Breathe Life Into Me

Brit

We met with Father Simon and he explained how Father Thompson believed that the twisted and corrupted human soul inside of a demon could be washed and restored of their humanity and this ritual was to cure a demon. Something went wrong in his experiments though because a few months after the old woman's possession Thompson was found torn apart and dead. So now we had old records of Thompson's research and Sam was setting it up on the projector.

"Hey, Brit...you okay?"

I looked up at Dean. "Yea...why do you ask..."

"You just seem out of it..."

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess" he shrugged with a small laugh.

"Do you notice...anything different about Melissa...?"

"Besides the fact that she actually likes being around me now?" he chuckled dryly. I eyed him as his eyes trailed down to the floorboards.

"You know...don't you" I assumed and he snapped his eyes back up at me.

"Brit...one thing at a time okay...?" he tried to force a smile but he just looked in pain.

"Dean" I scolded, not even sure of what else to say to him.

Suddenly he grabbed my arm and pulled me down the corridor. "Of course I know okay? You're not the only one who can read Mel like a book" he hissed at me.

"Okay so why arent we saying anything?" I hissed back.

"Because Britney. We all have enough on our plates and I can't afford to lose sight of what's really important"

"Melissa's not important?" I ripped my arm away from him.

"Of course she is..." he sighed.

"Sam's just more important"

"I never said that" he grunted.

"You didnt have to" I went to walk away but he stopped me.

"Brittney...Mel and I have talked about this before. She knows I'll always put Sammy first...just like you'll always put her first..."

I was suddenly disgusted by him and I shoved him against the wall. "I would never choose who's more important to put first...you're all first in my book...and I thought you were the same way" I turned my back.

"Brit, for whatever reason it is she's hiding the fact that she's better...are you ready to throw away everything we worked for? We're so close. I just want it all to be over"

He sounded like he was getting choked up. I wanted it to be over too...but why would it change anything if I called out Mel on her lying? Wouldnt it be better for all of us so we can get to the finish line knowing everything is okay and will be okay?

"Hey, is everything okay over here?" Melissa rounded the corner to us and I quickly wiped my eyes.

"Yea, everything's fine" I nodded at her.

"I can't find Cas anywhere. You think he blew town?"

"Sounds like him" Dean murmured.

I could feel her eyeing us both but I just walked out into the living room and over to Sam. I sat beside him. "Hey, you alright?" he reached for my hand. I held it tight and ignored the warm clamminess coating his skin. "Brit?"

I forced a smile up at him and my eyes met his. I wanted to put him first. I wanted to make his pain go away. But Dean was right. I will always put Melissa first, above anyone else. It's how things had to be. She needed me and Sam needed Dean. I never thought things would come down to this...turning each other away...even for just a moment...so we can focus on our family....

But I thought we were all family...why did we have to choose who to care for? Why couldnt I put Mel and Sam first? Did I not know how to? Or was it Dean who didnt know how to and I was just hanging around him too much? We'll all make it to the finish line one way or another...so why not just all do it together?

I think I was in shock. To even consider the thought of us all not having each other's back...if the team was breaking up...who else did we have? Who else could we turn to if not each other? Mel would be furious...she wouldnt tolerate it....

"Yea...I'm okay, Sammy..." I choked out. I wanted to put him first so badly it hurt...I wanted to put all of them first...so why couldnt I? "Lets see what we got here" I hit play on the projector right as Dean and Mel joined us at the table.

I could feel him still eyeing me but when he acknowledged Dean and Mel's presence he just turned his attention back to the file. "So uhh Father Thompson recorded all of his demon-cure tests. This was the last one two days before he died" he explained quickly as a sudden eeriness filled the room.

"The date is August 3, 1958. This is trial 19, hour 1. My subject is Peter Kent. Mr. Kent is the father of two young sons, and three weeks ago, he was possessed by a demon. I'm going to ask you a question now. When you crawled into Mr. Kent and ate his children, how did it feel?" "Orgasmic" Holy water...then a snarl... "The first dose has been administered"

"Do we know what padre was dosing number-one dad up with?" Mel murmured.

