Breathe Life Into Me

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Krissy Chambers was a blast from the past for Dean. When we first ran into her Dean and Mel were going through this thing which was never too unusual for them. They’ve always been the most dysfunctional couple I know. But I honestly think Krissy had helped them get over whatever it was that they were fighting about...which, now that I think about it I’m petty sure it had to do with Bobby revolving around his death. But I could tell Krissy really looked up to them...especially Mel...and the two of them were able to set their differences aside for her when she felt more than capable to stand alone. They had all formed a bond. So when we ran into her again a week and a half ago...and Mel didn’t remember her...I could tell it hurt. She didnt show it too much but it was still evident. But when Mel started giving her some tips about life, love and happiness...the admiration was there again. Krissy loved how Mel was still happy even with everything going on and that was her new goal. Happiness. Plus, her father had lost his life to the hunt and to have some kind of parental guidance around; she really seemed to enjoy Mel and Dean’s presence. Hopefully we won’t ever run into her again and she stays outfor good. But us? There’s no out. Everyone knows it. We just accept it.

And suddenly it was boot camp. Dean put on his Drill Sargent hat and was making Mel do all kinds of drills and sparring with her. I didn’t know what got into him that would make him put her through all of this. 24/7 she had to be prepared to doanything he said and it was always testing her endurance, her smarts, or her reflexes and fighting technique. At first it seemed like she hated everything about it...honestly, I think she even started hating him...but then I caught her sneaking out into the woods to practice her shot. She would line up pieces of trash, aim herself and then fire. She missed 99 percent of the time...but at least she was trying.

I poured myself some tea right as Mel came walking in, looking over her shoulder. She was covered in dirt, her cheeks were rosey and I noticed she was limping on her way to the fridge. “Hey...you okay...?” I asked cautiously. She snapped her head up at me.

“What? Oh yea, I’m good...didn’t see you there...” she spoke fast.

“Dean put you through another obstacle coarse? That’s the fourth one today” I commented.

“Yea, well...you know Dean...” she sighed, gulping down a bottle of water. Yea, but you don’t....

“He’s kind of overdoing it, don’t you think? Do you want me to talk to him...”

She suddenly looked panicked. “What? No, don’t talk to him. Really it’s okay...I’m gonna go take a shower...”

I reached out and grabbed her wrist to stop her. “Melissa...” She turned to look back at me but there was no familiarity in her eyes. She was just focused on her own thoughts. I let her go. “Never mind...be careful, okay?”

She just nodded and went to walk out and then stopped. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Maybe...I wouldn’t mind talking sometime...this...whatever I’m going through...it’s hard...”

“I thought that’s what Sam was for?” I tried to hide the excitement in my voice. Just the fact that she wanted to talk to me made me happy. It was a good thing her back was still toward me because I felt a smile forming on my face.

“Well...talking to Sam is nice and all...and he's been seriously helpful to me through all of this...but maybe talking to a girl...talking to someone who knows me better...it might be easier...”

I felt myself choking on my tea but I kept quiet. “Yea...I’d love to talk sometime...” I forced out my words and then just stood there, watching her leave.

As soon as I was sure she was gone I raced down the hall and right into Dean’s room where he sat at his desk flipping through some journals and Sam sat on his bed, surfing on his laptop. I quickly shut the door. “Everything okay, Brit?” Dean asked as they exchanged a look.

“I think so...Mel just said she wanted to talk sometime. Move over, Sammy. Here comes Brit the best friend she needs. Uhh thank you” I took a bow and started dancing around in my spot, making them both laugh. I took a deep breath and collapsed on Dean’s bed, suddenly relaxed and not so anxious.

“Where is she now?” Dean asked.

“Showering...”

“That’s her fourth one today...”

“Yea...you know how she keeps going out on her walks? She’s really doing the obstacle coarse that you set up for her” I grinned at him.

“So...instead of wanting our help...she’s just...doing it on her own...?” Sam wondered. I sat up and faced them both.

“Yea, I guess so...” I replied.

“Well...this is good, right? I mean, she always used to do things on her own...” Dean said. I couldnt bring myself to look at him.

