The Definition of Love

I knocked on the door to the small apartment. A woman, mid-forties, answered the door. She smiled at me.

"It's good to see you Colson," she smiled brightly.

"It's been so long," I pulled her into my chest and hugged her.

"I bought your Lace Up album just for her. Just so she could see how far you've gotten in your dream," I could feel tears stinging my eyes.

"I miss her so much. All I could think of today was her. Seems lately she's always on my mind," she motioned for me to come inside.

"It's just as much your home too. You used to always come over here and chow down on my cooking. You two would tear up my kitchen and make devious traps and then clean up," she smiled.

I laughed. I could still feel like she was here. I walked to her room.

~

The walls were neon green. Still, they had my stupid lyrics written on them.

"I love Blink 182!" she wrote underneath my "Girl At The Rockshow" lyrics on her wall.

I smiled. It was a funny memory. Her mom had bought us Sharpies and said have at the wall.

"I love you Sashy. I just wish you were here today to see that I made it. I got an album out. I made it," I sat on her bed.

Everything was the same. The picture of us in the hospital. Her and I at prom one year. She's in her silk, purple dress. I was in my dad's tux. She still had the teddy bear I gave her on our five month friendiversary, as she called it.

"I am nothing without you," I laid back.

"Colson?" Mama stood in the door.

"It sucks. I wish she could see that she got her wish..." I pulled the teddy bear onto my chest.

"I'll bet she's smiling down at you. She'd always talk about you and how talented you were. You two were really close. She admired you. She was always saying you were going to do it. Then you got signed and she cried. She was happy. You made her happy. That's all she wanted dear. She wanted to see you make it. She lived to see you smile. She didn't care about the other girls. She cared about you. The other girls, she knew, were there because she didn't have long. You wouldn't admit it to her that you loved her too. She knew it. I knew why, but I still watched you two together. Especially the day she came home drunk and you had a guilty smile. I knew what happened. I was scared when she asked for you to come.." I shut her out.

I couldn't take reliving those nights. As much as I want to go back. I knew I couldn't. I knew for a fact I couldn't take it. It hurt, but I knew I had to come to it eventually.