"Uh, yeah, his own purified blood" Sam answered.

"Purified how?" I asked.

"Before he started, Father Thompson went to confession" We all exchanged a look.

"This is trial 19, hour 2..." More snarling and growling. "When you ate his children, how did it feel?" "Stringy!" Holy water...grunting... "The second dose, has been administered Hour 4...when you ate his children..." "Kiss my ass!" "How did it feel?" "Soft" More holy water...some writhing... "The sixth dose has been administered" "Stop..." "How..." "Please..." "...did it...feel...?" "Stop!" It was pleading now. I could feel my heart race and slow down as the clip kept rolling. It was so intense...so real...so frightening.... "Hour 8, the subject is prepped...Exorcizamus te,omnis immundus spiritus. Hanc animam redintegra, lustra! Lustra!"

None of us moved an inch. We were so wrapped up in what this priest was doing...something none of us ever even imagined was possible...I could hardly hear my own breathing.

"When you ate his children, how did it feel?" he asked once more and suddenly the demon wasnt writhing anymore.

He looked up at father Thompson with this look in his eyes that I've never seen on a demon's face before. I could feel all of us leaning forward due to the anticipation.

"They were screaming...and I laughed. Why did I laugh? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. God, I was a monster" he began to sob. "But now you are a man again. And you have been saved"

Sam hit pause as the film suddenly ended. "Did he just..." Mel started.

"Cure a demon?" I finished.

"Maybe..." Dean murmured.

"Could we take this hoodoo on a test drive?" I tried to ignore the interest and excitement in Melissa's voice. It just gave me more hope that I didnt want.

"Um, I mean, I have the exorcism right here. All we need is the blood, consecrated ground, and a demon" Sam said.

"So, what? We summon a demon, trap it...?" I wondered.

"Or we use one that we've already tagged. Do we still have dad's old army field surgeon's kit?" Dean grinned.

"It's in the trunk. Why?" Sam said.

"Yeah, I think it's time we put humpty dumpty back together again"

~

"So you really think this will work?" Sam wondered as we walked into our garage and set up for what was coming next.

"Dude, we got needles. We got thread. We've seen "Young Frankenstein" about a thousand times. Yeah, we're golden" Dean replied.

"Ugh this is gonna be disgusting" he muttered, sitting down in front of Abbadon's body which Dean had tied to a chair and he began to sew her head back on.

"Hey" Mel whispered beside me. I looked up at her. "Are you...upset with me?" she asked and I looked away again, sighing.

"No..."

But she grabbed my arm to spin me so I was now facing her. "Brittney...talk to me..."

I couldnt turn away from the look she was giving me. It was sad...sympathetic...even kind of annoying....

"Not now" was all I said to her and turned my back again.

"But Brit...I miss you..." I whipped my whole body around.

"What did you say?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I said I miss you...you used to be easy to talk to...and all of this is...it's not easy, ya know..." She avoided my eyes and I suddenly relaxed.

For a moment...I thought....

"Look...I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately but...a lot is going on...do you understand?"

"Yea, of course I understand. We're saving the world, closing the gates, and all that...it's just..."

"What?" I asked lightly.

"I...I'm having these dreams..."

"About what...?" She hesitated.

"Morning, sunshines" I spun sharply to see Abbadon's head back on her shoulders.

The black in her eyes flashed quickly and when I turned to face Mel again she was by Dean's side. So close....

"It worked. You owe me a beer" Dean laughed, pointing at Sam.

"And I owe you all so, so much..." She looked up at Mel. "I can't wait to tear out those pretty blue eyes...after, of course, I have you all watch as I torture each of you little by little..."

Mel didnt flinch but Dean was now hovering over her. "Good luck with that" Sam commented and I realized he was now at my side. I didnt even notice...

"We figured kitty didn't need her claws" Dean added.

She glared down at the bloody stumps where her hands used to be. "Then I'll stump you to death. It'll be swell" she snarled and tried to stand.