“Yea, but Dean...I think maybe we should stop focusing on reshaping her into who she was...and just let her make a new path for herself...” I tried.

“Yea, it seems to be more effective...to just let her recreate herself and not interfere” Sam agreed. Dean looked at us like we had just stabbed him in the face.

“Look, Dean...Melissa said she believed in you to bring her back...but what if...you just cant...” Sam said.

But instead of arguing he just shot to his feet and slammed the door on his way out. Whenever Sam and I even mentioned him not being able to bring Mel back...he just walks away and ignores we ever said anything. I looked at Sam and he looked back at me. Does he even realized he walked out of his own room?

Dean

They had to be wrong. I needed to find a way to help Mel. Cas obviously isn’t any help and Mel may not think she wants help...but she doesn’t remember the promise she made me make to her. I had to find a way...there had to be a way.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts as I paced outside the room I was just kicked out of...I didn’t even see Melissa standing right there when I walked into her and she fell back and on her ass.

“Dean!” she grunted at me and quickly caved in her knees. Thats when I realized she was only in a towel and she was trying to hide her parts from me instead of flaunt them.

“Oh...sorry about that...” I raced to her side and help pull her up but she just held a hand out to me, telling me to stop. She stood to her feet.

“What the hell, Dean?” she snapped.

“I uhh...I...” I stammered trying to do anything but check her out. So I looked away. “I...wanted to talk to you...” I forced out.

“Okay...then talk”

I glanced at her, seeing her cross her arms and I quickly looked away again. “I uhh...” When I couldn’t come up with anything to say she sighed.

“Look, Dean...” My eyes snapped up at her. “The Mel you know...she seems really cool but there's no way I can be her. I can't cook..."

"Neither could the old you. She just liked trying..."

"I'm not coordinated enough to shoot a gun..."

"Well that comes with practice. It isn’t just a skill built into the human brain..." I was just making up excuses now...I just didn’t want to hear any of this.

"But Dean...I'm not funny or brave or clever...I'm none of the things that I used to be...I'm not...” she started but then stopped quickly as if reconsidering her own words. She stood her ground though.

“It’s really nice how much you all really love this girl...but I’m just not her...not anymore. I don’t know what it’s like to love or be loved...”

Her eyes reached out to me as if to tell me the hidden meaning behind what she was saying. But I just couldn’t grasp it. “Then why are you still here?” I found myself asking her, averting my eyes away from her.

But I could still see some pain flash across her eyes. “I...don’t have anywhere else to go...” Her voice cracked and I instantly felt like an ass when I saw her tighten her towel uncomfortably. I looked away again so she wouldnt feel so uneasy.

“Plus...what kind of person would I be if I bailed on Sam for the trials? I can’t let him do it alone...especially not with so much at risk...”

And it was when she said that kind of stuff that still gave me hope, that made believe she was still in there. She just needed some help pulling her out of the darkness...

“We have to go. It’s Kevin. Go get dressed” Brit said and Melissa obeyed.

We watched her rush upstairs to put on some clothes. Then Brit and Sam looked back at me. “Dean...” she started but I just pushed passed them, grabbing my coat. “You can’t push this, Dean!” Brit pleaded to me but I ignored her and walked out. Like hell I won’t push. I don’t care what it takes, I’m bringing her back...just like I promised.

Brit

“Kevin, it’s us! Open up!” Dean banged on the metal door.

I faced Mel. “Okay, listen. Just pretend like you know Kevin and like you really know what’s going on, okay? Kevin doesn’t need to know that you’re gone too” I instructed.

“Why? Were we, like, a thing?”

We all kind of chuckled at the idea Kevin and Mel...he would never be able to handle her. “Not at all...you’re just...kind of like a big sister to him taking on the role of his mother...like me...” She just nodded, accepting that role.

All of a sudden the door flew open and there was Kevin wielding a frying pan, ready to strike. We all jumped. “Whoa! Whoa. Geez. Take it easy. What's going on? What's with the S.O.S.?” Dean calmed him as we all went inside.

I saw his eyes went to Melissa and she smiled gently making him relax a little. She still had that effect on people...is it wrong that I’m a little envious? She doesn’t even remember how or why she’s always been able to calm people with a smile and scare them with a frown and here I am...unable to make even the smallest impact...always hidden in the shadows...her shadow....

