Best Intentions

Today was my day off and just like any regular day off I would spend this day with Rosie, but today I arranged for her to have a sleepover with one of her friends, Colette. I'm friends with her parents, Cameron and Kristin, that's why I know I can trust them to take care of Rosie for the night, of course I still felt kinda nervous.

I drove Rosie off to Cameron's. I knew the route to his place like the back of my hand. Cameron is one of my bestfriends. He and his wife Kristin were almost in the same situation as me, but Cameron knew about Kristin's pregnancy and didn't leave her.

We finally got to Cameron's place and I rang the doorbell
"Hey Cam!" I said smiling
"Tay! Come on in! I missed you so much!" he said
"I missed you too!" I said
"Uncle Cam!!" Rosie said
"Rosie! What's up kiddo! Colette is upstairs. Why don't you go up?" he told her
"Okay! Bye mommy!" she said
"Bye, sweetie! I love you!" I said
"I love you too, mom" she said
"So... The guys are back" Cam said
"Yeah, I know" I said
"Have you and Alex talked?" he asked
"Yeah, we've been getting along again. We're actually hanging out tonight" I said
"Oh really?" he asked with a smirk on his face
"Yeah" I mumbled. "Well, I should get going now. Tell K I said hi!" I added
"Bye! See you soon, okay?" he said
"Of course" I answered

~~~

"but Tay! I'm hungry!!" Alex whined
"Then cook!!" I said
"Fine. I want cupcakes" he said
"Cupcakes? Fine in a while" I said
"Yay!" he said excitedly

We were watching 'One Day'. It was the part where Anne Hathaway was telling Jim Sturgess that he loved him but didn't like him. It was silent for a moment until Alex finally broke the silence.
"So did you get into any relationships when we were gone?" he asked. "Well, obviously yeah, but other than that.." he added referring to Rosie's father
"Uhhm yeah. You remember Tim, right?" I said
"ohh yeah" he said. And it fell silent once more. But he broke it.. again. "What happened?" he asked sounding really curious.
"Before I found out I was pregnant I got together with Tim.. Again as we both know..."
*flashback to after i found out*
"Is it mine?" Tim asked
"Tim..." I said
"Is it?" he said with a little hope in his eyes. I didn't quite know why he had that look though.
"I'm sorry, Tim"I said
"That doesn't answer my question" he said
"No." I told him truthfully and guiltily
"Is it his?" he asked
"It was even before we got together" I said
"He's gone, Tay. He left. I'm here and I will always be here. We can get through this together" he said
"Tim, I don't think I can do this" I said tears starting to fall down from my eyes
"What are you trying to say, Tay. You don't love me anymore?" he said
"Tim, you know I love you." I said he just stared at me. "I will always love you, Tim. You're my first love and I will always have that special spot for you in my heart" I added
"It's always gonna be him, isn't it?" he said. This time I was the one who stared. "I'm never going to be enough, am I?" he said
"No!! You are more than enough. You are perfect. In fact, too good to be true" I said
"Then why is this happening right now?" he asked
"Because I'm not enough" I said, shaking
"Tay, you will always be enough for me" he said
"I love you, you know that, right?" i said
"I can sense that there is a but coming" he said. I looked at him sincerely
"I guess there is... Tim, I love you but I'm not in love with you" I said. It was silent for awhile, but he finally spoke up
"I get your point. We're better friends than lovers." he said. I smiled at the fact that he finally let me go "and if I had the chance I'd do it all over" he added. I hugged and kissed him on the cheek
"You were always so good to me" I told him.
"You were a pain in the ass" he said laughing
"I know" I told him smirking
"I'm here if you need me." he said
"Promise?" i asked
"I promise. I'll be here listening. I won't turn away." he said. We didn't say anything for awhile until he said something again
"Why'd you give me another chance?"he asked
"Because you never left me and that was enough" I said. He smiled
*end of flashback*
I was crying by the time I'd finish telling Alex what had happened between Tim and I.
"so that's how it ended?" he asked
"yeah." I said blankly
"Why didn't you just stay with him?" he asked
"Because no matter how much he told me that it was fine and that we could work through this together, his reassurance wasn't enough... I wasn't enough" i said
"for him?" he asked
"I guess you could say that" i said. We were silent, but it wasn't awkward. I enjoyed the silence. He had his arm around me. My head on his shoulder.
"I want you to know that I came back for you" Alex said
"I know" I told him. I could feel his heart beating from his chest.
"I love you" he said. I was certain he meant to say that as I my bestfriend
"I love you too" I told him.

~~~

"Tay I want my cupcakes now!!" Alex demanded
"Fine, fine we'll make your damn cupcakes" I said messing his hair up.
"Fuck. No one messes with my hair!" he whined
"But I just did" I said teasingly
"Oh so now you're acting like a smart ass" he said "Well, let's just see how smart you are once you have eggshells over your hair" he said. and within a few seconds I caught on what he was trying to do but I was too late. He smashed some eggs over my head.
"No, you did not" I said
"Yeah, I did" he said teasingly
"Oh you're gonna get it, Gaskarth" I said
"That's what she said" he said with a smirk playing it's way to his mouth.
"You're gonna regret this" I said
"Prove it" he threatened
"Are you challenging me?" I said
"Maybe, maybe not" he said. And with that I through some flour at his face
"Is that the best you can do?" he teased
"No, but maybe this is" I got some milk from the fridge and poured it
over his head
"Not my hair!!" he whined "You're gonna regret this, Tay" he said
"That's what she said" I replied with a smirk on my face.

The war continued for about an hour and a half until Alex quit because he didn't want to ruin his hair anymore. We were cleaning the kitchen up when I almost slipped on some milk on the floor. Alex was there to catch me, luckily. Our faces were near. Our lips almost crashing when I ruined the moment.
"Don't get any ideas, Gaskarth" I said with a smirk on my face
"Oh sorry." he said. He was blushing. It was cute.
I was back on my feet.
"Thanks" I said
"No problem" he answered with a smile. "I guess we don't get any cupcakes today" he said, pouting.
"Your fault" I said laughing
"My fault? You started it!" he said, sounding like an immature child.
"No, I didn't!" I said defensively
"You messed with my hair!"he said
"You smashed an egg over my head" I said glaring at him jokingly
"Fine, whatever!" he said pouting like a child
"You're being immature!" I said. He just smirked at me.

~~~

Alex and I ended up watching mean girls. We ordered some chinese take out and just ended up having a movie marathon. We fell asleep on the couch. It felt just like it did 5 years ago. I missed these. I missed him. And only now did I really start to realize it.