Breathe Life Into Me

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So…things didn’t exactly go according to plan. We had lost Kevin as fast as we had picked him up and to make a long story short…it’s all Crowley’s fault. We were this close to getting the Word of God and having the prophet translate the whole thing for us and then everything fell through all because we were stupid enough to play into the trap of the demons. In the end…Kevin’s mom sold her soul for him and Kevin ran away because ultimate he couldn’t trust us anymore. The thing is that he doesn’t understand that he’s safest with us than by himself or with anyone else. He’s just confused and tired and…he’s just a kid.

So the search begins. But in the meantime we can’t just let all of these other cases pass us by. Who else is going to do them? “Wow. Guy goes to Purgatory for a year, all hell breaks loose. Check this out” Dean said as he hovered over me to show me his phone while we were walking through the market. I was trying to pay attention while I was also watching Sam so carefully that it hurt.

“A jogger in Minneapolis gets his heart ripped out” I heard him say.

“I'm guessing literally” Sam replied as he took a bite out of one of the apples. “Only way that interests me. And then, there's another article from six months ago. Same thing happens, also in Minneapolis. What does that tell us?”

“Stay out of Minneapolis” I quipped lightly meanwhile my head was somewhere else completely. I could feel Dean’s eyes on me while I was avoiding them.

“Two hearts ganked, same city, six months apart. I mean, that's got to be a ritual, man. Or at least some sort of a heart-sucking, possessed, satanic, crack-whore bat”

I looked at him. “A what?” Sam and I both asked. “It's a case. Look, I say we hang out the shingle again and ride”

“We're on a case, Dean. Kevin and the demon tablet need to be found, so heart guy takes a number” Sam reminded him.

“Uh, we just spent a week chasing our asses trying to lock Kevin down, okay? And look at us. We're…” he looked around. “Where the hell are we?”

I laughed lightly. “A farmer’s market” I said slowly. Then I picked up an orange and held it up to him. “Organic” I told him.

He pushed it out of his face and gave Sam a look. He was thinking, Obviously this was Sam’s idea. “What? I had a year off. I took the time to enjoy the good things” Sam defended.

“While avoiding doing what we actually do” Dean muttered and kept walking.

That made me tense. I hated whenever he brought up the topic of Sam quitting the business. It always led to another fight between them which I had to listen to…and it made me think about what he was really doing this past year….

“Wow, Dean, does it make you feel that much better every time you say it?”

“All right, man, look, I get it. You took a year off to do yoga and play the lute, whatever, but I'm back. We’re back” he gestured to me and then Sam as well. “Which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We'll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die so that you can shop for produce?”

“And what about Melissa? Do we waste our time going on a wild goose chase while she’s probably rotting wherever she is. Wherever you left her?”

My eyes widened at his words and I readied myself for Dean’s next move…but nothing came. He just walked away. Sam sighed as he looked at me. “Brit…I didn’t mean…”

“You should know better” was all I said and I followed in Dean’s pursuit.

Our next stop was the local police station in Minneapolis and we talked to the head detective about the heartless jogger. He wasn’t robbed and had no bruises or cuts on his body…indicated he wasn’t mugged before his heart was simply ripped out of his chest…and he was in town for a conference so he had no local connections for even an enemy for us to go on. Luckily the park surveillance camera caught another jogger running along side him. He was the only lead we had so he was our next stop.

“Sorry. I kind of try to stick to a nutrition and workout schedule. Do you want a hit?” he asked as Sam and I took a sit on his couch and he continued making his smoothie. “No thanks” we answered. He just nodded.

“So uhh Paul…you passed a runner who was later killed. Did you speak with him at all?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I went over this with the cops. I-I didn't know him. I had never spoken to him. I ran past him. I never saw him again. The end” he shrugged.

Dean came out of the bathroom and back over to us. I watched Paul take a sip of his murky green smoothie. I made a face. “Mm, oh. It's disgusting. It tastes like crap, but it keeps you young” he chuckled and offered Dean some.

