Shattered.
Shattered.
And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.
I stand in front of the mirror, my black hair falling around my face is soft waves. My green eyes coated in a thick layer of mascara and eyeliner, my lips painted red. A pair of black stocking cling to my legs underneath the lace, cream dress that I chose for dinner at some fancy la-de-da place that I had no interest in. But you picked it so I promised I'd go. You were finally talking to me. I haven't seen you since you left us for her, five months ago and it scares me. What if you didn't love me as much as you did when you left? I push a stray piece of hair away from my face and sigh as I straightened out my dress. I wonder if you are bringing your new girlfriend or wife or whatever you caller. I promised mommy I would be nice to her if you did bring her, even though she broke our family apart.I guess I can't blame her. You and mommy were fighting alot and she came along. Whether it was at the right time or not, I guess I'll never know.
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on.
I wouldn't normally wear a dress. Or stockings. Or high heels. My hair wouldn't normally be wavy like this. It's not that I'm trying to impress you, because I'm not. You were there when I was born, there would be no point dressing up for someone when they've seen you naked with blood all over you. Well atleast, I don't see the point. I'm trying my hardest to be the big girl you told me to be when you left. "Stormy, I hate to leave you like this but I know you're such a strong, young woman. You be good for your mother okay baby. You're a big girl, I know you can do it. I love you." Oh how wrong you were daddy. Very wrong indeed.
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning.
I don't think mommy ever told you how I put a razor to my skin. Or how I cried myself to sleep every night. To be honest, I don't think mommy even knew. She knew I was upset, that was obvious but I don't think she ever knew just how far it went. Was I not good enough for you? You were angry at mom, not me. Why'd you leave me? You could of taken me. I bet mommy never told you about the time I was so upset, I destroyed my room. Did she tell you I left school? How about how I pushed all my friends away? Did you even think of what this would do to me? Mommy was upset too. She cried every night. She'd go into the bathroom to have a shower and come out with red rimmed eyes. I only know this because I did it too. Nothing's the same now that you don't live here. It's not really a home anymore. It's just a house. There's no photos of you. Or us. Nothing to remind someone that you once lived here. It's like you never existed.
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart.
I can hear the phone ring downstairs. Mommy picks it up and talks for a bit before I hear her raise her voice. "You can't not want to see her now Brett!" She screams. I instantly know it's you. Slowly, I make my way to the top of the staircase. Mommy's pacing the kitchen, an angry look on her face. "How dare you do this to her! After five months of not seeing or talking to her, you invite her out for dinner and then decide not to do it after all!?" I blink back tears. You don't want to see me. I knew this would happen. I really did. Mommy starts talking again. "I don't care what the whore wants Brett! I care about what my daughter wants and that's her father!" So she won't let you see me. She doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to. I shake my head. No, you're just making excuses. Mommy hangs up the phone and sighs, running a hand through her hair. I must of made a noise because her head snaps up to where I'm standing. She opens her mouth to talk but I cut her off. "He doesn't want to see me, does he?" I ask. She doesn't say anything and that's all I needed to hear.
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent.
I walk back into my room, mommy calling my name behind me. I slam the door to block out her voice. Tears drip down my face as I throw a picture frame across the room. It hits the wooden floorboards with a loud smash. I rip my posters off my walls and throw my bedside table across the room. My mascara and eyeliner are probably running down my face as I fling something else across the room. How could you?! Your own flesh and blood. Fuck you and your whore daddy. Fuck you both. Slamming my fist into the wall, I let out a sob and fall to my knees. I don't care that my knuckles are bleeding or that mommy's probably going to come up and see what's happening. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." I scream at the photo of us that's lying on the ground with the rest of my belongings.
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain.
The door opens behind me and I already know that mommy heard the bangs. She steps into my room and looks around. I watch her from my spot on the floor. My back's against the wall, tears streaming down my face. I bring my legs up to my chest and hug them tightly. "I hate him." I tell her. She sighs and walks over to where I'm sitting before crouching down in front of me. "I know baby." She whispers and she pulls me into her arms. She ends up falling backwards but she doesn't move. "It's going to be alright Storm. Everything's going to be alright." She tells me. I don't believe her though.
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over.
Mommy helps me up and walks me to the bathroom where she runs a warm bath before exiting the room. I look down at my hand and notice it's bleeding yet I still can't feel anything. Mommy comes back a few moments later with fresh towels and a face washer. She turns the taps off before stripping me out of my clothes and picking me up, easing me into the bathtub. Her eyes linger on the tops of my thighs for a moment before wetting the face washer and wiping my face. Mascara, lipstick and eyeliner comes off my face and mommy smiles at me. "There's my beautiful girl." She whispers. She cleans me up before helping me out of the bath and wraps me in a towel before fixing my hand.
There's a light, there's a sun, taking all shattered ones.
Once my hand's wrapped up, she dresses me in my fuzzy pyjamas and I follow her into her room. I crawl into her bed and she sits next to me, running her fingers through my damp hair. "You know, when you were born I made myself a promise to keep you safe. Lately, I haven't done such a good job of that. I should of been there for you more." She tells me. I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat, trying to find my voice. "You've done what you can. You're my mom, not a superhero." I tell her. She laughs and lightly kisses my head. "Go to sleep Storm." She whispers. "Everything will be better tomorrow." I yawn, not realizing how tired I actually am. My eyes flutter shut as mommy says "I love you."