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen, either. The bullet, remember?" Mel reminded.

"So you sit there like a good little bitch. We're gonna consecrate the ground, and you're gonna get to fessing up" Dean stated.

"Oh, I know this tune" she laughed.

"I doubt that" I voiced.

"Father Max Thompson, born October 12, 1910. Died August 5, 1958. Who do you think ripped him apart? Word got back to home office that Maxie was messing with things, so we made an example.It wasn't my most artful kill, but it was effective. And bonus-before he died, he told me all about Josie Sands. I found her, and I rode her into the Men of Letters. And what I did to them, that was art"

"So you know what Max was doing?" I asked.

"Fella screamed the basics...but it'll never work"

"You keep telling yourself that" Dean nodded.

Suddenly Mel's phone started ringing. She paced a few feet away as the three of us turned to watch her. "Hello, princess..." I could hear his voice before she even had a chance to answer.

"Crowley, right?" she asked, looking up at me. He said something else that made her make a face. "

Crowley? The salesman?" Abbadon scoffed.

"Try the King of Hell" I informed her.

"This is a joke, right?" she exclaimed and I just shook my head, trying not to laugh as Mel held the phone far out in my direction.

I took it and headed outside as they all followed. "Crowley" I spoke.

"Hello, darling. Seems as our dear Mel still has amnesia. If anything I thought I would be the top of her remember how to list. I'm kind of hurt actually"

"My condolences" I rolled my eyes.

"Where are the husbands?" he continued.

I put him on speaker and we all stood in a circle. "We're all here, Crowley"

"How'd you get this number?" Dean demanded quickly.

"Ah first thing's first...what are the girls wearing" He knew exactly how to get under the boys' skin.

"Okay, I'm hanging up now" I warned him.

"Fine...this isn't a social call. I was wondering. You lads and laddies been reading the papers, say, Denver Times from yesterday? No? Well, you should. It's side-splitting...what the hell. I'm sexting you an address. Check it out. Then we'll talk. Cheerio"

"Wait! Crowley!" Sam tried but it was too late. He was gone.

I searched exactly what Crowley said and it pulled up the news article. "Vic's name is Tommy Collins. Tommy. Why do I know that name?" Dean wondered, looking to Sam.

"Well, Tommy Collins...we saved him from a Wendigo like forever ago"

"Okay and...what, you think that Crowley blew his head off? Well, what are we dealing with here? Some sort of Demon-Wendigo team-up?"

"No clue"

"All right, well, we'll pour one out for Tommy later. As far as Crowley goes, screw him. We got everything we need to put him in a permanent time-out"

The two of them headed back inside and I turned to see Mel stuck in her spot.

"I have a really bad feeling about this" she murmured.

"What kind of bad feeling..." Her eyes met mine and she just shook her head.

Suddenly Dean and Sam came running back out to us. "Abbadon's gone..."

"What?" I shrieked.

"Come on. Crowley sent us a new address. Prospertity, Indiana" Sam said as Mel and I rushed to keep up with the guys on our way to the car.

"But didnt we..."

"Yea, we worked a case there" he nodded.

"We know this is probably a trap right..."

"Of course it is. But a trap means demons, and obviously we could use one right now" Mel replied reasonably as we all jumped into the Impala and took off.

~

"Is that Jenny?" Sam wondered as we all made faces at the burnt body laying half inside the oven and half out. The poor girl. All she wanted to do was be a great baker...

Sam's phone rang and he put it on speaker. "What the hell are you doing, Crowley?" Sam growled.

"Oh, Moosie, isn't it obvious? I'm killing everyone you've ever saved--the damsels in distress, the innocent whippersnappers, the would-be vampire chow--all of them"

I got chills. "How do you even know..." I murmured.

"I have my sources and a cracking research team" he chuckled. "When you boys and girls hit a town, you tend to leave a mess. Now, you're probably wondering why my droogs aren't in there giving you the bum's rush, so let's brass these tacks, shall we? I'm gonna gut one person every 12 hours until you bring me the Demon Tablet and stop this whole trials nonsense"

"We don't have the tablet. Kevin took it and..." Sam started.