“Thanks, uh too much fiber”

“No such thing”

“Thank you. See?” Sam said to Dean and they both glared at each other.

“Now, Paul, we couldn't help but notice that the jogger you outraced was a good deal younger than you” I tried to stay polite about the question.

“Yeah, and less, uh…” Dean pushed.

“Full-figured? You should've seen me before. Yeah, hugging a desk all day and watching TV all night, eating fried everything was killing me. I had a health scare about a year ago”

“I'm sorry to hear that” Sam replied sincerely.

“No, it changed my life. I mean, I started taking care of myself”

“Now your body's a temple, huh?” Dean commented.

“Where I worship every day” He took a sip and sighed with content. I eyed him.

It was times like these where I really wish we had Mel with us. We could’ve really used her. She would’ve been one step ahead of the game, knowing if we could trust this guy’s word or if he was a total fraud. I really could’ve used her whenever Dean and Sam started to argue…or whenever my chest ached just from being near Sam. She would know what to say…what to do…. I don’t know if I can handle being the new Melissa for the both of them and for Dean especially. I’m not her. I can’t replace her. No one can. I know that we’re all feeling that empty void without her around. As much as Sam hates to admit it…as much as he hates to be cooperative about the cases…I know he’s missing her as much as we are…and I don’t know what to do.

Maybe last year I would’ve said I wasn’t as strong or as confident as she is…but things are different this time around. Things are different because…I am confident and I am strong…but I’m also vulnerable and I’m also paranoid and I’m in need of my best friend. I’m hurting because I was able to get out…and I had to leave her behind….

“Brit?” Sam’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “You okay?”

I looked up at him and just analyzed his features. His eyes…his hair…his cheeks…his lips…. He had grown a lot in the past year…and yet I saw something else…it seemed as if he had gotten some years back in this passed year. Which was…really nice to see. He had that same sparkle in his eyes that he had when we first met. It made me smile…but the smile left as fast as it came because I knew the sparkle was because of someone else. Someone else had given his sparkle back…and somehow I knew I could never be the one to ever give that to him…to give him what he truly wanted. I would never be good enough….

I opened my mouth to speak and I couldn’t find my voice. Staring into his eyes…it made me nervous. Seeing that look in his eyes…the I’m sweet and innocent, puppy dog look…it gave me butterflies. My mind was going at lightning speed. Did I really want to know what and who he was with this past year? Did I really want to know what he was feeling and thinking?

I down at my coffee and tuned into the buzz of the café we were in, trying to pretend I was there alone and he was someplace else. It wasn’t working though so I stood a firm ground. “You need to go easier on Dean” I told him.

He sighed. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know you didn’t…but you still said it. And whether you’re feeling it or not Dean and I are being killed having to go through these days without Melissa”

“Brittney…” he spoke gently causing me to look up at him.

I wish I hadn’t though because I felt like I was about to start crying and that was the last thing I wanted: to cry in front of him. He took my hand. I got a jolt of energy and strength. “I am missing Mel so much that it hurts. But…I feel like I don’t have a right to miss her because I got out this past year. I stopped trying. You and Dean…you two were still fighting for your lives…you were still fighting for her. I wasn’t. You have more of a right to miss her than I do…but it doesn’t mean I don’t. I can feel it…the emptiness and the missing piece between all of us…I feel it whenever I look at you because it’s written all over your face…and I hate seeing you so broken” His words made me want to break down right then and there but I really needed to hear him say it. I needed to hear him say he felt it and not that everything he once felt…was gone.

“But…what about now?” I spoke carefully.

“What about now?”

“You stopped trying…are you still not trying? Is this who you really want to be?” I waited and watched as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Come on, Sammy. It’s me. We were always able to tell each other everything” I smiled lightly.