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all.
I stand in front of the mirror, my black hair falling around my face is soft waves. My green eyes coated in a thick layer of mascara and eyeliner, my lips painted red. A pair of black stocking cling to my legs underneath the lace, cream dress that I chose for dinner at some fancy la-de-da place that I had no interest in. But you picked it so I promised I'd go. You were finally talking to me. I haven't seen you since you left us for her, five months ago and it scares me. What if you didn't love me as much as you did when you left? I push a stray piece of hair away from my face and sigh as I straightened out my dress. I wonder if you are bringing your new girlfriend or wife or whatever you caller. I promised mommy I would be nice to her if you did bring her, even though she broke our family apart.I guess I can't blame her. You and mommy were fighting alot and she came along. Whether it was at the right time or not, I guess I'll never know.
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on.
I wouldn't normally wear a dress. Or stockings. Or high heels. My hair wouldn't normally be wavy like this. It's not that I'm trying to impress you, because I'm not. You were there when I was born, there would be no point dressing up for someone when they've seen you naked with blood all over you. Well atleast, I don't see the point. I'm trying my hardest to be the big girl you told me to be when you left. "Stormy, I hate to leave you like this but I know you're such a strong, young woman. You be good for your mother okay baby. You're a big girl, I know you can do it. I love you." Oh how wrong you were daddy. Very wrong indeed.
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning.
I don't think mommy ever told you how I put a razor to my skin. Or how I cried myself to sleep every night. To be honest, I don't think mommy even knew. She knew I was upset, that was obvious but I don't think she ever knew just how far it went. Was I not good enough for you? You were angry at mom, not me. Why'd you leave me? You could of taken me. I bet mommy never told you about the time I was so upset, I destroyed my room. Did she tell you I left school? How about how I pushed all my friends away? Did you even think of what this would do to me? Mommy was upset too. She cried every night. She'd go into the bathroom to have a shower and come out with red rimmed eyes. I only know this because I did it too. Nothing's the same now that you don't live here. It's not really a home anymore. It's just a house. There's no photos of you. Or us. Nothing to remind someone that you once lived here. It's like you never existed.
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart.
I can hear the phone ring downstairs. Mommy picks it up and talks for a bit before I hear her raise her voice. "You can't not want to see her now Brett!" She screams. I instantly know it's you. Slowly, I make my way to the top of the staircase. Mommy's pacing the kitchen, an angry look on her face. "How dare you do this to her! After five months of not seeing or talking to her, you invite her out for dinner and then decide not to do it after all!?" I blink back tears. You don't want to see me. I knew this would happen. I really did. Mommy starts talking again. "I don't care what the whore wants Brett! I care about what my daughter wants and that's her father!" So she won't let you see me. She doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to. I shake my head. No, you're just making excuses. Mommy hangs up the phone and sighs, running a hand through her hair. I must of made a noise because her head snaps up to where I'm standing. She opens her mouth to talk but I cut her off. "He doesn't want to see me, does he?" I ask. She doesn't say anything and that's all I needed to hear.
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent.
I walk back into my room, mommy calling my name behind me. I slam the door to block out her voice. Tears drip down my face as I throw a picture frame across the room. It hits the wooden floorboards with a loud smash. I rip my posters off my walls and throw my bedside table across the room. My mascara and eyeliner are probably running down my face as I fling something else across the room. How could you?! Your own flesh and blood. Fuck you and your whore daddy. Fuck you both. Slamming my fist into the wall, I let out a sob and fall to my knees. I don't care that my knuckles are bleeding or that mommy's probably going to come up and see what's happening. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." I scream at the photo of us that's lying on the ground with the rest of my belongings.
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain.
The door opens behind me and I already know that mommy heard the bangs. She steps into my room and looks around. I watch her from my spot on the floor. My back's against the wall, tears streaming down my face. I bring my legs up to my chest and hug them tightly. "I hate him." I tell her. She sighs and walks over to where I'm sitting before crouching down in front of me. "I know baby." She whispers and she pulls me into her arms. She ends up falling backwards but she doesn't move. "It's going to be alright Storm. Everything's going to be alright." She tells me. I don't believe her though.
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over.
Mommy helps me up and walks me to the bathroom where she runs a warm bath before exiting the room. I look down at my hand and notice it's bleeding yet I still can't feel anything. Mommy comes back a few moments later with fresh towels and a face washer. She turns the taps off before stripping me out of my clothes and picking me up, easing me into the bathtub. Her eyes linger on the tops of my thighs for a moment before wetting the face washer and wiping my face. Mascara, lipstick and eyeliner comes off my face and mommy smiles at me. "There's my beautiful girl." She whispers. She cleans me up before helping me out of the bath and wraps me in a towel before fixing my hand.
There's a light, there's a sun, taking all shattered ones.
Once my hand's wrapped up, she dresses me in my fuzzy pyjamas and I follow her into her room. I crawl into her bed and she sits next to me, running her fingers through my damp hair. "You know, when you were born I made myself a promise to keep you safe. Lately, I haven't done such a good job of that. I should of been there for you more." She tells me. I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat, trying to find my voice. "You've done what you can. You're my mom, not a superhero." I tell her. She laughs and lightly kisses my head. "Go to sleep Storm." She whispers. "Everything will be better tomorrow." I yawn, not realizing how tired I actually am. My eyes flutter shut as mommy says "I love you."
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all.