“It's him” Kevin snapped me out of my jealous thoughts.

“It’s who?” I urged.

“Crowley”

We all looked at each other. “What about him?” Melissa asked, playing her part pretty well.

“He's in my head"

“He's...in your head?” Sam inquired.

“Do you know what that means?” he kept flying the pan in the direction his arms flailed in.

“Yeah, it means we need to up your anxiety meds. Kevin, you're dreaming. Look, if Crowley knew where you were, he'd do a hell of a lot more than mess with your head” Dean tried.

“Where’s Garth” I added.

“On a case or-or the dentist. I don't know. I haven't heard from him” he continued pacing and I started to notice his knuckles turning white from gripping the handle so hard.

“Okay, well, what did you want to tell us that you couldn't say on the phone?” Dean asked. Kevin couldn’t focus though. He was scared. “Why don’t you put down...”

But before Dean could finish Mel had walked forward to stop Kevin in his tracks. She took the frying pan out of his hands and set it down on the stove. It’s an instinct she has inside her...to help people.... He took a deep breath.

“I translated the second trial from the tablet” he finally got out and I felt myself choke on my own air.

“You crazy Prophet, you. Nice work!” Dean cooed but Kevin wasn’t in a very celebratory kind of mood.

“If Crowley's in my head, he knows”

“He’s not in your head” me, Dean and Sam said all at once earning a weird look from Mel.

“He's not in your head, Kevin. It's okay” Mel tried to calm him down again.

I stepped forward. “We know you're distressed. But stay with us, okay? What's the second trial?” I encouraged.

“An innocent soul has to be rescued from Hell and delivered unto Heaven” he recited from memory.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Unto. That's how God talks...”

“Rescue a soul from Hell? Like actually...go to Hell?” Mel wondered, panic settling in. She realized it’s going to have to be her...

“How do you get a soul unto Heaven? I mean, how do you even get a soul out of Hell?” Sam asked and we all exchanged another look.

“We're gonna need an expert” Dean established.

We summoned a crossroads demon. He informed us we could get smuggled across Hell’s boarder by rogue reapers. They have ways in and out of Hell and Heaven. Then, he even told us where we could find one. It was really nice of him. I’m almost kind of scared by how good we’ve gotten at torturing.

“No one wants to get into Hell” Ajay-our new rogue reaper friend-told us as we stood beside his taxi cab.

“But could a coyote like you do it?” Sam asked.

“It's possible. But I have special skills. I have overhead. It will be pricey"

“How pricey?” Mel demanded. He eyed her and so did I. One minuet she’s scared shitless...the next she’s ready to run head first into the battle field.

“You’re all are resourceful. One day, you will owe me a favor"

“You say that like you know us” I glared at him.

His eyes met mine. “Of course. Hails...Stern...and the WInchesters” he grinned creepily.

“Sorry. Have we met?” Dean inquired kind of sarcastically.

“I am the reaper who took Bobby Singer to Hell” I felt all my insides churn as a chill went up my spine and I suddenly couldn’t breath.

“Bobby’s in Hell? We burned his bones. Once we did that, it was over. End of story” Sam spoke frantically.

“Hmm...not necessarily” he shook his head.

“No, no, no, you see, Bobby was on the good side of things, and good guys go to the penthouse” Dean tried to reason this out to himself.

“Usually, mostly. Depends on who you know, what palms get greased. If you're on the King of Hell's no-fly list, no way you cruise the friendly skies"

“Crowley” Dean cursed.

“Okay, lets do this. How much for two tickets down and three back?” Mel spoke up.

“What? No way. We’re going to...” I started.

“No. You’re not” she was stern and assertive.

“Like hell we’re not...” Dean said making eye contact with Mel, then his brother.

“Family meeting” I found myself talking. Family meeting? Wasn’t really the time...but I guess I’m going with it...

We walked down further into the ally. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” I snapped.

“Us? What about you two?” she snapped back.

“You heard the guy: Bobby's in Hell. We're gonna spring him” Dean said.

“We've gone over this, Dean. Melissa and I have to do the trials. Just us” Sam reminded him...and me.