“But it’s different this time”

“Why? Because there’s someone else?” He didn’t reply. “Sam…that shouldn’t matter. I still want to know” He stared at me like I had six heads. “Obviously I don’t want to know all details but I want to know what your life has been like…I want to know what I missed out on…” I tried to make light of it but my voice cracked. The thought of missing an entire year of his life broke my heart completely.

I saw Dean come walking in so I quickly recomposed myself and forced a smile at him as he sat beside me. “What did you find poking around at Paul's?” I asked him.

“Ah, just the usual: condoms, hair gel. No hex bags, nothing satanic, nothing spooky” he explained, pulling out the laptop.

"So, he didn't seem like a guy who would be voted most likely to disembowel?” Sam quipped.

“No, they never do…wait a minute. Here's another one”

“What? A murder?” I leaned closer to him to look at the screen. “And a do-it-yourself heart bypass. Two days after this one”

“What part of Minneapolis?” Sam asked.

“The Iowa part. Ames” I told him.

“Well, Paul was here being questioned. There's no way that could have been him”

“This guy was a cop. This is exactly what happened six months ago. Minneapolis, then Ames. Guess you missed that one” Dean took a hit at Sam. I noticed Sam sighed and cringed slightly. I gave him a seriously? Come on, enough already look. “I'm just saying” he defended.

~~

We got to Ames police station and the chief explained to us about the top-shelf officer who “de-hearted” a pizza guy. It couldn’t have been him in Minneapolis though because he’s been in court all week so we were still at a dead end. The most we could do was talk to this Arthur guy who killed the pizza man…but what he had to say wasn’t exactly helpful.

We got him into a questioning room and he was just rocking back and forth, muttering inaudible gibberish while Sam tried to record it “So…you’re getting his statement?” Dean asked as we were all just staring at this clinically crazy person.

“Uh, yeah, kind of. Probably not”

“It's too bad I dropped out of Lunatic 101”

“Whatever it is, it sounds like he's repeating it”

“Look at his eyes” I narrowed in on him, staring closely into the clear blue eye and the pitch black one. “Hey, Arthur…did you do this alone?” I spoke loud and clear. He didn’t even look up at me.

“Arthur, did some invisible voice tell you that you had to kill?” Sam tried and Arthur banged his hands on the table. I jumped slightly.

He started to get softer with his babbling. “Oh, now you've pissed him off” Dean commented and paced a little.

“Hey, Art. Can I call you Art? Listen, I'm gonna sprinkle your arm with holy water and it's gonna steam and burn if you're possessed by a demon” he took out his flask. “He's a mushroom” he added and then poured the water over his arm but nothing happened.

“Okay, not possessed” Sam noted. “Arthur, you want to tell us why you did this?” I tried again. Nothing. “Alright then” Dean nodded and headed for the door.

~

“Brittney…Brittney!”

My eyes shot open and in front of me…was Melissa. We were standing in pure darkness…it was eerie…it was cold…but she was here. I smiled. “Mel…”

"Who were you expecting? Channing?”

“Well at least he would’ve been nicer to look at” I tried to hold back my tears as she laughed. It was nice to hear again.

“This can’t seriously be happening right now though…you can’t be real…you’re still…there”

“After everything we’ve been through you’re going to say this is the craziest thing that’s ever happened?” she eyed me. I shrugged. S

he stepped toward me and placed both hands on my shoulders. “I’m real. You’re real” She smacked my cheek lightly. “That was real” We both chuckled. “This is just the only way for me to reach you so we can talk”

My smile dropped. “I’m dreaming” I realized.

“Duh” she flicked my nose. “You left me in that boring-ass place” she laughed and shoved me slightly.

I felt everything crumbling from underneath me as more tears were building up. “Hey…I was just kidding, ya know…don’t get all sappy on me” she lifted my chin so I would look at her.

“I’m so sorry…” I sobbed, shaking my head.

“For what, hon?” she asked gently which was killing me. I didn’t deserve her kindness.