"I took Kevin. Then someone took him back. Word from the cloud is that it wasn't Heaven. So either the cutest little Prophet in the world is with you four chums, or you better find him tout-bloody-suite because time, she is a-wasting..."

My fists clenched just from listening to this bastard. "About now you're thinking of ways to stop me. You won't be able to, but you'll try because that's what you do. You try. So, time for an object lesson. Indianapolis, the Ivy Motel, room 116. You have 57 minutes" He hung up.

We didnt wait for anything else. We raced back outside, got in the car and kept driving. We couldnt let him gain control this way. It wasnt right. Those people...all those people...who thought their lives would be better...who thought everything would be okay....

Sam

"So a demon named Crowley is gonna kill me in...16 minutes"

I looked Sarah in the eye and saw how scared she became after I explained the situation to her. I wanted to tell her she was wrong...and that we were going to stop Crowley before he could reach her...but seeing her in front of me now...I was suddenly nervous.... She was supposed to be the one that got away....

"No. He's not" Brit spoke up, reassuring her.

I looked up at the stern expression on her face and I dont know if it was the trials taking their toll on me (again) or just that I never notice...but I saw a different person standing in front of me. She was strong and fearless and suddenly I wasnt so anxious anymore. She wasnt the same person she was when we first met Sarah.

I found myself wondering about the way we've been treating each other lately...as if we didnt exist to one another...as if we couldnt be bothered. I dont know how we got to the point where our connection became so distant...it was probably my fault...but if these trials were going to kill me...really kill me...I didnt want to leave this world knowing she's unaware of how I feel about her. I would like to think she already knows...but it wouldnt hurt to tell her once and a while...to be sure she really knows how much I love her...and how badly I want her and only her.

There was a knock at the door as Dean came walking in with Mel behind him and the two of them were lugging bags in from outside.

"Sarah, long time" he greeted, setting the bags down. "What are you doing in Indy?"

I smiled a lite because he's always been good at small talk...especially under pressure and when it matters the most....

"I...was scouting an estate sale for my dad" she answered. He grunted in response.

I watched Melissa and Brittney begin to set Devil's Traps all over the room and the way Mel did it was so meticulous...like she really knew what she was doing it. I mean, I've helped her study for hours before of all of the stuff she had forgotten but I never really saw her put any of it into action. I was also kind of in awe about how well she was keeping herself together while I felt like I was falling apart...deteriorating...piece by piece.

"Look, we're putting Devil's Traps everywhere, we've got holy water, an exorcism ready to play on a loop, and anything that comes through that door--it's meat" Brit smiled at her and I couldnt tell if she was being genuine or not. How terrible am I...

I looked up at Sarah again. "I know this is insane, but insane is kind of what we do. We'll keep you safe" I assured her. "Okay" she breathed out.

"Okay? That's it?" Mel voiced and we all eyed her.

"You've done it before" she shrugged and we all exchanged a look, nodding.

We quickly set up the traps and readied ourselves for whatever Crowley was planning. I found myself watching Brit carefully and hovering near Sarah when I noticed Sarah was playing with the ring on her finger.

"That's new" I commented. She looked down first and smiled hesitantly as I slowly sat down beside her.

"Yeah...is name is Ian. He works search and rescue. Guess I have a type" she shrugged and I chuckled. "Our daughter, Bess...she'll be one in a month.

"That's great. I mean it. I'm really uhh happy for you"

"Thanks, Sam" she smiled fully for the first time since we arrived.

"And what about you?"

"Me? Pretty much the same, I guess" She gave me a look.

"No, you're not. You're not the same. Look, it's been years, and I can't even imagine the things you've been through. But I don't know. You just seem...more focused, confident, like...like you know what you want" I noticed that she gestured over to Brittney. I glanced over my shoulder. "I can see it...the two of you...how much love and adoration..." I laughed.

"Oh yea? Cause all I see is irritation and annoyance" I sighed.

