankets and pulled them around her. She looked like an elf when she did that but not some hot-ass like Zelda. Just an elf. Maybe one who worked in trees to make cookies.

"Morning quickie?" She murmured, acting as if it was more for me than for herself. Total lie. She was a really bad actress too. I learned that months ago, a few weeks after we first met.

"Do you love me?" I asked her as we stood outside of school, sharing a cigarette.

"Of course." She replied, not sparing a smile but gave me one with her eyes instead.

"Are you in love with me?"

"Of course not." Then she took the cigarette from me and pretended like I had never even asked that in the first place.

She was so far gone in denial it was insane.

And I'm most certainly not in love with her. Us, sleeping together, naked, in the same bed could mean a lot of things. This one occasion in specific was because I was really high and she looked really good the night before.

Then when I woke up, I was really not high and she looked really not good. Equal lows for the both of us.

"Morning jointy sounds a bit better." I teased, rolling out of bed and planting my feet flat on the floor. My morning wood was out for her to glorify, curving up slightly as if the Gods were calling to it. I bent over to scrummage through my bottom drawer for my weed and papers. Also included in my goodie drawer was lighters, pipes, cigarette packs (both empty and half-full), and bowls.

"Got cha'," I acknowledged as I fished out a little baggy and dry, brown paper. Three minutes later I had a fat joint hanging from my mouth. "Tasty." I said, winking at Alexa. She stuck her bottom lip out but it didn't change her appearance one bit. And by that I mean it didn't make her look cute in the slightest.

Out of nowhere, however, she opened her mouth and asked, "were you high last night?"

I sat down on the side of my bed and nodded slowly, closing my eyes as I took a deep hit that filled my mouth with sweet smoke.

"Are you high right now?"

I gave her another nod, but faster this time as the questions were getting bothersome.

"So how do I look to you now?"

I had to open my eyes in order to answer that one. I turned my head and exhaled smoke into her face. My vision had gone blurry but at the same time, everything was so much clearer than normal.

Alexa had dropped the sheets from around her, exposing her small tits. A-cup. D-cup was perfection level for me. She was big around the hips. I didn't like that. Her hair was too short and she was too pale. She wasn't good enough to be that perfection I hoped to find.

But in that moment, she was good enough.
♠ ♠ ♠
This was actually decently difficult to write as I'm not high right now and Lloyd is hard for me to portray. I tried. :c I'm sorry if this isn't as good as the first one. For now, though, I'm going to try to write one chapter a day.
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