“For leaving you there…Dean and I…we didn’t know what to do…there was no way…we couldn’t get to you…we…” She wrapped her arms around me and I cried into her shoulder. I

needed this. I needed a good cry with my best friend. “It’s okay…I’m fine. Really”

“We’ll get you back, Melissa. I promise…”

She didn’t respond. I think it was because she didn’t believe me…or because she felt like it was impossible. I know I felt that way…like some things were impossible…but not this. We were bringing her back one way or another. She pulled away and wiped away her own tears. “

You bitch. I told myself I wouldn’t cry when I came to see you” she laughed. So did I. “Tell Dean and Sam that…they’re doing just fine without me…you all are. And you’ll catch the bad girl” she winked.

I just stared at her for a long time and then I noticed she started to vanish into the darkness. “But…wait. Is that supposed to mean something?! Melissa!?” She wouldn’t respond though. She just disappeared.

I shot my eyes open and it took me a second to remember where I was and what day it was, what time of day it was. I looked around the motel room and saw I was alone. When I went to run a hand down my tired face my fingers got caught on a post-it note. I took it into my hands and read it.

Crazy Arthur had psychotic break. Sam and I went to hospital to check it out. Get your ass out of bed and do something useful.

Why wouldn’t they wake me up? I hate them for just letting me sleep in like that. It’s such a waist of a day. I much rather be out doing shit than sleeping and risking these dreams…. I took a quick shower and tried to get my mind off of it all for the time being. What did she mean? Was she trying to help us with the case in her own strange way? But doesn’t that mean she’s dead? Since she’d be able to know all and see all? I mean while I was in purgatory I wasn’t able to be in contact with Sam…so how is she able to be in contact with me? Mel’s always be different of course but still. Is she really okay?

When I got out I saw I had a text from Dean.

Trace back the donor of Arthur’s transplanted eye

So I got dressed and then pulled out the laptop, getting right on it. The boys were back within a half hour bringing food. I grinned because my stomach was literally growling. Dean tossed me one of the Chinese containers, along with chopsticks and I got comfortable again, taking a bite and getting ready to tell them what I had found.

“Okay so Arthur Swenson had an eye transplant a year ago, right?”

“Yea” they urged me to continue.

“Well, I remembered that Paul Hayes was talking about a health scare he had a year ago that changed his life, so I pulled up his medical records from Minneapolis and you want to guess who else, other than Arthur Swenson, had a transplant in the last year?”

“Paul Hayes?”

“I gave it away, didn't I?” I smiled.

“Just a little bit” he smiled back.

“Okay, so we've got two suspects in two identical murders in two different cities that both had organ transplants a year ago”

“Also…” Sam started as he went to the fridge to get a beer.

“I love when there's an also” Dean said.

“I got to thinking about all that stuff Arthur Swenson was talking about. Maybe your translation app called it "language unknown" because it's a dead language, like ancient Greek or Manx”

“Manx?”

“So I e-mailed an audio file of Arthur's mumbling to Dr Morrison”

“Who?”

“Dr Morrison, the anthropology Professor who helped us out with the Amazons” I cringed at the memory.

“Yes, okay. Okay. Well, let's get our asses on the road”

“Headed to…?” I wondered.

“Well, if we are in a repeat of a cycle from six months ago, then, after the murders in Minneapolis and in Ames, the next heart attack was in Boulder, Colorado”

Now the question is…do I tell Dean about my dream…or do I keep it to myself? I don’t want to get his hopes up if it was actually her and she truly thinks we won’t bring her back…he’ll believe her. But does he have a right to know if there’s a possibility she might be…really gone….?

Sam’s POV

She’s here. Right in front of me. Yet she’s so far away I can hardly see her. The one I’ve been waiting for…to come back to me. The one I’ve always counted on to be by my side through thick and thin, whenever things got tough and hard. The one I planned to spend eternity with. Then…everything got screwed up somewhere…somehow….

“Hey” Dean snapped me back.

I looked down the dark road and then over at Dean in the driver’s seat. “What?” I whispered, noticing Brit fast asleep in the back seat.