"Well that's because you're not looking at what's right in front of you"

"And what's that?"

"The wall blocking your connection to one another" she said it like it was so obvious. But that's exactly why she was supposed to be the one that got away...she didnt deserve any of this....

"You may have grown up, Sam, but you still have some issues when it comes to opening up to someone you care about...remember how that's hat we had in common?" I just nodded.

"Well you're the one who helped me get over my fear...so now it's your turn. Don't let whatever is it that's holding you back keep you from saying what you feel to the people you love" Her eyes stayed on mine. They were so kind...so warm.... "I do miss the old haircut, though" she added and we both laughed.

The cordless phone started ringing and Dean answered it. "Five... Four... Trios... Zwei... ...uno" On cue Sarah started gagging and she fell over and onto the floor.

"Sarah! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? Sarah!" I called to her as I knelt beside her. She looked up at me and I saw how scared she was.

"She's dying, and there's nothing you can do about it" Crowley's voice came through the speakers.

"You son of a bitch!"

"Son of a witch, actually. My mommy taught me a few tricks"

"It's a spell. Find the hex bag" Mel demanded and we all started tearing about the room.

"I thought of sending in a few of my bruisers, really letting them go to town. But then, well, trial one was kill a Hellhound. Trial two was rescue a soul from the pit. So, from here on, I'm gonna keep everything hell-related -- demons, et cetera -- away from you..."

I tore apart the paintings hanging on the wall...peeled back the wallpaper....

"Safe side and all that, plus, I just thought it seemed fitting. From what I understand, Sammy took that bird's breath away. What's the line? "Saving people, hunting things -- the family business." Well, I think the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused..."

I broke open all the drawers and cabinets...

"The one thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes!"

There was nothing....

I spun quickly to get back to Sarah's side while the others kept tearing apart the hotel room. "Hey! Hey! Hey! You're gonna be okay" I swore but at that point...I think we both knew....

"...Sarah? They're your life's work, and I'm going to rip it apart piece by piece because I can, because you can't stop me, and because when they're all gone, what will you have left?"

I saw it getting harder for her to stay with me. "No. No, no, no. No. No, please, no" I begged. But as a tear slid down her cheek...she stopped struggling...she stopped gagging...she stopped moving...and that was it.

"You want to keep those people alive. I want complete and utter surrender. The tablet, the trials...you'll give them up, or we'll keep doing this dance. Your choice, my darlings" I heard him hang up and I couldnt take my eyes off of Sarah. Her family...her friends...her life...it was all my fault...because she ever met me.

I suddenly felt numb as a pair of arms wrapped around me. Brit tried to use her warmth to sooth me but I couldnt stop the crying. It wasnt fair. I turned quickly to embrace her...never wanting to let go...and she just held me tighter. Dean chucked the phone at the wall and I watched a small bag tumble beside Sarah's body. It was a good thing I was numb...because then I couldnt feel the anger that was supposed to follow.

~~

"You okay?" Dean finally broke the silence as we headed back to the bunker.

"What do you think?" I snapped in a low tone.

"Look, I know it's bad right now, okay, but we stick to the plan. We shut down Hell"

"How, exactly?"

"We get a demon..."

"You heard Crowley. He's not gonna let one near us, and without a demon, all we can do is sit back and watch people we know, people we saved, die like Sarah"

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying..." I glanced to the back seat where Brit and Mel were fast asleep against each other.

"I'm saying...maybe this isn't one we can win. Maybe we should just take the deal"

"We'll figure this out. We will. Man, we'll get it done. We'll kick it in the ass like we always do. Are you with me?"

I couldnt respond though because...I wasnt sure about my answer. I wasnt sure if we would be able to make it through this one...for the first time in a long time I couldnt see the light...I couldnt see us winning this time. I doubted everything we did...everything we were about.... I just couldnt see it turning out well...but when I looked at Dean I saw there was no changing his mind. He was ready to do whatever it took for me to be done with these trials...but what if I'll never be done...what if we never get the ending we're hoping for...the ending we deserve....