“This is Bobby we're talking about, Sam. Now let's face it, you have not exactly been up to full speed lately, okay? And Melissa doesn’t even remember who the guy is. If anything it should be me and Brit. We got one shot at this. We can't miss” Dean tried.

“We’re not gonna miss” Sam insisted, showing the demon.

“We’ll bring him back, Dean...” Mel assured him and the two of them just stared at each other for a long moment.

I looked at Sam and he nodded so we both walked a few steps away. I should’nt have been watching but I couldn’t help it. I found myself drawn to the two of them...the bond they had together...it was something I always wanted...a love I always craved for. And when Sam wrapped an arm around my shoulders, keeping me close, I looked up at him to see this determined look in his eyes as he kept his head high. We may have lost our way when it came to our own love but it was still there...it was just a little latent at the moment. So much was going on who was able to focus on love?

I glanced back at Dean and Melissa right as he leaned in to kiss her. At first I was excited, thinking maybe it would trigger something...but as soon as his lips were about to touch hers she pushed him off almost disgusted. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings but she was appalled by his act and it hurt me just watching. I turned quickly when I realized she was heading back over to us. Their love...had become one-sided. She didn’t love him anymore...she couldn’t remember what it was like...how she fell in love in the first place...for the first time. She doesnt know he was her first everything. I looked sadly up at Sam who suddenly didn’t look so strong and determined anymore...and I wondered if he thought I didn’t love him anymore either.

“We’re in. Just us” Mel spoke up, keeping her voice steady as she looked up at Sam for reassurance. He nodded.

“Follow me then” Ajay said.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. How does it work?” I asked.

“Not to fret. They'll be back in exactly 24 hours time. Return for them then” he instructed and then watched him lead Sam and Melissa down the allyway.

What if they don’t come back? What if the last memory of Melissa will be her pushing Dean away? What if Sam doesn’t come back and he dies without knowing how fickle I’m really not...I’m just scared....

“Sam!” I called out making him stop to turn to face me. I rushed to him and my legs suddenly felt like wood. “Just...come back safely...okay?”

He searched my eyes for a moment but then I jumped forward to kiss him. It was quick and completely not romantic or passionate at all...but it was still sweet and to the point. Before he could respond I jumped away from him, back to Dean’s side and he turned, still dumbstruck. I watched as they all took hands and a bright light started to emit from the brick wall and in an instant they were all gone. I looked up to Dean and saw a tear had slid down his face but he realized I was watching him and he quickly wiped it away. I didn’t say anything though. I couldnt imagine what he was feeling. So I just hooked an arm around his and leaned into him, offering the only comfort I could give.

Sam

It rally hurt to see my brother in so much pain because of Mel. I tried telling him to move slower but he just didn’t want to hear anything of it. He needed to move fast. He needs Mel back more than any of us...he can’t remember what it was like before Melissa...he can’t imagine life without her...but Brittney...she’s never been without Melissa. And for a long time she didn’t even know how to stand on her own. But finally, she’s on her own two feet, she’s her own person, she knows how to live without being shrouded my Melissa Stern...and now...I can see her falling again. She’s unsure of what move to make, how to make a decision and not doubt that it was the right one. She always counted on Mel for that kind of stuff...and seeing her best friend, her sister, fall into this intense darkness...it’s making her go crazy. She doesn’t know how to save her, and that drives her insane.

But I couldn’t stress about that right now. We had a mission and I had to focus. Most of all I had to make sure Mel would focus. She was my responsibility now. I was the only one she really trusted and I wasn’t about to let her down.

“So...this is Hell? It’s not as bad as I was expecting” she voiced as we looked around at all of the trees and the wilderness that surrounded us. But something about it all didn’t feel right with me.

“Not at all. This is Purgatory” Ajay informed us.

My whole body tensed as I snapped my eyes at him. “What do you mean this is Purgatory? This isn't what we paid for. We booked the Hell tour” I snapped, suddenly in defense mode as I stalked toward him, ready to kill. Natural Instinct.

“Whoa, whoa, Winchester, detach” he kept calm. “Easy, Sam” Mel pulled me off.