“What are you thinking about, organic tomatoes?” he quipped.

“I'm not thinking about anything”

“I don't know about you, but this last year has given me a new perspective” he smiled at the wheel.

“I hear you. Believe me” I sighed and stared out the window.

“I know where I'm at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you”

“Makes sense” I acknowledged. “Yes, it does”

I hesitated with my next words as I tried to pick them out really carefully. “Or…maybe you don't need me. I mean, maybe you're at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody” I could feel him eyeing me.

“Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff”

“Look, I'm not saying I'm bailing on you. I'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something”

“So, what we do doesn't count?” Thankfully this conversation was interrupted by his phone.

I turned around to see it had woken up Brit. She smiled at me and I couldn’t even process a smile back at her. How lame am I? What is this? High school?

“Well, this is gonna singe your axons. Doc says that both Paul Hayes' kidney and Arthur Swenson's new eye came from…you ready for this? Brick Holmes” Dean told us. I felt a sudden rush of excitement.

“You don't mean the Brick Holmes”

“I do”

“The all-pro quarterback?”

“Indeed”

“Who’s Brick Holmes?” Brit voiced. Dean and I exchanged a look and rolled our eyes.

“Girls” we groaned. That earned us a smack in the back of the head from her. I chuckled as she sat back and pouted slightly.

“The guy played at the top of his game for like a million years, didn't he?” Dean continued.

“Yeah, he bought it in a car crash last year. Nose-dived off a bridge or something. He must've signed a donor card. Did the doc say how many organs he donated?” I asked.

“Including our two suspects? Eight” “Eight?”

“Eight”

“Okay, um, and one of them's in Boulder, am I right?”

“You would be wrong. That's the bad news. Good news is, Brick lived just outside of Boulder”

“Well hmm Brick’s dead” Brit said smugly with a smirk as she sat forward, sticking her head in between both of us. We both just pushed her back into the seat. She huffed.

“He’s all we got though so Boulder it is” Dean established. At least this puts a pause on our conversation….

Brit’s POV

"Hey...are you ok?" Dean asked me.

I just shrugged. "What kind of question is that?"

He shrugged back and pulled up a chair. " What are you thinking?"

To tell him...or not to tell him.... "Dean...I had this dream the other night..."

"Oh no. Enough on this dream stuff Brit"

"But what if its Mel trying to really reach out to us in some way?"

"How could she possibly do that? She's trapped in purgatory, Brittney" he tried to keep his tone steady with me.

"You know Mel, always finding her way around things"

"So Melissa is finding her way into your dreams...just to have girl talk? Don't you think she would tell you a way to get her out?"

"Maybe she can't. Maybe something's holding her back. Something is restraining her"

"It just seems too far fetched..."

"Even for us? We were to purgatory, Heaven, Hell and back...why is this different?" He paced away from me and did that thing where he runs a hand down his face and looks really stressed out.

"Why is this so hard for you to acknowledge? Do you not want Mel back?"

"What? Of course I do" he looked at me like I was crazy and paced away again.

Then it hit me. "You thought she was dead" I realized. "You had gotten used to not having her around and used to the thought of her never being around ever again...you think she won't come home"

"I never said that" he spoke gently as he kept his back facing me.

"But you didn't deny it either" I approached him.

"Brittney...escaping purgatory was hard enough for just you and me...you really think another trip to bring Mel home is possible?"

"Well I did...until you started talking like this. Who are you? This isn't the Dean I know and it's definitely not the Dean I want to be fighting with" He didn't reply. My eyes widened. "She got to you too...didn't she" I assumed.

He didn't respond. Meaning...yes. "Dean...what did she tell you?" I tried to get him to face me.

But he turned away and rubbed his eyes. "Nothing...she didn't come to me. It's just you" he lied to me.

"Dean, whatever she said she just wants what’s best for us and that’s for us to stop trying. You have to know that…” He stood still. “Dean…!" I tried again but then Sam came walking in.