Ajay straightened out his clothes. “This is Hell-adjacent. Been down this highway many times before. Follow the stream to where three trees meet as one. Where they meet, there are rocks. Between the rocks is the portal"

“A portal?” Mel inquired.

“A back door to Hell. Trust me, it'll work” He turned his back.

“Wait. So you're not coming with us?” I asked, incredulous.

“Don't be ridiculous. Smuggling a mortal across the border is risky enough. But gate-crashing a Winchester and a Stern into Hell seriously blows. No. I'll be back in 24 hours, precisely. Be here” Then he eyed the demon knife as I pulled it out of my coat. “It's a good thing you brought that. It is not an easy place” he added and with a flash of light he was gone.

I looked down at Melissa and she started walking. “Where are you going?” I caught up to her fast pace.

“You heard the guy, I’m following the stream...”

“But...”

“But what?” she snapped.

“Why are you so eager?” I managed to ask.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...why are you so willing...to risk your life, I mean...it’s not like you know Bobby...” I tried to get her to say it...I just wanted to hear her say it....

“Well, I did know him, right?” she asked. I nodded. “Well, then...” she shrugged.

“But this morning...you told Dean...”

She sighed. “I really want to be the Melissa I was before I lost my memory...I want it more than anything...but it’s obviously not happening anytime soon and seeing Dean’s face every morning hoping I’ll be back to normal...I couldn’t take it anymore. So I tried to lean him toward the path of me never remembering ever again”

“But...you want to remember?” I was almost kind of shocked at the thought. Why would she want to remember any of this...even after everything she’s been through....

But she just smiled. “I want to remember what it was like”

“What what was like?”

“To love the way Dean loves me...to guide the way Brittney guides you both and you dont even realize it...to care the way you care about all of us...I would give anything if I could remember the relationships I had with all of you. The past history we have with one another is so obvious it hurts. And it hurts even more knowing I can’t remember any of it”

“But...what if it wasn’t all good?”

She laughed. “I’m sure it wasnt! But I’ll still take it...the good and the bad...”

“And Dean? You would take him as he is? Issues and all”

She grabbed my arm to stop me. “I would take all of you, issues and all. No matter how much baggage any of you come with...” At least she doesn’t know she had more baggage than all of us combined....

“So...Dean...where do you think the two of you will stand after you tell him all of this?”

She hung her head. “I can’t tell him because it’ll just make him hope again and I’m tired of disappointing all of you. You seem to think even the slightest thing will set me off and remember my whole life story. Maybe one day I’ll feel the same way about him as I once did...but for now...I’m just trying to focus on...what? Saving the world? Not every day someone can say that”

She started walking again. “Now, come on. The faster we do this, the faster we can leave. I have a bad feeling being here”

She wrapped her arms around her body and started to walk faster. The “bad feeling”...it has to mean something...she still has instinct...gut instinct...she has to remember what it was like to come back to the place that messed her up in the first place....

Brit

I sat in the car for a long time watching Dean pace back and forth contemplating what should be his next move. I finally leaned over and swung open his door. “Dean, please get in the car. We should really get back to Kevin to make sure he hasn’t OD-ed yet”

He ran a hand down his face and complied to my request. The door slammed shut and we just sat there for another long ten minutes. I sighed. “Dean...” I started but stopped when I saw his face.

His eyes were just dark pools of nothingness, his face was suddenly pale, and I thought he was going to be sick. I had to choose my words carefully. “I know...that right now is not exactly what you had in mind for Post-Purgatory...but we should...be used to this kind of stuff, ya know? When we think we’re a step ahead, we get thrown off and set back...but we always pull through...” I spoke cautiously, watching his expression stay unchanged. He wasnt hearing a thing I was saying.

I grabbed his hand. “We’ll get through this, Dean. Just like everything else. We’ll get Mel back. Our Mel” I tried but I wasn’t even convinced by my own words so how could I expect him to be? I gave his hand a squeeze.

“I’m driving” was all I said and all he did was nod as we both got out and switched sides. I sat in the driver’s seat of the Impala (something I’ve never done before) and as soon as I hit the road Dean drifted into a light sleep. If it was any other time I would’ve been surprised that he gave in so easy and felt relaxed enough to fall asleep....